Received: from imo-r06.mx.aol.com (imo-r06.mx.aol.com [152.163.225.6]) by mail.CRZ.net (8.11.0/8.11.0) with ESMTP id f0439iS01955 for ; Wed, 3 Jan 2001 19:09:44 -0800 (PST) Received: from Agrajag471@aol.com by imo-r06.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v28.35.) id c.6f.f4b59c1 (7556) for ; Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:09:28 -0500 (EST) From: Agrajag471@aol.com Message-ID: <6f.f4b59c1.27854368@aol.com> Date: Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:09:28 EST Subject: September YIQ (Raw And Nitro) To: chris@kzim.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: AOL 5.0 for Windows sub 116 X-UIDL: ca7ea2b44da8dfaa5f38dd6a808cab31 Status: O X-Status: F Thunder and SmackDown! on their way. AOL won't let me put it ALL into an email because they suck at everything. Raw Stephanie is wearing her "cow" print top - and I think I can see her udders! RAW is WAR 4.9.00 They play Foley's music one more time as Stephanie runs up to check on her husband...and now we've got FIVE main events! You know, I'm starting to think they'll call ANY old match a main event tonight... RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Kane's pyro doesn't go off when he signals - an insidious mindgame...or hilarious blooper? Ross doesn't mention it, which makes it A SHOOT. RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Hmmm, hyping Goldberg vs. Steiner "with no script" - too bad WCW has ALREADY made this ad obsolete by (wisely) moving away from the "scripted/real" thing...can they do ANYTHING right? You'd almost be sympathetic with WCW if not for the fact that they totally S-U-C-K RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Kaientai quickly go into "so solly" mode (funny, I thought they were *Japanese*) RAW is WAR 4.9.00 No sooner have we passed the 10 hour than "bitch" passes through freely and unbleeped. RAW is WAR 4.9.00 "How 'bout a hug?" Foley drops his clipboard - Mideon helpfully offers to bend over and pick it up for him. Foley: "Ahhhhh!" RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Does this mean they're giving up on that whole "He's not Dean Malenko - he's James Bond" thing? RAW is WAR 4.9.00 WWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: BIG BOSS MAN v. STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) - Q: Hey, how come THIS isn't one of those five main events? A: Keepin' the MAN down. RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Jericho and Lawler enjoy some big-time yuks while Tazz makes various "curses! drat!" melodramatical pantomimes. If only he had a mustache to twirl... Geez, even VAMPIRO doesn't job as fast as Tazz - you have to wonder who he's pissed off to NEVER get a decisive beatdown on Lawler. RAW is WAR 4.9.00 Hey, *I'll* tell ya who ran over Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now, if you don't wanna know, just skip this sentence and head over to the next paragraph, okay? Don't get on MY case when I spoil it for you - I'm giving you EVERY opportunity to pull out without knowing. Okay? It was............... Savio Vega RAW is WAR 11.9.00 Either I can't shock those of you still reading me anymore, or you all agree with me when I said "bitch got what she deserved." RAW is WAR 11.9.00 THE NEW MAN (by his damn self) v. ? - hey, won't be Gillberg, will it? RAW is WAR 11.9.00 And with that, Tazz...goes home. Lawler: "Goodbye and good riddance, that's all I got to say about THAT jerk!" Man, I hope Tazz brings back PUBLIC ENEMY with him! RAW is WAR 11.9.00 "Why should George W. Bush & Al Gore take on the SmackDown challenge?" Random fans read rehearsed responses - all involving copious references to "people our age." RAW is WAR 11.9.00 Chris Jericho eats Chef Boyardee on a desert island - along with lots of bouncy-breasted women (no, he doesn't eat the women - that's the uncensored version) RAW is WAR 11.9.00 Blackman's got TWO wins over the Man Who Daren't Job - that's why he's the MAN. And if that wasn't enough - "Oh, it's party time" has GOT to be my new favourite catchphrase! RAW is WAR 11.9.00 Kane walks off while Benoit makes the "man, that guy IS a retard" face. RAW is WAR 11.9.00 let that be your last shot - credits up, WWF logo up, IT'S THE MUTHAFUCKIN' FARM CLUB! Solid. RAW is WAR 11.9.00 After Venis helps to turn the tide in their favour, the RTC leave them laying...I mean, "censored." Their match is NEXT! As in the pre-game promo, Ross is cut off in mid-sentence - always an interesting way to hear him... RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Ross says that the WWF has sold out this arena for every appearance since 1979. Umm, this Arena isn't that old! Lawler: "Did you say '97 or '79?" Ross: "'97." Oh my! Oh my! RAW is WAR 18.9.00 IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLL means another entrance and another no-wrestling segment, no doubt. Smart money says that we'll see Benoit, Kane, and Undertaker enter soon - also, Ross will say "final appearance on USA" before Rock utters a word. Lawler sneaks in a TNN - oh well, good enough. RAW is WAR 18.9.00 CHRIS BENOIT is quickly out to...well, whatever it is he's out to do. The WORLD Entrance Federation! RAW is WAR 18.9.00 T&A&T are WALKING! Trish: "Triple H and Angle fighting - poor little Stephanie may be left with no protection." Albert: "Has she ever used protection?" RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Hey, just in case you were interested, "This program has been produced with the permission of the International Olympic Committee and the consent of the United States Olympic Committee prusuant to the Ted Stevens Olympic and Amateur Sports Act. 36 U.S.C. 220506." See what you have to do to use Olympic footage in your show? RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Stephanie has her "I can't believe I got the pin (even though I'm a McMahon and I ALWAYS get the pin)" face on. RAW is WAR 18.9.00 "Can you imagine what she's gonna look like in Playboy next Monday?" Ummm, no, I haven't even tried. RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Ross: "I wonder what Stone Cold would do if he were here right now, King." Me: "Probably tell you that now that he's married Debra, he no longer needs *you* to SUCK HIS DICK, Ross." RAW is WAR 18.9.00 I tell you, if Tazz keeps being entertaining, I'm gonna have to - ooh, it makes me so ANGRY that they would try to make him ENTERTAINING! That's *it!* I'm gonna have to start calling him "Pete" RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Lawler tells Tazz he needs a Tic-Tac the size of a watermelon, and Tazz laughs hysterically. "WATERMELON! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH" I call him "Pete." RAW is WAR 18.9.00 Rip that USA logo off the EntertainmentTron and put it up for auction - we'll see ya next week... on TNN! RAW is WAR 18.9.00 QUICK QUOTE: WWFE 19 7/16 (- 3 7/16) - hey, they're moving to the NYSE in late-October you know...ticker symbol, shockingly, will be "WWF" RAW is WAR 25.9.00 And you can bet that Austin will raise some hell - right after the mystery wrapped in an enigma that IS.......*Sammo* RAW is WAR 25.9.00 I guess they want us to call 888 POP 1090, so we can learn that TNN has POP. Ohhhh, they want us to *write their commercials for them by leaving voicemail.* Well, that's cute. RAW is WAR 25.9.00 DAMN! This guy and his muscle car AGAIN? Didn't I JUST see him? Plus, his imitations of running car engines SUCK RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Last Night, one of the "Wassup" guys delivered Budweiser to the APA and the Dudleyz. I AM OUTRAGED THAT THE WWF WANTS UNDERAGED CHILDREN TO DRINK BEER RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Ross still wants us to believe Raven isn't on the roster, wink wink. RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Can you just *imagine* X-Pac and Jericho planning this thing out? "Okay, listen - I'll *job* to you on the pay-per-view, but you've GOT to give me the win back the next night on RAW, where a whole lot more people will be watching." "Umm...well, if I get a win, okay." "Oh, by the way, we're gonna book it as a First Blood match." "...the hell?" "Don't worry, you won't have to be pinned!" Anyway, two rules have been satisfied with this outcome - X-Pac never jobs in singles matches, and New Tights = Victory. RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Okay, now I *hate* TNN RAW is WAR 25.9.00 AHHHH THE MUSCLE CAR GUY AGAIN NOW I **REALLY** HATE TNN RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Everybody call 888-POP-1090 and tell them to KILL that muscle car dude. NOW. RAW is WAR 25.9.00 AHHHHHHHHHHH TIM SARATOGA ROCK TNN MUST KILL ALL WE'VE GOT POP RAW is WAR 25.9.00 AHHHHHHHHHHH DUKES OF HAZZARD FANS ARE IDIOTS RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Benoit leaves Rock alone to play moderator. "Hey - hey what are you doing? This is Stephanie McMahon! What the hell are you doing?" Then BENOIT HEADBUTTS HER STRAIGHT TO HELL! HA HAAAAAAAA BENOIT IS THE COOLEST EVER RAW is WAR 25.9.00 Nitro So I watched my first "Monday Night Football" of the season tonight - it's not too late for me to jump on that "Dennis Miller sucks" bandwagon, is it? Nitro 4.9.00 Wait, one more thing, since it's in these "ER" closing credits - "The Pretender" is NOT "one of the best shows on television." All right? Don't believe that TNT announcer - he's smoking crack. Nitro 4.9.00 Hey hey, it's time once again to play YOU ARE THE BOOKER: Name YOUR choice: if you had the chance to book the fifth anniversary Nitro - please tell me who you'd put in the opening bout. If you said "Give ICP a tag title shot," *you* could be the booker! Nitro 4.9.00 Question: How come Konnan can say "help Richard Gere find his gerbils," yet they hold down Stevie Ray from saying "froot booty?" Answer: Racism. Nitro 4.9.00 Mysterio pins Violent J, and the champs retain. Tomorrow, you might read on 1wrestling that this match was "nonstop juicy action from start to finish." Nitro 4.9.00 Now WHITE THUNDER & JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET are out and getting in the cage - now the Thrillers are getting in the cage - let the cluster commence - I mean, LOOKIT THIS NONSTOP JOOSY ACTION! Nitro 4.9.00 (they must have revised the bet downward...or I misread the Torch's report - eh, who cares) but he ALSO got to call a match - this was expanded to the whole show when Scott Hudson had to leave early as his wife was in labor (on Labor Day? NO WAY!). Nitro 4.9.00 Wow. Vampiro jobs. WOTTA SHOCK Nitro 4.9.00 Ray appears to move into deep thought mode (no doubt wondering "if I said 'froot booty' RIGHT NOW, how much trouble could I *possibly get into?") as we fade out Nitro 4.9.00 You can hear Adams do the "on 3, 1, 2," for Jamie-san's trip through the table. Hey, wait! Jamie's a *white guy who speaks perfect English.* Maybe they just asked the wrong guy. Nitro 4.9.00 The "BULL" logo in the lower right corner is *purely* coincidental. Nitro 4.9.00 The ultimate result is "Hey! Finding yourself interested in our sophisticated storylines? Well, tough noogies - it was all a dream! You WASTED your time AND your emotional involvement! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah." Any idiot *should* be able to see that this is *not* the way to "leave 'em wanting more." But...what do I know? I'm just a recapper. Nitro 4.9.00 Still....in this recapper's opinion...they seem to be working VERY hard to ensure that the sixth season of Nitro is the last. Nitro 4.9.00 Scott Hudson isn't in this week, as he's spending time with his "brand new daughter and wife" - damn, a brand new wife? It's the good life for Hudson! Nitro 11.9.00 And now JOHNNY THE BULL is back, with kendo stick in hand and staving off Reno and Palumbo. He helps Vito to his feet...and promptly turns on Vito, caning him. WOTTA SHOCKING SWERVE!!!! Outsider interference AND ref bump, hey? 1, 2, 3. Nitro 11.9.00 Cat says they'll be in the main event tonight, and if they don't like it, he'll rip up ALL their contracts. Surprisingly, they want to KEEP working in WCW, so they go along with him. Nitro 11.9.00 Damn, did she learn how to cut a promo from Steve Blackman? Nitro 11.9.00 TORRIE SAMUDA (by her damn self - with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v. MADUSA - Madusa's music has changed. That might be all I get out of this match. Nitro 11.9.00 "You wanna step into the ring with the Franchise and Torrie? Twenty feet in the air on a Pittsburge Plunge scaffold match, bitch?" "Aw yeah, you know what, I'll see you twenty feet in the air, honey." Franchise whispers something in Torrie's ear and she suddenly doesn't seem to mind the challenge. "Well me and Torrie Wilson accept! And you, bitch, are dead meat!" Gosh, and I was worried that the scaffold match Sunday was gonna SUCK. Nitro 11.9.00 Backstage, Crowbar fixes Flair's tie and says "this is your night" yet again. Does this mean he's gonna turn on him later? Nitro 11.9.00 Jones misplaces a kick to the nuts and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman goes down. Jones with an uppernut. Jones has the gee-tar - Jarrett with a gutshot, the guitar falls, he picks it up and kabongs her. 1, 2, 3. They had a screwjob because they needed to PROTECT Ms. Jones. See? Nitro 11.9.00 Duggan whacks him with his 2x4 and he falls into a Rection powerslam for the pin. (2:43) Now, do you wanna PAY for this match Sunday? Nitro 11.9.00 Fall Brawl promo - oh, they're STILL using that "refused to follow the script" stuff? Oof. Nitro 11.9.00 Fall Brawl promo - again - the BEST promo they could have had was something like "this Sunday - there'll ACTUALLY be some WRESTLING" Nitro 11.9.00 Goldberg wears his "DTA" vest - no, wait, that's just an unbuttoned jersey - sorry, I thought it was an Austin ripoff for a minute there. Yuk yuk. Nitro 11.9.00 BLATANT PLUG: Yeah, I'm gonna miss The Artist Formerly Known As Spice. Of course, maybe she'll be the next Teri Byrne! Teri Byrne! You all remember Teri Byrne, right? No? Oh....well, so long, Spice. Nice knowing ya. When I'm running WCW, I'll bring you back. Nitro 18.9.00 More and more, WCW seems such a hollow place. Can you see how low it's gone when my way of hoping for the best for this company runs along the lines of "Man, I hope Duggan's heel turn works as well as Sting's and Goldberg's did?" On a night when Booker T wins the title back, instead of thinking "Hey, *now* they're moving in the right direction," I came out of it thinking "Wow, what an empty gesture. You don't think they'll screw him *again* on Nitro, do you?" Nitro 18.9.00 WOW! A DOOR! A DOOR! There's a Goldberg sign next to THAT DOOR! THE DOOR! OOH! Nitro 18.9.00 Russo does some chalk talk to Nash to outline how he can get a title shot tonight. Nash draws out a "BITE ME" because a joke isn't REALLY funny until you RUN IT INTO THE GROUND ("Coming from you, Zed, that ain't sayin' NOTHIN'." "Hey, who invited *you* here?") By the way - Tim Meadows - OJ Simpson - "I DID IT" - Saturday Night Live. Go look it up. Nitro 18.9.00 Sting says "booyah" a few times - who knew he was such a RACIST? Nitro 18.9.00 Sanders walks in Russo's locker room. Russo asks him to deliver an audiotape to Kronik and "you don't know where it came from." Geez, I hope Kronik isn't WATCHING A MONITOR. Russo tells Sanders he kisses the best ass in the business. Nitro 18.9.00 Awesome goes out to find that Vampiro and the ICP have tagged his bus - well, "MIKE MEDIOCRE" is pretty funny, anyway Nitro 18.9.00 Say, isn't 1wrestling a UGO affiliate? Come to think of it, isn't the Pro Wrestling Torch a UGO affiliate? HEY! Now the Torch's glowing review of Fall Brawl seems to fall into place, doesn't it? Geez, I remember when those guys seemed *impartial.* Nitro 18.9.00 Let's open with a Special Video Look at....Vince Russo. Yeah, THAT'LL get the ratingz! Nitro 25.9.00 We cut from a Rock sign ("KNOW YOUR ROLE, RUSSO") to a Kurt Angle sign ("RUSSO, IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE") - at least the sign police managed to confiscate all the RUSSO 3:16 signs, right? Nitro 25.9.00 Q: Hey, how come Booker didn't get to SPEAK up there? A: Racism Nitro 25.9.00 Konnan has managed to make a "Kronik is boring" joke, a "3 Count is gay" joke, and a "Misfits don't get none and have to masturbate" joke. Nitro 25.9.00 Now SECURITY is in and macing Kronik - why? Who cares? Konnan: "They're actually selling the mace!" Nitro 25.9.00 Oh yeah, Nash is Coach Bobby Knight to the Natural Born Thrillers, see. Before Nash leaves, he takes Beetlejuice's hand and says "nice to see ya, Elix." Hey, Nash just put over the Cruiserweight champion! Wow! Nitro 25.9.00 Buff Bagwell, still off the booking sheets, still carries the power of the card. Hey, I've seen this ad a million times, but I've *just* noticed that the name on the card Buff is holding has his REAL name on there! Yeah - "Lee M Cardholder!" Nitro 25.9.00 Q: Of the eight men and one woman in the ring, who is the most over? A: Scott Hall, naturally, as the crowd chants "We want Hall." Nitro 25.9.00 Hey, only in WCW can a freakin' BIKINI CONTEST end in a screwjob, huh? Nitro 25.9.00 Coincidentally, the first words we hear after this show are "You're watching BULL!" Nitro 25.9.00 Received: from imo-d08.mx.aol.com (imo-d08.mx.aol.com [205.188.157.40]) by mail.CRZ.net (8.11.0/8.11.0) with ESMTP id f043BlS01979 for ; Wed, 3 Jan 2001 19:11:47 -0800 (PST) Received: from Agrajag471@aol.com by imo-d08.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v28.35.) id c.c2.546a88e (7556) for ; Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:11:40 -0500 (EST) From: Agrajag471@aol.com Message-ID: Date: Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:11:39 EST Subject: Sept. YIQ (SmackDown! and Thunder) To: chris@kzim.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: AOL 5.0 for Windows sub 116 X-UIDL: f20dbbfe27eba1b77e14621c3cee55ca Status: O X-Status: F By now, you SHOULD have Raw and Nitro, but you never know with AOL. And yes, you DID say "How about September? All four shows, so that's probably plenty of work for ya. :)" earlier today. I have no life. SmackDown! You haven't LIVED until you've heard Ted Koppel say "Hip Hop: Is there DUTY behind the BOOTY?" on Nightline. You might want to tape it tomorrow night just in case he does it again. SmackDown! 7.9.00 Chris Jericho is saved from ...something or other...by Chef Boyardee Overstuffed Beef Ravioli SmackDown! 7.9.00 Tazz says Benoit is the only guy he has respect for - when he slammed that door on his arm, he opened his eyes and brought him back to the street. Holy crap, between this and picking up the "who ran over Stone Cold" angle, I'm in continuity HEAVEN! GOD DAMN I LOVE THE WWF SmackDown! 7.9.00 He leaves Chyna in a sobbing heap in a corner. (Warning: sensitive readers may wish to avoid the rest of this paragraph and move on past the next ad break) (Warning: possibly offensive editorialisation follows - skip to the next paragraph if you get offended easily) (Warning: this is the final warning) Bitch got what she deserved! SmackDown! 7.9.00 Some indy worker - I mean "drunk guy" walks up to Faarooq to congratulate him - and HE gets popped. Yeah - FAAROOQ IS THE MAN SO HIT YER KNEES AND START PRAYIN' - Bradshaw: "Beer's on me, I knocked out the bartender!" SmackDown! 7.9.00 Let Us Take You Back to RAW where Test rekindled the smouldering embers of an issue that ... hmm, my metaphor just slipped away there. SmackDown! 7.9.00 As Chyna goes to leave, Guerrero grabs the belt and whacks Dogg one more time for good measure. Back to the stomping - Chyna turns around and begs him to stop. Eddie *shoves her away.* Eddie's cool. Chyna must be wondering why she left Chris Jericho. SmackDown! 7.9.00 NEXT: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle! Say...isn't a graphic so much COOLER than a shot of guys WALKING...at least in an old school way? SmackDown! 7.9.00 From his home in Tejas...hey, who's the bald dude with his back to the camera. Is it Goldberg? Jesse Ventura? Daniel Benzali? No no, silly rabbit, it's STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. SmackDown! 7.9.00 Sadly, it took me all of about ten minutes to get annoyed with NBC's Olympic coverage. It would just KILL them to show ANYTHING live, wouldn't it? After all, you can't put in ADS if you show the thing live, right? And is it just me, or is it more fun to listen to Andres Cantor call a match when you only understand about 15% of what he's saying, 'cause he's speaking Spanish? Of course, I should at least wait for the *Opening Ceremonies* to start complaining, right? NAAAAH SmackDown! 14.9.00 Chris Jericho eats his Chef Boyardee Overstuff Ravioli...on ice?? SmackDown! 14.9.00 Meanwhile, Too Cool and Rikishi eat their Crunch 'n Munch...on ice?? SmackDown! 14.9.00 Earlier Today, at least three of the WWF cameras caught Eddie driving his red ethnic car up the driveway to Hef's pad with the intentions of talking to the man in charge. A large muscular guy (who we will hope isn't a wrestler) answers the front door and fails to know what Guerrero's talking about when he says "mamacita." SmackDown! 14.9.00 Outside the door, KEVIN "NAILZ" KELLY plays Jim Gray/Mike Tenay: "Chyna, with Eddie's most recent actions, do you see your relationship coming to an end?" "I can't believe you..." and off she walks. Kelly's expression doesn't change, God bless 'im SmackDown! 14.9.00 Hotty off the ropes with a bulldog...time shall now stand still while we wait for Scotty's W O R M. Cole: "Steven Richards finds it disgusting - *I* find it funny as hell!" Me: "You're BOTH chumps." SmackDown! 14.9.00 Didja notice how they had Cole talk over the "Special Olympics" crack? Maybe somebody had second thoughts about letting that one get through... SmackDown! 14.9.00 So...like the Slim Jim guy WANTS the kid to drown? Geez, I don't think I'd want to buy food that wants ME to DIE... SmackDown! 14.9.00 Angle walks out smiling, but Test apparently saves the match at Unforgiven...say, if Angle REALLY doesn't want the match at Unforgiven, why doesn't HE just pop Triple H one? That would seem to be a *major* plot hole. Somebody alert the "CRZ is biased" crew for me. SmackDown! 14.9.00 "So without further ado, straight from the year 2050, I give to you THE HARDY BOYZ." Out come two old dudes in Hardy shirts - hey, I didn't know Matt was a Navajo! SmackDown! 14.9.00 And out run the HARDY BOYZ OF THE PRESENT, who quickly take it to our champs. LITA is behind them. Beatdown culminates in the triple suplex (listen for the "ready? 1 - 2- 3 - go!" just prior) and posing for all. SmackDown! 14.9.00 Do you ever worry that Terri's breasts are going to break away and declare their independence? SmackDown! 14.9.00 Northern Lights suplex gets 2 - Tazz is quick to remind Cole what that move was, tapping him on the shoulder - hey yeah, he CAN have physical contact with *Cole*, right? Of course, that means Ross can have contact with HIM as well...hmmm... Tazz is throwing popcorn like he was Rip Taylor with confetti. SmackDown! 14.9.00 CORRECTIONS: Scott Keith's Double Tables "Rant" contained numerous and myriad omissions, which I will note here. SmackDown! 21.9.00 "How do you like my new suit?" is, in fact, quite a catchy catchphrase at that. Jason might have been annoying, but he was STILL better than Matty in the House. (My opinion only, he qualified) SmackDown! 21.9.00 Steve Richards and Tommy Dreamer actually battle over an r.s.p-w Con T-shirt during their match, which is pretty funny. Had Keith taken time to mention this, however, he might have lost the opportunity to make "Tommy Dreamer is fat now" jokes as well as say "Canadian Violence" (despite the absence of Canadians in the match) and THAT could have been a TREMENDOUS tragedy. SmackDown! 21.9.00 Paul E. actually told 911 to do another chokeslam "for the Internet guys," and I can only figure that at this point, Scott is flexing his "I hate r.s.p-w so I'll just pretend they don't exist" muscles, which works about as well in a report as when his R lifemate flexes his "I hate Justin Credible/Steve Corino/Tammy Sytch/CRZ/and many more but I can't let a week go by without mentioning him/her/them" muscle. (Just my opinion.) SmackDown! 21.9.00 TONIGHT: A big six-man main event pits Rock, Triple H & Undertaker (huh?) against Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle and Kane! Remember, teaming with faces = face turn SmackDown! 21.9.00 Chyna shills Stacker 2 - it makes you want to pose nude for Playboy SmackDown! 21.9.00 Blackman shouldn't turn his back on Snow...WHEN HEAD CHEESE COLLIDES! SmackDown! 21.9.00 "No Chance in Hell" is playing? Hey, look, it's SKIPPY (with TV-PG-DLV ratings box & RAW is WAR TNN ad). Sign in crowd: "BRING BACK DOINK" - well, this is close, right? SmackDown! 21.9.00 Why do they keep calling it a "six person match" when all six are men? C'mon, call it a six MAN already. SmackDown! 21.9.00 Stone Cold Steve Austin is WALKING! He asks some people standing around where X-Pac and Road Dogg are. Pointed in the right direction, he continues WALKING! He asks Earl Hebner where X-Pac and Road Dogg are. Taking several steps backwards, Hebner points Austin in the direction of a training room where they're getting taped up. So now he continues WALKING! WALKING WALKING WALKING SmackDown! 28.9.00 Dogg is decked out in his DX gear - I thought he and X-Pac were...aw shit. SmackDown! 28.9.00 "IT'S STILL MY HOUSE!" Hey, Austin OWED Blackman one from Sunday anyway... SmackDown! 28.9.00 Kane and Rikishi engage in a staring contest as Lawler says "mammary" for the millionth time. Man, NOBODY can make a aside feel more worn-out SO quickly than Lawler. Grrrr. SmackDown! 28.9.00 Let's hear Rikishi's new music again? What's he saying, "spin your buns around?" Must be something else, that makes NO sense. Hey, I was just thinking - NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!! I think I can see Mandy's ass! Light up the turnbuckles! SmackDown! 28.9.00 Livewire Saturdays, Superstars Sundays - TNN makes your weekend COME ALIVE WITH FLAVOUR SmackDown! 28.9.00 Funny, BOTH men said their partner "can get the job done." I wonder if they're doing the job...tonight? SmackDown! 28.9.00 Lawler says "bra and panties" 719 times SmackDown! 28.9.00 Oh, I *hope* somebody writes to the Torch and tells them that "tete" is French for Head! OUI! The thing that boggles my mind is that people need this TOLD to them DESPITE the fact that they actually *spell it out for you* on the OvalTron - EVERY TIME! Okay, okay, people are stupid, I need to accept that. Oy. SmackDown! 28.9.00 Kurt Angle goes OVER in his hometown with a pin of the WWF Champion! Rocky GETS THE JOB DONE! SmackDown! 28.9.00 Thunder Pyro and the iWatch logo welcome you to College Station, TX and the Texas A&M Campus - take a drink every time someone says "Aggies!" Thunder 6.9.00 Tenay asks Gunns about Paisley, and the entire time she answers, Stevie Ray keeps interrupting her by calling moves. ("Big elbow! Clothesline!") Thunder 6.9.00 WCW PROS AND CONS: Pro: Stevie Ray is given a high-profile commentary assignment, assuaging racism charges on the part of WCW. Con: Ray takes it to a different level by being even more sexist than Mike Tenay - and Tenay's just playing a character! Thunder 6.9.00 Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, MIKE TENAY, STEVIE RAY and THE iWATCH LOGO. Check out just behind them - they forget to turn off the lights on the empty part of the arena until *after* we start watching this shot. Thunder 6.9.00 The Farkair guy twirls that stick JUST like Big Boss Man! Man, if his knee ever heals, we'll see BIG things from that guy! Thunder 6.9.00 Two quick things we can glean from this segment: one, Stacy can't act; two, Mike can't act - but next to Stacy, he's MARLON FREAKIN' BRANDO. Thunder 6.9.00 why does that guy in the crowd have a "I'M AT A WCW EVENT" sign? Isn't that kind of obvious? Is he worried we might confuse him with being at some OTHER kind of event tonight? Thunder 6.9.00 Here's a look at Bret Hart's dressing room, where six security tomato cans stand guard outside. Call me nuts, but if *I* were Goldberg and looking for Hart, the first place *I'd* probably check is behind the big door with the BRET HART sign. I wonder if Goldberg is watching this show on a monitor? Don't be silly; of COURSE he's not Thunder 6.9.00 Hey, Pam likes guys with a sense of humour - I'M a guy with a sense of humour! I'm watching THIS show, aren't I? Thunder 6.9.00 Highlight is Jarrett reversing an Irish whip into the sofa. No, SERIOUSLY. Thunder 6.9.00 Hey, is it just me, or do Torrie's nipples not line up? (And if you think I shouldn't be asking stuff like that, well, she shouldn't be wearing stuff that makes 'em point out like that, then.) Thunder 6.9.00 Stevie Ray: "I just wanna know why would he come out with a 1969 Atlanta Falcons jersey on." Tenay loses cred with me by actually coming out and id'ing the Stampeders jersey. Hey, Tenay, you don't have to know EVERYTHING. Thunder 6.9.00 Blaise Alexander drove the WCW 81 car with a Vampiro paint job (emphasis on "job") in the Food City 250. Thunder 6.9.00 For the LAST time, HERE is how you tell the Harris twins apart: Ron is the GOOD-LOOKING one. Thunder 6.9.00 Vampiro in for the Nail in the Coffin - but Sting turns the attempt into a Scorpion Death Drop for the pin. Vampiro jobs! Vampiro jobs! Vampiro jobs! Thunder 6.9.00 Cat and Booker are *so* outraged at this treatment that they...do nothing. Wait, Booker *does* take off his sunglasses. Thunder 13.9.00 Q: How come we get to hear *Pamela's* ring introductions while we *never* get to her Penzer's? A: Sexism. Thunder 13.9.00 O'Haire covers - 1, 2, 3. Psst - O'Haire wasn't the legal man. Thunder 13.9.00 Fall Brawl promo - "no script!" On one level, I fully *believe* that they currently haven't scripted it...and probably won't until Sunday, around 6pm or so Thunder 13.9.00 Later on tonight, the Sting/Jarrett match will be two out of three falls. How will they EVER be able to book THREE screwjobs in ONE match? Thunder 13.9.00 Methinks with a tainted victory, they'll probably fight again on Monday before the title match. Still, I ENJOY WRESTLING. Thunder 13.9.00 Konnan tries to sneak in his "shoot" joke about Kronik putting fans to sleep ("Stevie Ray, do you still carry that Slapjack with you?" "That's a secret, baby.") Thunder 13.9.00 WCW Magazine ad - for people who think WOW is "too intellectual" Thunder 20.9.00 Russo (wearing his "I ride the short bus" helmet) hands ring announcer PAMELA PAULSHOCK a sheet of paper to read in introducing his opponent. Thunder 20.9.00 Ray makes a Stevie Ray face and then takes off. BUT HE DIDN'T SAY FROOT BOOTY Thunder 20.9.00 Remember when they wanted to have Duggan renounce his citizenship after the Revolution beat him? By the way, he *can't* be television champion since Goldberg pinned him back in June. Now Booker T pinned Goldberg, but since that match was for the World Heavyweight title, it's possible the TV title wouldn't have been on the line...so does that make Scott Steiner the TV champion? I guess I should pore through the archives. Well, I'll have time for that after I'm dead. Maybe I'll just go ask tOA instead. Thunder 20.9.00 But remember, no matter how much it devolves into cliche, it's *still* a "sophisticated storyline." Thunder 20.9.00 STEVIE RAY v. KRONI>| - In that big tag team battle royal, the Harrisses and also Cajun & Loco. Two more teams to come. Stevie's still wearing the MASKED HEEL getup. Somebody's clock must have been off, because they somehow let a minute get away from this match. They're gonna High Time him on a chair - oh, no, they're gonna kick the chair away because they're CONFLICTED. Clearly, in terms of both workrate and storyline, this match has to join that very short list of possible candidates for MATCH OF THE YEAR. (High Time -> Clark pin 3:20) Thunder 20.9.00 Konnan & Tygryss join the commentary team and if you've been watching Worldwide lately, I know you're probably wondering how Konnan can POSSIBLY work his "saw him serving me at the KFC" spot into THIS match. Maybe when talking about Elix Skipper? Thunder 20.9.00 Idiot in the front row is very clearly audible: "You'll never work for McMahon! Juvi, you suck! Get back to the Power Plant! You will never, EVER, work for McMahon! You are awful!" Sad thing is, THAT guy probably considers himself "a smart." Thunder 20.9.00 I ENJOY WRESTLING. I don't CARE who's the daddy. I hope this *does* get the highest ratings of the show and maybe it'll flip a switch in SOMEONE'S mind that PUTTING GOOD WRESTLING ON A WRESTLING SHOW IS A GOOD IDEA. Hey, one good match on Thunder is great - but you still got fifteen other quarter hours of CRAP, don'tcha? Thunder 20.9.00 Meanwhile, some schlub is WALKING! "Who the hell moved this thing? I've been looking for it all day!" And he drives the forklift away. OH MAN THIS IS SOME CLEVER ASS STORYTELLING Thunder 20.9.00 By the way, why didn't they explain how Steiner could no-sell a MACING? Thunder 20.9.00 JAMAL ANDERSON - I MEAN, DISQO comes to the ring, complete with old theme music, duck, Atlanta Falcons jersey (red), and "I saw Edge & Christian wear these once" funny sunglasses. Thunder 27.9.00 Forearm from Disqo, into the ropes is reversed, hiptoss by Konnan, dropkick to the face, here comes...aw hell, it's ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HIER IST ALEX WRIGHT come back to kill us all. He's shaved his head completely now (Skin Head! Skin Head! Oh wait, he's got an old Shaquille O'Neal "sideburns only" 'do going there) but the "A&W" tights give it away. Thunder 27.9.00 Wright does the Alex Wright dance. Tenay: "Can't call him Berlyn anymore!" Berlyn? Berlyn who? There was no Berlyn, there was NEVER a Berlyn. Disco fever, yeah yeah yeah yeah. Thunder 27.9.00 Tonight's set of talking points: A Quick Guide to "Carlos" on Commentary "...saw him behind the counter at KFC earlier today..." "...stolen from Rey and Juvi (and Konnan)..." "...greener than a cabbage patch..." "...cure for insomnia..." "...cranberries..." "...jabrones..." "...but I heard that they wouldn't sell it." There, you NEVER have to watch "Worldwide" with the sound up EVER again. Trust me, if there's deviation, E.C. will take care of it for you. Thunder 27.9.00 Steiner throws some furniture, then happens upon Disqo's duck and beats IT up with the pipe. Commentators express love for Steiner. Must be a shoot or something. Thunder 27.9.00 Oh, perhaps it was something about blood because the picture goes black and white and they quickly get him a towel. Thunder is a blood-free show, you know. Thankfully, this is not a blood-free report - BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD Oh yeah, A-Wall wins with a chokeslam through a table and pin. Thunder 27.9.00 So, is Sanders or Skipper the heel? I'm distracted by all of Konnan's exciting "shoot" comments. Thunder 27.9.00 Sign in crowd: "PENZER GOT IT LIKE THAT" That must be Penzer's cousin or something. Thunder 27.9.00 The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report sez: Look for Nitro Monday at the Cow Palace! Look for CRZ and get interviewed! (I'll be the guy who looks like CRZ.) Thunder 27.9.00 Hooray! Konnan said "cranberries" again! Reno swings a trashcan lid like a girl. Thunder 27.9.00