|
| Special Feature |
Year in Quotes 1992 |
| Edited by: vsp | |
MainBLAH |
WWF
Your "panel of experts," from left to right, are Hillbilly Jim, Hacksaw Jim Duggan (wearing a Boss Man T-shirt), Vince McMahon, Bobby the Brain Heenan, and Mr. Perfect. Heenan says Razor Ramon is ready now. He badmouths Jim and Jim, gaining a lot of respect from me.
Money, Inc. v. El Matador/Virgil (Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes). Come on, El Matador and Virgil team up? The only question is which one will be pinned/cause the DQ win.
Comet Kid v. Dwayne Gill (Monsoon, Bobby Heenan) "He looks, familiar, Brain..." Well he should. His pyrotechnics are compared to Papa Shango, I guess Vince's discovery for 1992 is Roman candles.
Inset interview: "We're #1 and we owe it all to Jimmy Hart, the best manager of all time!" Mooney begs to differ. Gee, and only a couple weeks ago, Monsoon was saying "You know, they haven't been the same since they lost those coveted tag team belts" for the millionth time.
Update with Mean Gene Okerlund. Rerun of the Ultimate Maniacs formation. Snore. Fast forward.
Courtesy WWSB in Sarasota, FL, here's the Macho Man. The only reason Savage lost was 'cause of Razor Ramon. I know a figure four that might disagree with that.
Repo's gotten a lot funnier lately. Good dancing. He keeps saying "Pay your bills!" like it meant something.
I swear if Paul Bearer keeps makin' faces like that, it'll freeze, so help me.
Who's the opponent for the Bulldog? Michaels? Mountie? (Vince: "Former Intercontinental Champion? For what, two days?" Vince, I'm surprised you remembered. 'Course, you don't remember who he lost the belt TO, right?)
DISCLAIMER: This is yet another recount of events on a WWF Nationally shown show. To some this will be a babbling claptrap, another waste of precious bandwidth by still another undergraduate with no right to be reading/posting/alive. They are welcome to use their KILL file, as I will use the same subject name on a consistent basis, save the date.
I watch
Ramon, "direct" from WTVJ in Miami. Jim and Jim try to debate with him, and Ramon puts them down. My favorite: calling Duggan "Jacksaw". I have new found respect for Hall.
Easy squash for the Transformer from Hell.
Clips of Bob Backlund in '78. You can hear in the background, slightly muffled: "World...Wide...Wrestling...Federation...Champion..." Backlund of '92. "I'm 43 and makin' a comeback..." Sensitive piano music (which I didn't like) in the background. He's almost as old as Flair!
That's it. Woooo! This is harder than I thought. Hope SOMEONE read it.
Says McMahon, "Rumour has it that Koko B. Ware wants to become a broadcast journalist after he hangs up the tights." Says The Broadcast Journalist: "Yeah, but it'll take him six years to hang up THOSE pants!"
Let me say this about Slick commentating: I know there are lots of y'all who can't stand Lord Alfred Hayes, but Slick sounds like Pauly Shore trapped in James Brown's body ("Fed-er-a....SHUN!") and he says "Exactly." about a MILLION times.
The Undertaker v. Von Krus (McMahon, Perfect) I can remember years back when good ol' Von Krus was a real, live Nazi! Or so the WWF would have me believe ("Heil Hitler!"...what a heel jobber). Although still announced as "from Germany" (no longer East), he's just a boring squash now. Of course, Krus plays a whole family, Gino, Vito, Skull...but I digress.
There is a child in the crowd dressed like UT, who will probably be in therapy for years.
Panel discusses Kamala's fear of UT while Jamison brings in a "stuffed turkey." It is a raw turkey filled with a [wrapped] Twinkie, cupcake, his inhalor, and an egg. Jamison: "Guess that turkey was in a family way". ROTFL? Bzzz! Thanks for playing.
Remember though, Brunzell "possesses one of the most tremendous jumping dropkicks you've ever seen." Gee, think we'll see one?
This match was very un-whiff-like. No gimmicks...let's hope it's not a trend...
Rerun of Backlund's "comeback" retrospect. Hmm, maybe this *is* a trend...
Let's face it, the only reason the Beverly Brothers aren't the tag champs is because there's no LOD for them to feud with.
I used to think NDs should get the Oscars for playing Tag Team champions, but now I think Horowitz should get the Oscar for selling a test of strength with Typhoon.
Needless to say, Santana comes back with el punch de el head, but only gets the 2 count (!).
I just noticed Gill has Hogan's haircut...
Jamison comes out, blackened. He produces the turkey, burned to a crisp. He tries to yank a wing off the turkey, but it sticks, leading to the best Heenan ad lib of the night: "You could go blind doing that..." and the entire panel has trouble keeping a straight face.
Sergeant Slaughter in a nice navy suit is seen halfway through the match, Monsoon and Heenan discuss his "unlimited powers." I guess his credentials are 1) face turn and 2) brutal beating at the hands of Nailz.
The only thing I liked about Crush matches is Finkel's way of saying "KERRRRR...USH!" but of course, Mike was announcing the match.
Crush with head crush, which the marks now *beg* for.
Cassidy gets pin with flying body press. I think he'll get a dumb gimmick before too long, at least a dumb gimmick name, or how well will he do? He's no Terrific Terry Taylor...
All the talk is about Slaughter. What I want to know is, how come Tunney would never "overturn the referee's official decision" a la SS, TTIT last year, yet Slaughter can do all this and more (tm)?
"Direct" from <no call letters> is Nailz. I guess no station would have him.
Blind Dave Hebner has had enough and rings the bell. The winners by disqualification are Jim Powers and Jason Phillips!!! The jobbers win! The jobbers win!
You know, the day jobbers win on the WWF is the day Herb Kunze gets his information from the Honky Tonk Man's 900 line.
Tatanka v. The Brooklyn Brawler (Monsoon, Slick) Why can't I buy a Brawler T Shirt?
Max Moon (the Comet Kid) v. Jerry Fox (McMahon, Perfect). Fink announces "Maximillian," which I'm sure no one working at the WWF can spell. At least the jetpack is gone but he still looks like the Transformer from hell.
McMahon with the eeriest quote of the night: "...also reminds me of that great athlete I used to see in the squared circle, what was his name...Curt...uh, uh, I forget his name uh, Perfect..." Now THAT was weird. Next thing you know, he'll be referring to Crush as "one half of Demolition."
Moon wins with the WWF's version of Lucha Libre. Ha!
A pretty boring week, but I attribute that to the lengthy (too lengthy) setup of the Slaughter angle. You know, if he REALLY had power, he'd have sent Crush or Ramon back to the dressing room to get a better gimmick.
Hart gives an Academy Awards speech, thanking his father, every single wrestler he's ever wrestled against, Ric Flair (fans cheer!), his fans, his friends, his family, and God. Bret better thank God, 'cause it's a miracle he beat Flair. <-- my mark comment
Lots of meaningless somersaulting by Moon. No dizziness.
The Warrior is wearing the Shades of Maniacism, which leads me to believe he played Dungeons and Dragons as a child.
"There is a bond that will last for ever...and ever...and ever..." which in the WWF is about three to six months.
Yes, once again Jim Powers holds his own, and once again blows the match by tagging out to his loser of the night. St. Laurent is worked over for about half an hour.
Back with the panel, Vince wonders aloud why Jimmy Hart didn't pair Money, Inc. with the Nasty Boys (which was my prediction). Heenan has a funny, Ron Zeigler-like 1000 word answer which ends with "...and there's always room for Jello" and says basically nothing.
Now, Vince asks how Heenan and Perfect plan for Flair's THIRD title reign. Perfect succinctly announces: "Plan C."
Bob Backlund pictures with family. Bob Backlund building a house. More sensitive music, more McMahon. Bob "has to do what he has to do. He must return to the World Wrestling Federation." WHY? WHY? What does he have to do? Does this make sense? Will anyone explain it? Is this a Vince plan? What am I thinking?
Inset interview of Jimmy Hart. Who is #1 contender team? "I don't have to tell you anything...but I *do* have a plan!" Obviously, Plan D.
Good Lord, Fuji's back, complete with Japanese flag. When you see this guy's wrestling outfit, you'll be ROTFL.
This match is really too funny for me to do it justice. Let me just say that you would expect a man this large (505 lbs sayeth the announcers) to have only one move, and, well, he has it. Wonder how much he gets paid to dance like that.
Nailz v. Scott (something...can't make it out) (Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect) Nailz immediately kicks the HNE out of the ring and belts out a few drinking songs for the crowd.
The video wall has Undertaker on it, Nailz surprisingly does not destroy the video wall, which he should have if he was *really* annoyed.
Event Center from Sean's Honeymoon. This is THE most hilarious Prime Time piece you will EVER see. Camera moves in on a double bed in a hotel room. A woman (we never see, constantly moaning) is under a WWF sheet. Mooney, verbatim:
"Is that you, honey? What's goin on? Hey, who is that? It's ok, honey. What are you doing in here? Wait a minute...that's the PrimeTime camera. Who put you guys up to this...? HEENAN! YOU'RE BEHIND THIS! Yes, I know it's you, not only do I have to put up with you interrupting me on PrimeTime, I CAN'T EVEN HAVE MY OWN HONEYMOON! It's ok honey, I'll take care of this...YOU GUYS, YOU! *GET OUT OF HERE! I'VE HAD IT! GO ON!*" Shot of door slamming, cheezy hardware store number "5" spinning on door.
I love the way the Warrior says "NA-TURE-BOY" in that deep, booming voice.
Papa Shango v. KERRRRRRRR-USH! (orange suit) (Monsoon, Hayes) I don't know who to root for.
Shango takes a bite out of Crush's skull and likes it.
Monsoon brings the nostalgia to two items this week by asking about the Million Dollar Belt! Someone must have told him to slip those loose ends in.
Monsoon refers to Ramon's garb as "the Mr. T starter kit."
Vince mentions that Sean Mooney is on honeymoon. Heenan: "Is he bored?" Vince: "What, on his honeymoon?" Heenan: "Well, SHE must be bored!"
Nailz v. Tom Stone (Monsoon, Bobby Heenan) What a pleasure! A three week old syndie match!
"Brunzie" looks like he's been eating well from that fine jobber salary Vince pays him.
Crush wins with what I voted as 1992's dumbest finishing move.
Heenan interrupts Jim: "Speaking of tapes, you know that great tape, "Connie Does Dallas?" Well, they're going to release a new one from Mooney's honeymoon: "Sean Mooney Does Nothing." I'm telling ya, it's Mooney v. Heenan at WrestleMania.
The reason they get this interview out of the way is that before the match even starts, some guy in a Guns and Roses T shirt, funny pants, and funny boots comes out of the crowd. Since he is not stopped by security, it must be an angle, and sure enough, it's good old Marty Janetty. "After all these weeks," Janetty's back to extract revenge, which makes him a face.
Janetty does a bad UW impression, by the way. Was that Marty mouthing "Turn the fuck around!"?
All right! More from Sean's Honeymoon! This was again the highlight of the week. Sean: "Sweetheart? Feeling any better? Still have that nasty headache? Honey, I got you some aspirin, some ibuprofen...YOU! I threw you guys out of here a week ago! Don't you have any decency? Hey wait a minute, where's my wife? YOU LOCKED HER IN THE CLOSET?!? Oh that's it, you sonuva...mm.ugg..grr..." Sean punches the camera and we see snow.
Monsoon wants a literal translation of "Kim Chee," meaning he doesn't read r.s.p-w.
Vince tells us that Money, Inc. are the new tag team champions. How convenient, tell us the winner before you show us the match! I mean, I knew anyway, but still...
British Bulldog v. Louie Spiccoli (Monsoon, Heenan) "Obviously, [Smith is] a very strong proponent of ICOPRO!" Yep, there's a clown in the audience. Inset interview with Smith congradulating Bret Hart for winning the WWF Title. Boy, that clown looks goofy.
Smith with predictable moves and win and unpredictable ICOPRO sell to the camera after the match.
Yokozuna sounds a lot like the "Karate Champ" video game of a couple years back ("Hyaah!")
Same old opening credits, but they've GOT to change them soon. I guess a brief glimpse of Hawk is still ok?
Travels of the WWF update: Normally, I don't include this, but I couldn't help but notice that the Titan gang can't spell "San Bernadino." Since I attend college down here in the Inland Empire, I felt I had to call this to your attention.
***The GREAT One, Barry Horowitz*** v. Max Moon (Monsoon, Hayes) I guess this is as close as we'll get to my personal dream of a Horowitz/Kato match. Horowitz is described as a "ring veteran," yeah, one with NO wins.
The replay of the finisher shows, once again, that Horowitz deserves an Oscar for his work selling these dumb moves--Max didn't quite jump far enough, so Barry had to really stretch to make it look like Max landed on him.
I'm going to start calling Spiccoli the Stamina Jobber, 'cause all his matches seem to last for about half an hour.
De Mentos (subliminal candy ad) drops a knee and pins after a couple hours. VERY unimpressive. Next week, look for him to shave his head completely bald, pick up Whippleman as a manager, and wear a big "W". No, I'm kidding. He's too pudgy to be a Warlord.
Hart is the "World Wrstling Federation Champion," leading me to believe that Sean Mooney does all the proofreading at Titan.
Crowd gets a "HUSS...HUSS..." chant going, which was also my favorite thing to do at house shows.
Panel discusses Flair. How can he get the belt while working on this tag match, and then again, what ABOUT that middle ear problem? Heenan starts to explain but Hillbilly Jim interrupts, so Heenan decides not to let them in on it. What a dumb hick that Hillbilly Jim is.
Monsoon mentions that the belts must be defended every 30 days, but why now, so early? Gorilla apparently can't say "Sweeps Month."
Bob Backlund takes us on a magical mystery tour.
Inset interview with Virgil. The man he admired the most growing up was Bob Backlund. Apparently it was Backlund who inspired him to become the Million Dollar Man's slave.
(Orange) Crush v. Mike Sharpe (Monsoon, Hayes) Good old Iron Mike, only Barry Horowitz can make me root harder for a guy with a snowball's chance in hell of winning a match.
Just what IS that design on Crush's rear end?
DISCLAIMER: Please, please, PLEASE, don't followup to this article and tell me the clown is named Doink the Clown. *I KNOW.* So does practically everyone reading this newsgroup. The reason I don't mention it in my articles is because it wasn't mentioned on the show, and I report the show. OK? Thank you in advance.
I apologize in advance if this angle stuff is less than new to everyone, the UCR newsfeed stops about a week before this moment. It sure was new to me, and shocked the hell out of me. After watching some syndie stuff last weekend, I was completely unprepared. But, as a good "Broadcast Journalist," I tried to catch everything that happened.
Vince starts off with a bombshell, the Ultimate Warrior will NOT take his place at the Survivor Series. The words "Ultimate Warrior" are never uttered again during the course of the program.
Beverly Brothers v. High Energy (Commentary by Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes) This match is a RERUN! Fraud! Outright lies! Oh well. This match is about four months old.
Listen to the crowd chant "LOD...LOD..." and forgive me for catching the end of the Miami/Buffalo game instead of sitting through this DQ win again. (Hint: We get to hear "Do The Bird" for one more [hopefully last] time)
We see the Undertaker hit a red hot forge with a hammer for no good reason while Paul Bearer waxes damnation. In return, Dr. Whippleman predicts victory for Kamala while Kim Chee does a Marcel Marceau impersonation.
Highlight of Saturday Night's Main Event. Michaels wins the IC belt from Davey Dog Smith (Vince McMahon, Bobby the Brain Heenan) Think back to February and the last SNME Intercontinental match (Piper/Mountie rematch, complete with "Shock Proof" ending), and you'd have to admit that just maybe this WWF stuff is getting better.
Lance Cassidy v. Terry Taylor (Monsoon, Hayes) Cassidy throws elbows, and Taylor chatters. Lots of...what're those called, arm bars? If the WWF keeps it up with mat wrestling, I suppose I'll learn those moves. Luckily, Monsoon takes a break from hyping SS to educate us on the value of arm bars in a wrestling match.
Taylor still has yet to defeat an opponent whose name is not Jim.
This match looks suspiciously like the 26 October match (substitute "Santana" for "Cassidy") where Taylor also drew. You think he'd learn to get that powerbomb out sooner.
Why have they dug up all these matches? Maybe because only I would notice, but then again, a little detective work might be useful here. Voiceover at the end of "Murder, She Wrote": "...as Money Incorporated meets the Ultimate Maniacs..." This match will not be shown tonight, and must be what was going to be shown in the place of these reruns. Couple this with the extremely quick (read: out of left field) UW demotion to unperson, and you have to conclude this was an eleventh hour pull. Add to THAT the mysterious non-appearance of the Survivor Series update. What, no PPV hype with less than two weeks to go? And the Warrior's interview on "Wrestling Challenge" was hilarious, too. The smoking gun in all this is that "the Perfect angle" is taking place entirely in the studio, with a little commentary by Monsoon and Hayes during the retreads (Duggan by DQ). In fact, if my newsfeed wasn't a week askew, I might not have been caught by surprise by this at all, but it was SO quick... Oh well.
Heenan slaps Perfect and immediately realizes he's in trouble. Perfect grabs Heenan by the tie, tells him off (yes, calls him "Weasel") and dumps a pitcher of water on him while Jim, Jim, and Vince have simultaneous orgasms. Ladies and gentleman, we have a face turn.
I guess Vince will pay Hennig's insurance company with the Ultimate Warrior's salary...
"Woooo!" seems to have given way to "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Seeing this match again, I really appreciate this match as wrestling entertainment: it tells a story, and tells it well, something which I used to enjoy about the WWF.
IRS has control inside the ring though, and with help from the foot on the rope, slaps on yet another sleeper. "Blind" Dave Hebner notices the foot the third time and unlike the classic Hebner-kick-the-foot-off-the-rope-with-righteous-indignation [tm], he gives a count.
Heenan reveals that Virgil is Yokozuna's opponent. Lucky year for Virgil, eh? Sid Justice breaks his nose, he gets killed by Nailz, and will now get killed by Yokozuna. And to think he was a "Million Dollar Champion."
Hart puts in a bid to be "the People's champion," a Communist term I had thought.
Vince McMahon, sitting in the woods with Bret Hart.
In natural light, both of these guys look OLD. I know they aren't, but still...
And I would like to take this opportunity to declare the Sergeant Slaughter angle dead and placed upon the trash heap of unfulfilled angles that Vince keeps in Titan Towers.
First of all, I'd like to alleviate your curiosity: it was I who gave Tito Santana that third place vote for "Best Technical Wrestler." Why, you ask? Why, because he put Ric Flair in a figure four at the SummerSlam Spectacular. If THAT ain't worth a third place vote, well, I don't know what is.
Although Tatanka is a proponent of ICOPRO, you couldn't tell by all the stomping on his prone form.
Choke on the top rope, more punching, and a nerve pinch (Golly! That looks like it smarts!)
Taylor has a real nice jacket. Head picture of himself with "TTT" underneath on the front, and a dictionary definition of "terrific" on the back. It's white. I want one for Christmas (Really!).
Taylor taunts crowd and ref, and wins with the slightly modified powerbomb. And I thought he could only beat guys named Jim, I guess it's guys whose first names start with J.
Kicked out of the studio, Duggan is forced to make a living by (ahem) wrestling. Lord, this man has charisma though.
Virgil does a nice double-fakeout proving he has half a brain, but promptly runs into the corner, losing half a brain.
Side suplex (U.S. Patent 4,621,897.2) and pin for Michaels.
Let us take you back...waaay back...all the way back to January and the Rockers split. Crash. Listen for Michaels trademark phrase: ("Is there a problem? I don't think so!") which he used all of two weeks. Marks: "Hey, whatever happened to the Barber?"
Hayes has the best line I've ever heard him use ever, EVER. On dealing with telling those Samoans apart: "Well, that makes sense. Samu is the fat one, and the other is Fatu!" I'm still ROTFL. Hayes will get my second place vote for best color now.
When was the last time you saw two black men in the WWF ring? Battle royales don't count.
Mentions of Slam Jam: 0. Mentions of Royal Rumble: 0. Last time you hear me use the words "Ultimate Madness": Now.
Sarge seems to have finally cleared his throat and is talking like a real human being.
After all this, Bobby lifts the sheet. There is a throne underneath. Bobby introduces his companion of the week, Jerry "the King" Lawler. Regal theme, and out he comes, crown and all. Lawler starts out by gaining my respect by insulting Hillbilly Jim.
Backlund does some shuffling between moves, by far the most exciting thing I've seen from him. Repo wants a test of strength, and about two hours later Backlund complies.
Slick gives it to ya. I suppose if he hadn't been in the wrong place at the wrong time (and at the wrong end of an oncoming Warlord), we wouldn't have to listen to this now. But hey, isn't that a neat stained-glass blue screen? GUH-LORY!
Virgil's title loss is attributed to Hart's greater experience. Virgil, in inset interview, tells Hart what a great champ he is, but fails to ask for a rematch. I guess he didn't really want that belt after all.
Lawler offers, "for $100 I'll do the thinking for the both of you [Jim and Sarge]."
Marty Jannetty v The Stamina Jobber (Monsoon, Hayes) Fist to the head after a couple hours.
According to Monsoon, Stu Hart had 13 kids. Put it in the FAQ.
Jim Powers v Skinner (Monsoon, Hayes) OK, both have theme music, but then Skinner has a logo, but then Powers came out second to tumltuous canned applause...Hm, it's even.
Powers, it is revealed, is a proponent of ICOPRO. Well then, he's got to win.
Shawn Michaels v John Paul (McMahon, Heenan) Y'know, for him being the pope and all, that jobber sure can wrest--oh, never mind.
Well there you have it. Jerry Lawler. He wasn't all that impressive, for that matter neither was Slaughter, so it must be that "first PrimeTime jitters" going on. Lawler will sit in the throne until he wrestles, I imagine.
The Berzerker v. Buck Zumhoff (Monsoon, Hayes) And I had almost forgotten the sheer joy of watching a Berserker squash match. Listen to that crowd get into the HUSS! Watch the jobber get his arms stuck in the ropes after they accidentally become unstuck! Wonder when the Berzerker's face turn is coming because Fuji can't handle the stress of managing two wrestlers and wearing two different outfits!
Tatanka v. Laverne McGill (Monsoon, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan) Look! An African-American Scotsman!
Tatanka is 100% ICOPRO, you know, and amazingly enough, his undefeated streak does not end against a man named Laverne.
The Beverly Brothers v. Jim Powers and Jim Brunzell (Monsoon, Hayes) Finally, Jim and Jim are reunited to lose together!
Taylor's ultra-cool jacket lasted all of one week, and in its place is a boring, glitzy, sequined thing.
Double axe handle off the top, 2. Of course, Savage has to drop that elbow. Taylor may be able to kick out at 2, boy, but he sure can't roll over in order to escape from a guy climbing the ropes, and he certainly can't move away from Savage's flying elbow after a half hour. 1,2,3. Sigh.
After Hart thanks Perfect for the save, he holds the belt high to the cheering fans and Perfect just has this pissed look on his face. Perhaps it was that moment when his mind unclouded and he remembered SummerSlam '91.
Papa Shango v. Repo Man (Monsoon, Hayes) A heel/heel matchup? I thought all heels liked each other.
Cassidy wins, but who cares, it was so boring.
I remember when the Harlem Globetrotters has that trick with the water, and the bucket of confetti...hey wait! That Clown has been studying the classics! HA HA HA HA HA HA...
Next week: The Christmas Special! Hopefully, this means Luke and Butch with Santa hats.
Look, there's a Clown! Wait! What's he doing with that rope? Oh yeah, Boss Man wins. Wait! He's tripped up! BWAH HA HA HA HA! Enjoy yer trip, Boss Man? HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, gee, I *hope* he isn't seriously injured. The Clown, meanwhile, has a seizure.
Kamala, of course, gets more roughing up from Kim Chee than from Koby. Gosh, I really feel for the big, huggable fella. It's too bad we don't get to hear Lawler tell us how he *really* feels about his USWA chum.
Rerun of Bret, Bobby, Ric, Razor, Curt, Gene, Vince, Jerry, Skippy, Happy, Dopey and Doc.
Damien DeFreshMaker v. Kerry Davis (Monsoon, Hayes) De Mentos looks up and talks to the sky. Davis: "Hey, what're ya lookin' at?" and looks up. BOOM. Stupid, stoopid ham'n'egger.
*EL* Matador v. The Stamina Jobber (Monsoon, Hayes) See: Anybody/Spiccoli.
Joe ? interviews Santa's Helpers, who do an amazing Bushwhacker impersonation. For any of you who missed it, I predicted it last week. Pin a rose on me. Joe gets licked. Foam urns for all.
Skinner v. Bob Backlund (Monsoon, Hayes) Skinner, amazingly, does not shake hands. Boy, this match...hm...you know, the wrestling ability...nod...mmph...full nelson... zzzzzzzzzz...
I suppose that Vince could be putting on possibly the worst PrimeTimes ever so that we'll think this new show is gee-whiz great by comparison.
Vince says that this is the last two hour PrimeTime. Next week will be a one hour Best-of show, and the next week will be "Monday Night Raw," "live from New York."
What would happen at Rumble Royale if Berserker and Yokozuna were the last two wrestlers? A Berserker face turn? Why not, he's already got a fan-favorite mark chant.
Crush v. Kerry Davis. Crush now has new, metallic purple shin guards. Heenan says there are only six letters in the Hawaiian alphabet, and Crush's inset interview proves he's right.
Look for a new single, "WWF Slam [Jam]," in your local record hut. It debuted at #4 in Great Britain! But then, they thought Sigue Sigue Sputnik was pretty hot stuff too.
Vince brings up Perfect and Heenan reminds us of Hennig's illiteracy.
Skinner v. Buck Zumhoff. Here's a riddle I just wrote:
Q: What's the difference between Skinner and the Brooklyn Brawler?
Chin lock. If it weren't for DeMento's tongue waggling I'd have fallen asleep by now.
Repo breaks all the rules and throws everything he's got at Jannetty, which takes all of 15 seconds.
Flashback: The Berzerker, under Fuji's direction, throws Jamison off of Titan Towers. Unfortunately, he lives.
Get this, *Vince* derides *someone else* for making fun of stereotypes!
Clown mops up the floor, Tatanka's moccasins, his thighs, his chest, and the swings around the mop to smack him in the face, ending his undefeated streak. I could yet like this Clown.
Wade Boggs introduces us to his good friend Mr. Perfect. This particular "vignette" was awarded at Cannes for Most Judicious Use of Editing. Amazingly, no soundtrack awards were given.
Lance Cassidy v. Barry Hardy. The Clown grabs Cassidy's jacket from the ring boy and tapes a "KICK ME HARD" sign to it. I leave the rest to your imagination.
Give the Clown credit, he beats up cowboys AND Indians.
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