/18 April 2000
|AAA on Galavision by WV RiffRaff||
AAA (aired 4/18/00)
As we open the show, Oscar Sevillagives a quick interview, followed by one by a very amused El Apache. I presume those two will be locking up later in the show. Jesus Zuniga is standing in front of a giant LLL logo. His partner, Leobardo Magadan (this guy is EVERYWHERE) is standing in front of a giant AAA logo. So, apparently, tonight will continue the AAA vs. LLL war.
When we come back from commercial, Jesus Zuniga is standing on a footbridge which crosses a river. He is joined by three ladies: the lovely Tifany, the quasi-lovely Miss Janeth, and the butt-ugly Rosy Moreno. Moreno's buzzcut hairdo doesn't help her cause any, either. I guess she must have been on the losing end of a hair vs. hair match recently. All three ladies give their two pesos worth, so I guess they'll be involved in the next match.
Sure enough, the next match is a ladies Six-Man...er, Six-Person match.
The team representing AAA comes out first. Their captian is Xochitl Hamada. Geez, is that a Triple Word Score name or what??? She's followed by her teammates Estrellita and Sahori. Hamada is a little on the chunky side, but I'm not gonna be the one to tell her. She's one tough broad. Estrellita is wearing an outfit that more closely resembles lingerie than wrestling attire and, of course, I APPROVE! Sahori is the petite member of the team and is clad in Joshi Purureso-style attire. Oh, by the way, the AAA team is accompanied by a MIDGET IN A POLAR BEAR SUIT!!!! What the hell is the deal with white, furry midgets this week?????
Now the LLL team of Miss Janeth, Rosy Moreno, and Tifany make their way down the aisle, all wearing matching blue and white outfits. The Captains (Janeth and Hamada) are introduced and we're underway.
Miss Janeth, Rosy Moreno, Tifany
Xochitl Hamada, Estrellita, Sahory
There appears to be a HUGE crowd on hand. Judging by the logo on the fan barrier, I'm assuming these matches were taped at the "Rey de Reyes" (King of Kings) tournament card. WCW would LOVE to draw crowds this size.
When we return from commercial, El Apache comes out with a group of Rodeo Clowns???? He's also accompanied by a VERY HOT young lady in a bikini (a minor detail, but an important one nonetheless). The rodeo clowns are throwing out balls and frisbees to the fans. Uh, I thought Apache was supposed to be the HEEL. How many heels do you know that come to the ring accompanied by clowns? And the hot chick won't get him any boos, either!
Now, Oscar Sevilla makes his way down the aisle. He too is accompanied by a lovely young lady (in a matador costume) and a bunch of clowns. What's with all the freakin' CLOWNS??? Sevilla's ring costume is very reminiscent of Tito Santana's during his "El Matador" days. Unfortunately, the similarities end there. Sevilla can't carry Santana's jockstrap.
Uh-oh, you just KNEW it was bound to happen. It was only a matter of time before things got ugly and the clowns started going at it. Apache's clowns and Sevilla's clowns are ALL OVER one another. The crowd is eating this up. It's too bad FOX doesn't have any camera crews here. This could be their next special, "When Mexican Clowns Attack!", or maybe "When Good Clowns Go Bad!". The clowns continue to pelt one another with the souvenir balls and physically attack each other. This is truly Bizarre! Now, the clowns are going at it with AAA security. The security guys are getting their asses handed to them by a bunch of clowns!!! Ha!!! El Apache and Oscar Sevilla are just standing in their respective corners. All the action up to this point has revolved around the clowns. Finally, the clowns are cleared from the ring. Looks like we might have an actual WRESTLING match.
Between falls, the rudos ref goes over to give El Apache a quick shoulder massage. I'm not sure what that's all about, and I don't think I want to know. This particular referee is notoriously biased towards the rudos.
Damn amusing Colgate commercial where a guy brushes his teeth before bed and then is shown sleeping with a goofy grin on his face. His wife is sitting beside him in the bed looking rather...um, how should I say this...unfulfilled.
As the second fall begins, Apache runs over and kicks Sevilla's thigh. Apache picks him up into Razor's Edge position and AGAIN throws Sevilla across the ring. Apache picks him up and tries to set him up for another Michinoku Driver, but Sevilla rolls through it and cradles Apache. Sevilla gets the three count. (Time of the fall :26) Are you kiddin' me??? These guys aren't wasting any time, eh?
As the third fall begins, both men are in the middle of the ring. Apache with a series of stiff right hands that drive Sevilla against the ropes. Apache gives the "thumbs up" to the fans and they boo accordingly. Apache whips Sevilla into the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and nails Sevilla with a clothesline of his own. Sevilla goes tumbling out of the ring. Apache runs into the ropes and flies outside the ring with a slingshot Plancha, flooring Sevilla. Apache with a suicide dive landing squarely into the chest of Sevilla. I've just noticed that Sevilla is busted open. I'm not sure it that's the result of the stiff punches he took, or if he bladed while we weren't looking. Sevilla drives Apache into the ringpost and now Apache is busted WIDE OPEN on the side of his head. That was NO blade job. Apache is juicing the hard way. The blood is gushing from Apache's temple. Sevilla pursues Apache outside the ring with a series of chops. Sevilla, who is bleeding pretty good himself, is showing more toughness than I've ever seen from him. Sevilla catches Apache with a running clothesline. Both men back into the ring. Sevilla locks on a bow and arrow submission, but Apache fights his way out. Both men are bloody messes. Sevilla's white sleeves are quickly turning red. La Majistral cradle by Sevilla, but the referee gives a SLOW count. Apache kicks out before the ref gets to three, but that looked like about an eight count. The fans are really on the ref's case. Sevilla and Apache both struggling to make it back to their feet. Hard right by Apache. Apache whips Sevilla into the ropes and scoops him up into a torture rack backbreaker, but Sevilla rolls with it and turns it into a crucifix pin. Again, the ref counts VERY slowly and only gets to two. Sevilla, along with the fans, voices his displeasure at the officiating. Both men are very weary from loss of blood. Sevilla's bleeding has subsided, but Apache is still gushing. Head scissors into a rollup by Sevilla. Again with the slow count. Two count only. At this point, Apache is in no condition to continue and is only being saved by the crooked ref. The fans are NOT happy about it. Again, this is the most toughness I've ever seen Sevilla display. Both men really selling the fatigue as they exchange punches from their knees. Sevilla drags Apache to the middle of the ring. Sevilla is trying to set him up for a surfboard, but Apache fights out of it with a back elbow. Now, Apache is on the attack. He lands a dropkick to the face of the kneeling Sevilla. El Apache hoists Sevilla up onto the top turnbuckle. Apache climbs up and nails a superplex from the second turnbuckle. El Apache crawls over for the cover and the ref counts incredibly fast, but only makes it to two before Sevilla kicks out. The crowd is livid. The ref appears quite proud of himself as he smirks towards the ringside fans. The biased referees are another element that makes AAA a bit different from CMLL. Having tecnico and rudo refs makes for great plot devices. Apache once again places Sevilla up onto the turnbuckles. Apache climbs up to try for another superplex. Sevilla flips over Apache and turns it into a Super Sunset Flip. ANOTHER slow count only gets to two. I can't see this slow count schtick lasting too much longer. A couple more of those and the fans are gonna kill the ref is Sevilla doesn't. I must admit that I'm genuinely impressed by Sevilla. This is the best match I've seen him work. Of course, being in with an old pro like El Apache doesn't hurt. More shots of the crowd. OKAY already, we get the point! You drew TONS of people. Congratulations. Back to the match. Both men slumping in total exhaustion in the middle of the ring. Sevilla just kind of pushes Apache over and goes for the cover. Straight count from the ref this time, so I guess he decided to pull the plug on that mini-angle. Two count only. The white sleeves on Sevilla's shirt are now COMPLETELY red from his blood, as well as the blood of El Apache. Sevilla's usual "Pretty Boy" look is long gone. Both men look as though they've been through a war. And both men are selling the fatigue consistently as the match goes on. That's a skill most American wrestlers haven't mastered yet. El Apache rises to his feet and pounds Sevilla with a stiff right hand. Sevilla whips El Apache into the ropes, but we COMPLETELY MISS what happens because they're showing a slo-mo replay of earlier action. I have no clue why. Apparently, the WCW production crew took over for a few seconds. And whatever it was that we missed must have been fairly significant, because when we cut back to the match, Sevilla has El Apache locked in a crucifix-style submission hold. Sevilla is not only applying pressure by pulling back on both of Apache's arms, but he's grinding his knee into the back of Apache's neck. After a few seconds of this, Apache is forced to give it up. The referee, having apparently abandoned his pro-Apache schtick, calls for the bell immediately and Sevilla is declared the winner. (Time of the fall 7:20) WOW, what a match! Without a doubt, that's the best I've ever seen Sevilla look in the ring. Hang on a sec, there's another guy coming into the ring. He's got scissors and electric clippers. HOLY CRAP! This must have been a HAIR vs. HAIR match!!!! That would have been a nice little detail to share with the audience BEFORE the match started. El Apache is a bloody mess. The barber tries to cut off El Apache's ponytail with the scissors, but Apache stops him and points to Sevilla. Apache is actually letting Sevilla cut off the ponytail!!! What a class act! Sevilla cuts off the ponytail and shows his new "trophy" to the crowd. Apache then kneels and allows the barber to shave him bald with the electric clippers. The barber isn't exactly being gentle either. Apache's head is covered with lacerations, but the barber is plowing the clippers through Apache's head. In a matter of seconds, Apache is totally bald. This is BIG-TIME humiliation for Apache, but he's taking it like a pro. Even among the rudos luchadores, HONOR is very important. Gee, that's another concept that's foreign to most American workers. Meanwhile, Sevilla slumps in the corner where the ref raises his hand in victory. After the shaving is completed, Apache walks over to Sevilla and SHAKES HIS HAND and raises his hand in victory! What an honorable showing of respect and professionalism by El Apache! The huge crowd acknowledges both men with their applause. The crowd gives El Apache a huge ovation as he limps back to his dressing room. El Apache has lost his hair, but not his HONOR.
When we return from commercials, we're in the studio with Jesus Zuniga. It's time for NOTI AAA, which is basically just a little update on some recent happenings within the promotion. If my Spanish was better, I'd translate all of this. But, since it ain't, we'll skip it.
When we retun, we're inside a gym. Cibernetico is lifting weights. He's being interviewed by Jesus Zuniga. I assume he's going to be in the next match.
As the next match begins, Tiger Steel emerges from the dressing room. Steel is a big American wrestler who was trained by Shawn Michaels. He bears more than a passing resemblance to Kevin Nash. The resemblence is strong enough that I'm sure it's intentional. Unfortunately, he also resembles Nash inside the ring (READ: SLOW, POOR WORKRATE, LIMITED REPERTOIRE). Unlike the previous wrestlers, who had thrown out frisbees to the fans, Steel is throwing out TORTILLAS! Now, THERE'S a good way to get heel heat. I've gotta give him an A for creativity, at least. Steel is wearing a long leather sleeveless coat/robe. It's darn strange looking. It looks like something Masa Chono refused to wear. Steel enters the ring as the fans pelt him with the tortillas he had thrown out earlier. The fans do NOT like this guy.
His opponent is Cibernetico. Normally, Cibernetico wrestles as a rudo. Both Cibernetico and Steel are part of the LLL faction. But tonight, Cibernetico is DEFINITELY the fan favorite. Methinks the big gringo has pissed the fans off pretty good.
BULL TERRY MATCH!
BULL TERRY MATCH!
Cibernetico charges at Steel as the match gets underway. But Steel overpowers him. Steel with a forearm smash to the back. Now, Steel has wrapped the chain around his fist and his pounding away on Cibernetico. Of course, he's doing all of this at his own methodical pace. Now Steel wraps the chain around Cibernetico's throat and is choking him with it. Actually, this type of match is right up Steel's alley. A methodical pace is somewhat acceptable and his lack of wrestling skill is basically irrelevant. Steel drags Cibernetico over to the corner and touches one turnbuckle. Ah, this is being contested under REAL dog collar match rules, another thing that has been abandoned by the American feds. Steel easily makes it to the second corner. But Cibernetico fires several shots to the midsection and breaks Steel's momentum. So, I guess he has to start over now. After several gut shots, Steel slumps down in the corner. Cibernetico touches two corners easily before Steel FLOORS him with a running clothesline. This guy's so much like Nash, it's almost scary. If Vince McMahon ever wants to revive the Fake Diesel character, I know who he should call. Whoa! Wormhole!!!! We must have had a quick-cut edit, because both men are outside the ring now. Steel hoists Cibernetico up and drops him throat first across the fan barrier. Steel once again wraps the chain around his fist and hammers Cibernetico with a roundhouse right that sends the masked man flying over the fan barrier LITERALLY into the laps on the front row ringsiders. Trying to be helpful, several young men pick up Cibernetico and start to roll him back over the fan barrier. This seems to amuse Tiger Steel because he quickly runs back over and pushes Cibernetico back into the fans arms. Well, I'll say one thing for Steel, he knows how to make people HATE him! And that, my friends, is a damn marketable skill. Just ask Mark Madden! Finally Steel throws Cibernetico back into the ring. Steel resumes his methodical pace and continues to choke Cibernetico with the chain. Steel tears away a large chunk of Cibernetico mask just 'cause he can, I guess. Now Steel plants his knee into Cibernetico's back and wrenches his head back by his mask. Now Steel climbs to his feet and applies...A CLAW HOLD?!?!? Yes, True Believers, the Claw Hold is alive and well in the Year 2000. Cibernetico selling it like the ghosts of every dead Von Erich are squashing his skull all at once. Steel uses the claw to lead Cibernetico around the ring. Steel touches one corner. Two corners. Three corners. Cibernetico lands a hard gutshot just before Steel makes it to the fourth corner. But Steel is just too big for Cibernetico to sustain any offense (especially in a gimmick match like this). Now Steel is going for the tried and true Hangman move. He wraps the chain around Cibernetico's throat and tosses the luchadore over the ropes. Unfortunately for Steel, he left too much slack in the chain. Both of Cibernetico's feet hit square on the floor, rendering the move TOTALLY ineffective! Ha!!!!! Cibernetico starts to sell it anyway, but Steel quickly pulls him back into the ring. Cibernetico takes Steel's head to the turnbuckle three times. Steel tries to escape, but Cibernetico reels him in with the chain. Cibernetico snap mares the big man BY THE CHAIN. Kind of a cool visual, actually. Cibernetico ducks a clothesline from Steel and catches him coming off the ropes in a powerslam. The tide looks like it may be turning. Cibernetico with the old "Chain between the legs of the heel" schtick. Oh brother, they're pulling out all the old standards. Cibernetico touches three corners and is about to touch the fourth, but Sangre Chicana runs to the ring and splashes a cup of liquid in Cibernetico's face. Don't know what it was (coffee, tequila, Corona, who knows). Cibernetico is selling it as if it were Sulfuric Acid. This gives Steel ample time to lug his ass off the mat the stroll to all four corners. (Time of the match 7:10) Cibernetico, not seeming to care that he lost, quickly unbuckles the collar and runs up the ramp to go after Sangre Chicana. Cibernetico is met by his stable, Los Vipers. The AAA security guys step in before a fight breaks out. So wait a minute, the AAA security guys have no trouble controlling five wrestlers, but they got their asses kicked earlier in the night by a bunch of CLOWNS?!?!?!?! Inside the ring, Tiger Steel celebrates his victory by holding the chain high above his head. The fans give him a well-deserved round of boos.
Now, they're running a commercial for a Galavision show called Al Ritmo de la Noche. Don't know what this show's about, but apparently it's going to feature a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis and cat makeup. So, I guess I'll be watching. MEOW!!!!
As we return, we appear to be in a Mexican cemetary. La Parka Jr. is skulking about. But he doesn't exactly look imposing in his white shorts and red T Shirt. Actually, he looks pretty damn goofy. Like his WCW counterpart, Parka Jr. is a very skilled luchadore who, sadly, is mostly used as comic relief.
Now, we come back to the ring for the MAIN EVENT. Unfortunately, AAA main events are notorious for not being as good as the undercard. Quite frankly, there's no way this will overshadow the Apache-Sevilla match. That one was a classic. Oh goodie, it's an 8-Man tag match. Those always have clusterfrick written all over them.
Octagon, Mascara Sagrada, La Parka Jr. , Alebrije w/Cuije
Sangre Chicana, El hijo del Espectro, Pirata Morgan, El Texano
The match begins with the expected clusterfrick as all eight men go at it. The camera focuses on Octagon and Sangre Chicana battling in the corner. Damn! I hate 8-Man matches. Even with good camerawork, it's next to impossible to tell what's going on. And lucha libre's No Tags Necessary rule makes it even tougher. Now, the rudos are QUADRUPLE TEAMING Mascara Sagrada. Inexplicably, the tecnicos allow this to happen. The rudos take turns dropping elbows and knees on Sagrada. Geez, did Sagrada's teammates make a run for the border, or what??? Sagrada is eventually spared when Cuije runs into the ring to get the attention of the rudos. They sent the MIDGET to save him???? Now Espectro is chasing Cuije around the ring. Let the wackiness ensue! Of course, Espectro doesn't catch Cuije. He eats a clothesline from Alebrije. Now, El Texano comes over and he and Espectro doubleteam Alebrije. They toss him over the fan barrier into the front row. Of course, while this is going on, I'm sure we're missing tons of action elesewhere. That's why I hate 8-Man Tags. El Texano takes a chair from one of the ringsiders and takes it into the ring. He CLOCKS Octagon with the chair. The tecnico ref immediately calls for a DQ. (Time of the fall 2:50) Texano continues to wipe out the tecnicos with the chair until La Parka Jr. brings in a chair of his own to even things up. So, is La Parka Jr. the CHAIRMAN of AAA????
Hey, it's that 1-800-226-2727 Collect en Espanol commercial. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this chick could get me to call any number she wanted. Ay-ya-yi!!!!
The second fall begins with the tecnicos team at a definite disadvantage, since they'd just taken a beating from Texano with the chair. Los tecnicos try to get back into the ring one at a time, but the rudos won't let them. Each time they try, two or three of the baddies put the boots to 'em. Hey Geniuses, try going in all at once! Once again little Cuije gets the rudos' attention. Espectro chases him outside the ring and CATCHES him! Gorilla Press! OH!!!!! Espectro just slammed Cuije into the ringpost. The little guy is DOWN! And the commentary team is LAUGHING?!?!?!?! Geez, they're a cruel bunch south of the border. Inside the ring, El Texano lands a beautiful flying Tiger Bomb off the turnbuckles on La Parka Jr. And the announcers are STILL laughing about the fate which befell Cuije. Now it's Octagon's turn to get quadruple teamed. He eats a missle dropkick from El Texano. Silver King's old "Boxcar Boys" tag team partner is making a great showing for himself. Now, all 8 guys in again. La Parka Jr. brings a chair into the ring and pounds away on los rudos. The referee has decided that this is perfectly okay. Then why the hell did he DQ Texano in the first fall??? I guess he's the tecnico ref, so that's to be expected. The bad guys all bail out. Meanwhile out on the entry ramp, Mascara Sagrada is WHIPPING Espectro with a large piece of rope. Inside the ring, Alebrije is squaring off with Pirata Morgan. Cuije runs into the ring and does pushups, just to show that he's okay I guess. Uh-oh, the stupidity is about to begin. Alebrije is actually ENCOURAGING Cuije to confront Pirata Morgan. Cuije is covering one eye to make fun of Morgan's eyepatch. Morgan playing along like a pro. Morgan turns his back on Cuije, so that the midget can pinch his butt. I hate this crap. OH YESSSSSS!!! Morgan just grabbed Cuije and clubbed him upside the head!!! And for some reason, Alibrije isn't doing anything about it. I hate to be a midget basher, but that was SWEET! Now Morgan chases after Cuije, but is met by a clothesline from Alibreje. But the damage had been done. Little Cuije is earning his pay tonight, that's for damn sure. More silliness involving Cuije, including a midget tug of war where Alebrije has Cuije's legs and Morgan has his arms. Enough already! Several more minutes of comedy schtick involving Cuije. I'm not gonna bother to call it. Back to real action, Sagrada nails Texano with a missle dropkick, which sends Texano to the outside. Sagrada is doing somersaults and backflips in the ring just 'cause he can, I guess. Tag to Parka Jr. The crowd goes absolutely NUTS!!! They love this guy. La Parka spends the next couple minutes doing his Curly of the Three Stooges routine. He follows that up by dancing like Michael Jackson. Ugh!!!! I'm all for humor in wrestling, but this match is getting to me. But, the kids in the crowd are eating it up. Unlike the American feds, Mexican promoters make no bones about targeting their products to children. I'm not doing a complete blow-by-blow at this point because, quite frankly, things have just gotten too silly. Too much dancing and WAY too much butt pinching. The show had been top-notch up until this match. It's a shame to end it on such a ridiculous note. Again, I question the logic of putting Octagon in a comedy match like this. And why the hell wasn't the Apache-Sevilla match the Main Event???? Basically, they're just wasting time until they get the signal to go for the finish. Oh goodie, now Cuije is back in the ring. More midget silliness. Cuije tries for a suicide dive through the ropes at Pirata Morgan, but Morgan catches him and tosses him over his shoulder into about the fifth row of fans. Sadly, the camera didn't follow the little guy. I'm annoyed enough with him that I would have enjoyed seeing the landing. Morgan gets nailed by Alebrije with a flying spear for his trouble. Geez, why does Cuije come out with this guy? Apparently, his job is to get destroyed so that Alebrije can hit his opponent when he's not looking. Pitiful. Just when it looks like we're going to get down to some actual wrestling, it's time take it home. Sangre Chicana catches Octagon in an octopus hold. Cibernetico runs down to rinside and hurls a cup of liquid in the general direction of Sangre Chicana. Octagon rolls the octopus hold into a crucifix pin and gets the three count. (Time of the fall 11:50) What a shame that the longest segment of the show was wasted on a comedy match. The rudos team isn't pleased by this and races up the ramp to confront Cibernetico and the rest of Los Vipers. Hey look, it's Psychosis(Part Deaux). Too bad he wasn't on the show. I'm a big fan of the AAA version. Mostly because HE didn't sell out and surrender his mask to a bunch of idiotic American promoters who have no concept what the mask is all about. Sangre Chicana's team and los Vipers exchange harsh words for awhile on the entrance ramp. Now, the rudos team returns to the ring for a little victory celebration, even though they LOST.
Now, we're back to the commentary table. Jesus and Leobardo wrap up the show and hype next weeks episode. Gee, I wonder if somebody set up an ENGLISH announce team table at these shows, if it would always be getting destroyed? Just a little something to think about.
Excluding the main event(which I've personally blocked from my memory, and I suggest you do the same), this was a damn good show. The hair vs. hair encounter between El Apache and Oscar Sevilla was one I'll remember for a long time. The women's match was a great opener and even Tiger Steel wasn't too bad in the dog collar match. AAA definitely wins the competition this week for best lucha libre show. But maybe next week, it will be CMLL that blows me away. That's the great thing about the lucha shows, their unpredictability.
Well, 'til next time, this is the Dumb Gringo WV RiffRaff sayin' GOOD DAY!