|WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer||
This is the WWE Byte This! report for Friday, 28 June 2002, and I'm in a hurry.
Due to the company I work for moving to larger quarters, this week's Byte This! report will be condensed to just the facts.
Well, maybe not TOO condensed!.
Thanks for you patience, folks.
We open with just one host, Kevin Kelly in evidence.
Jeez, it's the "Kevin Kelly Show" this week.
I am already appalled.
Dr. Tom Prichard is in Pensacola Fl for a well-deserved rest. WWE Byte This! producer "Big Country" obligingly puts a pic of Dr. Tom topped with a Chuck Palumbo-style hairdo.
Yikes, he looks like a young Bobby Heenan!
Kelly gives a brief run-down on what's on today's show.
Droz says that it's been raining where he is, that "King of the Ring" was enjoyable, the Main event on Raw between Brock Lesnar and Rob Van Dam was one for the books.
He also comments on Smackdown, where Vince McMahon telling the assembled locker room that he wanted "Ruthless Aggression," and that John Cena stepped up and did just that by giving Kurt Angle a run for his money.
Kelly and Droz agree that we are seeing a renewed fan interest in the product, and that it's a great time to be both a fan or on the roster in the WWE.
Droz says that Vince has to get new talent in quickly to fill the empty spots left by HHH, Steve Austin, and others.
Kelly says that they are now launching "unknowns" like Bautista, John Cena, and Brock Lesnar now, as opposed to the "legacy" greats like Curt Hennig and Goldust earlier this year.
Speaking of Goldust, Kelly and Droz have a laugh about the "Crocodile Hunter" skit from Raw. Droz says that Goldust has found a tremendous gimmick, and that it all started when he did the skit with the Rock.
About the ladder match between Jeff Hardy and the Undertaker, Droz says that he's still undecided about whether Taker's got the stamina to last in a ladder match. "He's going to want to get this one over as quickly as possible," says Droz, "the longer the match goes, the better Jeff Hardy's chances are."
Droz has some comments on the Kurt/Angle Hulk Hogan match at KoTR, where Hogan tapped out cleanly to Angle. Droz says this may be the first time Hogan had ever tapped out in his life, but that he's got a long memory and will be looking for payback at some point.
Droz also says that Chris Jericho may be in big trouble with the return of Edge on Smackdown.
"It's great to have Edge back," says Droz, "and Jericho had better look out."
Next up is a new feature, "Kelly's Props," where Kevin Kelly hands out kudos to the best.
This week's are:
1. John Cena - best debut since Tazz's.
2. Bautista - first real match and doing a "number" on Randy Orton
3. Kurt Angle - worked hard with Hogan and totally made John Cena
4. Brock Lesnar - King of the Ring and standing up to Paul E.
5. Hulk Hogan - for putting over Angle, HHH, and Y2J. "Was this the guy who everybody said would be holding back new talent?" asks Kelly. ""Your unselfish efforts are appreciated here on Byte This!
6. Chris Jericho- for standing up for his KoTR performance, speaking his mind on the Internet.
Howard Finkel calls in an "Outthink the Fink" question from I-95 mid-way between Boston and Baltimore:
Where did the first ever King of the Ring take place, (city and state) and who was the winner?
Email the answer to firstname.lastname@example.org.
He then does the weekly "Upcoming Events" shill
Caller Mike from Edmonton says that Chris Jericho's commentary was the best he's heard from any superstar about the smarks' role on the Internet.
Tazz shows up. He's been under the knife having a growth removed from his side. Apparently, the surgeon used local anesthesia, (Wow! Red Hook surgery!) and then decided to go a little deeper than the anesthesia allowed.
Anyway, Tazz is stitched up a lot, and he's down for seven to eight weeks before he can get back into the gym.
Tazz also relates what it's like driving five hours between Chicago and wherever with WWE announcer Mark Lloyd in the passenger seat.
Tazz says that he'd rather go under the knife again.
Plus he lost his CD case in Lloyd's rental car.
Plus Lloyd didn't do the all-important "once-over," or check with the Hertz people.
Tazz also has some things to say about "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer putting the kibosh on WWE "Tough Enough 3" production company shooting in Malibu.
I leave it to your imagination how Tazz feels about that.
And Kelsey Grammer.
Next up is "The Game," HHH, who's just had surgery to repair his elbow injury caused by the Undertaker jamming him bad, and causing an bone chip to cut loose.
"It's like putting a pencil in a door jamb," says HHH, "I couldn't straighten it out much, and any time somebody would grab that arm, the bone in there made it feel like my arm was going to snap off."
Kelly, looking a bit queasy, asks about how the surgery went with Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham, AL?
"It was better this time than going to see him to have your quad hooked back up," says HHH, who also says he has to be careful about infection and getting the swelling down. Looks like he will be back within 3-4 weeks, which means HHH will miss the "Vengeance" PPV, though he says that he may show up if he feels okay.
HHH and Kelly briefly cover the past week's events in WWE. HHH then closes with the comment that the whole business could be over all too quickly, so he's just trying to make the best of the time he has.
Kelly asks about the meeting HHH had with the NWO, and asks if that is supposed to mean anything? HHH laughs and says well, you never know, it might be fun.
HHH leaves the show after demanding (and getting!) a huge cheer from the Byte This! studio audience.
We take a break with a video from last Monday's Raw match between Brock Lesnar and WWE Intercontinental Champ Rob Van Dam.
Looks like Paul Heyman got the worst of that match.
Oops, spoke too soon, as, post-match, Lesnar takes RVD apart.
Yup, there goes the "Gringo Announce Table," crushed to flinders by RVD being powerbombed through it.
Back to the studio, where Kelly is being tempted with a doughnut by Byte This! Phone Techie Chris Vallo.
Big Country's in on the deal too, and is sending out for pizza, saying Kelly's weight loss program is making Kelly look positively starved to death!
Kelly's bearing up manfully under all this temptation, though the cracks are beginning to show.
Live on the phone is the 2002 King of the Ring, 'The Next Big Thing," himself, Mr. Brock Lesnar, and can you believe it, fans, yes, he actually CAN talk!
Lesnar is apparently lost in DC looking for the MCI Center.
Kelly tells him to look for the homeless guy and turn left!
Lesnar says which one?
Lesnar relates how he came up through the Indies into Ohio Valley Wrestling, working on the road with different wrestlers, and learning new techniques.
Kelly asks if the KoTR moniker has sunk in?
Lesnar says no, he's just concentrating on being successful. The awards and Titles will come with the success.
Kelly asks about Vince McMahon's call for the roster to step up, that the opportunity was being offered, and what Lesnars' thoughts on Steve Austin's departure?
Lesnar says that he was concentrating on preparing for his match, and didn't know that Austin had left until just before Raw was scheduled to go on the air. As for whether Austin didn't want to face him, Lesnar says that, sometimes, you got to face your fears, and that Austin had bigger fears gnawing at him than a match with Brock Lesnar.
A Chatroomer wants to know if Lesnar feels he's risen too fast, and if that has caused any resentment in the locker room because of it?
Lesnar says everyone has been nice to him, and that success comes to those who prepare for it.
Kelly recounts some of Lesnar's history, how he started wrestling when he was four years old, and how the WWE contacted him in 1999. Lesnar says he owes a lot to his family, his coaches, and he holds Kurt Angle up as his mentor.
Kelly asks about how Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura helped him?
Lesnar says that Ventura pitched working for WWE to him, saying that the WWE is the best company to work for, explained how the business worked, and generally answered a lot of the questions Lesnar had.
Kelly posits Brock Lesnar as one day occupying the governor's chair, now that Ventura has decided not to run?
Lesnar laughs, and says he's not political.
"I don't need those kind of headaches," laughs Lesnar.
Kelly asked about the 2-Count Shane McMahon got one night on Lesnar in an impromptu match before the cameras rolled?
Lesnar laughs, and says that if Shane wants to mix it up with "The Next Big Thing," he's down with it.
Kelly keeps needling Lesnar on the subject, but gets nothing but laughter from Lesnar.
Lesnar talks about the birth of his first child, Jeremiah, and how it has affected his life.
It makes me a lot happier as a person, watching him learning, watching him sleep."
Lesnar talks about goal-setting, that you have to give it your best every day, and if you don't have goals, well, what are you doing on this Earth anyway?
Kelly brings up (an appropriate phrase) the subject of Paul Heyman, and asks if Lesnar is on Prozac because of having to hang with Heyman all the time?
Lesnar chuckles, saying that Paul E. has been a big help to him, but "he'd make a squirrel climb a tree backwards!"
He reiterates that he has nothing bad to say about Heyman because of all the help
Heyman has given him.
"When you told Heyman to "Shut Up!" on Raw," laughs Kelly, "I bet there was a lot of guys in the locker room who were going "YESSS!"
"Yeah, Paul can really talk up a storm, can't he?" laughs Lesnar.
(Whoops! There's the infamous Heyman "Skullet Shot" up on the chyron.)
Dan from Chicago, a regular caller, wants to know how Lesnar feels about the "Goldberg!" chants, and whether we will see a Lesnar/Goldberg match?
Lesnar says that he's honored to be associated with the likes of Bill Goldberg, though he feels his workrate is better than Goldberg's. "I wouldn't have a problem squaring off with Goldberg," says Lesnar.
The Chatroom wants to know if we will see Brock do the "Shooting Star Press" like he did in OVW and a couple of dark matches?
Lesnar says that he has it stored away, and we might see in soon, like, say, at "SummerSlam."
Kelly and Lesnar discuss his schedule for the next few days, leading up to Raw.
Kelly comments on "Great Moments in Sports" about Gil Sanderson's perfect career in the NCAA Division One wrestling: four years and undefeated. Lesnar says that in his career in the NCAA he only lost twice, so this is quite an accomplishment.
About Kurt Angle's rumored return to the Olympics, Lesnar says that Kurt Angle has his work cut out for him going back into that kind of competition. "I tried it just recently, , says Lesnar, "and those college guys wore me out!"
"Angle has to win gold," continues Lesnar, "he can't settle for anything less. I don't see Kurt going back; it would be very difficult for him to be a gold medalist once more."
Kelly asks Lesnar about the infamous "Flight From Hell" that got Lesnar's friend Curt Hennig fired from WWE.
Lesnar says it was just horseplay betweenthe two of them, and that it seemed to scare some people, who took it the wrong way.
"And of course, it ended up on the Internet... the wonderful Internet," says Lesnarwith a trace of disgust, "and the next day, Hennig got bounced from the company. And no, I wasn't involved in the head-shaving thing, either."
Kelly keeps pushing a match between Lesnar and Shane McMahon. Lesnar says that it seems like Kelly's really interested in setting this up, so why doesn't he get on with it?
Lesnar recounts his life in South Dakota, in a small town dairy farm. 'I was always busy working, wrestling, or lifting weights," says Lesnar, "farm life ain't no petting zoo! It is work, hard work!"
We take a break while Kelly and Big Country get into a shouting match about some of the more sordid aspects of farm life, with Kelly apparently all hung up on a bestiality kick.
Lesnar ignores the nonsense, then, in response to another Kelly question, says he would win an NCAA contest with Kurt Angle. "I'd win six, he'd win five," says Lesnar.
Kelly asks Lesnar if he thinks that farm life might work to help him bulk up?
Lesnar says it wouldn't hurt one bit.
Lesnar compliments John Cena on his outstanding debut on Smackdown.
Kelly says that they must have had a bit of an OVW reunion, hah?
Kelly thanks Lesnar for being on the show this week.
Lesnar says he's had a great time, and looks forward to being on the show next time.
As Lesnar leaves, we cut back to the studio, where the Kurt Angle standee, (did I mention there was a Kurt Angle standee standing next to Kelly on the set?) is now sporting an "I FEAR BROCK!" sign.
Big Country says that Kelly made him put it there, what with all this needling talk about pushing a match between Lesnar and Kurt Angle.
Big Country also shills for the WWE Saturday night line-up, where "WWE Velocity" and "WWE Confidential' will be followed by the "WWE Divas Undressed" show at midnight.
Kelly and Big Country jabber on about Chris Jericho's tirade about the Internet "smarks," and whether he wants to, ummm, "retract" anything he might have said?
Big Country laughs, and says he doubts it, but let's get him on the show and find out!
There will be no show next week due to the July 4th holiday weekend.
We close with the 1998 King of the Ring "Hell in a Cell" match between the Undertaker and Mankind.
Truly one of the greatest matches of all time.
You are watching a legend being born here, folks.
"It makes the hair stand up on my neck, JR!" hollers Jerry Lawler.
They show Mick Foley being thrown off the top of the cage...
...then replay it four times in succession!
Then they show Foley being powerslammed through the top of the cage!
"Would somebody stop this?" hollers JR, "Enough is enough!"
"What is that on his nose?" asks Lawler, "a tooth?"
"Oh my God!" says JR. "This is off the page! What next?"
How about some thumbtacks, JR?
"Good God Almighty!"
See you in two weeks.
Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville