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| WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer | 26.7.2 |
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This is the WWE Byte This! report for Friday 26 July 2002 and I'm Cracka - Eazy - EeeCee. No pre-show video foolishness prior to the Opening credits. Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Dr. Tom Prichard. Kelly is "just thrilled" with what's been going on in WWE lately. Dr. Tom says it all started with "Vengeance," and the great matches that Hulk Hogan, Edge, and everybody else did there. Kelly interrupts to ask show producer Big Country why Byte This! techie Matt Duda is sitting in the drivers' seat today? BC says that the corporate suits want Duda to learn the controls, so intern Seth Mates gets shoved over to video and monitoring the Byte This! chatroom. Mates, understandably, is p.o.-ed because he's been set aside for today's show. Kelly's continuous ragging of Mates gets him the one finger salute in return. "Oh fine, Seth," sneers Kelly, "VERY mature attitude!" Kelly and Dr. Tom get nostalgic over the "return" of Degeneration X, and the rapid demise thereof. We get a big discussion of whether Shawn Michaels carried WWE on his back when it was down. Time for Droz, (Darren Drozdov, that is,) who says that he always thought that the Body Donnas were the guys who carried the company when it was on its back? This gets a laugh out of Dr. Tom. Droz says that "Vengeance" was a great PPV start to finish, especially the Three Way Main Event for the WWEE Undisputed Championship. Kelly opines that Brock Lesnar is now at the center of that particular hurricane, especially since he made the jump to Stephanie McMahon and the Smackdown show. More on HHH's killing off a potential DX revival by nailing Shawn Michaels with a Pedigree. "Sometimes," says Droz, "you got to do things to help you break out of the mold; to finally say 'the past is really over; the old days are gone away." Dr. Tom says that HHH may have to watch his back because HBK has friends in this industry... "Name two," retorts Kelly. After a lot of hemming and hawing, Dr. Tom says he can't think of anybody. Kelly moves on to Thursday's Smackdown, and who was in the limo with Eric Bischoff? Droz says this cliffhanger is the best thing that could have happened to both promotions. "It's generating a lot of renewed interest in WWE." Dr. Tom says Bischoff "has convinced me that he IS the GM of Raw." "He will do whatever it takes to make that show rise above Smackdown," says Droz, "he's facing a McMahon once more, and for Eric to beat a McMahon has got to be one of his lifelong goals." Dr. Tom is tickled over Rey Mysterio's debut, saying his Stepdaughter thought Rey showing up was "cool!" Droz enthusiastically shills for the improved WWE, especially the return of Rey Mysterio. Lots of happy-happy chatting, and Droz leaves the show. Kelly takes a break by busting Seth Mate's chops for hovering over Matt Duda. Kelly's tickled that BC's "got somebody competent running the sound board." He then asks if that glaring light in the control room could be turned off...oops, sorry, it's Seth Mates' bald noggin. Live on the phone is Good Ol' Jim Ross, who is out in California getting everything underway for "Tough Enough 3." JR says that this season will be the most competitive. "It should be a good group," says JR, "that is, if somebody doesn't do something stupid and get cut right off the bat!' (Wanna guess what happens at the start of "TE 3?") Kelly asks JR about the Triple Threat Match at Vengeance? "Rock, Kurt Angle, and Undertaker all really delivered a great match," says JR, "They topped themselves. An amazing presentation that capped a great PPV." Dr' Tom asks JR if what has happened lately in the company has validated and justified the idea of the "Brand Extension?" JR says that both Stephanie and Eric Bischoff are working really hard, both in the ring and with their bckstage vignettes, this in addition to their normal duties. "The brand extension's past problems were almost totally due to injuries," says JR, "nobody's said much about Kane, or Maven, or Kanyon lately, have they? We've missed them a lot. When you have superstars like that out, sure the product is going to suffer." JR goes on to praise "young lions" like Brock Lesnar, especially Lesnar's newfound verbal skills. He praises Edge, saying that he's a PPV quality superstar every time he gets in the ring. John Cena gets a rub from JR for his continued success and near-constant improvement that he's doing. Chris Nowinsky gets a prop as well, as do the Anti-Americans. JR really thinks that Rey Misterio couldn't have had a better introduction to the WWE show than last night's Smackdown. "Leaving the air last night," says JR, "we saw Rey, Cena and Edge in the ring, closing the show, as it were. We haven't seen the young guys do anything like that before on Smackdown." JR goes on to put over virtually the whole locker room in one fashion or another. A Chatroomer wants to know what JR thinks about having the announcer table moved up on the stage from ringside? "A lot of people out there try to read more into this than there really is," retorts JR, "I do like being close in, because I'm a fan just like the rest of the fans. I want to be close to the action because I'm selfish." Kelly asks if JR has spoken to Steve Austin. "Not since June 10th," says JR, and leaves it at that. "Has the business slowdown slowed down, and are we bottoming out?" asks Dr. Tom. "I like the path we are taking," says JR, "our fans want new, want freshness. Guys like Edge, the Anti Americans, John Cena, are all getting a longer look. The veterans like Chris Jericho and the Undertaker are going to get new opponents, you can count on that." JR says further that WWE's got plenty of talent in the back and in the developmental territory to draw from, so there's no worries about the course the company is on. "As the economy stabilizes," says JR, "you will see WWE coming back on the strength of new stars and new fans coming back." JR says he will see us all in Greensboro, NC and leaves the show. Kelly and Dr. Tom comment on the excitement level at last week's shows. Oh, and Tazz won't be on the show today, because he and Tommy Tickets are doing the "Smokey & the Bandit" routine driving a truckload of Coors to Atlanta. More nastiness shot in Seth Mates' direction from Kelly. Mates responds by sneering that Kelly's a jerk, what a big surprise. Kelly gets into it with Big Country about this whole deal. Mates says he's got better things to do on a Friday than listen to Kelly's whining. Kelly then challenges Mates to a contest, any contest with Matt Duda for control of the show. Winner take all. Duda's looking puzzled, and just a bit apprehensive. Mates says "Who cares what you want?" Kelly, furious, says he wants Mates gone. Now. And Big Country too, come to that. BC just laughs at him. "I've been on this show longer than anyone else here..." begins Kelly hotly. "Then you oughta know by now that seniority means nothing in this company," replies BC, "Performance does. And you better not go down that road, Kev. Not with your record!" Mates, emboldened, says that he challenges Duda to a pushup contest at SummerSlam. Winner gets the board. Loser leaves town. BC says Mates could beat Duda hands down, and why wait until Summerslam? Let's do it on today's show! Kelly says okay, you're on! Kelly also stipulates that, if Duda beats Mates, he doesn't want to see either Mates' or BC's ugly faces on the Byte This! show, ever again. "How about putting your job on the line, too, Kev?" says BC, "'Fat Host Leaves the Air For Good' sounds just fine to me." "Oh, yeah?" growls Kelly, but there's a note of anxiety in his voice. "For cryin' out loud, Kevin!" says Dr. Tom disgustedly. (My feelings exactly, Dr. Tom. What a disgusting waste of ten minutes.) Fortunately, live on the phone is Rey Mysterio who has come to put all of us out of our misery. Kelly congratulates Rey on his debut on Smackdown. Rey thanks him, saying that he was surprised about how great his entrance was. Rey says that he's going to tone down the pacing on his wrestling; he will still make the hot moves, but only do two or three, instead of six or seven. Rey gives his history, beginning his wrestling training at the age of eight in Tijuana, and seven years later, (age 15!) doing his first show. "The promoters all said I was too young and would get hurt," says Rey, "so my parents had to sign a waiver saying I was allowed to wrestle with their blessing." Kelly tries to bring up the sore subject of Dr. Tom's about a little dog named Toto who froze. Dr. Tom quickly changes the subject to Rey's putting on the mask last night, and asks if he's ever wrestled Jamie Noble? Rey says yes, he and Noble last wrestled when they were in WCW. He thinks it was in Cincinnati. Kelly asks Rey about the luchadores and the significance of the mask? "The mask gives you a private life," says Rey, "you could go out with your family and no one would bug you. Additionallly, in Mexican wrestling, the mask is part of the art; the mystique. It all started with El Santo, and the movies he did. He never took off his maskm, not even when he died. "'Mask vs. Mask' matches are big events in Mexico, because you could finally get to see a wrestler whose face you never saw before." Kelly compares Rey favorably to Mil Mascaras. Rey thanks him for the honor comparing him to Mascaras. Rey then puts over several of the legendary luchadores. "But Mascaras never took off his mask, either. Even when he showered, he walked in with one mask, took it off, and put on another one and walk out of the shower wearing a new one." Caller John asks if Rey will bring his WCW "Giant Killer" angle to WWE, like the one he did with Kevin Nash? "Sure, why not? There's nowhere else I can go," says Rey, "I want to do everything they ask of me." Caller Russell from North Carolina wants to know if the Filthy Animals will be getting back together, and if Rey will be tag partners with Billy Kidman? Rey says that he's done just that at some house shows already, and for Russell to watch the TV shows. In answer to a Chatroom question, Rey says that his new "180 degree swing through the ropes" move is called a "6-1-9" after his area code in San Diego. "It means I'm going home," says Rey with a laugh. Next caller wants to know how things have changed for Rey working first for WCW and now for WWE? "WCW didn't know how to create stars," says Rey, "so a lot of their talent just plain never got the chance to make it big. WWE gives you three chances. Once, twice, three times. If you don't get the hint by then, they put you aside, but at least you got the opportunity to try and do your best, and to show the fans and the creative guys what you can do out there. That's better than no chance at all!" Kelly asks how Rey felt coming out on Smackdown? "I never felt something that intense before," says Rey, "it was like I wanted to make sure everything was done just right. I knew it was going to be great, because The Man Upstairs has been behind me and my career all along, helping me live my dream. It's just great." Kelly asks if Rey was worried during the year he spent waiting out his old WCW contract; if he was afraid of being left behind? "Yes, I was worried," say Rey, "I was talking with WWE all through that, and they were telling me, 'Wait, it's not time yet." I was thinking 'Will I get the job? Will they hold a spot for me after this is over?' You hear all these rumors about how Vince doesn't push small people, and 'you are too small for WWE.' All that feedback worried me, but I always had a positive attitude, and when the time came, it was my chance to prove I could go out and rock it big, and be the same Rey Mysterio Jr. that I was." Dr. Tom scoffs at the stature issue, saying if that was the truth, then explain Spike Dudley? Explain X-Pac? Kelly and Rey laugh about Rey's old boss Eric Bischoff being the new GM of Raw. Kelly wants to know if Rey's "thinking of moving?" "I worked for that guy for four years in WCW," laughs Rey, "I got maybe one or two pushes, real pushes, and that was it. I think I could have done better if they, if HE had only let me. "Times change; that's in the past. For now, I'm gonna tie on my boots, suit up, put on my mask and go out there and put on a great show. I'm gonna give it my all, and not miss a step. I like where I'm at right now." Kelly asks if Rey was happy with his debut match with Chavo Guerrero last night? "Yes, I was, " say Rey, "but Chavo was worried that he'd messed up. He was asking, 'What could I do to make it better?' Nothing at all. It was a great first match for me, and Chavo did a great job." Kelly says the weeks of buildup before Rey showed up may have had something to do with it. Rey says yes, it put a LOT of pressure on him to succeed in his first match. "But it didn't hit me until just before I was ready to go out there," laughs Rey, "At that moment, I realized just how much of a buildup they had invested in me." Kelly says that Matt Duda is interested in Rey's tattoos and artwork, and suggests that maybe Duda should get a tattoo like Rey's got on his back. Rey laughs and says Duda better wait; the tattoo isn't finished yet. Chatroom wants to know how Rey got so bulked up, and if he did that to protect himself from getting seriously injured in the ring? "I started doing it to stay in shape when I was off that year," says Rey, "I was working out five days a week just to keep the pizza and beer off. Then too, there's my kid, so I gotta do all that kid stuff with him." Kelly laughs, saying that he's had thirty-five years of that kind of "kid stuff." A Chatroom comment says that Rey's new entrance where they shoot him up through the stage was originally going to be Kevin Kelly's... ...but Kelly kept getting stuck in the hole! This cracks everybody up. "Fire in the hole!" laughs Rey. "More like 'Fatass in the hole!'" says Big Country, which gets a dirty look from Kelly. Noah from Michigan wants to know about why Rey took so long getting to WWE? "It was a contract thing," says Rey, "I was still owed a year of pay on my WCW contract, and that kind of held me back. I liked it at first, but then I got worried if I would still be able to get a job with WWE. I was thinking 'Are they still gonna remember me?'" Kelly thanks Rey for being on the show. Rey says much love to everybody and leaves. Kelly and Dr. Tom read some of the feedback on the upcoming Byte This! Push-up Match between Duda and Seth Mates. (Most of the Chatroomers are as disgusted with this nonsense as I am.) The best comment is from somebody who wants to know why they are giving away a perfectly good PPV match for free? Big Country questions the intelligence of the fans once again. Hoping to kill off the Push-up Match conversation by deflection, Dr. Tom says he doesn't want to talk about Toto anymore, but yes, Toto froze. Kelly is almost rubbing his hands in gleeful anticipation of not seeing Big Country or Seth Mates on Byte This! ever again, and lets Mr. Duda know just how much he, Kelly, is counting on him to win. Seth Mates says that Rey Mysterio shouldn't be the one wearing the mask here; it should be Duda. "Ha ha," says Kelly, "very funny." "Is that crickets I hear?" asks Dr. Tom, by now completely fed up with the angle, and this conversation. Time for the big "Loser Leaves Byte This!" Push-Up Match between Seth Mates and Matt Duda. Kelly talks Duda into taking off his shirt and doing the "Rocky'-bit. Mates does the same thing, but with his shirt ON. Kelly reminds everybody once more about the rules; first one to fifty wins. Both contestants assume the position... ... and Matt Duda wins in a walk! Heck, he even did the last ten one-handed! Big Country is hollering that Duda didn't go all the way to the floor. Kelly's crowing like he just got laid for the first time. "You're out, Country!" says Kelly, "You and Mates! Gone! Bye-bye!" "No way," says BC, "I ain't leaving." "You mean you're welshing on this?" "Duda only went down about six inches," say BC, "that's not a push-up in my book!" "Goodbye, Country!" "No way." "Tom," says Kelly to Dr. Tom Prichard, "take him out!" Dr. Tom gives Kelly "The Look," and does nothing. "What did you guys do when somebody welshed backstage, Tom?" asks Kelly, a tone of belligerence sneaking into his voice. "They got a surprise in their gym bag from 'us guys', Kev," says Dr. Tom. (His distaste for the whole stupid skit is pretty evident right now.) "Where's your bag, Country?" asks Kelly. "Dr. Tom," says BC, "you get all the great chyron shots from now on." "I gotta surprise coming for you, Country," says Kelly, attempting a menacing tone and failing miserably. (I bet Dr. Tom's wishing he was back at Betty Ford right about now.) Here's something interesting. The show's video continuity now seems to be on the fritz. That can only mean that Seth Mates has left the building. He is followed by Big Country, who comes on camera to shake Dr. Tom's hand, thanking him for being a professional. As for Kelly, BC gives him a big sloppy open-mouthed kiss right on Kelly's bazoo. Kelly squeals like a pig. A little pig. Big Country leaves the show. Meanwhile, back in the booth, Matt Duda's now running the whole shootin' match. Dr. Tom congratulates Duda on his training program, especially his use of creatine and those special, ummm, "food supplements" that he's been taking. Duda declares that he, Dr. Tom, and Kevin Kelly are the only three people who really care about the show's quality. "We are going to put the "E" back in "Byte This!" says Duda. (Where? At the end of "Byte?") "Well, Matt, "says Kelly, "as your first official act as Byte This! producer, who've you got for next week's show?" "I defer to you, Kevin," says Duda, who's toadying like crazy, "since you have the most experience with this show. I trust your judgment." Kelly hems and haws, and wonders if Sean Stasiak is available? "He owes me money," says Duda, "so that is a distinct possibility." Duda then suggests that the fans write in and tell them who they want to be on the show next week. Kelly and Dr. Tom read the Chatroom comments on this whole sorry mess. They are almost uniformly negative. Some even question Duda's sexual orientation, something that Duda is quick to squash. One Chatroomer calls today's show "the insomniac's best friend.' A Chatroomer by the name of Big Brim says that Byte This! has "hit a new low this week." Kelly says we should all check out a new website: "bigcountrysmomwantstoscrewmattduda.com" Sheesh! Duda suggests a "potpourri of guests" for next week. Kelly says that he should run with that. Kelly says that next week should see the return of the Byte This! studio audience, something Big Country did away with. Kelly and Dr. Tom shill for Raw and Smackdown once more. (Wow! They finally got back around to wrestling. What continuity!) Mercifully, we close the show with...nothing! No video clip, no contest, no special offer. Nothing at all. Well, I'll be seeing y'all next week. Maybe. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author Comment about this article in Wienerville |
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