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WWF Classics (UK) by Ian Mowat





OK, this is two weeks, the first is as normal, but become potted as I had to go into hospital. I want fucking sympathy. The second is as normal all the way.

In a time long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the shiny WWF logo floats through space.

We see the crowd in the Wicomico Youth and Civic Centre, and hear the voice of Vince McMahon! And the music of the Ultimate Warrior!

Manager of said arena (Bob Wagner) wants to 'Extend a warm welcome' to us. Thanks Bobby.

Vince McMahon welcomes us and tells us that we cannot speak of the 'tumultuous events' of the Hogan/Andre match, due to an edict by President Jack Tunney. That's cool. And Warriors music is STILL playing!

Hot montage action. Looking so out of date now.

We return to this weeks upcoming attractions, to the tune of the Warrior's music. Coming is The Warrior Vs Hercules, The Young Stallions, Butch Reed, Jim Duggan, and Demolition.

Finally The Ultimate Warrior Vs Hercules is ready to take place. Ultie comes out, and his music is so far through, it's at a weird drum bit I've never heard before, and I own it on CD. The rope shake gets a good pop, and we cut to Hercules and Bobby Heenan backstage. Heenan gets Herc pumped up, and quite frankly I'm getting excited too. The Warrior's music finally stops, and Hercules comes out to general crowd apathy. We start with a staredown, and then a posedown, and then Herc offers a tug of war with his chain. Madman Helliwig is unsure about this but then joins in and wins the battle. Hercules is miffed at this and boots the Warrior in the gut. Warrior then pulls hard on the chain, breaking it with his ULTIMATE POWER! Hercules is really annoyed now and chokes Warrior with the chain. Some jobbers arrive and pull Herc off. As Hercules and Heenan walk away Ultie is back up, and choking Herc to the backstage area. Well that wasn't even a match, but it's the best start to Wrestling Challenge I've seen yet. The whole 'we can't talk about what happened in Indianapolis' thing, along with what looks like an actual angle, made it seem more like a modern RAW than anything. Fantastic!

Jerry Gray and Rex King Vs The Bolsheviks is a win for the Bolshies and a point. 1 for 1.

The Young Stallions beat some jobbers and get a point 2 for 2.

Brady Boone falls to Rick Rude thanks to the 'Rude awakening' called as such for the 1st time. 2 for 3.

Butch Reed beats Dave Stoudamire with Air Kane. 2 for 4.

We see the Jumping Bomb Angels, one of whom has awful cellulite, win the WWF Women's tag team titles. Their finisher, a double missile dropkick, and their music both rule.

Demolition cream Omar Atlas and Rick Hunter. 2 for 5.

Overall: Good show. The whole, we can't talk about the title controversy gave it an edge. The wrestling was good and the whole Warrior/Hercules angle came off well. Ta ta.

A new week.

The shiny WWF logo - symbol of excellence in sports entertainment, or sadistic Brussels plot?

We remain in Wicomico.

Mene Gene welcomes us. He's not going to commentate is he?

This is not the greatest montage in the world; it's just a recreation. Tenacious D.

Thankfully, Mene Gene is not commentating, and Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan introduce from SNME...

Hulk Hogan Vs Andre the Giant! We shall now see one of the most famous matches in wrestling history in its entirety.

Hogan knocks Ted DiBiase and Virgil from the apron, so he's got one on one with the giant. Hogan tries everything to get Andre down, punches, chops, clotheslines, a running elbow; Andre is fazed, but that's about it. The Hulkster sees DiBiase on the floor and sends his money flying. Back to beating up Andre, a clothesline, an eye rake, and a big wind-up punch still don't get Andre down. Hogan is frustrated and goes to the top rope, but gets slammed off like he's Ric Flair. Andre then misses with a diving headbutt and both men are down. Andre recovers first and chokes the shit out of Hogan, for forever. I mean I could have gone for a shower during this and not missed my bus for work. Andre now takes control on the breathless Hulkster, with a slam, some boots, and more choking. Now he chokes Hogan with his strap, as DiBiase distracts the ref. Slightly more legal choking now, and Hogan's had enough. 'He's Hulkin' up Cole!' a young Taz may have said in front of his TV in Brooklyn. Chops and rights stagger Andre, Hogan's going up to the 2nd rope again, this time he lands a clothesline, and Andre is down! Hogan knows that this is the opportunity and drops the big leg, but Virgil is distracting the ref. The Hulkster protests, but Andre is up and headbutting him in the back of the head. Andre then executes the worst looking 'belly to belly suplex' EVER. He follows with a pin attempt, and Hogan has his shoulder up before 2, but the ref counts to 3!!!!!!! Her is your winner and NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD - ANDRE THE GIANT! Hogan protests to the extent that Al Gore should have (it would have saved Alaska from man's rape, and Moby can fuck off having a go at Eddie Vedder, for donating money to the Green guy, blame the apathetic masses who didn't vote, you bald fuckwit! Ahem.) but the title is given to Andre. Hogan is just incredulous. Mene Gene interviews Andre from the apron, and Andre says it's his pleasure to award the belt to the NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD - 'THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN' TED DIBIASE! The heels piss off to let Hogan wallow in his own misery, and the ring. Oh my God there are TWO DAVE HEBNERS! Obviously the one reffing the match was the much lighter, and hitherto unknown, Earl Hebner. Dave gets in his twin brother's face, but Earl punks him out. In the commentary booth Vince McMahon takes this as proof that the 'fake Dave Hebner' is on the take, and this is how Hogan lost. Hogan picks up Earl, and throws him straight over the Heels who were supposed to catch him on the entranceway. That's some bad roid rage there. 1 for 1. Whoa! That's some historic shit right there. The match was outright awful, but the crowd heat was amazing. They really had to screw Hogan to get the belt off him, and the crowd were in serious disbelief. Earl got his just deserts for being a heel though. That bump made Tim White look like a pussy. No wonder he legged it when he screwed Bret, if Hogan did that to him acting...

Post - shenanigans interview action. Ted DiBiase has the belt on and stands with Andre and Virgil. He insinuates that Hogan bought a Hebner look-alike referee to confuse the issue. Haha.

Hogan now. Man is he distraught. He decries the amount of money that DiBiase would have had to have spent to get that much plastic surgery on someone to look like Dave Hebner.

Reverence please, its Jack Tunney. Jack disrespects the dead of Pearl Harbour by saying that 'February 5th was a day that will live in infamy'. He says Hogan is not champion because the referee's decision is final. He says DiBiase is not champion, as he never beat the champion. He then says Andre is not the champion, as he surrendered the belt in front of everyone. What is Jack's solution? A big ass tournament at Wrestlemania IV, where Hogan and Andre get a bye in the 1st round, but must face each other in the 2nd, that's what. The other 1st round matches are:

Jake Roberts Vs Rick Rude

Don Muraco Vs Dino Bravo

Ricky Steamboat Vs Greg Valentine

Randy Savage Vs Butch Reed

Bam Bam Bigelow Vs One Man Gang

Jim Duggan Vs Ted DiBiase.

My money's on Butch Reed. He's going all the way, baby. Or not.

Wrestlemania IV graphic. It's at Ceasar's Place, don't ya know.

Actual Challenge match brings us back to reality as its Don Muraco Vs jobber Ken Johnson. Billy Graham, is with Muraco, and they come out to 'Jesus Christ Superstar' Bobby Heenan sort of formalises his break from Andre by saying he's backing his man Rick Rude, in the tournament. The start of this match is stalling forever. Muraco gets a head to the buckle then a powerslam to show dominance. It's all Muraco with a kneelift, a vertical suplex, and an atomic drop. Muraco then delivers the knee to the throat falling thing, and follows it up with the Tombstone for three. 1 for 2. A squash, even for challenge.

Okerlund interviews Jim Duggan. Duggan isn't looking past DiBiase in the first round. Good job too, cos you're losing Jim.

We now see the cool highlights of Warrior Vs Hercules last week.

Now it's the Islanders Vs Eric Cooper/Leapin' Lanny Poffo. Tama and Poffo start. Poffo starts off quickly with a fireman's carry, and armbar, and then a shoulderblock off the ropes. Foolishly Cooper is then tagged in and gets killed, but he does get a double axe handle in first. Haku comes in and no sells Coopers shit, before tagging in his partner and doing a double reverse thrust chop. Haku then pisses about with some amazingly boring shit, before he lands a clothesline and tags in Tama. Haku then stays about for a vertical suplex, which Tama ends by landing a crossbody from the top rope for the win. Point just for the finish. 2 for 3. Awful match, stunning finisher that could easily be nicked today.

Mene Gene interviews Slick. Slick says 'Exacticagly' and then touts his men (One Man Gang and Butch Reed) as possible winners of the WM IV tourney. Unlike Duggan, Reed is looking past the first match and wants the world crown.

We now see the finish of Bam Bam Bigelow Vs Joe Murdo. The Bammer gets his victory with a diving headbutt.

Mene Gene has another interview with Hulk. Hogan is still yammering on about plastic surgery, and this time suggests that the 'fake' Hebner had his fingerprints altered. Now that's just ridiculous.

The Honky Tonk Man shills an article about him in the latest WWF magazine.

Bad news Brown Vs Dave Stoudamire. I'm pressed for time so lets say Brown killed him and finished with the Ghetto Blaster for the win. Not worth a point. 2 for 4.

A repeat of the WMIV graphic.

We join The British Bulldogs Vs Jose Estrada and Dusty Wolfe as the bell rings. Pier four brawl starts, but Dynamite and Wolfe are left. Kid lands the snap suplex, and puts Wolfe's head into Davey's boot. Davey comes in and gets his vertical suplex. This is followed up with a snapmare into a reverse chin lock. Davey gets his breath back and lands a back body drop. Kid comes in for a double headbutt. He stays in for a side suplex and a piledriver. Davey returns, and scores his powerslam, and then drops Kid for a headbutt to get the win. 3 for 5. Shitkicking to the extreme.

Final Mene Gene interview with DiBiase, Virgil, and Andre. Ted is PISSED OFF. He's going to killify Duggan in Round 1, and prove Tunney wrong by winning the tournament. Andre adds that Tunney had better stay in Canada, and that he'll beat Hogan again in the tourney.

Next Week: A special report on WM IV, Junk Yard Dog, One Man Gang (who Bobby suggests has 'Terminal Termites'), Jim Duggan, a Randy Savage interview, and the Killer Bees Vs Demolition.

That's us out.

What a great show. Focusing on one of the most famous matches ever, delivering a great angle off the back of it, and following up with some decent wrestling is just what the doctor ordered. Best show I've ever recapped. Next week looks shit though. Easy come, easy go. Join me for it anyway. Join me.

Ian Mowat
[slash] wrestling

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