Pre classics crap:
Is everyone blind to the fact that this Lesnar push ain't gonna work? He's not main event over, and unless something amazing happens in the next two months he's not going to be.
Jericho Vs The Internet. Everyone is wrong. (Except me) No one should have had a pop about the quality of the match, Jericho shouldn't have said it was a classic (it wasn't), and everyone shouldn't have got so pissed off.
Kudos to the Hulkster for jobbing clean to Angle. Is his final trick to have even the smarks respect him when he retires? The man's a genius!
Most importantly, I'd like to wish Bret Hart a speedy recovery. Although he sometimes seems to invite it on himself, the bad luck that the man has suffered is unbelievable. Get well soon, Bret.
Also, I lurrrvvvvve my girlfriend, Catherine Little, who graduates from Aberdeen University with a Law Degree tomorrow. Or probably today when it's posted. Thursday the 4th. (Oops - CRZ) Sorry about that non-wrestling bit.
On with the show...
Taped in early March 1988.
The shiny WWF logo is the symbol of excellence in Sports Entertainment. Not like that dingy old NWA logo.
We are still emanating from the Topeka Exhibition Centre in Topeka Kansas. What a boringly shaped state Kansas is. It's also the home of Washburn University. I don't care.
Bobby and Gorilla welcome us, and the crowd are on Heenan like he's the anti-Zybizko.
Mon-tage. Mon-tage. Mon-tage. You-suck. Nine years till the Patriot. Let the countdown begin!
This Week: Randy Savage, Ted DiBiase, The Ultimate Warrior, Honky Tonk Man, a Wrestlemania IV special report, and Strike Force. Arriba!
Ultimate Warrior Vs Dusty Wolfe. Warrior runs to the ring and shakes the ropes. The crowd are coming unglued as Ultie poses on the 2nd rope. The WWF KNOW they have something here. Warrior no sells punches to start, then blocks a whip attempt. He then unloads with chops, lets go a whip of his own, and no sells a rebounding shoulderblock. Warrior leapfrogs (!) a running Wolfe, no sells his clothesline and then knocks Wolfe down with a clothesline of hid own. Wolfe is knocked out of the ring, and Ultie follows him out to deliver a BIIIIG chop. Back in the Warrior unloads his Gorilla Press Slam, and follows it up with a splash to the back. That'll be the victory. 0 for 1. Warrior has a rocket under his arse here, but he still sucks in the ring.
Craig DeGeorge's special report. Heenan wants the Bulldogs! The Bulldogs want Heenan! They'll get it on at Wrestlemania! Koko B. Ware will be there as well. Oh.
(Wheel of Fortune's) Vanna White tells us the clock is ticking to Wrestlemania.
Strike Force Vs Dave Wagner and The Greatest Jobber Of All Time BARRY HOROWITZ! Barry and Martel start and Horowitz takes over with a knee to the gut, a punch, and an elbow. Martel responds with a cartwheel, a dropkick and (oh my God!) an armbar. Tito comes in and SF get a double punch to the gut, and a Tito armbar. Rick back in, but Horowitz has a headlock. A blind tag to Tito is made, and after a Martel atomic drop Tito gets the Flying Burrito, but it only achieves a 2 count. Yes! Barry does not feel pain! Tito responds the only way he knows how, with an armbar! Martel comes in, but is shuffled to the heel corner, where Wagner is tagged in, and the jobbers take over with a double elbow off the ropes. Wagner misses an elbowdrop however, and Tito comes in with some kicks and a backdrop. Martel is back in with his spinebuster into a Boston Crab combo for the win. 1 for 2. Strike Force gets a point - Shocker!
Craig DeGeorge talks to The Ragin' Racist Don Muraco. Don says that no one in the tournament is a loser, but there'll have to be 13 losers at WM. Muraco is a really experienced hand, who has been doing very good Company promos over the last few months. Hooray for him.
Craig previously spoke to Dino Bravo who said he made a prediction in 87 that he'd be World Champion in 88. That's no shit either, I remember him saying it.
Watch Wrestlemania - or Tony Schivone will eat you!
Bobby Heenan and Bob Eucker (still can't spell it) do an awful, awful, awful comedy bit.
Ted DiBiase Vs Omar Atlas. Atlas makes a beeline for the money on Virgil, but Ted stomps away on him. A back elbow, a stomp, a clothesline, all precursor to Atlas being thrown out of the ring. Outside DiBiase hits Atlas's head off the apron, and gives him a slam. Back inside DiBiase goes for a second rope elbow, and follows up with a powerslam for the 3. 1 for 3. Post-match, Ted gives the universal 'I want the belt' sign.
Jim Duggan Vs Pete Sanchez. Throughout the 90 seconds of this match Duggan says 'Ho' a lot. I'll give you a count at the end of the match. Collar and elbow tie-up to begin, with a clean break. Elbow, punch, a head to the buckle, and a whip into a clothesline begins things for Duggan. Hacksaw continues with a kneedrop and a sleeper. From this Duggan goes to the corner for a 10 punch count along, and then throws Sanchez out of the ring. Outside Sanchezesesezees's head is thrown of the apron and he is given a slam. Back in, there is a slam and a three-point stance clothesline for the win. 1 for 4. Duggan sucks! You expected a point? 'Ho' count: 22. Impressive.
Craig DeGeorge is with Demolition. Fuji predicts their hard work will pay off, while Ax says that they are the monsters of Strike Force's childhoods. Cool.
Watch Wrestlemania - or we'll force you to watch 'best of One Man Gang' videos!
Bobby and Gorilla shill the new WWF magazine. It's historic. It's the first one with Hogan on the cover as an ex-champion.
The Hart Foundation Vs Jim Stewart and Sonny Rogers. Stewart and Rogers look alike and weren't ID'd till late in the match so I won't differentiate between them. Neidhart starts with rights and throws the jobber out of the ring. While the jobber is outside, Bret drops an elbow. Back in Anvil lands a shoulderblock and a right. Then he takes the jobbers head off the buckle, and Bret's boot. The other and Bret both come in and Bret lands a back breaker, a kick to the gut, and a boot to the thigh/groin area. Anvil enters with a dropkick, but picks the jobber up on one. Despite the whole massive Hogan losing the title incident Gorilla STILL calls Earl Hebner 'Dave'. Nice one Marella. Bret is tagged in and the Harts nick the Demolition Decapitation, and Bret picks up on 2. The Hitman follows up with a SWEET Piledriver, and three elbowdrops. Slam into the Tree of Woe follows, and both Harts stomp away, then the jobber is thrown out. Bret works him over outside, and then throws him in. Bret is tagged back in for the Hart Attack, and the 3. Really good stuff from the Harts here. Most, most impressive. 2 for 5.
Craig DeGeorge stage interview. He's got Randy Savage! Savage says he's got respect for Reed as an athlete, and then put's Liz over. Elizabeth then comes out to a massive pop. End of segment. Uh?
Wrestlemania IV Report:
Donald Trump is delighted to have Wrestlemania at his venue. He just told me so.
The Championship belt will be presented by Robin Leech, who presents Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. What an honour!
There will be a 20 man Battle Royal. Here are the participants: Ken Patera, Ron Bass, The Fabulous Rougeous, The Hart Foundation, Danny Davis, Junk Yard Dog, Sika, Sam Houston, The Bolsheviks, The Killer Bees, Harley Race, The Young Stallions, Hillbilly Jim, Bad News Brown, and George Steele.
Some thoughts of the participants:
The Rougeous look gay!
The Harts and Danny Davis will work as a team!
Bad News Brown talks of the 19 Turkeys! (I love him)
Ron Bass talks shit!
Honky Tonk Man Vs Lance Allen. Allen is seriously put together, but looks more out of it that Marty Janetty - if you get my drift. Honky grabs an armbar to start, then works the arm. Allen reverses the hold, but Honky goes to the eyes. Honky takes over with a snapmare, a fistdrop, a back elbow, and some double axe handle drops, before throwing Allen out of the ring. When Allen is back in he receives a kick to the face, a clothesline, and then the Shake, Rattle, and Roll for the 3 count. Talking of 3 Count, someone wrote something about Evan Karagous joining a union against talented Cruiserweights. It was funny as. Just the way it was written, you know? 2 for 6. Post-match, Honky mimes and thanks the audience.
Craig DeGeorge is with Brutus Beefcake. Brutus claims the IC title shot at WM is the opportunity he's been waiting for.
Watch Wrestlemania - Or Steve Blackman will be back on TV!
Next Week: Ron Bass, A Wrestlemania Report, The British Bulldogs, Greg Valentine, and a live interview with Hulk Hogan.
Overall: Two SUPER matches this week, with the rest being dross. I'd say more, but I'm falling asleep. Arrivaderchi!
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