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/19 February 2000
CMLL on Galavision by Geoff Smith




A fair word of warning to everyone, I don't speak Spanish, but bablefish is your friend.

Oh, and BTW, I'm Geoff Smith and I will attempt to entertain and inform at the same time with my recap of the CMLL lucha libre TV show aired on Galavision Saturday, Feb. 19th.

Our show opens with a preview of the ATLANTIS vs. VILLANO III title match later on. The pink outfits the Villano brothers are wearing lately just don't do it for me, but maybe they equate the black outfits with doing the job to Tank Abbot in WCW, so who knows.

This leads into the Televisia sports opening, think the Wild World of Sports, but with guys in tights and masks jumping around instead of that skier falling off the mountain.

Out to speak some Spanish is our commentator ALFONSO MORALES, I wish I could roll my Rs like he does, as we roll into commercials...

Alfonso is back with OLIMPICO, who last week had his mask ripped and his forehead bloodied by BLUE PANTHER. Olimpico gives us some south of the border trash talk about his rematch today with Panther. He takes off his mask slightly to show us the boo-boo on his head. Alfonso won't kiss it to make it better.

Blue Panther comes out to a classic AM radio tejano song, while flexing his muscles and exposing hairy armpits illegal on this side of the Rio Grande. A 80's sounding dance classic blares and Olimpico wastes no time running down the ramp and into the ring, not even waiting to remove his ring jacket to commence the ass-beating on the Pather who is Blue. Olimpico uses his momentum to send Panther up high into a backbody drop as soon as he enters the ring. Not missing a beat, Olimpico throws himself into the ropes, and drops the groggy Panther with a drop kick, which sends Panther outside the ring in pain. Olimpico hurls himself into the ropes once again, shooting himself across the ring.. and outside with a tope suicida on Panther. However, you can barely see through the graphic formally announcing our combatants Blue Panther as a rudo and Olimpico as our hero the tecnico. Olimpico now finds time to take off his shirt since Panther is laying in the 3rd row somewhere, in a puddle of cerveza no doubt. The whistle sounds as the director makes up for his error by showing a slow mo replay of the missed tope. Olimpico rolls Panther back into the ring and begins seeking revenge for last week as he begins ripping at Panther's mask. We see some forehead and some hair (!!!) as Olimpico gets a finger in the eye hole and rips away. Satisfied, Olimpico whips Panther into the corner and follows up with a running lariat. A close up crowd shot can only mean a clip is coming up, and sure enough, when we go back, Panther has Olimpico half way up the entrance way, ripping away at his mask just like last week. He's got the forehead area pretty well exposed, a well placed clip hides the blade job, as now Olimpico is gushing blood from the hole in his mask, its running down his chest all nasty like. To add to the gross factor, Panther rubs his hand on the wound, then proceeds to lick his fingers clean, ick, someone call the surgeon general. After some more blooding licking, Panther drags Olimpico into the ring and slaps on the I'm Going to Make you Flap your Arms Like a Bird submission, and Olimpico nods drunkenly to the ref, signalling his submission and the end of the first fall. Panther does more mask ripping as we replay the submission. After commercials we're into the second fall as Panther has Olimpico in the front row, ripping the mask again, I think he's bleeding on the crowd, based on the facial expressions around him, a law suit for sure in America. Olimpico's white mask is now very red. Panther shows he's a Nitro fan with his evil camera cord choke. We clip back into the ring, with Panther charging Olimpico in the corner, Olimpico gets both feet up in the masked face of Panther, and charges out of the corner dropping Panther with a lariat to begin his come back. Another big boot to the face, some yelling, a big elbow this time off the ropes, more yelling, Panther stands up just to get dropped with a shoulder block. Olimpico with La Magistral cradle to win the second fall! Into the third fall we go with Olimpico slamming Panther and going to the ropes... but his flying senton misses as Panther rolls out of the way. Panther points to the sky and gives us el Power Bomb. The double arm crowd appeal pose reveals those pretty armpits again. Panther has blood spots on his ass. A second power bomb, but Olimpico rolls through it rana like 1...2... he puts his hand on the ropes? 3! Olimpico takes the third fall and the match. Panther asks the crowd if they saw the hand on the ropes, but the ref doesn't care. Olimpico looks like hell, just hell.

Over acted Spanish soap operas get hawked and we return to find...

RUDOS: BLACK WARRIOR (captain), ZUMBIDO and PIMPINELA (who is a butch lesbian, mark my words) vs. TECHNICOS: FELINO (captain), ANTIFAZ and SAFARI
Newcomer Safari has a one of the cooler masks and outfits around. The whistle sounds the first fall and Antifaz plants his foot between Pimpinela's manlike breasts. We clip to Pimpinela performing the Shinzaki/Eddy G. rope walk, Antifaz shakes her off, literally, and she falls out of the ring looking pissed off. Antifaz shows he has no compassion as he springboards out of the ring onto our lesbian seagull. Zumbido takes over per Lucha Libre rules (Didn't you all ever listen to Mike Tenay?!) and drops Antifaz with a forearm, he ascends a turnbuckle, but falls right on the boys for no real reason. Antifaz takes advantage with a crucifix powerbomb off the turnbuckle, followed by a big body press into a cover to score a fall on Zumbido. (You have to pin either the captain, or both non captain members of a team to win a fall). Felino enters the ring with ernest and shrugs off Black Warrior's attacks, a chop and his finisher, which puts you on your face from a overhead crucifix position later, the refs declare that Black Warrior needs some black coffee, because he is out, and award the fall to the tecnicos. Second fall begins with a clip to Antifaz on the mat and Zumbido working him over with a twisting headbutt, if you can imagine such a thing. Zumbido's mullett is worse than Mike Awesome's! Antifaz rolls out, right into a baseball slide dropkick from Senor Hockey Player Haircut. Black Warrior, who had been giving Safari the business on the apron, throws him in the ring and into the ropes, and dropkicks him out of the ring on the rebound. Black Warrior then gives one of the sweetest tope suicida's I've seen, sending Safari into the second row. Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Zumbido has kicked Felino to the floor and gives a tope of his own, which pales in comparison. This leaves us Ms Rainbow Pimpinela and Antifaz. After a irish whip, Pimpi jumps to the apron and gives the oncoming Antifaz a headbutt which the announcers swear is a lowblow, but I just don't see it. After a senton, she covers for a 3 on Antifaz. Black Warrior enters the ring, bringing a woozy Felino with him, and wins the fall with a Lyger Bomb. Black Warrior goes to work on Felino's mask, and Safari is still in the second row. A rudo beatdown all around. Black Warrior gets kinky with Felino and starts pulling on his mask with his teeth. The announcers mention James Bond...maybe they're thinking of that Jaws guy, with the metal teeth... More commercials en espanol lead us to the third fall with Zumbido giving a hairband beat down to Safari in the corner. Whipped into the ropes, hits a big spinebuster right into a scorpion type submission. Felino enters the ring, and poses in celebration of Safari not tapping I guess, then kicks Zumbido off of him. Felino off the ropes lariats Zumbido down. Zumbido rolls out to check on his short long, and Black Warrior takes over. They trade punches and Felino misses a handspring elbow, Black Warrior hits a spinning heel kick on a standing Felino, Felino rolls out which cues a missile dropkick from Antifaz, the camera angle they use makes it looks like the kick misses by a mile, but Warrior sells it anyway and is down. Warrior out now so our alternative lifestyle rudo Pimpinela can come in. She misses the senton butt drop on Antifaz and gets pimp slapped for her troubles. She climbs the far turnbuckle, but Antifaz is right behind her, dropkicking her to the floor. Antifaz with a senton off the turnbuckle on to Pimpi! Zumbido and Safari in the ring now. They trade chops, Zumbido into the ropes and on the apron for no real reason, he gets dropkicked, but he "cushions" his fall by moonsaulting onto his feet, his appeal to crowd means he's going to get his come uppin's, and sure enough Safari flips over the ropes onto the apron, and then gives a BIG Asai Moonsault onto "Just Trim the Front, please" Zumbido. Our two captains in the ring now, Felino charges Warrior near the corner, Warrior backdrops him on the turnbuckle, and turns to celebrate, but Felino lands on his feet and moonsaults off the corner post. The cover only yields 2 however. Felino whips, leapfrogs, and gets headscissor taken down for a 2 count. Another whip by Felino, big Lyger bomb only gets 2. Warrior slow getting up. Felino climbs a turnbuckle, but Warrior is up and gives a dropkick, Felino is shaken, but not stirred as he hangs on and doesn't fall off. Warrior with a big open handed slap, climbs to give a hurrancanrana, Felino blocks it though, and holds on for a big top rope Lyger bomb! The 3 count is academic as our Lucha Amigo Tenay would say and all 3 technicos celebrate their win.

After a commercial for some futbol, we go to a salon where 2 of the 3 Los Guapos (The pimps, the ladies men?) are getting a bleach job to match their leader SHOCKER. However, SCORPIO JR. and BEASTIA SALVAJE don't do the look justice like Shocker does. They talk some jive about being more guapoish than Shocker. Shocker walks with SATANICO to check on his friends, he says guapo about 4 times in 2 seconds. In the salon, all 4 men say guapo some more. We go back to the arena.

The collar on Shocker's cape has lights and is blinking, it really is quite humorous. I believe Shocker is announced as captain. A jungle sounding song that sounds familar brings out the tecnicos. Tarzan Boy has CH emblazened in a heart on his crotch, what's up with that, maybe its "CHICKS HORNY". I THINK Negro Casas gets the nod as captain, we'll have to see. The cute ring girls barely have time to leave as everyone starts beating everyone else. Shocker gives Mr. Niebla the put my foot on your face, then slide it past your nose spot a few times. More pier 6 brawling until Shocker gives the only masked participant Mr. Niebla a spinebuster off a whip into the ropes. All three guapos gather around for a Pick Him up and Slam him Down party. The Savage Beast with a senton and a bodyslam, so Shocker can come down off the turnbuckle Macho Man style with the elbow. Jericho style one foot pin gets 3. Shocker looks really good (In the ring, perverts), I wonder if he speaks English, he could make it in the States. We 8 way brawl some more, with the Savage Beast giving Emilio an atomic drop that has more atomic than drop, as the announcers once again cry foul (literally) at the lowblow. A very humorous replay shows Emilio's nether regions hitting the knee over and over again. Shocker applies a scorpion death lock to Emilio, but he won't tap. Tarzan Boy gets dropkicked into the front row into the lap of some very happy ladies. Satanico gives him a stiff beating on the outside. Meanwhile, unseen by cameras, Scorpio and Beastia have Casas down and out, and they take the first fall. We come back from break with Tilt O Whirl backbreakers all around by Mr. Niebla. Tarzan Boy and Satanico square off. Tarzan misses a few dropkicks, but is able to keep Satanico off of him. Tarzan into the ropes, gets back dropped, elbow dropped, into the ropes again, spinebuster into a standing leg submission. In the brawl that follows, the 3 other rudos score falls on the 3 other tecnicos, to take the match in 2 falls!

After break its MOMENTOS ESTELARES with superstars such as Olimpico and Antifaz hitting highspots for your enjoyment.

Another break leads us to the Streets of Mexico. In a sight that would scare me, we see the VILLANOS in a car, driving down the road talking with malice in their voices. If you saw a car with 3 masked men, what would you do? They see ATLANTIS running down the street with his trainer, getting ready for the title match. If you saw a guy in a mask running down the street, what would you do? Atlantis stops to rest and do squats, but a car pulls up and all 3 Villanos pour out for a beatdown. To ruin ANY effect this scene might have, they begin to play the Mission Impossible theme, which just makes the whole thing outright funny.

If you speak some Spanish, tell me what SEMICOMPLETO means. Villano 3 is out first with the belt, sure to make all the lovers of tradition hot under the collar. Blue by Eiffel 65 brings out our challenger Atlantis. Atlantis has Tarzan Boy as a second, while Villano 3 has his brother Villano 4 to hold the towel. A shot of a woman picking out the sleep from her eye cuts us to Villano giving the Rest Hold of Chinlock to Atlantis. Atlantis tries to power out, but just ends up getting the horrid abdominal stretch applied with Villano sitting on his back. Atlantis rolls backward into a cover for only 1. We clip again into a hiptoss by pink tight wearing pansy Villano. After some mat wrestling involving several single leg take downs, Atlantis comes off the ropes into another ab stretch, in a shocker, he taps to lose the first fall! Villano had hold of a leg too, which according to the announcers make it a swastika hold. Damn Anti Semetic Neo Nazis! We enter the second fall in action as Atlantis is attempting a inverted surfboard on Villano. He gets him up, but Villano won't give, instead he falls onto Atlantis for a count of 2. Villano sticks with what works and tries another stretch type submission. Atlantis shows some power, and lifts Villano onto his back, stretching him across it! Villano escapes and rolls Atlantis up for 2, Atlantis rolls through for another 2. Atlantis into the corner, Villano in after him, but Atlantis is up and over Villano, using a body scissors to take Villano down for 2. Atlantis charges Villano in a corner, Villano backdrops him over the ropes, where Atlantis shoves him into the middle of the ring with a shoulder. Atlantis on the top, cross body block! Rolled through by Villano for 2! Atlantis pushes Villano into the ropes, the holds on for a victory roll for another 2 count. Is that kid eating toothpaste?! We clip to a Atlantis lariat, another attempt misses, and Villano slaps on a full nelson. Atlantis with a shoulder throw to counter... we clip to a hip toss by the One with Fish on his Mask. Another... Villano from the ropes.... into Atlantis' torture Argentine back rack finisher! Villano gives us the two handed tap out! We're even. Villano is slow getting up, selling a back injury from the fierce rack. A doctor is in to check his status, while Atlantis gives us the Kaz Hayashi "I want the belt" hand motions. The healthy Villano carries his brother away from the ring, Atlantis wants the belt now! Much to Villano 4's protest, the 3rd fall starts, and his brother is going to get counted out! Villano rushes out of the back, looking quite dapper, entering the ring, he gets a backbody drop and tiltowhirl backbreaker, but he seems fine.... Hmmm a lariat phases him a little, but he's up and off the ropes to power slam Atlantis! Lariat of his own, and a senton. Villano drops his ample ass right on Atlantis' outstretched leg for a nasty looking spot. Villano slaps on the HeyZues Christo submission, and Atlantis taps out! Atlantis smells a rat as the Villanos make quick escape from the ring, he tells the ref through convienent hand gestures that he doesn't think it was number 3 who just beat him. Atlantis asks a hot crowd for help, but officials will have none of it. Atlantis gets a mic, and says the only way to repair this injustice for a mask vs. mask match right there in Arena Mexico! An official is right there to grant his wish, and it will go down! We cut to the Villanos in the back, where number 3 says in so many words, he'd be happy to give another tooshie stomp out to Atlantis.

We go to next week's preview and then the copyright notice, that's it for this week. You want the AAA show? Too bad! I have to go read some book by Voltaire all night.

Geoff Smith
[slash] wrestling

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