/ECW on TNN
/28 January 2000
ECW on TNN
|Guest columnist: E.C. Ostermeyer|
Greetings once again wrestling fans, I'm E.C. Ostermeyer, and this is the "ECW on TNN"
wrestling recap for Friday 29 January 2000.
We open with the Queen of Extreme, Francine, confronting Raven, who's in another one
of his sulks.
Dreamer stalks disgustedly out of the locker room, while Raven continues to sulk.
We are live (on tape) from the Alario Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana. Your announcers are Joey Styles and the "Quintessential Stud-Muffin" himself, Joel "Cyrus isn't here right now, Cyrus didn't make it, Cyrus is nothing but a wussy. Because while his up in Winnipeg, eating Canadian bacon..." (It dawns on Joey Styles where Gertner is going with his little poem. Frantically, Styles tries to warn Gertner to stop already! But to no avail) "...I'm down here in New Orleans..." (We cut to the control booth monitor showing Mr. Gernter making a "peace sign" and putting it over his mouth!) "...eating some hot...Cajun..."
And a very familiar voice in the booth is suddenly hollering at the director:
"Whoa, Whoa WHOA!, cut, Cut CUT!, What are you doing shooting that?! You're gonna get some heat with the network, kid! You wanna be back on "Rockin' Bowl", shooting Lane Four? HUH? You do as I tell you! What am I paying you for?"
Cyrus throws his headset down in disgust, and addresses you the TV viewers at home:
"You know, we've got a situation here where I've got five wrestlers in the ba... SHUT
UP! ( this to the director, who's cueing up the opening credits) "...uh, five wrestlers in
the back who want their releases, and say thet're gonna walk if Joel Gertner continues
as color commentator on TNN. Apparently, nobody wants to work with the devil. Well,
I'm sure we've all got something better to do than watch some portly announcer trying to
get himself over, at the expense of the talent!"
"FLIP TO IT!"
Let us take you back to last week's ECW on TNN matchup between Rob Van Dam, Mike Awesome, and Sabu, reviewing Sabu's new alliance with the Heavyweight Champion. After about five minutes of this we see some
Hey, is that Vito Lo Grasso selling ECW Action figures?
Hey, if Awesome is so focused on Little Spike Dudley, how come he's ranting and raving
about Rob Van Dam as he's leaving the locker room.
Well, somebody's medication dosage needs adjusting, because here's Arquette's commercial all over again! Sheesh!
TNN Rockin' Bowl!
Match #1: Yoshihiro Tajiri v. Little Guido (with Big Sal E. Graziano)
Hip toss by Tajiri is countered by a sleeper hold by Guido. Tajiri ducks out of it, but gets speared by Guido. Guido sets Tajiri up for the powerbomb, and the folks at TNN cut to some
We come back just in time to see Tajiri jump on Guido's shoulders then drive Guido's
face into the mat with a modified senton bomb.
Guido bails out to confer with Big Sal.
(Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!")
Tajiri stalking Guido now. A weak right from Guido is blocked and Tajiri hits a bodyslam
to bring Guido back into the ring. Another bodyslam is reversed by Guido with a waist-
lock, but Tajiri reverses into the "Tarantula" submission hold. Guido refuses to submit, so
Tajiri has to break the hold.
(Gertner: "Tajiri is tearing Guido apart!")
What a match!
Up next, Steve Corino, Jack Victory, and the "Rookie Monster" himself, "Rhino" do battel with Tommy Dreamer, his "partner du jour" New Orleans Saints' tight end Josh Wilcox, and the lovely Francine.
But first, there's this from Rob Van Dam (with punctuation by Bill Alfonso):
1) He's grateful to Sabu for turning him into a wrestling superstar, and
As for Mike Awesome,
Match #2: Dreamer/ Wilcox (with Francine) v. Corino/Rhino (with Jack Victory)
already in progress, as Josh Wilcox and Steve Corino are both in three point stance mode, until Victory throws a flag on the play, calling Wilcox "Off-sides!". Obviously trying to rattle the boy, bu the ref's not having any of that. Corino tags in Rhino who also sets up in a three point stance then charges at Wilcox, who wisely ducks to one side, letting Rhino to run headlong into the corner.
Wow, the whole ring shook from the impact!
Wilcox tags Dreamer who whips Rhino into the corner. Charge in by Tommy Dreamer
gets a boot aimed at his face. Dreamer blocks that move and hits a tremendous Golotta
on Rhino's "inseam", then tosses Rhino over the ropes.
Dreamer's outside the ring now, and bounces Rhino's head off the steel guardrails.
Tommy chokes Rhino with the penalty flag, then tosses him back into the ring.
Rhino with a reversal into the corner, then charges in, but gets a solid boot in the face from Tommy Dreamer. Rhino shakes it off, then spears Dreamer, lateral press, cover, two count only from referee Josh Mollinaux. Rhino tags in Steve Corino, who stomps repeatedly on the prone Tommy Dreamer/ Corino stands Dreamer up, punches in bunches, then grabs the groggy Dreamer's left arm and starts moving it up and down over his own crotch, saying "I'm Tommy Dreamerrr-ulp!", as Dreamer applies the "Testicular Claw"! Whip of Corino into the ring ropes, and Corino manages to tag in Rhino. Suplex by Rhino and a cover only gets a two count. Rhino tries a plancha from the top turnbuckle, but misses. Reamer spears Rhino, then zip-lines over to Josh Wilcox for the tag. Rhino tags in Corino, who wants no part of Wilcox. Francine tosses Wilcox a chair, who promptly whacks Tommy Dreamer over the head with it! Rhino hits the piledriver finisher on Dreamer for the win. (5:07)
After the match, Jack Victory pays Wilcox his bounty money ( Uh, hey, Jack, that's WAY more than thirty pieces of silver!).
(Gertner: "What an incredibly well-thought-out plan!)
(Gertner: "Hey, forget about all this football stuff! Look at THAT tight end!")
Josh Wilcox tries some stick work:
(Crowd really booing now! Gernter: "Listen to the honesty!")
Steve Corino then calls out Dusty Rhodes, who proceeds to dole out Bionic Elbows to all
Match # 3: Mike Awesome (with Judge Jeff Jones) v. Little Spike Dudley
Before the bell, before Awesome can even climb into the ring, LSD dives off the top rope onto Awesome, driving him into the floor. There's another dive from the top turnbuckle onto Awesome! Awesome is dazed, and gets rabbit-punched by LSD, before whacking him with the Heavyweight Title belt. Awesome now chases Spike around the outside of the ring, but a grab for Spike, gets Mike Awesome walloped on the head with a steel chair. Spike follows this with a fan's beer cup to Awesome's head, then another! Whip by LSD gets reversed by Awesome, who then whips Spike into the steel guardrail. Mike throws LSD back into the ring.
(Crowd: "Spike! Spike! Spike!")
(Crowd:" ECW! ECW! ECW!")
Spike to the top rope with a chair, and hits a flying chair shot to Mike's head. "Acid Drop" finisher is blocked by Awesome, but Spike wallops him on the head with the chair again, and Awesome goes down. Spike covers, 1...2...no! Running steel chair shot meets Awesome's Big Boot, and Spike is down. Clothesline floors Spike, and Awesome sets up another table in the corner.
Awesome Bomb through the table!
Cover, 1...2...3! It's over (8:30)
Afterward, referee Mike Kiener gets Awesome Bombed as well.
Mike Awesome has the microphone:
"Hey, Rob Van Dam! If you're not laid up in a hospital some place, why don't you drag your ass down here, and I'll show you just how AWESOME I can be!"
RVD comes out, only to get blind-sided by Sabu on the ramp. Sabu and RVD go at it outside the ring. Mike Awesome tries a Suicide Dive out of the ring onto RVD, but Van Dam sees it coming, and shoves Sabu in the way. Awesome Splash flattens Sabu and knocks Mike Awesome silly in the process.
(Crowd: RVD! RVD! RVD!")
" Rob Van Dam is waging WARRRR!"
See you all next week!