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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /25 February 2000 |
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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /25 February 2000 |
ECW on TNN by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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Before we get started this week, I want to ask a favor of each of you, my gentle readers. In talking face to face and by email with a number of you, you have indicated to me that I need to make some changes as regards the format and style of this recap. Many have said that the format I use to recap the "WCW Saturday Night" show would serve just as well here. "Less attention to the talking, more to the wrestling," seems to be the way many of you want this recap to be. Others, including myself like a recap with greater detail. When I first began doing the "ECW on TNN" recap, I chose this format, primarily because 1) I'm a relative novice to ECW as a promotion, and don't want to miss a single thing, and 2) The combined stick talents of Joey Styles, Joel Gertner, plus the redoubtable Don "Cyrus the Virus" Callis, makes the "speechifying" end of "ECW on TNN" an integral part of the whole product. I mean, face it, would you even give two hoots about Rob Van Dam's ECW Television Title, if Cyrus hadn't been going on about it the past three weeks? So, what I'm going to do is vary my recap format this week and next, in order to give you, my gentle readers, a choice of which style and format you'd like me to use. My credo is "Vox populi, Vox dei", "The voice of the people is the voice of God!" I am a firm believer in giving you wrestling fans in general, and ECW fans in particular, the best recap I can. Here's your chance to cast your vote. Decide which format you like best, (18 Feb, Ultra-detail, 25 Feb, Middling-detail, 3 March Bare-bones) and email me with your choice. Please do me the favor of reading each of the formats before casting your vote. Deadline will be 0600 EST, Sunday 12 March 2000. In true democratic fashion, majority rules. I further promise I will read each and every one of your emails, and respond, if warranted. Now then... This is the "ECW on TNN" recap for Friday, 25 February 2000, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer. We are "live on tape" from the "Rave" Arena, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Some three thousand enthusiastic and VERY LOUD fans are in attendance. This is the first time that ECW has visited Milwaukee, and the crowd at ringside is showing it's appreciation. Messr's Styles and Gertner are in attendance, Gertner strangely quiet, and content to make silly faces at Mr. Cameraman. Joey Styles, agitated, is hollering that he's sorry the show opened a minute early, and messed up all the VCR's of the folks taping at home, but "Cyrus is about to make an announcement regarding Rob Van Dam's Television title, and all hell is about to break loose in the arena. " We cut to the arena floor, and, sure enough, Cyrus is out, and getting one helluva verbal firestorm from the fans at ringside. Well, it looks like today's the day, as Cyrus tells the crowd that he and The network have come to a decision re: the disposition of the ECW World Television Title. As Cyrus continues to explain the reasons for his decision, we see Steve Corino, Jack Victory, and Rhino make their way to ringside. Cyrus then says that the TV title goes to Rhino because a) Rhino was the last man in the ring with Rob Van Dam before Van Dam broke his leg, and b) according to The network, Rhino equals ratings. As you might expect, there is joy a-plenty from Corino & Co. Cyrus then demands that Paul Heyman bring him the TV title belt, and, while he's at it, bring him a coffee, too. Heyman appears on the ramp, with the belt and a baleful expression, as the "Paul E. , Paul E. " chant starts up. Joey Styles says, "It's war, war tonight on TNN!" and we fade to Opening credits (Count the number of injured ECW wrestlers in the opening credits. Some cause for concern, hmmm?) When we come back, Cyrus and Paul Heyman are in the ring, with Cyrus berating Heyman for wrongs real and imagined over the past six years. "Paul E., you are going to bend over for Cyrus and The Network, and give Cyrus the belt." ( "YOU'RE A PUSSY! <clap><clap><clapclapclap>" chant from the crowd!) Heyman in tears, clutching the TV Title belt to his chest, won't even look at Cyrus. Cyrus is getting steamed, demanding that Heyman give up the belt, but Heyman won't do it. There's a heated argument, as heyman is getting more and more defiant! Finally, Cyrus says those four fateful words "GIVE IT TO ME!" and Paul E. does, right in the kisser, to ecstatic cheers from the fans at ringside. Unfortunately, this act of defiance won't go unpunished. First Rhino spears Heyman, then Corino and Jack Victory pile on for the Milwaukee stomping. Joey Styles is frantic for Heyman's safety. "Who will save Paul E.?" And there's Metallica, right on cue. Corino et al pause in their beat-down of Paul E. to warily scan the crowd. Yep, there he is, sporting a black t-shirt, six-pack o' Milwaukee's finest, cigarettes, and Singapore cane. Styles:" Rhino! The Sandman! Oh My GOD!" Commercials! Just the high spots this time. David Arquette. Humanity's answer to Wile E. Coyote. Mary J. Blige. If big feet means something when referring to male attributes, what does it mean for female attributes? Without the drugs, of course. We're back, and wow!, this Rave Arena in Milwaukee reminds me of the old "War Memorial" in Rochester, NY. The action was so close, even the cheap seats got bloodied! And it looks like we're in for a bloodbath here as well, as the Sandman shares a couple o' cold ones with some (very appreciative!) fans. Everybody in the "Rave", and I mean EVERYBODY, is bellowing the lyrics to "Enter Sandman". Sounds like the "Nibelungen" Division assaulting Stalingrad, it's so loud. Referee Jim Mollinaux asks both Rhino and the Sandman if they want the match tonight? Apparently, both do. (I bet WCW is biting its own liver for having, mis-using, and then losing a talent like the Sandman. Anyway, he's back home now, and a superstar once again.) A superstar who gets interrupted by a perturbed Rhino, who's had enough of Sandman working the crowd. Rhino charges in... Match #1: The Sandman v. Rhino (with Steve Corino and Jack Victory) But his offense is premature, as Sandman ducks to one side, and Rhino eats a turnbuckle. Corino and Victory swarm the Sandman, and wrestle the cane away from him. Rhino follows with three punches, and Sandman rolls under the ropes to the outside. Rhino pursues, but that's a bad move, as he's in Sandman's neighborhood now, The point gets driven home by a series of stiff punches. Rhino gets dragged up, then tossed down the entrance steps by the Sandman. Rhino's rolled into the ring, and now the Sandman's got a ladder. This is gonna get interesting. (Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!") The ladder's in the ring. Now Sandman's going for a table, but Rhino's recovered. He rolls out of the ring and wallops Sandman with a Big Right Hand, and rolls him back in the ring. Rhino's setting the ladder up in a corner, but his attempt to whip Sandman into it gets painfully reversed. Sandman, limping slightly, collects Rhino and whips him into the ladder again. Steve Corino attempts to taunt the Sandman, top no avail, as the Sandman tosses Rhino over the top rope and onto the concrete floor. Now back outside the ring, the Sandman picks up the tale he left earlier, and SUPLEXES THE TABLE ONTO RHINO! Gertner says that only a booze-addled Sandman would suplex the table onto the man, instead of the other way round. Sandman then tosses the (slightly bent) table into the ring. Rhino's still having trouble getting an offense going, as he gets his whip into the steel guardrail painfully reversed. Rhino is rolled back into the ring, where the Sandman places the ladder on top of him, then goes to the ring apron. FLYING TOP-ROPE PESCADO onto the ladder. Sandman may have hurt himself there, but Rhino's really selling the move! Styles: "Man, he's gonna feel THAT tomorrow!" (Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!") Sandman leans the table into the corner, but he's forgotten to watch Rhino, who decks him with a left. Rhino pulls the Sandman to his feet. Sandman's playin' possum, and ka-POW, Rhino eats a chop. Sandman's "shakin' the bees" out of his right hand after that one. (Crowd: "TA-BLE! TA-BLE! TA-BLE!") There's another chop, (Crowd: "WHOOOOOO!"); Rhino retreats to the corner. The Sandman looks like he's setting up for the old "Ten-count Punch Down". WOW, he converts to his "Rolling Rock" (or "Heinekin-rana". [Styles]) signature move, and Rhino's hurting. Sandman strays a little too close to the ropes, and gets pinioned by Jack Victory. Rhino's up and charges in to finish his opponent off, but the Sandman ducks away at the last possible moment, and Victory catches the full force of Rhino's charge, landing in a heap some 10 feet up the entrance ramp. Corino tries to take a crack with the cane, but Sandman takes it away from him. One side Russian leg sweep later, and Corino's flying through the ropes. Rhino's back up just in time to get clobbered with the cane. There's another, and Rhino's down on one knee. Hey, what's Yoshihiro Tajiri doing in there? Sandman takes a swipe at Tajiri with the cane and misses. GREEN MIST in the face, and Sandman goes down. (DQ 5:14) Sandman's in trouble, as Rhino rams him through the table. Now Super Crazy's in the ring, with drop kicks a-plenty for Corino & Co. There's a double DDT for Corino and Victory. The ring clears. It looks like Super Crazy has saved the Sandman! As Corino et al beat a hasty retreat, Tajiri's busy ducking flying debris. An enraged Rhino is hollering, "I broke Van Dam's leg!" as we go to Commercials. Again. One Ford Country Squire station wagon of indeterminate vintage. One can of red/orange spray paint. One "01" stencil. One can of black spray paint. One bunch of neighbors laughing fit to bust! Yikes, has a zombie-fied voodoo hell cult taken over "RRRRRoller Jam?" Stay tuned and see! We come back, only to get smacked in the eye by the 1wrestling.com replay of Heyman walloping Cyrus with the TV Title belt, and the resultant match between Paul E's savior, the Sandman, and the Rookie Monster, Rhino. Joel Gertner's "Poetry Corner" gets interrupted by Joey Styles' raving that Rhino's parting comment about how he "broke RVD's leg" was merely button-pushing on Rhino's part. Looks like Gertner got a tan while he was in Tallahassee. Either that or he forgot to wash. Again. We see Roadkill and Danny Doring out for a stroll. They are engaged in a (one-sided) discussion about Mr. Doring's love life in general, and Elektra in particular. Suddenly, they are confronted by The Dupps, who make disparaging comments about Messr's Doring and Roadkill. Dastardly Danny, outraged at such unseemly behavior on the part of these two fugitives from the front porch of "Deliverance", demands a "Loser Leaves Town" match. Roadkill gets right up in Dupp faces (Oooog!) and says "Chickennnnsssss!" John Dupp: "Chickens? YUM!" Commercials We come back to watch The Dupps stroll to the ring. There's time for more Commercials Hey, there's a "Beyond the Mat" movie promo. Opens March 17th everywhere. If you call yourself a wrestling fan, you owe it to yourself to go see this flick. So what if the Academy Awards crowd snubbed it? Do you give a hoot what they think? "Sopranos" promo. And you wonder why HBO wins Emmys. We're back and it's Match # 2: Danny Doring & Roadkill v. The Dupps Since the Dupps are on their way to the WWF, this will be their swan song here in ECW. Is that squash casserole I smell cookin'? Aside from an opening flurry, there's virtually no offense from John and Bo, as Doring and Roadkill put on a signature move showcase: Double-arm clothesline by Roadkill "G-spot Sweep" by Doring "Lancaster Lariat o' Lust" by Roadkill Double-team whip to the corner. "Amish Splash" from Roadkill "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am", Doring again. "Buggy Bang' double-team finisher Cover, Three count for the win (1:20) Joey Styles: "John Dupp and Bo Dupp had better get Pack Dupp!" Joel Gertner: "That's just Mess Dupp!" (Aagh!) Commercials. "Ice Sport" from Aqua Velva. Ever made a "Blue Floyd" cocktail? One part "Ice Sport", and two parts cool blue "Barbicide". Garnish with a comb. Yummy! TNN Roller Jam promo. They appear to be backing off the "Rockin' Bowl" promos. An omen, perhaps, of better days to come at The Network? We're back as Tommy Dreamer's in the ring, and on the stick. "With this being our first time in Milwaukee, I gotta couple of questions. Crowd, cheering, waits expectantly. "Is this WCW country?" "Noooo! Boooo!" "Is this WWF country?" "NOOOOO! BOOOOOO!" So by your reaction, this must be "EC F'n W COUNTRY!" "YAYYYY! ECW! ECW! ECW!" Dreamer, smiling, continues: "So seeing as how this is our first time in Milwaukee, enough of this "RAVEN, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" But out comes the 'Queen of Extreme' herself, with a couple of ECW Black Suits in tow. Francine: " Tommy, I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to protect and defend my honor. (Crowd: "We want pup-pies! <clap><clap><clapclapclap>", etc.) "But I managed the ECW heavyweight champion, I managed the ECW Television Title champion, the Tag-team champions, I even got you your Tag-team title..." As we watch footage of how Tommy and Raven came to this sorry pass, it's the Impact Players, with Dawn Marie, fetching as ever, at ringside. Justin Credible on the mic. He's trying to make himself heard over major heel heat from the crowd ("F'N ASSHOLE! <clap><clap><clapclapclap>", etc.), saying that the Impact Players are here merely to watch the festivities. Dreamer says that they should put Dawn Marie in the ring and really give the fans something to watch! This enrages Storm and Credible, who demand a match with Tommy Dreamer and any partner he'd care to name. Dreamer says no problem, 'cause "there's about 3000 + sick hardcore fans at ringside who could be his partner!" Big face heat from the crowd, and a forest of hands in the air, waving frantically. (Pick me! Pick me!). (You think ECW'll have any trouble selling tickets here the next time they come back?) (Jeez, it looks like "Triumph of the Will" out there!) Francine has the last word, as Tommy's pointing at a couple of likely looking candidates; his partner's going to be Raven. Dreamer's outraged, but before he can confront Francine, the Impact Players are on him. Match #3: Tommy Dreamer and Raven v. The Impact Players As the beat-down begins, so does Raven' music. Huge pop from the crowd as Raven runs to the ring in street clothes. Knee lift, beezer blower for Justin Credible. (Ick!) Piledriver, two count. Justin Credible hits a tombstone piledriver on Raven, but Dreamer makes the save. (The action gets pretty confused from here on, but I'll do my best.) As Raven and Storm tangle in the ring, Dreamer takes Justin Credible on a tour of the "Rave". The crowd parts like the Red Sea before Moses, but it's Justin Credible taking a stiff shot into the seats. Tommy bounces Justin Credible off a pillar, then clobbers him with a trash can. Raven hits a drop toe-hold on Storm that slams him onto a steel chair. (Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!") Dreamer's got Justin Credible up on a railing, then waffles him with a beverage cup. Credible hits the floor hard! Back in the ring, Raven and Lance Storm are trading blows like a couple of gladiators. Now Tommy Dreamer is dragging Justin Credible back to ringside. Justin gets a beer cup in the chest as Tommy whips him into the steel guardrail. Dreamer throws a four-seat section from the front row into the ring. WOW! Simultaneous drop toe-hold onto the seats for Justin Credible and Lance Storm by Tommy Dreamer and Raven. Raven decides to sit down for a minute. Tommy gets a table out. Both Impact Players roll to the outside, with Dreamer and Raven right behind. Raven's pounding on Justin Credible. There's some batting practice, with Raven using the Singapore cane to send Justin Credible's noggin into the bleachers. Dreamer rolls Lance Storm into the ring. Tommy Dreamer sets up Lance Storm on the top turnbuckle, SPICOLLI DRIVER through the table! Cover 1, 2, Dawn Marie makes the save! This brings in Francine, and Joel Gertner's about to have a seizure, because it's a "Catfight! Catfiiiight!" Francine pounds the stuffing out of Dawn Marie, while the fans at ringside, the viewers at home, and everybody else on the planet get to marvel at God's handiwork. But Francine's "Bronco Buster" is blocked by a Dawn Marie stiletto heel to Francine's, ummm, "Ground Zero"! (YEOWTCH! That hurt ME!) Well, here's that 'Reverend' Vandenberg guy again. He and Raven are conferring. Vandy's giving Raven some white powder. Raven targets Justin Credible, but Justin's been studying with Mikey Whipwreck, and ducks "Justin Time!" (Sorry ! I couldn't resist that one!) Tommy Dreamer gets the dust full in the face, blinding him. Francine limps (carefully!) over to Tommy, who promptly DDT's her. Raven gathers up the unconscious Francine into his arms, and hurries to the back. This leaves a partially-blinded Tommy Dreamer alone to face the wrath of the Impact Players. It's not pretty, as, for a finale, Tommy gets a Justin Credible stuff-piledriver (Lance Storm assist) onto a steel chair. Credible hooks the far leg, 1,2,3, and gets the win. (9:01) As the show ends, we are shown the 'Reverend' Vandenberg sitting in the deep end of an empty swimming pool, and back-lit with that cheapjack "WWF Kane intro" red light. "You know, when Raven DDT'd Francine, he had powder in his eyes. But when Tommy Dreamer DDt'd Francine, he had FIRE in his eyes! Hahahahaha..." Closing credits Hey, is anybody else getting "Wild Palms" flashbacks in all of this? You know, media-backed mind control, 'True Believers', 'The Network' controlling everything? All we need is Kim Catrall. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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