|
/wrestling /ECW on TNN /9 June 2000 |
|
|
/wrestling /ECW on TNN /9 June 2000 |
ECW on TNN by E.C. Ostermeyer |
|
MainBLAH |
This is going to have to be somewhat brief this week, as my company is delivering a large order, so it's "all hands on deck", as it were. Coming to you live on tape (2 June 2000) from the Big Easy, it's the by-God Arena of Extreme, and I'm your recapper, ol' "Eatin' Crawdaddies" hisse'f. Tonight: Dawn Marie - what next for ECW's reigning manager/sex goddess? Inquiring mnds want to know!! Opening Credits The Alario Arena looks to be about half empty, but looks are deceiving as it apparently has railings along each walkway that look like empty seats when seen at what ever angle Mr. Cameraman currently has his machine pointed at. This is most disconcerting. What fans are here are cheering their lungs out, just hollering to beat he-l-l-l-ooo there, ladies! Jeez, look at the "prow" on that "steamboat", wouldja?! And her seatmate's even bigger! They've gotta be a couple of Paul Heyman plants to mess with the Network. They've just gotta! Your hosts are Joey "where's-my-residuals-from-that-dumb-coin-infomercial" Styles, and the Quintessential Stud Muffin himself, Joel Gertner. No "Poetry Corner" this week, folks, gotta keep moving! Hometown heroine Jazz makes her way to the ring, and says that she's all T&A, only in her case, it's "talent" & "ability!" Out comes Justin Credible with manager and eye candy "Queen of Extreme" Francine. Credible wallops Jazz with the kendo stick, which gets mosaic-ed by the censors for some reason. Francine tries to get a piece of Jazz but Credible keeps pulling her off, and by her hair yet! Yeowtch! Credible gets on the stick and bad-mouths Tommy Dreamer, using foul language with a roller instead of a brush. "...I will... continue... my path ... of destruc-oohh SHIT!" says Credible as Tommy Dreamer's out to pound on him. Dreamer and Credible each get about three good licks on the other before they both get swarmed and wrestled to the ground by a whole passel of ECW Security "Black Suits." The "restraining" goes for another three or four minutes, with both Dreamer and Credible making half-hearted lunges toward each other. Commercials. Quick now. ECW "HeatWave" 2000 PPV. ECW Hardcore Hotline. Wendy's. The Money Store: "We Own YOU!" Garden Weasel. Degree anti-stink stick. David Arquette in "Day Job: the Sequel" and Uniroyal puncture-proof tires, for when you can't see that BIG board with nails in it just lying there in your parking place. We come back to Don "Cyrus the Virus" Callis, paying a call on Scotty Anton, who's busy getting suited up. Cyrus says that the "Clap" thing is really catching on, and that Scotty would be a great asset to Team Network. And, of course, he'd be compensated for his efforts. Joel and Joey shill for tonight's match between Raven & Scotty Anton. Joel's holding an icebag on his head and complaining about Justin Credible whacking him one with the kendo stick. "How'm I gonna wear my yarmulke this Sunday?" whines Joel. "Don't you mean 'Saturday'? says Joey Styles. "SAT-urday, Saturday," says Joel, and quickly crosses himself. Styles gives him a look, then says that Justin Credible will face Tommy Dreamer later tonight, each with a partner of their choice. Joey Styles then speaks on the Network's "censorship" of last week's show, specifically comments made by Paul Heyman and "Lumpy" Gertner, here. The situation is "currently in the hands of the attorneys, yadda yadda," who cares, it's all a work, anyway! Oh, and Heyman's on the ecwwrestlingdotcom site to explain himself, since the Network censors won't let him on his own TV show. Commercials. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. We come back, and it's another interminable "whine-fest" from Raven on Scotty Anton, and how the world is "full of kings and queens, who tell you lies and steal your dreams, quoth the Raven, nevermore!" Yikes! Gertner's big mug is right in the camera lens. Seems he's looking for the Network's word crawl from last week's show, the one about "harboring no ill will" towards ECW wink wink, nudge nudge! ecwwrestlingdotcom's got digital photos of the women of ECW. Get out your bookmarks. ECW Upcoming Events 6/16 Salem, NH (TV taping) 6/17 Danbury, CT (TV taping) 6/23 Milwaukee, WI (TV taping, and the return of Dawn Marie) 6/24 Chicago, IL (TV taping) 6/30 Kansas City, MO 7/1 Wichita, KS (TV taping) 7/7 Poughkeepsie, NY (TV taping) 7/8 ECW Arena South Philly (TV taping) 7/16 Los Angeles, CA (HeatWave 2000 PPV) On this last, isn't Los Angeles XPW's territory? Commercials. Same old, same old. We come back, and Cyrus leads Scotty Anton out to the ring. Anton's battle with Raven is... delayed for some more dog-goned Commercials. We come back, to find Cyrus offering Raven a chance to join Team Network, seeing as how he's been really screwed with of late by Paul Heyman and ECW. All Raven has to do is shake Scotty Anton's hand. Raven, amused, asks if there's any promo time here? No, says Cyrus, all promo time is budgeted for himself. "How's about I shake his (Anton's) hand, says Raven, "Then I Evenflo him?" Raven leans forward, offering his hand to Scotty Anton. Anton backs off real fast, then gingerly accepts the handshake. Raven swings Anton in, spiining him around and setting up for the Evenflo, but Anton nails Raven in the mouth with a reverse elbow, and we are underway. Match #1: Scotty Anton d. Raven,("Clapper"[Anton's version of the Sharpshooter] /submission, 5:52). Anton gets in a couple of punches, then spins Raven around... and almost gets Evenflo-ed right off the bat. Anton sees Awful Danger leering at him, and bails out to consult with Cyrus at ringside. While the conference is going on. Raven calmly walks up to Anton and nails him one right in the face. This bings on the "Ten-Count Punch-Down" with the crowd calling the punches. Styles says that the crowd is counting the number of fans currently watching RollerJam, the scamp! Whip by Raven gets reversed, who then does a leap -over, but gets tripped up when Cyrus grabs Raven's ankles on the far side of the ring. Anton moves in for a couple of stomps. Anton gets pulled off Raven by the referee. Raven is pulled out of the ring by Cyrus, but his attempt to sucker punch Raven is about to go horribly wrong... Until Anton sneaks up behind Raven, allowing Cyrus to escape. Anton's good deed doesn't go unpunished, as Raven counters Anton's swung fist with a shattering punch in the gob. Raven bounces Anton's head off the ring apron, then off the timekeeper's table. Anton's "slabbed out" on the timekeeper's table, as Raven goes to the second rope and a massive elbow drop... That misses when Anton rolls away, and Raven crashes, elbow first, through the table to the arena floor. In the wreckage, Raven's holding his left ankle, as Cyrus is bent over him, screaming abuse. Anton tosses Raven back into the ring, then nails him with a standing dropkick. A boot to the chest, and then Anton clips the left knee of Raven. Cyrus is hollering for Anton to take out Raven's left knee. Anton tries to apply his version of the "Sharpshooter" that he calls the "Clapper", but Raven kicks him into the turnbuckles and escapes. Anton stalks Raven, continuing to work on the left leg. Anton drags Raven to the corner, and whangs the left leg off the ringpost. Anton rares back and whangs Raven's legs off the ringpost, yet again. Back in the ring, Anton does that "clap" thing again, then whips Raven into the far corner. More clapping, then Anton moves in for the kill. Only to find Raven recovered and mounting a counteroffensive. Anton gets whipped to the far corner, and then kicked several times by Raven, who's still selling the left leg. (Good, at least he can remember which leg was hurt, and not switch back and forth between legs like Hogan does!). Yeow! Raven's got the Bowery Beezer Blower, and Anton gets the Face Wash o' Doom! Aaaack! Cyrus slides a chair in the ring, but Raven grabs it instead. Anton adjusts Raven's in-seam, then sets up the chair, only to wind up on the receiving end of a signature Raven drop toe-hold face first onto the chair seat. Raven with a cover, 1,2, Cyrus is up on the ring apron distracting referee Mike Kehner, and breaking up the pin attempt. Raven starts stalking Cyrus, but gets rolled into a schoolboy press by Anton, 1,2...Raven reverses the hold, 1,2...No! Anton tries for a hangman's neckbreaker, but Raven counters with a backslide, and another two count! Both men back up, a whip by Raven gets reversed, then Anton boots Raven in the gut, and locks on the "Clapper" for the submission. Onewrestlingdotcom shows Extreme Replay highlights of the match. Back in Command Central, Gertner opines that if Anton was able to make Raven tap out, he's in a position to get a match with Rob Van Dam at the HeatWave 2000 PPV. Styles nods piously. And here's Da Baldies, still p.o.-ed and talking tough. Apparently, the bandaged Angel is some kind of glutton for punishment, because he challenges New Jack to another fight. Grimes tels both Angel and DeVito to just "stay focused" and New Jack's history, man. So, this "King of the Streets" title is up for grabs again, huh? Where's Crash "Elroy" Holly when you need him. More shilling for the "HeatWave 2000" PPV, and then it's time for... The "Pulp Fiction" segment. This week, it's Justin Credible who gets the push, crummy videos and "droopy butt garage band" music to the contrary. Commercials. Match #2: Tommy Dreamer & Sandman ( w/ Yoshihiro Tajiri and Rob Van Dam (w/Bill Alfonso)) d. Justin Credible (w/Francine) & Rhino (w/Cyrus & Scotty Anton & Team Network) in a "Dream Partner" tag match; (RVD w/ "Five Star Frog Splash" on Rhino, Sandman cover/pin, 6:26) (That match header pretty much says it all, don't you think?) Justin Credible comes out and is joined by Cyrus, who introduces Rhino as Credible's dream partner. Tommy Dreamer comes out, gets some taunts and abuse from Credible and Rhino, then pops a cold one and... Metallica fires up "Enter Sandman" while the crowd goes crazy. The Sandman, in a departure from form, hurries from the entryway to the ring carrying a ladder. Well, if you saw the match last week, this one runs pretty much close to form, with Dreamer and Rhino "taking it to the people." Meanwhile, Sandman and Credible are brawling in the ring, and finding new uses for the ladder as a weapon of mass destruction. Dreamer's got Credible on the ladder, and about to superplex him to the mat, when Steve Corino runs in to save the day. He shoves Dreamer off the ladder, trapping one of Dreamer's feet in the process. Then Corino gets Rhino to pound on Sandman. Credible joins Rhino in walloping Sandman, while Corino goes after the hung-up Dreamer. Yoshihiro Tajiri arrives about this time, and he just kicks the hell out of everybody associated with Team Network, Corino especially, and the crowd's just loving it. Scotty Anton arrives to swing the momentum back to the heels, and helps Team Network isolate the Sandman in a corner for a major beat-down. Corino goes out of the ring to wallop on Tommy Dreamer. The crowd's hollering for one man, and one man only. "Walk" cranks up on the PA system, and out comes Rob Van Dam to kick some ass. First ass kicked is Steve Corino, with a spinning side-kick to the forehead. Scotty Anton gets the Back Body Drop to Oblivion over the top ropes to the arena floor. Rhino and RVD brawl, trading punches. Rhino whips RVD to the far corner, but misses the charge-in. RVD nails Rhino with a couple of stiff right forearm shots, and tries a whip of his own. Rhino reverses it, boots RVD in the gut and sets up for a textbook powerbomb. Rhino spins RVD up, but Van Dam slides out ducks as Bill Alfonso tosses a chair to Rhino, VAN DAMINATOR! Rhino goes down like a felled redwood. RVD does the "Whole F'n Show" thumbs-thingie, then leaps to the top turnbuckle, FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! But RVD got hurt on that last maneuver, and crawls to a corner holding himself. Sandman, never one to miss an opportunity, slides in, hooks the far side tree-trunk-like leg of the unconscious Rhino for the cover, 1...2...3!! Post match, Justin Credible wallops the Sandman with the kendo stick, then clouts Tommy Dreamer. Scotty Anton blindsides RVD, then locks on the "Clapper." Cyrus comes in and nails the referee with the ring microphone, then starts hollering for Scotty Anton to break RVD's leg. Justin Credible and Rhino are working over the Sandman. (Where's Tajiri got to, anyway?) Cyrus, enraged, holds up the (by now shop-worn) Access Badge, and bellows that this is "what you get... when you mess... with the Network!" Joey Styles gets the last word: "DAMN THE NETWORK!" Closing credits. See y'all next week, if things slow down a bit more. Or not. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
BLAH |
Main |
||