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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /16 June 2000 |
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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /16 June 2000 |
ECW on TNN by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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MainBLAH |
Author's preface: My computer was beset with a virus over the weekend. It wiped out the first version of this recap. Ergo, what you are reading is a COMPLETE RE-WRITE of the recap, straight from my own noggin to your computer screen. Thanks for your patience. EC Your weekly recap on the Arena of the Extreme begins... ...NOW! Four hundred fans? Is that right? Just four hundred fans showed up for the ECW house show at the Icenter in Salem, NH? Wasn't this the same Icenter that was packed to the rafters with screaming, die-hard fans the last time ECW was in town? Jeez Lou-weez! Troubling times indeed for the Arena of Extreme. Me, I'm just your Witness to History, ol' "Eeuurrrpp-Chuck" himself. We are live on tape (10 June 2000) from the DLL Convention Center in Pittsburgh, PA. And Tommy Dreamer's loading the Sandman into an ambulance, which then drives away. I guess jim's got some down-time tonight. (Read "extended hospitalization.") Opening Credits Paul Heyman, in full, throaty, Technicolor kayfabe voice-over (with video accompaniment) tells us that, with Dawn Marie heading back to ECW, the "Queen of Extreme" Francine better watch her ass! Also, Jerry Lynn's gunning for the ECW World Heavyweight Title, so Justin Credible better watch HIS ass, as well! The DLL is packed solid with "The Demographic", and it looks like every other screaming, stomping fan is carrying a sign. Man, this place looks positively COZY! I bet even the cheap seats get bloodied. Your hosts for this evening's festivities are the very dapper Joey Styles,(JS) and, of course, the "Quintessential Stud-Muffin", Joel (JG) "Here it is, Pittsburgh, here's the deal, I'm about to tell the Steel City, exactly how I feel This is the city, that's famous for it's steel, But I'M famous, not for cooking up an appetizer, But a Seven...Course...!" "Ex-cuse me!" Gertner, incensed, throws the ring mic. to the mat in disgust. And Don "Cyrus the Virus" Callis makes his appearance at ringside. He's got four ECW Security "Black Suits" riding shotgun. Would you listen to the HEAT this guy is getting from the fans! Chants of "Ass-hole! Ass-hole!" competing with "You suck dick!", "Net-work sucks!" and "ECW! ECW! ECW!" EVERYBODY"S on their feet, hollering at the top of their lungs! Cyrus asks for "a little quiet, please," and the fans holler all the louder. Cyrus grins nastily, enjoying immensely the ruckus he's caused. Talk about getting a gimmick over with the fans, just watch this guy work! Cyrus takes his time getting into the ring, and once there, decides to stir things up with the fans even more. "If I could have you people calm down for just a minute..." Pandemonium! "Joey, I've got a little personal Network business ... with JOEL GERTNER," says Cyrus. Styles hands the ring mic. to Joel and steps out of the way. Another chant starts up, but the overall noise level all but drowns it out. "Joel, in the past, I've come out, and I've tried to help you. I've come to you as your boss, and I've tried to tell you in a very, very nice and diplomatic way..." Cyrus pauses because the crowd noise level has reached deafening levels. He waits for it to subside, then continues. "You see, Joel, nobody cares about you here." "Gert-ner! Gert-ner!" chant starts up. Cyrus looks perturbed, but continues. "Here's the deal, Joel. Maybe there's a few troglodytes out in the crowd who care about you," (cries of outrage and disgust) "But Joel, visually speaking, you are what we call a ratings killer..." (Huge sign: "Joel Gertner is my DAD.") Cyrus grins evilly. "...and there is no room in this business for ugly people!" Joel's just standing there, letting Cyrus get it all out of his system. Styles, hands on hips, has this "Very perturbed at Cyrus"- look on his face. "I've tried to come out here, as your boss, I've tried to come out here as your friend...!" Gertner's finally had enough:"...and you've tried to come out here and get OVER at MY expense, Day in and day out, time and time again, and I'm sick of your bullsh..." Cyrus interrupts: "Wait, wait wait, Joel, don't get hot! Let me tell you, not as your boss, but as the guy who's about to kick...your...fat...ass! Styles is in the corner, hands on knees, ready to referee the impending donnybrook. The crowd's going nuts. Cyrus is losing his composure, and is becoming alarmingly reptilian! "Back in school, Joel, there was a FAT kid just like you! And you know what I used to do to him, Joel?! DO YOU?!!" Gertner, who's obviously dealt with bullies before, is standing toe to toe with Cyrus, and giving it back, volt for volt. "Yeah, Cyrus, you used to suck his d(bleep!" Huge crowd pop! Joey Styles is convulsing with laughter in the corner. Cyrus, so outraged he's speechless, barely regains control of himself. Barely. "Hey Joel, just like I edited you, just like I edited Heyman, I can edit that right off the show! SO, Joel, how does it feel to know that all your dirty little limericks are off the show, but what might make it to air is ME bitch-slappin' your fat face? C'mon, punk. How does it feel to get punked out by the Network on TNN?" "Cyrus, let me explain something. Nobody CARES about you! None of these people (gestures to the very animated and NOISY fans) want you here. None of these people would spend five cents out of their admission money to see your ugly face and hear your drivel! So get to the point! Are you trying to fire me?" Yup, there goes Cyrus' last little bit of composure. "Joel, I don't need to fire you, 'cause God knows nobody else would hire your fat ass! I'm telling you right now that, if you want to remain a living, breathing part of this show, you apologize to me, you apologize to the Network, and that you do it RIGHT NOW! Whaddaya got to say about that, fat man?!" Joel (looking contrite): "I'm sorry." Crowd: "No! No! Don't do it! Gert-ner! Gert-ner!") Cyrus is pleased, and his possum grin is back. (Y'all want to see why ECW's got the freakin' LOCK on announce teams? Why Styles, Gertner, and Callis are the masters of their craft? Watch what follows.) Gertner's not finished, however. "I'm sorry you just spit in my eye, and now I gotta go take a blood test." Cyrus' smile is slowly disappearing. "I'm sorry that you've been out here for EIGHT MINUTES, and your sh-t is STILL not over!" Cyrus is looking mightily pissed off at the way this monologue is heading. Styles is holding his head in amazed disbelief. The worm has finally turned. The crowd's just eating all this up with a spoon, and hollering for more. (Gertner's a freakin' GENIUS on the stick!) And here's the climax: "And beyond all that, I'm sorry, about the fact that this goes WAY beyond ECW, and WAY beyond YOUR Network..." ...I'm sorry, that I'm gonna kick your f-n ass...right...NOW!" The DLL Center erupts. Everybody's on their feet, cheering! Cyrus, confronted with what looks to be an enraged panda bear, backs off REAL fast. Gertner, intent on his prey, drops the ring mic. Next to go is the neck brace. He squares up to Cyrus... And gets speared by Rhino, who comes zooming in under the ropes to save Cyrus at the last second. Rhino tries for some cheap heel heat from the crowd, while Cyrus is gleefully pummeling Gertner's carcass. He starts putting the boot in... ...And get pulled off by an enraged Joey Styles. Cyrus rounds on Styles, who, via gestures, wants a piece of Cyrus all for himself. Cyrus motions "you're on!" and takes off his jacket. Styles takes off his jacket, puts up his fists... ...and gets pinioned from behind by Steve Corino. Jack Victory is in the ring as well. Team Network is in the house! And it looks like everybody from Team Network wants a piece of Joey Styles. Cyrus is preparing to land the first blow... ...and in comes Tommy Dreamer, who dispatches Rhino, Corino and Victory in short order. Cyrus is caught trying to sneak out through the ropes, and is dragged back into the ring by Tommy Dreamer. The crowd is cheering like mad, as Tommy sets up... ...and NAILS Cyrus' noggin with a Big Right Hand! Cyrus goes down like a pole-axed steer. And Dreamer's next, as Rhino wallops him from behind. Rhino pinions Dreamer as Justin Credible climbs into the ring, and sets up to paste Dreamer one with the kendo stick. Dreamer ducks at the last second, Rhino takes the full force of the blow right on the forehead, and down he goes. Dreamer starts walloping Credible, but gets blind-sided by Scotty Anton and Steve Corino. Looks like it's all over for Tommy Dreamer, and the crowd's hollering for "RVD! RVD! RVD!" "Walk" fires up on the PA system, and Rob Van Dam sprints to the ring, with Bill Alfonso in tow. (As an aside, some "fan" manages to "flip the finger" in Mr. Cameraman's face, and gets his asinine behavior immortalized forever on videotape. Real smart move, buddy. What a legacy for your grandkids. Assuming you are capable of reproducing. Which, unfortunately, you may very well be. I can just see you now, some sixty years on: "Here, kids, lemme show ya how I wunce gotton teevee, cough, cough, hack, wheeze!" Sheesh! S'cuse me, rant's over. Back to the action.) RVD leaps into the ring, and is immediately set upon by Corino and Victory, who begin beating the hell out of him. RVD shakes them off, and levels both with a standing double dropkick. Two down, four to go. A kip-up, Van Dam rounds on Rhino, and goes immediately into combat stance. Scotty Anton, who has snuck up behind RVD, tosses a chair over Van Dam's head to Rhino. RVD sees the toss, and nails a Van Daminator on Rhino the moment he catches the chair. Three down, three to go. Outside the ring, Dreamer reaches under the ring and grabs a chair. HE unloads an almighty clout of Justin Credible, then turns on Cyrus, who wisely vacates the premises forthwith. Five down, one to go. RVD and Scotty Anton square off. The crowd's hollering for Anton's good eye on a plate. Anton tries for a front kick, but RVD catches it, pauses for a moment, then wallops Anton with a spinning heel kick to the side of the head. Outside the ring, Jack Victory has Rhino in a sleeper hold while Cyrus is trying, without much success, to calm him down. Whoops, RVD sees this little tableau of pain and anger in progress. He decides to add his two cents worth, via a top turnbuckle plancha on the lot of them at ringside. Everybody goes down in a heap, huge pop from the crowd, and we fade to, doggone it, Commercials Pioneer Entertainment presents the ECW Heat Wave 2000 PPV. ECW Hardcore Heaven '99 video promo. Get it for the RVD/Jerry Lynn TV Title match. It's a classic! NuFinish makes old cars look new again. Of course, if you took care of your car in the first place... David Arquette (Cox?) in "Son of Day Job!" JoyCam(tm) from Polaroid. Just the thing for those, ummm "intimate moments" you've always wanted to hide from your kids. Lamisil(tm) will cure your nasty, disgusting, smelly, leprosy-lookin' nail fungus, all right. The liver and kidney damage are, of course, a courtesy feature we extend to all of our customers. At no charge, mind you. TNN celebrates July 4th Eve with the day-long "Great Western Shootout." REAL fireworks with plenty o' that thar "collateral damage!" That's America, pardner! We come back... And are forced to listen to Justin Credible jabbering about having to defend the ECW World Heavyweight Title tonight, while Francine is enjoying the length and structural rigidity of the kendo stick a LITTLE too much... ...when Credible gets rudely interrupted by Rhino, who's still pissed at being kendo-sticked by Credible during the last little set-to. "Why don't you shut up, you f-n retard?" sneers Credible. "RETARD?!!" roars Rhino," Who you callin' a retard, you...!" There's some pushing and shoving, and Cyrus dives between the combatants hollering "Kayfabe! Kayfabe, remember?" Francine suddenly recalls that Mr. Cameraman is also a party to this difficulty, and puts her hand over the camera lens, hollering "Show-time's over! Get out" We cut to a be-gurney-ed Joel Gertner hollering his lungs out as he's being loaded, (and "LOAD" is really the right word here, just look at the trouble the EMT's are having lifting him up!) into an ambulance. JS: "The Network is in disarray, and Joel Gertner is being loaded into an ambulance? What next?" Commercials. That's what's next, Joel. Female teen sports titans (Lupinski, et alia) acknowledge their heritage, ("Thanks, FloJo!") and say "NO!" to drugs. Ocean Pacific Sportswear sponsors Degree Anti-perspirant. So you won't sweat playing beach volleyball, and ruin your incredibly expensive, and therefore stylish Ocean Pacific beach togs. Plus, we can plug two products at once. Ain't TV advertising great? If you lose everything, Dave Thomas will still feed you. No kidding. It's on him. Geico insurance. Where work-related hearing loss among their telemarketing staff is obviously NOT covered under their group health insurance. The Money Store: We Own You! Castrol SuperClean Tire Gloss. Because, you'll buy ANYTHING! Fungi Cure gel. Awright, now what the heck is the BIG fascination with FUNGUS on this Network? Oh, yeah, Cyrus works for them. Must be trying to put some family on the payroll. Speaking of Cyrus, he's assisting the EMT's loading Gertner in the ambulance. Cyrus: "I'm an eyewitness. I saw the whole thing." Bob the EMT gives Cyrus his full attention. Gertner, hearing Cyrus, starts hollering and struggling. Don the EMT tries to calm him down. Cyrus: (wearing a "concerned citizen" look): "That poor young man has an object lodged in his anus." Bob the EMT does a superb doubletake, complete with raised eyebrows. Gertner's heard THAT all right, and REALLY starts hollering now. Don the EMT is fumbling with the straps on the gurney, trying to get Gertner under control. Cyrus (pauses for dramatic effect): "He's going to need a full anal probe." Gertner (thrashing about wildly): "GAAAAAH!!" Don's busy strapping Gertner down, and Bob slams the door... And we go right to: Match #1: Kid Kash d. EZ Money (w/ Chris Hamrick), Sit-out piledriver/pin, (we saw 5:20). This match is joined in progress, as Joey Styles wonders about TNN's fascination with anal probes, and how it would compare to, say, RollerJam ratings. With Gertner gone, looks like Styles is carrying the play-by-pay duties all by his lonesome this week. EZ Money is just up from the New Jersey Indy circuit, and has currency festooned about his waist. With Chris Hamrick at ringside, things will get interesting very quickly. Kid Kash and EZ Money put on a great chain wrestling show, with plenty of back and forth cross-ring action. Kash ducks a full nelson and kicks off EZ Money. Arm drag, followed by a kip up, puts Kash back on the offensive. Hamrick's on the apron jawing at Kash, which allows Money to boot Kash in the gut. Whip gets reversed with a go-behind by Kid Kash. A push to the ropes by Kash gets blocked by Money hooking onto the top rope. Kash breaks the lock with a second rope diving inverted waistlock and a Victory Roll for a two count. Standing dropkick nails EZ Money, who rolls out of the ring. Hamrick and Money are jawing outside the ring. Kid Kash decides to join them, via a top turnbuckle Swanton Bomb that tumbles everybody into a heap. (Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!") Aw, for cryin' out loud... Commercials. Quick, now. PepBoys tire sale; Radio Shack's pushing RCA these days, with Howie and Terri doing the pushing; Lupinksi et al, again; Castrol Super Clean Tire Gloss, again;Uniroyal tires with NailGard for you saps who can't spot a big board all spiky with ten-penny nails lurking in your parking space; RollerJam gets busy with da plundah bucket, and, oh GOD NOT THE BRIEFCASE!!! NOOOOOO!!!! Sheesh! We come back to see that things have moved along, and now EZ Money's got the momentum. A whip to the corner by EZ Money gets countered by Kash doing a float-over into an attempted roll-up. Which gets countered by Money resisting the roll, and nailing Kash's head to the canvas with a cradle piledriver. Cover, 1,2, Kash powers out! Money's got some problems with the way referee H.C. Loc ran the count, and is off to demand an explanation face-to-face. Loc ain't havin' any attitude, thank you, and is giving it right back word for word to EZ Money! While all this is going on, Chris Hamrick climbs to the top turnbuckle, and nails Kash with a towering leg drop. EZ Money thinks the pin's a no-brainer, and does a little bump 'n' grind to celebrate, then sits down hard on Kash's chest for the cover, 1,2, Kash kicks out. Money's frustrated, jaws with the referee, then sets Kash for the whip. Kash reverses it almost instinctively, and Money reverses back into a hangman's neckbreaker. Cover, but only a two count. Kash tries for some offense with a moonsault, but Hamrick squashes that with a crucifix powerbomb, and another two count. Kash is resilient, though, and steals back the momentum with a baseball slide to the head of Chris Hamrick, then rolls Money up in a Sunset Flip. Reversal by Money, reversal by Kash, another reversal by Money, and another reversal by Kash, with the crowd really getting into the in-ring action. Money escapes, then wallops Kash with a standing side kick, and spends time arguing with the fans at ringside. Kash is down But not out, as he ably demonstrates with a superbly executed double bank-shot hurancanrana. There's a chop ("Whooo!") and another ("Whooo!"), and a whip to the ropes. Money reverses the whip and sets Kash up for a gorilla press slam. Kash counters with a go-behind, double underhooks Money's arms, and nails him to the mat with his "MoneyMaker" finisher move, (a sit-out "Pedigree.") for the pin and the win. Post match, Kid Kash gets some face heat. Chris Hamrick is in, and drags Kash off the ropes, throws him onto the mat, and starts "stomping a mudhole" in him. EZ Money joins in the fun with a (JS:) "picture perfect moonsault... " ...and "Natural Born Killas" cranks up, and out sprints "The Original Gangsta", New Jack, complete with the Bucket o' Plundah. Tonight's first selection from the Menu of Extreme Violence is... a cookie sheet, grabbed by EZ Money before New Jack even gets in the ring. Money swings, and misses, the momentum carrying him into the ropes. New Jack's in the ring, grabs a boxed up Monopoly game, hits Money right on the noggin, and down he goes. Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" Next out of the Bucket is a crutch. Chris Hamrick gets poked off the ropes, then New Jack breaks the crutch across his back. Hamrick gets a poke in the eye. Money gets a poke in the throat, then a Nintendo game console across the back. Hamrick's on his knees, and New Jack's got the... STAPLE GUN! YEOW! He just stapled Hamrick's scalp to his skull! Money tries to get away, but gets a crutch broken across his back instead, then tossed over the far ropes. Hamrick is busted open, (no kidding!), and New Jack opens him up even more with a fork to the forehead. Jack tosses the Bucket aside, nearly clobbering referee H.C. Loc with it. New Jack then grabs a garden sickle... ...and proceeds to carve a BIG gash in Hamrick's forehead! He then pops Hamrick with the sickle handle. JS: "Chris Hamrick might want to get out of the ring. NOW! GET OUT OF THE RING, NOW!!" Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" New Jack positions Hamrick, and crotch-pops him with another crutch! JS: "Oh Good LORD!" Hamrick does the "beached fish" flop-around, howling. Kid Kash re-enters the fray, and sets up the bloody mess that is Chris Hamrick for the REAL non-Jeff-Jarrett-tricked-up "El Kabong o' Doom" guitar shot. New Jack drops Kid Kash across the remains of Chris Hamrick, (who's REALLY earned his paycheck tonight!) and makes the referee do a three count. H.C. Loc complies, more out of awe-stricken fear than anything. Wow! TNN showed this carnage at 8:32 PM on a Friday night, too. AND in "prime-time!" Commercials. Same old, same old. We come back... To outside the DLL Center, where the Sinister Minister, Mikey Whipwreck, a shirtless Balls Mahoney, a podium spray-painted "ECW", an American Flag, and what looks like five (rather amorphous) folks of the gothic persuasion are enjoying the night air. (of PITTSBURGH?) Padre: {*SNOOOORRRRFFF!*} "Smell that, Mikey? Balls? Do ya smell that? That's the stench of oppression in the air. And that's what our sermon concerns today. There are people who would have you believe that watching Extreme Championship Wrestling will send you straight... to hell! Well I'm here to tell you I have it on good authority, it's NOT going to happen. After all, here, in ECW we don't believe in censorship, do we?" Balls & Mikey: "No!" (The goths just sit there.) Padre: "We don't believe in oppression, do we, Balls?" Balls (and the goths, half-heartedly): "No!" Padre: "We don't wipe our ass on the Bill of Rights, do we?" All (beginning to get into it): "NO!" Padre: "Because THIS, is AMERICA!" All (growing intensity): "Yes!" Padre: "Land, of the FREE!" All (really worked up, now): "YES!" Padre: "Home, of the BRAVE!" ALL:"YESS!" Padre: "YEAH!" Mikey, overcome by this patriotic moment, salutes and begins humming, (off-key) the "Battle Hymn of the Republic," clutching the American Flag to his bosom. The Padre himself begins to get transported by the moment. A little TOO much, it seems, because he stops Mikey in mid-stanza: "Mikey, uhh, whooo!, I didn't know you were such a good hummer!" Up pops Prodigette from her kneeling position behind the podium. "My name's not Mikey!" This cracks EVERYBODY up, including Mr. Cameraman, the lighting crew, the goths, and several passersby. The Prodigy appears, and, (en Espagnol) begins scolding the hide off the Prodigette. The words "puta" and "chingado" are heard in abundance. Prodigette appears suitably contrite, as she's dragged off the set. Everybody's in stitches by this time, including one of the production team who's wandered into the shot. There goes the podium, and Balls Mahoney appears to have ruptured himself laughing. Mr. Cameraman pans to the chain-link fence, and a view of the night-time Pittsburgh skyline. And we cut to Joey Styles, now sans sports jacket, but with headset. He quickly updates us on the Sandman and Joel Gertner. (Yeesh, the thought of that anal probe deal gives me the willies!) JS: "Justin Credible will defend the ECW World Heavyweight Title ag- what, AGAIN?" We cut to backstage where there's an in-close shouting match going on between Justin Credible and Rhino. Eeeeewwww, Rhino just got a BIG loogie right on his nose from Justin Credible! Hey, "ALDO", you EVER floss, there, bucky? The shouting turns to shoving, and a distracted Cyrus leaps into the fray to separate the two combatants. He's hollering something about "...the money! remember the money!" Francine helps by dragging Credible away. Rhino, with a final enraged roar, storms off, trashing every inanimate object in his path. ecwwrestlingdotcom's got Motley Crue's newest single "Hell on High Heels" exclusively available for download. It's a worldwide premiere. What are you waiting for? ECW Upcoming Events: 6/23 Milwaukee, WI (TV taping) 6/24 Chicago, IL (TV taping) 6/30 Kansas City, MO 7/1 Wichita, KS (TV taping) 7/7 Poughkeepsie, NY (TV taping) 7/8 ECW Arena, South Philly (TV taping) 7/16 Los Angeles, CA (ECW "HeatWave 2K" PPV) 7/21 Decatur, IL 7/22 Peoria, IL 7/28 Dallas, TX 7/29 Houston, TX Shill for ECW HeatWave 2000. Again Shill for the ECW Hotline 1-900 number. If you're reading this, why make the call, hmmm? Commercials. Ho hum. Match #2: Justin Credible (w/ Francine & Team Network) d. Jerry Lynn, ECW World Heavyweight Title defense, Rhino spears Lynn/ Credible pin: 12:58) Lynn, on his way to the ring, gets good wishes from a gushing Cyrus, and a fawning Team Network. Lynn wants NO part of these guys, and says so, but Cyrus & Team Network won't be gainsaid. We get a great running shot by Mr. Cameraman of what it's like to be a wrestler and enter an ECW match, as we follow Jerry Lynn on his way to the ring. Loads of cheering "Demographic", plenty of outstretched hands to high-five, just about EVERYBODY at ringside has on an ECW-related t-shirt (Oh Happy Day at the souvenir stands!), somebody wearing a Jushin Thunder Liger mask, another guy wears a "Burger King" crown, signs that read "EC f'n W!", "Bill Alphonzo's Dentist", "rfVideo Mark", "Jerry Lynn #1 Rob Van Dam #2", and so forth. Good job, and thanks, Mr.Cameraman. Joey Styles is fretting over just where Jerry Lynn's loyalty lies, with ECW or the Network? 1wrestlingdotcom's "Extreme Replay" shows us evidence that indeed, Jerry's in Cyrus' pocket. The match opens with Justin Credible in control, until Jerry Lynn reverses a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker into a head-scissors takedown, that puts Credible out of the ring. Lynn decides to "Take it to the People," and drags Credible all over the DLL Center, just beating the hell out of him. (Upper seats look a bit sparse, but I guess everybody's down at ringside. Right?) Whoops, Credible blades off a plastic beer cup shot from Lynn, though it might have been unintentional. Back to the ring we go, where Credible regains momentum with a mule kick that crotches Lynn, doubling him over. Credible's bleeding pretty freely, now, and gets a steel chair from Francine, then head-slams Lynn face-first into the seat. Credible stomps Lynn in the corner, then drives the steel chair into Lynn's face with a cross-ring running knee shot. Snap powerbomb and a cover, but Justin Credible only gets a near fall. Front facelock, but Lynn powers out with a couple of elbow shots... YOW, another loogie out of this guy Credible's mouth, and jeez, lookit the RANGE he's got! The hellish thing landed somewhere about Row 7, I'm thinkin'! YUCK! DISG-FUSTING! (A new word I just made up for the occasion. Like it?) Hair pull by Credible sends Lynn to the mat. Sleeper hold works for a couple of seconds, until Lynn breaks it with a jawbreaker. Follow-up by Lynn gets an bodyslam counter from Credible. Chop ("Whooo!"), and another("Whooo!") get matched by a couple of Jerry Lynn chops (insert obligatory "Whooos!" here.) Roaring Elbow by Lynn nails Credible. Noggin-knocker dropkick slams Credible into the corner. Whip across the ring by Lynn sends Credible up over the ropes in that pseudo-Flair Flop thingie of his, and he bails out to the floor. Towering Pescado by Lynn, and the action's back outside the ring again. There's two more whips into the steel guardrail on Credible. The crowd's hollering "We Want Ta-ble! [clap, clap, clapclapclap!]" Lynn hotshot's Credible's bloody noggin off the steel guardrail again. He then drags "Timekeeper Ralph's" table into position, and bounces Credible's head off it, before rolling him back into the ring. Whip to the corner for Credible, who counters Lynn's run-in with a back body drop that only puts Lynn standing up on the ring apron behind him. Justin Credible gets some momentum back with a rake to the eyes, and a punch to the forehead of Jerry Lynn. Credible goes up top, but Lynn counter-punches to drop Credible to his butt on the top turnbuckle. Lynn climbs to the top turnbuckle as well, and the whole "Demographic" at the DLL Center is on its feet... ...as Jerry Lynn absolutely NAILS a top rope hurancanrana that drives Justin Credible head-first through the table to the floor! WOW! Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" JS: "These rabid fans in Pittsburgh are going NUTS!" Referee Jim Molineaux is checking on Jerry Lynn, who may have re-injured his right knee. Behind them, Justin Credible is on the floor holding HIS right knee. The crowd's hollering for another table. Lynn staggers to his feet, and drags Credible back into the ring. Once there, Lynn goes for a sloppy cover, and rightfully gets only two. Lynn rolls out and goes digging around for another table. This crowd just ain't gonna sit down, are they? Lynn sets up a "leaner" in the near corner, and sets up Credible for the ride. Reversal, Lynn slams on the brakes, ducks a clothesline, tries a clothesline of his own, which Credible ducks. Credible then sticks a stiff side kick (off his bad knee?) that floors Lynn. Cover by Justin Credible, 1,2, NO! Francine's up on the ring apron to chew out ref. Jim Molineaux about the call... ...only to receive a quick-whip-reversed-by-Lynn Justin Credible SOLIDLY amidships, knocking her to the floor! Francine staggers over to grab the kendo stick, as Lynn Victory rolls Credible into a two count. Credible powers out, shoving Lynn into the ropes, and Francine whacks Lynn on the noggin with the kendo stick. Credible with the Schoolboy roll-up, one, two, thr-NO! Lynn just kicked out! Credible thinks he's won the match, but Jim Molineaux says to continue, so the match goes on. Credible gets another chair, but Lynn blocks the DDT attempt, then nails Credible with a DDT of his own. Cover by Lynn, 1,2, Credible gets a shoulder up. Whip to the corner, Credible does a sloppy half lay-out with a twist, (You can tell Justin's been neglecting his training schedule again, what with all these sloppy moves and missed bits.), and Francine trips up Jerry Lynn as he rebounds off the ropes. Lynn rolls out of the ring and starts chasing (hobbling, really.) after Francine for some payback. Lynn rolls back into the ring, and gets walloped with the Title belt by Justin Credible. Cover, but no pin. Whoops, here's Jazz to liven things up even more. Jazz tosses Francine into the ring and proceeds to beat the hell out of her. Justin Credible tries to blind-side Jazz, but gets a Jazz Stinger for his efforts. Lynn limps over and goes for a cover. Sorry, not this time, Jerry. Aw, doggone, it, out comes the Network with the screwjob ending. Lynn tries for a Tombstone Piledriver, but that knee is REALLY causing him some problems, and he could REALLY for sure hurt somebody if he's not careful... ... no worries, Credible reverses it into his "That's Incredible!" finisher. Just as incredibly, LYNN KICKS OUT! Meanwhile, Steve Corino and Jack Victory take the unconscious, but somehow, delightfully squishy Francine backstage. That's right guys, move her spine around a lot! Double reversal by Lynn accidentally nails Jim Molineaux in the corner, who promptly collapses in a heap. Lynn sets, then nails Justin Credible with his signature "Cradle Piledriver," and goes for the cover. One problem, referee Molineaux's still groggy at ringside. Scotty Anton's busy trying to revive him. Lynn, frustrated, does his OWN three count for the win, but it doesn't do any good. Lynn then goes for a German suplex with the goal of putting Credible through the table. Credible, sensing Awful Danger, blocks the attempt, mule-kicks Lynn (AGAIN?) off that "bad' right knee. Rhino's in the ring, targeting Justin Credible for the Spear. Credible, REALLY sensing AWFUL DANGER, leaps to one side, and Jerry Lynn takes the full force of the charge, driving him through the table, and almost through the ring-post! Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" JS: "Was that Spear meant for Justin Credible, or is this REALLY how the Network feels about Jerry Lynn?" Justin Credible crawls over, scrabbles at the wreckage of the table, and pulls it off Jerry Lynn. He drapes an arm across the unconscious Lynn... ...Rhino's still lurking at ring-si...? ...and the picture suddenly shrinks into the upper right corner of the screen! What the heck is this? TNN Arena Football is UP NEXT??!! A CRUMMY COMMERCIAL? SON OF A BITCH! Man, if you wanted any indication of the TRUE state of affairs between TNN and ECW, this should answer your question. Credible gets the pin, by the way. In "Munchkin-vision." Joey Styles gets the last word: "...was it by design or was it an accident?" (This last bit of TNN foolishness? You make the call!) "Is Jerry Lynn with the Network? The questions remain unanswered!" Closing copyright notice... ... as Justin Credible continues to bleed in the center of the ring, and the remains of Jerry Lynn continue to smoulder in the corner. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author I haven't seen anybody mention it until now, so I guess I will...the Arena Football promo aired during a commercial break on the West coast feed, NOT fucking up the end of the main event. Still....you didn't miss much. - CRZ |
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