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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /14 July 2000 |
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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /14 July 2000 |
ECW on TNN by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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MainBLAH |
"Yeah, I know it's redundant, but I still got to get the recap out! No, I don't plan on making any references to that stupid XPW fiasco at HeatWave 2000. You think I'm THAT big a mark for these guys? Uh huh... Any word as to the status of the Mecca? Still no buyers, huh? Well, let's hope they've still got a home when September 22nd rolls around. How's Anton doing? Any idea as to the severity of the concussion? Yeah, it sure looked stiff as hell to me, too. Van Dam looked like he took a bump off the move, as well. Hope he's okay. The "Van Terminator" indeed! The marks sure loved it, though. So what's next? Okay, OKAY, I'll get right on it! Keep your hair on, fer cryin' out loud! Sheesh!" -an excerpt from a recent phone conversation with Terry Bailey, mentor and alter ego. Coming to you live on tape (8 July 2000) from the REAL Arena of Extreme, the Mecca in South Philly, P-A! Everybody who's ANYbody in ECW's home fandom is here tonight. The place is not just "Standing Room Only", it's "Good Luck Being Able to Stand on the FLOOR -only." Wall to wall "Demographic" just hollering their lungs out: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" No opening credits as we go right to the action in the ring, where your hosts, Joey "Watch-what-you-say-to-me,-or-I'll-tag-you-and-your- friends-as-gay-porn-enthusiasts" Styles, and Joel "how come I never get to emcee the PPV's" Gertner. Out of deference to my lovely bride who's typing this for me, I will give Gertner's weekly "Poetry Corner" offering a miss, as it would offend her Southern Belle sensitivity. (Before we go any further, I want to thank Larry Musso, who braved a hellish drive through the wilds of the Upper Hudson River Valley to attend the Poughkeepsie, NY ECW House Show and TV taping. Not only did Mr. Musso put himself in harm's way by wearing a really loud Hawaiian shirt to an ECW match, but also carried a sign that said "Slash Wrestling Rules!" in gold glitter and even got it on camera! Sadly, ECW chose not to use the Poughkeepsie footage, so Larry's sign won't be seen. In addition, Mr. Musso also did an on-the-scene house show write-up that got posted on another wrestling site. Thanks again, Larry. You ROCK, sir!) Raven comes to the ring, as the Mecca goes nuts as the cheering fans chant "Please Don't Go!" Raven shakes hands with Joey and Joel. Gertner looks especially morose at the prospect of Scott "Raven" Levy's imminent departure from ECW. Raven says, "I just wanted to say "Thank You!" and hugs Styles and Gertner. Which brings out Don "Cyrus the Virus" Callis and Scotty "American Male" Anton (with life-like "Clapper" attachment.) Cyrus gets to berate Raven's lack of relevance in ECW, even going so far as to say that Raven stole his gimmick from Don "The Jackyl" Callis. A meager "You Sold Out!" chant from the fans gets drowned out by a "Thank you Ra-ven!" chant. Raven gives the one-finger peace sign to somebody at ringside, then asks Cyrus if he's going to get to the point anytime soon? Cyrus says that the point is that Scotty Levy shouldn't be out there doing promos if he's on his way out of ECW. Raven shrugs, makes as if to leave the ring... ...only to get collared by Cyrus, who's not done chewing on Raven's butt, yet. Anton chooses this point to lunge at Raven, who quickly Evenflo's Anton, then goes after Cyrus. (Who rang the bell? And WHY?) Out comes Rhino, the Network's Rookie Ratings Monster, who misses with the first spear, but connects with the second. Anton and Cyrus do the kick-in on Raven, as Rhino sets up a "leaner" table in the corner, then gores Raven through it. The Sandman comes out, (sans brewski's, smokes, and shirt) to exact revenge on Rhino and the others for this outrageous conduct. And here's Lori "Sandman" Fullington, neckbrace and all, out to use Cyrus' back for some impromptu rock climbing. Meanwhile, the Sandman's just wearing his Singapore cane OUT on Rhino's noggin, while Anton's got the groggy Raven in the Sharpshooter. True to form, it's the ECW Security "Black Suits along with the "Klown Kar Full o' Refs", to break this foolishness up. Yep this sure was one heckuva going-away party for Raven, wasn't it? Commercials. As we see Mikey Whipwreck making his entrance, we cut to Rob Van Dam and Bill "Fonzie" Alfonso. Fonzie's all excited about RVD's new finisher, the "Van Terminator." And RVD says former best friend Scotty Anton gets to be the test subject at "HeatWave 2000." They do the obligatory "RVD: The Whole F'n Show!" routine. Here's another promo, this time with Gary "Pitbull #1" Wolfe, who appears to be lurking with intent in a men's room. Wolfe tries to speak his peace, but keeps getting interrupted by giggles and smoochy sounds coming from one of the bathroom stalls. Enraged, he goes over and nearly rips the stall door off it's hinges, revealing... Sweet Mother Machree is that the "BLUE MEANIE?! Man, he HAS dropped some tonnage, hasn't he? Meanie's arm candy-du-jour is the lovely and talented (VERY!) ummm, "film" star Jasmin St. Clair. Wolfe asks what the hell's going on, which is the perfect opportunity for Meanie to introduce his new gimmick; he's now to be known as the "Blue Boy. But, as one of the newly de-fatted, ol' Blue Boy can't resist a couple of digs at Wolfe about his XPW-induced weight gain. Additionally, Blue Boy's gets in a couple of good ones about Wolfe's supposedly massive girlfriend. Not surprisingly, this upsets Mr. Wolfe's disposition, and he collars Blue Boy with intent to do some extreme bodily harm in one of the stalls. ("Ty-D-Bol Swirly", Blue Boy? Whoops, too late, he's already sporting a blue topknot.) Ms. St Clair golottas Wolfe, then she and Blue Boy depart for a place with better atmosphere. Commercials. Match #1: Yoshihiro Tajiri d. Mikey Whipwreck, (Tajiri w/ "Octopus" submission, 4:04) Talk about a "Can't Miss" match-up! The two hardest workers in ECW finally get a chance to shine, and boy, doesn't this ECW home-town crowd know it! Both Tajiri and Whipwreck are getting a HUGE pop from the fans; so loud in fact that the ring announcer's having a hard time introducing them. Tajiri's even smiling slightly. We get under way with Tajiri faking Mikey into the ring ropes, then nailing a series of buzzsaw kicks. Whip to the ropes, but Mikey ducks yet another Tajiri kick, only to meet it's brother on the way back, nearly losing his head in the process. Back on his feet, Mikey misses reversing a cross-ring whip into a (Stone Cold?) stunner, but Tajiri senses where THAT'S going, and shoves Mikey off. Mikey's right back in it with a boot to the gut and a side Russian legsweep. Mikey with a legdrop on Tajiri, and a cover,1,2, No! Mikey stomps Tajiri some more, then drapes him over the bottom rope. Tajiri ducks a vicious-looking legdrop, and Mikey lands butt first on the ring apron. Tajiri nails Mikey with a buzzsaw kick, sending him flying into the steel guardrail at ringside. Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" Mikey reverses a whip into the opposite guardrail, then nails Tajiri with a Russian legsweep into the steel guardrail. Tajiri crawls around (and under?) the ringside area, and comes up with the ring wrench. Mikey sees this, and takes the wrench away from Tajiri, kicking him in the gut in the process. Mikey pursues Tajiri around the ring, then back into it, punches tajiri in the head, then does a wild looking elbow drop thingie. Kick to the back of Tajiri's head, then Mikey whips Tajiri across the ring, losing the ring wrench in the process. Tajiri recovers, and does his signature hand-spring back elbow right in Mikey's face. A groggy Mikey gets to his knees, only to get another kick in the head from Tajiri. Man, did that kick smack Mikey silly! Tajiri bounces Mikey's head off the turnbuckle a few times, then tries for a tornado DDT. Mikey blocks the attempt, and sets Tajiri on the top turnbuckle. Tajiri blocks the weak punch, and blinds Mikey with the Green Mist, then nails Mikey with an inverted DDT after all. Cover,1,2, Mikey gets a shoulder up. Tajiri grapevines Mikey into the Octopus, at which pint Mikey hollers he's had enough, and Tajiri gets the win. Great match by two of the best talents ECW's got. Absolutely sublime! Thanks, Mr. Heyman. Commercials. Onewrestlingdotcom does the Extreme Replay, showing highlights of the match. ECW Upcoming Events Calendar: 7/21 Decatur, IL (War- aw, you know...) 7/22 Peoria, IL 7/28 Dallas, TX (TV taping) 7/29 Houston, TX 8/4 Huntington, WV 8/11 Ft. Lauderdale, FL 8/12 St. Petersburg, FL Commercials. And here's the Queen of Extreme asking you, the viewers at home, if you want to see something extreme. Francine then slowly unzips the front of her top. Now THAT'S the way to fill a brassiere! Oh, yeah, Justin Credible is there to loogie the camera lens, (Ooog!) spoiling everybody's view, then snarling that he was going to make Tommy Dreamer bleed as much as he, Justin Credible, was going to bleed at the PPV. Huh? Styles and Gertner shill the PPV some more. Commercials. Match #2: Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger (w/ C.W. Anderson and the Comedy Troupe) d. Danny Doring & Roadkill (w/ "Beautiful Bobby" Eaton), (Anderson superkick on Eaton/pin, we saw about 2:15 or so of actual "wrestling." ) Well, we go from the sublime to the ridiculous. Simon's still p.o.'ed about not being taken seriously. Swinger concurs, but can't seem to put his finger on the problem. It remains for the clear-thinking C.W. Anderson to straighten things out, as he correctly identifies the problem as being the "traveling circus" that follows our two heroes around. He pops Swinger's prissy valet right iff the bat. Clouts for the musketeer and prodigy. Prodigette takes offense, and slaps C.W. right in the chops. Anderson, invoking his Minnesota heritage, responds with a full-on punch in the face, followed by a spine-busting of the Prodigette. This appeals to Simon and Swinger, and they immediately punk out the rest of the Troupe members. The Prodigy's first, getting the "Problem Solver" from Simon & Swinger, and Anderson joins in to help take care of what's left. C.W.'s feelin' frisky, and hollers for anybody else in the back to come out and get clobbered. And out come Danny Doring and Roadkill to beat some heads in. However, this is not a good idea, especially after Anderson wallops Roadkill in the back with a steel chair. Now, it's everybody clobber Doring, with a "Problem Solver" finale. Simon & Swinger like that idea so much , they do the same thing on Roadkill. This brings out, (I don't believe it!) "Beautiful Bobby Eaton! Bobby just goes to town on Simon & Swinger, then confronts C.W.Anderson. Styles and Gertner say Eaton has a friendly relationship with the Anderson family. But you'd never know it as the two begin walloping each other pretty good. This continues until Simon & Swinger gang-up on Eaton as well, the distraction of which allows Anderson to nail Eaton with a superkick, and a cover,1,2,3! Post-match, Simon Diamond tells the crowd that THIS is the way you solve a problem. HeatWave 2000 promo. With real Styles and Gertner essence. Commercials. ECW Hardcore Hotline promo. Simon and Swinger are backstage, making snide remarks at Doring & Roadkill's expense, and giggling like little girls. C.W. Anderson shows up and angrily tells the two of them to cut out the comedy if they want to be taken seriously in ECW. ecwwrestlingdotcom has new pics of the ECW Monster Truck. Wait a minute, now! Paul Heyman's gotta post-date the paychecks he hands out to his wrestlers, but he's got enough ready cash to sponsor a freakin' MONSTER TRUCK?! One word Paul: "PRIORITIES!" Gertner's doing a complex, but VERY funny and smutty running joke about Jasmin St. Clair and the ECW monster truck, to the exasperation of Joey Styles. You had to be there. ECW Upcoming Events calendar (what, TWICE?): Same as previous, but also include the following: 8/18 Virginia Beach, VA 8/19 ECW Arena, South Philly. 8/25-8/26 New York City, NY (Manhattan Debut Shows) Match #3: Jerry Lynn & the Sandman (w/ Little Spike Dudley) d. Steve Corino & Rhino (w/ Jack Victory), Dream Partner Tag Team Match, (Sandman/Spike Dudley '3-D" on Rhino/ pin, 6:28) Corino grabs the stick and calls out his Dream Partner, Rhino, and together they start taking Jerry Lynn apart. Lynn, who has yet to call out his partner, crawls to his corner under a veritable hail of punches and kicks. Lynn grabs his towel, rolls a can of beer out of it, and pops the top! Which is the signal for Metallica to start pounding out "Enter Sandman" over the PA system. No long, time-filling entrances for ol' Sandman this week, as he sprints, (well, strolls, really), to the ring, Singapore cane in hand. He takes a couple of swings at Rhino, who wisely ducks, just in time for Sandman to eat a big superkick in the mush from Steve Corino. Rhino grabs the cane and starts walloping Sandman on the head with it, while Corino's got his hands full with Jerry Lynn. A couple more whacks, and Rhino rolls Sandman out of the ring. Corino gets a steel chair from outside the ring, only to eat a whole lot of it when Jerry Lynn submarines a baseball slide under the bottom rope, nailing the chair to Corino's mush. Rhino clobbers Sandman with a full beer cup ( Oh, yeah, like THAT'S gonna hurt HIM!). Pescado by Lynn from the ring apron onto Corino that sends him to the floor. Sandman reverses a whip and Rhino catches a big hunk of steel guardrail across the back. Now Lynn is pursuing Corino, while Rhino's got the Sandman back in the ring and is strangling him with Lynn's towel. We go back to Lynn/Corino, to find Lynn is bleeding rather heavily from the forehead. All four men in the ring now, and Rhino just can't knock the Sandman off his feet. Tag by both teams brings Lynn and Corino back in, where Lynn promptly capitalizes of Corino's inattention by hitting a big inverted DDT on to a steel chair in the ring Lynn covers, 1,2, Rhino makes the save. Rhino grabs Lynn and drives him noggin first into the mat with a spike piledriver. Cover, but the Sandman breaks up the pin attempt by walloping Rhino right across the face with a vicious cane shot. Sandman keeps clobbering Rhino with the cane, trying to hold him off, then topples the Rookie Monster with his version of the White Russian legsweep. Cover, but this time, it's Steve Corino who makes the save. Swinging neckbreaker by Corino, cover, but Lynn saves at two and a half. Lynn's got Corino ready for his "Cradle Piledriver" finisher, but in comes Cyrus to waffle Lynn with the ring microphone. Corino's nails Lynn with a superkick, cover,1,2, NO! Now Corino's got Lynn up on the ring apron, and goes for an inverted DDT through the timekeeper's table. Lynn hits the table, but doesn't break it (OUCH!). Corino, frustrated, climbs to the apron again and nails Lynn with a flying elbow drop, and this time, the table breaks. While all this is going on, Rhino and Sandman are going at it hammer and tongs in the center of the ring. Out comes Little Spike Dudley to save the day. Rhino sees Spike. Enraged, Rhino lunges at him. LSD sidesteps the charge, and Rhino gets a Sandman/ Spike Dudley version of the Dudley Death Drop. Sandman, bruised, battered, but still on his feet, gets on rhino the pin and the win. Post-match, Spike and the Sandman celebrate their victory over the Network stooges. Joey Styles and Joel Gertner shill the HeatWave 2000 PPV some more. Oh, and here's the Opening Credits as Paul Heyman's rich, kayfabe-laden voice-over shills some more for the PPV. You'd think he had the survival of the promotion riding on this one, wouldn't you? Closing credits. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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