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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /25 August 2000 |
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/wrestling /ECW on TNN /25 August 2000 |
ECW on TNN by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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My thanks to you all for the kind emails, cards, and letters while my wife was recovering. It helped more than you could possibly realize. And now, to business. This is the "ECW on TNN recap for Friday 25 August 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' "Cracka Eezy EeeCee" himself. We are live and on glorious videotape from the by-God center of the Marvel Comix alternative "Extreme Universe," the ECW Arena in South Philly. Paul Heyman, speaking in rich, Technicolor(tm), rounded "kayfabe" tones, hypes tonight's match between the team of Rhino & Justin Credible against Kid Kash & Rob Van Dam. The ever-dapper Joey Styles and his electric ego bag Joel Gertner are in the ring to open the festivities, in front of an ECW Arena just jammed packed with cheering, shoving, boozed-up Demographic. Local celebrities at ringside tonight include Hat Guy and Hairy Guy. Poetry Corner with Joel Gertner will not be seen tonight, owing to it being interrupted backstage by an enraged Rhino, who's sick of Gertner's stupid sex jokes. He then drags out poor Francine, broken nose, black eyes and all, while Justin Credible lurks in the background, cursing softly. Rhino gloats over how he caused Francine's current facial condition. Francine looks like she'd rather be anywhere than right here at the moment. Rhino works himself into a frenzy over Kid Kash and Rob Van Dam, kills a goat and puts it up on a rock, swears a blood oath that they will suffer total obliteration at his hands, then rips out the goat's still beating... Oops, little too much "Oz" last night. Sorry. Rhino grabs Justin Credible by the side of the neck, and hollers "I LOVE YOU, MAN!" three times at point blank range into Credible's' startled face! Credible's confused look is rapidly changing to one of fear as Rhino releases his grip and storms off. (I'd buy some soap on a rope, if I were you, "Aldo." Oh, and you might shower with your tights still on, just as a precaution, y'see.) The denouement of the skit leaves ol' "Raccoon Puss" to attempt that stupid "Now that's not just the coolest..."-bit, but she gets dragged off in mid-phillipic by Justin Credible, who's had enough of this foolishness for one night. Commercials. More lame, useless stuff being flogged by a bunch of brain-dead sponsors, who were conned in to actually paying this moribund network for the privilege. Match #1: Jerry Lynn d. Bilvis Wesley, uh, I mean Belvis Wisley, oh, aw heck, it's ol' Bill Wiles (w/ Prodigy, [aka Tom Marquez] & Prodigette), cradle piledriver/pin, we saw 1:04) Referee Danny Daniels (?) says that Lynn keeps clobbering him every time he get into the ring, and Daniels is tired of it. Ergo, there's a bounty on Lynn's head, and Lynn "should watch his ass!" No "Da Baldies" are available for the obligatory run-in, so Lynn waffles Daniels right off the bat. Sweet mother of... here's Rhino to spear Lynn to the mat, then through a "leaner" table in the corner. As Rhino departs, and Lynn slowly recovers, Mr. Timekeeper chooses this propitious moment to ring the bell, starting the match. Wiles, (Wesley? Wisley?) extracts Lynn from the wreckage of the table. Lynn then stage a remarkable recovery, boots Wiles in the gut, and tries for the cradle piledriver. Tom "Prodigy" Marquez is in to break that up, only to get the cradle piledriver instead. Wiles jumps Lynn yet again, and nails him with a swinging neck-breaker. Flying elbow by Wiles misses, and Lynn hammers another cradle piledriver home, getting the pin. However, referee Daniels (?) DQ's Lynn for "striking an ECW official!" Disqualification? This is ECW, Daniels, where the REAL big boys play! Daniels gets hooked up for a cradle piledriver, but Prodigette breaks that up, only to get one for her very own. O frabjous day for the South Philly Neck Brace Company! Commercials. TNN promo block. Action Wednesdays. One Hot Night. "Eighteen Hours of Bull" promo. Bull RIDING, that is. Sheesh, a "Rockin' Bowl" promo. I thought they cancelled that show. And a "RollerJam" promo for good measure! What the heck is going on?! Onewrestlingdotcom replays the "Night of the Cradle Piledrivers." Over to ECW Command Central, where Joel Gertner gets out-acted by a pile of cardboard boxes. Oh, and ecwwrestlingdotcom will have pics and results from the big two day house show at NYC's Hammerstein Ballroom. Match #2: Yoshihiro Tajiri d. Psicosis, (highlights match, we saw 4:07 or thereabouts.) Highlights from the upcoming "ECW Hardcore TV" show feature the outstanding match between Psicosis and Yoshihiro Tajiri. We open with these two professionals hard at work applying various submisison & stretching moves on each other. There's Tajiri's "Tarantula" and a modified "Octopus" (the "Squid?") Psicosis gets in a cool Mil Mascaras'-quality "Altar of the Sun" submission move that Styles misnames as a "Bow & Arrow." Next highlight shows the two going through a series of incredible aerial moves done at breakneck speed. The crowd's on their feet and cheering like crazy. A series of near-pin combinations follows, with plenty of "ECW! ECW! ECW!" chants from the fans. Finish of the match has Tajiri escaping from a Psicosis' body scissors. He then nails Psicosis with a couple of buzzsaw kicks to the head, followed by a double mule kick to the noggin for the win. Commercials. Gary Coleman and Danny Bonaduce shill for TNN's "Dysfunctional Family Week." Well what can you expect from a network that would hire former Olympic figure skater and ex-porn star Tonya Harding? (Jeez, wouldn't you like to see THAT resume?) ecwwrestlingdotcom promo, featuring Elektra, and pics from the NYC show currently underway. And here's Mr. Tajiri, dressed as the Sinister Minister and looking, if anything, even more satanic than the real thing! Tajiri starts talking, but it's in Japanese with the Minister doing the English voice-over. The speech is pretty good, something about "$2 politicians in $3 suits promising you the world," and that "there's a fine line between genius and insanity." Cue the Sinister Minister, who walks into the shot, puts his arm around Tajiri, and proudly says that Tajiri" just crossed over that line!" This brings out Mikey Whipwreck, sporting red hair and a pink feather boa. He is outraged at what he just saw. Mikey rants for a bit, then says they both look ridiculous, and that he can't stand people who don't take themselves seriously. However, his whole "righteous indignation" act is spoiled when Mikey puts on a kid's space helmet, tosses back the feather boa, and stalks off, laughing crazily. Tajiri & the Minister do a series of slow, amazed double takes at the departing Mr. Whipwreck. Man, these segments get better every time they work 'em. Good job, ECW. Match #3: Danny Doring & Roadkill (w/ Tommy Dreamer) d. Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger & C.W. Anderson. (Highlights match, we saw 3:50 or so.) Another highlights match from the upcoming "ECW Hardcore TV" show. Y'all get the feeling that Heyman's hedging his bets just a trifle about the possible move to the USA Network this fall? Anyhoo, to business, as Roadkill and C.W. Anderson put on a great show of chain wrestling moves. Man, can that Roadkill MOVE; he's amazingly quick for a big man. He has the build of a football tackle with the speed of a middle linebacker. If Roadkill ever played football, he must have been the terror of every quarterback that faced him. Plus, this guy does aerials! Freakin' TOWERING aerials! Wow! Anderson's no slouch, either. A pause in the action, as Simon Diamond calls for a pose-down series. Wha-? Yep, that's what they get involved with for about a minute or so. Swinger's pose-down gets hilarious when he "gets" a "pinched nerve" in his back, which he sells like crazy. Doring leads off for the faces, but it's Tommy Dreamer who adds some "bump & grind" spice to his routine. Now Roadkill wants a turn. His skit involves a Hulk Hogan imitation, complete with "Lissen ta THAT!" ear-cuppings and everything. However, before he can get set up, he gets waffled with a steel chair by C.W. Anderson, who's sick and tired of all this nonsense. This results in a Pier Six brawl. Tommy Dreamer decides it's high time for him to "Take It to the People," and drags a groggy C.W. Anderson into the cheering, hollering, backslapping crowd, and up into the bleachers. The next highlight shows Dreamer back in the ring, and cleaning all four top ropes with C.W. Anderson's nose! The match ends with a "Buggy Bang" finisher from Doring & Roadkill on Simon Diamond. Back to Command Central, where Styles and Gertner shill for the New York City show at the Hammerstein Ballroom show, and the tournament to crown new tag team champions that's going on even as they speak! Match #4: Rob Van Dam (w/ Bill Alfonso) & Kid Kash d. Rhino & Justin Credible (w/ Francine), (RVD w./"Van Terminator" on Rhino/pin, 12:54) We get the full-bore entrance show from Rhino and Justin Credible. Francine looks like Justin Credible's been slapping her around. Man, the heel heat Credible's getting from the crowd is almost physical. Looks like ol' "Aldo's" in contention for this year's Jake "The Snake" Roberts "Diaper Edge" Award. Rob Van Dam and Kid Kash come out, with "Walk" blaring at war- emergency volume over the ECW Arena PA system, and the crowd is just hollering along with the lyrics. It gets real funny, though, as RVD and Kash take a little too much time, and the crowd uncertainly starts on Verse Two, with a lot of looking and shrugging going on. Rhino takes this opportunity to holler insults at RVD, who looks unconcerned. As the principals are introduced, this would be a good time for: ECW's Upcoming Events Calendar: 8/26 NYC (Hammerstein Ballroom) 9/7 Cleveland , OH 9/8 "The Flick," Buffalo, NY 9/9 Mississauga, Ontario, Canada 9/14 Des Moines, IA 9/15 Omaha, NE 9/16 Sioux City, IA 9/22 Salem, NH (Hey, how 'bout you Salem fans packin' the Icenter this time? For a change?) 9/23 Danbury, CT 10/1 St. Paul, MN ("Anarchy Rulz!" PPV) 10/6 Green Bay, WI 10/7 The Rave, Milwaukee, WI Commercials. Back to the ring, where Credible and Kash hook up first. Kash goes for the arm wringer, but Credible counters with a hair pull. A tilt-a-whirl back-breaker set-up by Credible gets blocked, then countered by a head-scissors takedown by Kash. A follow-up hip-toss and boot to the head sends Credible staggering over to tag in Rhino. Kash absorbs several of Rhino's body blows, but then nails him with a two-rope springboard hurancanrana. Wow! Tag to RVD, who chooses this inappropriate time to steal some cheap face heat from the cheering crowd, and gets waffled by Rhino for his presumptuousness. RVD's a fighter, and powers through the hail of Rhino's punches, to nail the big man with a huge side-kick off the top rope. Back to the slugfest, and it looks like Rhino's finally in control, as he attempts a powerbomb. Whoops, RVD slips out of the powerbomb attempt, but his attempt at a side-kick gets leveled by a Rhino clothesline. Another cross-ring whip into a military press by Rhino, but Kid Kash is there to make the save by sweeping Rhino's legs from under him, allowing RVD to make the cover, but not the pin. RVD starts working over Rhino with kicks and punches. There's a hurancanrana. A springboard move off the far ropes by RVD almost comes to grief when Justin Credible takes a swipe at his legs. However, Kid Kash is there to clothesline Credible off the ring apron to the ringside floor. RVD completes the spinning heel kick that sends Rhino out of the ring as well. RVD, after a word with Kash, winds up and hits a huge high-risk senton over the top rope that levels Rhino and Credible. Kid Kash follows up with a two-rope springboard, followed by a towering cross-body block from the top of the turnbuckle stack and onto everybody at ringside. Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW!" Kash & Credible climb back in the ring, as RVD and Rhino continue to brawl on the outside. Kash eats a back elbow shot on a run-in, then gets nailed by Credible's superkick. In comes Rhino on a tag, who then proceeds to use Kash as a punching bag, the gores him with a cross-corner charge. Cover by Rhino, but, incredibly, Kash kicks out. Tag to Credible, who calls for a steel chair from Francine, then wallops Kash face first into the seat with a drop toehold. A chop (Whooo!) by Credible gets an answering chop (Whooo!) by Kash, and the two go at it until Credible reverses out of a cross-corner whip, only to get a Kid Kash moonsault and a cover, kicking out after one. The tag race is won by Kash, and RVD comes in to beat on some punkins. It's punches in bunches with kicks and licks time, as RVD's going like a house afire. Rhino 's whipped into the corner, and Credible is whipped to the opposite corner, doing a Flair Flip in the process. RVD grabs Credible and administers a reverse Atomic Drop with a steel-chair-to-the-face chaser. Rhino's back, and clotheslines RVD to the mat. RVD recovers, and nails Rhino with a chair-shot. RVD and Kash double-team a guillotine leg-drop on Rhino, only to have Justin Credible make the save. Kash countered Credible's move, set up, and nailed a top-rope "Frankensteiner" move thingie that drilled Credible's head to the canvas. Cover on Credible by RVD, but Rhino broke up the pin. Rhino got pummeled into the corner by RVD and Kash, then spiked with a "Van Daminator," and then a Five Star Frog Splash. Cover by RVD, but Credible broke it up with a whack from his Singapore cane. RVD recovered from the blow, ducked a second cane shot, then walloped Credible with a spinning heel kick. Superkick from RVD drives Credible into the corner. Another Five Star Frog Splash attempt on Rhino gets waffled by Credible, as he shoved RVD off the top turnbuckle and onto the steel guardrail. Ouch! Kid Kash is back in, though his body-slam attempt on Justin Credible gets blocked. Credible then sets up for his "That's Incredible!" finisher, but Kash wriggles out, and then nails Credible with his "Money Maker" finisher. Kash goes for the pin, but Rhino gores the referee to put a stop to that. Rhino then drags Kash off Credible, works him over, and then pile-drives him through a conveniently placed table at ringside. Rhino's back in the ring, snarling at the booing fans... Is that Metallica I hear? The crowd goes berserk, as the Sandman, (barechested, with smokes and Singapore cane, but no beer) charges into the ring. he and Rhino go nose-to-nose, just head-butting the heck out of each other, before the Sandman winds up and delivers the most unholy cane shot right on Rhino's noggin. Hey, even I saw stars from THAT one! At this point, Justin Credible took the opportunity to sneak up behind the Sandman and whack him one with HIS Singapore cane. This brought out Steve Corino, sporting a new face-turn and looking for some payback from ol' Rhino. Which he gets via a vicious-looking superkick that slams Rhino back into the corner, where he collapses in a heap. RVD and Fonzie set up for the "Van Terminator," and Rhino's through for the night. Jeez, it took the meanest-ass cane shot I've ever seen from the Sandman, followed by a stiff Steve Corino superkick, and THEN an awesome "Van Terminator" from Rob Van Dam to finally put Rhino away! Wow! As the Closing Credits roll, we see RVD, and the Sandman standing over the carcass of Rhino, as Joey Styles hollers: "All hell has broken loose here in the ECW Arena!" See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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