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/15 October 1999

ECW on TNN by Chris Palacios




Live on tape from Houma, Louisiana...Chris Candido and Tammy Lynn Sytch are making their way down the aisle (see more of Tammy on!). Lance Storm and Dawn Marie are making their entrance as well, and Storm starts dogging Sytch. Storm states that everyone knew about Sytch being a "has been" a year ago, but that she had enough talent for Storm to carry her. Storm then tells her to revert to her old habits and "take a powder". Candido tries to defend Sytch, but Dawn immediately jumps in and screeches something about Sytch being a prostitute. The brawl begins and the opening credits roll.

Joey Styles and Joel Gertner introduce themselves before quickly sending us to the ring, where Tom Marquez is facing David Cash. Yep, the viewers are glued to their seats. Luckily, Cash can only get a Japanese armdrag in before Rhino (decked in the uniform of Atlanta Falcons running back Jamal Anderson) storms the ring and gives spears to Cash and Marquez. Steve Corino hits the ring in a matching jersey and tells us that two members of the New Orleans Saints are at ringside. Hey! There's Kyle Turley and Josh Wilcox of the Saints in the front row with ECW shirts on! The mandatory brawl ensues near ringside, with Tommy Dreamer helping security break it up. As one of the Saints tears the Falcons jersey, Corino calls out Dreamer. The match is about to start as we take a commercial break.

Insert ECW action figures ad (that figure with the strange shirt is New Jack) and Hardcore Hotline ad here. (The Ultimate Warrior attacks ECW!)

We return to see Dreamer and Corino brawling at ringside, and Dreamer sends Corino over the guardrail and into the crowd. They brawl up the bleachers, and Corino teases falling off of the side of them. Dreamer ends up taking the bump (ala HBK in Hell in the Cell), then brawls with Corino back to ringside. Somehow, a tripod for a camera gets involved. Back in the ring, Corino climbs up the ropes to tease a moonsault, but Dreamer pulls down Corino's singlet to expose Corino's pixellated ass. Dreamer then nails Corino's still-pixellated ass with a chairshot and follows it with a superplex. Corino hits a leg lariat in response before remembering to cover his pixellated ass, then slides a chair into the ring and locks Dreamer into a SEATED front facelock. Dreamer uses the chair against Corino and sets up for the DDT onto the chair, but Corino instead pushes Dreamer back first into the chair. Referee Jim Molineaux pleads to Corino to lay off of Dreamer's back, which leads to Corino clocking Molineaux. Dreamer recovers during the ref bump and hits the Spicolli Driver, then follows with the Tarantula. Jack Victory hops on the apron, but Francine is there to punch Victory back down. Yoshihiro Tajiri then hits the ring to break up the Tarantula with a baseball slide to Dreamer's face. Francine tries to stop Tajiri, and a tease of violence against women occurs before Tajiri runs off Francine into the backstage area. Meanwhile, Corino heads to the top rope, but Raven runs out to crotch Corino. Dreamer hits a DDT on Victory, then Raven hits a DDT on Tajiri...but wait, Dreamer gets DDT'ed by Raven! Corino tries to take advantage and makes a cover, but Dreamer reverses it into a rollup to get the pin. Raven is clapping while Dreamer lays on the mat, and Raven raises Dreamer's hand to symbolize Tommy's win as we head to commercial.

A new look Extreme Replay gives us highlights of the show thus far, namely the Candido/Sytch/Storm/Dawn angle, the Rhino & Corino vs. the Saints bit, and the tension between Raven and Dreamer just moments earlier. Insert plugs for house shows, web site, and magazine here. Coming next, Raven on Bourbon Street as well as Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido...

Joey and Joel pop up on the screen for two seconds, then send us back to Houma as Storm and Dawn Marie make their way to the ring. A quick interview with Bill Alfonso and Sabu is tossed in here, and we learn that Sabu will make his TNN debut next week. Back to the arena, where Candido and Sytch walk face first into...ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK.

Back to the match, where both men trade chops early, then lead into a sequence of leapfrogs by both men. Candido catches an attempt Storm kick and clothesline Lance to get the first offensive blow in. Storm responds with a nice spinning heel kick, but Candido is quick to recover and hit a swinging neckbreaker followed by his "New Jersey jam" middle rope legdrop. Storm gets a jawbreaker in, then follows with a nice dropkick to a seated Candido's face. Chris responds with a vertical suplex, holding Storm up for damn near 30 seconds before dropping Lance. Candido whips Storm into the corner, where Lance hits a Flair flip only to catch a Candido forearm that sends Storm to the floor. Candido hits a top rope plancha to the outside, then sends Lance into the guardrail. Storm responds by sending Candido teetering on the rail, which was just plain goofy to watch. Back in the ring, Storm hits a top rope clothesline for a 2 count, but a second trip to the top rope is countered by Tammy Lynn Sytch, who crotches Storm on the top turnbuckle. Candido takes advantage with a superplex and a top rope headbutt, but Justin Credible makes the save for his fellow Impact Player. Sytch and Dawn Marie end up in the ring for the predictable catfight, but Jason hits the ring to break it up, only to take a low blow and a DDT from Sytch. Storm then whips Candido into the ropes, and Credible lands a shot from his Singapore cane as Candido is about to bounce off of the ropes towards Storm. Lance quickly follows with Jerry Lynn's cradle piledriver to get the pin. Credible hits the ring and spouts off his incredibly annoying tagline, and Dawn Marie says "1 down, 2 to go". Hmmm....

Insert Hardcore Hotline ad (Washington Post reports on WCW sex scandal, and the hotline has more information on it!) and November To Remember PPV ad here.

Rod Price is heading to the ring with his new manager, the Ragin' Cajun. Joel and Joey are back in the studio, and Joel starts with comments about Louisiana. I'd call them jokes, but they were ALL TRUE. Joey counters with house shows dates, magazine, and web site plugs. Hey, Mike Awesome and Judge Jeff Jones are heading to the ring! No wonder Price is on TNN! Awesome shoulderblock, Awesome missile tope to the outside, Price attempted Russian leg sweep into guardrail (ugly looking, and not in a good wrestling way), Price powerslam, Awesome German suplex, Awesome powerbombs Price through table inside of the ring, Awesome powerbombs Cajun through ringside table, Awesome top rope splash, and a pin. (How's that for a run-on?)

Joey Styles tells us that Mike Awesome will defend the ECW World title vs. Masato Tanaka at the November To Remember PPV, then leads us into a segment that I was glad to see on TNN...


Here there are:

  • The Impact Players with Dawn Marie and Jason...if you're looking for the all boobs and no brains channel, look while you can, because Dawn Marie is going to rid ECW of those other bimbos. Storm hints towards a Impact Players vs. Raven/Tommy Dreamer tag title match in the future. Tagline follows.

  • "I'm Devito!" "I'm Skull!" "And I'm Angel!" "AND WE'RE THE BALDIES!"

  • Raven walks Bourbon Street at 5:30 am with a bunch of drunk guys following him (or the camera, you pick which one). It's better to have a condemned soul than no soul at all, you know.

  • Closeup of Miss Congeniality...first her tongue piercing, then the tattoo on her shoulder, and finally of her clipping her toenails. Enter Danny Doring and Roadkill. Doring tries to point out the camera, but Congeniality doesn't care. Roadkill implies that her feet stink in his own special way. Doring says that he and Roadkill now own Nova after putting Chris Chetti on the injured list. Roadkill follows with "chickens...PFFT!"

  • Back to Raven, who ridicules Tommy's "I work for the fans" lifestyle. Raven feels his pain, by the way.

  • Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney are chair swinging freaks and the best tag team in ECW, according to Axl.

  • Spike Dudley is mesmerized by his own hand movements.

  • In case you didn't understand the first time..."I'm Devito!" "I'm Skull!" "And I'm Angel!" (all remove berets) "AND WE'RE THE BALDIES!"

  • New Jack's in a parking lot...he says that he watched his father shoot his mother when he was five years old. The worst part is that his mother was holding Jack when it happened. Ouch. Jack doesn't wait for opportunity, he takes it.

  • Rob Van Dam doesn't know who his N2R opponent is, but since Fonzie handles his contracts, RVD is sure to have a good opponent.

  • Jerry Lynn mentions his multiple injuries, and his current broken ribs won't keep him from working. Steve Corino then walks in and calls Lynn a crybaby, saying "work hurt like the rest of us" before walking through a nearby door. Lynn attempts to finish his promo, but decides that he's not going to let Corino punk him out like that. He hands his glasses to a cameraman before heading after Lynn. He walks in on Miss Congeniality, who is wearing a towel and that ugly mug of hers. Lynn seems to be heading towards flirt territory until he's MISS CONGENIALITY, the ugliest broad on ECW TV. Lynn tries another door and finds Corino...and a few kicks from Yoshihiro Tajiri. PEARL HARBOR!

  • Back to Raven on Bourbon Street. Dreamer should realize that the fans don't care about him. Maybe Raven's right.

  • Van Dam tells Fonzie to consider Sabu for RVD's PPV title defense...he gets a cut of RVD's winner's purse as well as Sabu's loser's money.

  • New Jack doesn't train with weights...he commits crime and runs from da po-lice!

  • Tajiri stands in front of a wall, speaking Japanese in that evil voice of his and rolling his eyes ala Undertaker.

  • Joel Gertner couldn't agree with Tajiri more...Joey rolls his eyes at the camera and asks "what did he say?". Gertner responds by moving his lips while Tajiri's interview is dubbed over it. Joey rolls his eyes at the camera again. Funny stuff.

  • New Jack doesn't know anything but hardcore violence...beating on asses until he gets tired. He's on a mission! (Insert Mo and Mabel here so Jack can whoop their asses too.)

  • RVD tells Fonzie to get whoever he can get, because everyone knows that RVD is the WHOLE BLEEPIN' SHOW. Insert closing credits here.

    Christopher G. Palacios
    [slash] wrestling

    Mail the Author

    This is Chrispy's final report for [slash] wrestling. Please join me in thanking him for a job well done these past eight weeks. - CRZ

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    Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission