Well...this is the first second day of the rest of our lives, isn't it?
Written in monopolizing Microsoft FrontPage 2000, this is the ECW on TNN report.

I know that you all sadly missed my report last week. I didn't even consider writing one after watching the feces that that show was. Not that it wasn't better than, say, RAW or the first 2 hours of Nitro (the 3rd hour excluded from that grouping for obvious reasons_{Benoit is god} . Yes, that was a subliminal message, people. However, in case you didn't watch last week's show, here's a quick recap from me:

If you were to replace the New Jack-Awesome match with a Sabu-Taz match which ended up with Taz unceremoniously jobbing and then choking out Van Dam with the help of Sabu, you have an exact replay of last week's show. Obviously, it was a bit different; but like last week, the "Catfight Wars of 1999" (an saying that is already annoying the crap out of me) went on, as did the Tommy loves Raven but Raven hates him, but Tommy doesn't love Raven that much, and they both hate the Impact Players angle.

Now, on the other hand...the Hak-Man made his return on last week's syndicated TV, which also featured a match between My Hero, Tajiri and Mr. Second Place, Jerry Lynn. Since I'm writing this an hour before the show, I don't know what's going to happen yet; but ECW's famous for putting on crappy-PPV shows. I fully expect ECW to set up the Jerry Lynn vs. Super Crazy vs. Tajiri 3 way dance match, as well as promo the 6-man main, which, in case you don't know, is the Hak-Man, The Man Who Rocks the Party that rocks Scotty the Body (right) , and the Fat Cripple vs. The Rhinoceros Rookie, The Kid Who Carried Chris Jericho, and Jushin Credible. You can feel free to pencil that one in to suck right now. And, of course, as per ECW's custom, a match that makes no sense on the card will be put in: "Back in Black" Chris Candido (w/ apparently, "back on SOMETHING" Tammy Lynn Sytch) vs. Fubu (w/ Henry Winkler) . Now, considering that it would make a billion more times sense to put on Taz vs. Sabu vs. RVD in a 3 way, and Sytch is too busy relieving herself on herself, we may see the match I mention. And, of course, Awesome vs. Tanaka (in match 3,414 of a 10,000 match series).

And, finally, to end the pre-match introductions, let me drop a bit of knowledge: the Bill Barnwell Likes ECW Tour '99 will be occurring later this month. I will be attending the 11/26 Trenton, NJ show and the 11/27 ECW Arena show with the boys from the WressleRage (spelled correctly) Bus Tour from NYC to NJ to Philly. I will have my Tajiri (spelled in kanji) sign, as well as another sign, which will most likely be a empty bag of potato chips stapled onto a sign saying "Sal E. Couldn't Eat Just One". Any better sign ideas? Email them to me. Using the link below. I didn't get any emails from the first review...but CRZ did. Remember people; if you want to send ME feedback, send ME feedback.

We start off this week's show in the ECW Arena! It's The Man Who Rocks the Party that rocks Scotty the Body ( right) and the Fat Cripple, Tommy Dreamer vs. The Kid who carried Chris Jericho and Jushin Credible. Tommy and Raven with double DDT's on Storm and Credible! You can see that the Arena crowd knows that the match isn't going to end that clean. 1...2...but D-A-W-N breaks up the pinfall. Francine enters the ring, and yes, you know what Joey Styles is about to scream. Francine gains the upper hand, and actually pulls up Tammy to go for a DDT? (Wow...that's some actual offense for Francine...but, of course, it's no Beulahsault) Francine's about to hit it, but Dawn Marie blocks it with a BACK HEEL TRIP! Wow! Dawn Marie is my new hero. Of course, she gets in the mount and attacks Francine again, but Tommy picks her up and is about to piledrive Dawn, when Steve Corino's rookie rhinoceros Rhino is in to fuck things up. Clothesline, while Joey yells that Rhino must be the Impact Players' mystery partner for Sunday Night! (Of course, if you had read the first 2 paragraphs, you would have known that already. And, whatever happened to Johnny Smith anyway? Rhino goes from jobber in May to main-eventing PPV's in November? Interesting.) Rhino hits a spinebuster on Tommy. Rhino goes to DDT Tommy, but Raven attacks Rhino from behind, saving Tommy (?). Raven goes to DDT Rhino, but gets a cane shot from Credible. Dreamer takes one too. Raven gets tombstoned by Credible while Dreamer takes a Cradle Piledriver from Storm (who appears to have adopted that as his finisher; he debuted it in April at an Arena show, Sabu & Jerry Lynn vs. the Impact Players). 1...2..but the lights go out at 2 2/3. The crowd pops mad for the lights going out, but it wouldn't compare to what happens when the lights were to go back on. Picture flashes show that the camera is now pointing at the Eagle's Nest, and when the lights go back on, the Hak-Man with all his accessories (but minus a shirt) is standing on the Nest. A insane pop for James. Especially when his music hits (I guess that people across the Arena couldn't tell if it was him.) Now, let me say something. This moment gave me goosebumps. It still gives me goosebumps when I see it now. The only other time I've ever gotten goosebumps when watching something wrestling-related is when Foley won the title for the first time. Oh well. Back to the show. Sandman's coming down the aisle, Enter Sandman is playing. He hops onto the apron, faces the TV camera, cane in hand, beer in the other, and he drinks a quick one for the crowd. He turns in the ring, but Jason (w/ Herpes) attacks. He gets a couple of punches in, but then takes a cane shot to the head to a huge pop. Jack Victory and Steve Corino enter the ring to prevent Rhino from attacking the Sandman. Victory turns around to look at the Sandman, gets caned. Rhino leaves the ring, and Corino's got his back turned to the Sandman, talking to Corino on the floor. You can figure out what happens next; but in case you can't, Sandman breaks the cane in half. Over Corino's head. Sandman poses. Crowd chants "Welcome back". Dreamer, Raven, and Sandman all converge in the middle of the ring. Raven walks away and does his crucifixion pose. Sandman and Tommy Dreamer look around. Dreamer calls for a beer from the stage, but Sandman gives him one. Dreamer is thrilled, and accepts. Both wait for the chorus, then open and chug. Sandman seems to get a whole beer, but Dreamer only gets half of it. He spits it in the air, and then gives the other half to Francine, who finishes the job to another good pop. You get the feeling she's gulped things before. Dreamer and Sandman hug to a huge "E-C-W" chant, and then hit their poses. The best thing I've seen on TNN yet; twice as good as Raven's entrance to NYC (which, although it's really ECW's best building (but too small for ECW to run shows in anymore, so they'll probably be moving NYC shows to the Manhattan Center, or somewhere else, but they're done in the Elks Lodge), isn't the place where Raven made his fame; that's the ECW Arena, and that's where Raven should have debuted.

Give me my ECW Credits to start off our show.
The credits have changed; replacing Awesome's pose to end the reel is a clip of Awesome powerbombing Mikey through a table; you could have seen said match on ECW Syndicated TV.

Hosting, as usual, is Joey Styles, and Joel "Joey Styles, you can run in traffic, because I'm all this show needs to get the female demographic" Gertner. Gertner sucks without the Dudleys. I wish it was Cyrus w/ Joey for TNN. Not just PPV; but then again, he'll be on this weekend, so no big deal.

N2R Fanfest hype, as well as N2R Hype itself, and then commercials. I fear that this show (as well as tomorrow's) will basically be those two segments over and over again.

Da Baldies (who consist of Devito, Spanish Angel, and Vito "The Misawa-Killing Skull (brought to you by Dean Rasmussen" Lagrasso) (A quick note on Skull: Those of you who go to the Arena shows know how much the New York bus trip people love Skull; he went on a trip to us to the Arena in May, IIRC; very personable and likable guy. NYC born and raised. Anyway, he was telling us about his tours in Japan; he mentioned that he pinned Mitsuharu Misawa (the legendary AJPW wrestler) once. Now, being at least somewhat knowledgeable about puroresu, this was big news to me; and, through the generosity of DVDVR playboy Dean Rasmussen, I got a copy of said match (actually, a battle royal with pins the way of elimination), and it is most surely something to be seen. Back to the show.) enter the ring, and Angel and Devito challenge Balls and Axl to a match. The Blade Brothers hit the ring, and we've got a brawl; I never would have expected it. Balls and Axl do their punch combos; Axl finishes with the usual whirlwind punch, but Balls steps on Devito's toes in a Eddy Guerrero rudo eye-pokeish moment. Skull comes into the ring, spits at Balls, and picks up a chair. Axl gives him a weak lovetap with the chair from behind, but Balls gives him a Balls Shot to the head. Skull is out. Balls and Axl pose. But then, it's Yo Fucking Yo, it's P.N. News!. Joey calls him "News" repeatedly; I guess either WCW called or Paul E. wanted News to look tougher. He has apparently joined the Baldies; he is wearing black clothes and has shaved his head, like the other 3. What an incredible addition. 3 on 2 attack now. Crowd chants "New Jack". And sure enough, it's the Extremely Criminal New Jack coming down the aisle, with his garbage can o' plunder. Angel takes a garbage can cover shot. Devito gets a throat thrust (?). News gets a cookie sheet. Devito gets another cookie sheet. News gets a garbage can shot. Angel's on wobbly legs, gets a punch and yet another cookie sheet. Devito comes back into the ring, but gets met with a STIFF guitar shot. I'm talking Maxx Payne on Jerry Sags at Slamboree '94 stiff. Angel gets the staple gun out of New Jack's can, and looks uncertain as what to do with it. He then decides to go attack New Jack, and although New Jack tries to fight it off, he can't escape getting stapled in the eye. Ow. 1wrestling.com Extreme Replay shows that that really hurt. New Jack does a huge blade job, and we have a no contest.

Joey announces that we will see Balls & Axl vs. Da Baldies at N2R. Thrill me some more. 

N2R Hype, and then a Baldies promo.

The promo is taped in the parking lot behind the ECW Arena, an interesting place to tape one. They talk about how New Jack's gone soft. Angel insists on talking like Konnan, using words like we played you, jack, etc. 

We play some commercials in this joint, Angel.

We come back to ring intros for Insanely Poor Super Crazy vs. The Pimple on Your Ass, Little Guido (w/ SalE) vs. Spike Dudley. Spike goes to visit his lookalike before the match; they exchange glasses. Guido then goes over to the fan and steals the glasses and steps on them. Wow, what a great Memphis heel. Joey even mentions something about cheap heel heat. Gertner claims no knowledge. He also claims that the woman will not be able to see without her glasses; they apparently have invisible frames. Funny stuff, for a change. Dudley attacks Guido in the ring to start off the match, and mounts the top turnbuckle with Guido under him, going for the 10 punches, but Crazy counters with a somersault sunset flip powerbomb. Nice move. Guido hits an Italian elbow off of the 2nd turnbuckle. Crazy whips Guido, they exchange duck unders, then Crazy lays on the mat to duck, and gets caught with an Italian elbow to the balls. Joey begs us to stay around, as they have to show more shitty commercials. Well, he didn't really say that, but, you know what I mean.

See above.

Dudley whips Guido and gives him a hiptoss. Dudley even whips out a rana; does he have his working boots on tonight? Dudley with a kick, and goes for the Acid Drop, but Guido puts on a Fujiwara armbar. Crazy kicks Guido to break it up, whips him, and then hits a Standing Swinging DDT. Guido bails. Crazy attacks Dudley with an armwringer, but Dudley rolls through to his half nelson pinning combo. He only seems to use it in lucha-style matches; the last time I remember him using it was w/ Crazy vs. Taka and Tajiri @ the ECW Arena in April (which was an excellent fun match shown on syndicated TV; Taka and Tajiri hit an absolutely BREATHTAKING simulatenous pair of Asai Moonsaults that looked great both on TV and in person.). Kicks from Spike, cross-corner whip is blocked, so Spike goes on the top turnbuckle and hits a corkscrew diving hurricanrana that gets 2. Spike most certainly is on tonight, and when he's on, he's an excellent worker. He was trained at the APW gym. APW is, of course, CRZ's local indy that he says you should support, but he never goes to. Oh well. Cross corner whip is reversed, and Dudley gets backdropped over the top rope to the apron. Dudley goes to attack Crazy in the ring, but changes his mind, and somersaults off of the apron onto Little Guido on the floor. Nice change of direction. Spike whips Little Guido over the guardrail, and goes to attack him, but is stopped when a Crazy Asai Moonsault takes them both down. They share chairshots with each other. Gertner sez: "Little Guido just asked Super Crazy, "Quiénes es tú papa?" (For those of you who don't habla español, that means "Who's your daddy?".) They brawl for a bit longer. Dudley goes to the top rope, and hits a weak chairshot to the floor on Crazy. Dudley hiptosses Guido over the guardrail towards the ring. Dudley throws Super Crazy over another guardrail, and does another corkscrew diving hurricanrana, but this one is off of the guardrail. Sweet move. Guido attacks both, and holds Crazy in place on the guardrail so SalE can hit a standing running splash. Dudley goes to the top while Guido's in the ring, goes for a cross body, but Guido moves and puts on his Fujiwara armbar. While it's aesthetically pleasing, it serves no purpose, because even though it's one of Guido's main moves, no one submits to it, so there's no suspense to it. Dudley gets the ropes. Dudley goes into the ringpost shoulderfirst and bails. Sal E attacks Dudley and goes for an Running Powerslam (ala Bulldog) through the table, but Dudley slips out, low blow, and Acid Drops SalE off of the guardrail through the table. Nice spot. Guido looks pissed, and runs at Spike when he enters the ring. Spike ducks, kicks, goes for the Acid Drop, but Guido stops, rolls Spike around, and hits a Tomikaze for 3 to eliminate Spike. That's a better finisher for him than the Sicilian Crab. Crazy attacks from behind post-pin, rear waistlock, switched, switched again, and a German suplex gets 2. Crazy hits a spinning heel kick and a standing moonsault (with a Taka pin!) for 2. He then hits the 10 punches (en español en ECW Arena y donde sea dispondible), chop, cross corner whip, reversed, Crazy tries to go for a tilt-a-whirl headscissors while hanging on the top rope, but Guido drops him on his face. Chops by Guido in the corner, whip, and Crazy's double springboard moonsault press misses. A Super Rocker Dropper that may have just made Super Crazy FAMOUS gets 2. Some Guido kicks, chops are traded, a Crazy kick gives him the advantage, a suplex is reversed by Guido into a suplex, which is reversed into an UGLY DDT. This was Terry Funk DDTing Cactus Jack on the floor on the match on Extreme Warfare Volume 1 ugly (yes, that ugly). That gets 2. Crazy sets up for the Triple Moonsault, and hits two, but before the third one, runs off the ropes and dropkicks a chair Sal E was holding right into Sal's face. 3rd moonsault gets the knees. Guido picks up Crazy, but a Crazy Kick and Crazy Brainbuster get a sane 2 count. They trade forearms, but Crazy just says "Fuck this", and hits a Corkscrew Liger Bomb to finish it. This was good when Spike was in there, decent without him. 

N2R and Live Show hype, followed by your favorite commercials.

RVD cuts a promo about how he will kick Taz's ass, entertaining enough. Notes of interest: RVD curses 3 times (all bleeped), RVD tells Taz to survive if RVD lets him.

Then, Misirlou begins to play, and it's time for the excellent Pulp Fiction Interview segment.

First off is Simon (w/out Lance or Diamond, but with Big Dick Hurtz). He uses some basic double-entendres involving Dick.
The Danaconda and Amish Roadkill w/ a 'tude (You thought that was unheard of) are next, and Doring's crying because Miss Congeniality left him and went to the WWF. Roadkill comforts him, but Doring smiles and says that he's ready for new women. I couldn't be enthralled more.
Fubu (w/ Henry Winkler) is next; Fonzie says that Sabu will kick Candido's ass, etc.
Simon wishes he was Val Venis.
"The New F'n Midcard" Jerry Lynn is going to kick Tajiri's ass real good.
Da Baldies say they hear New Jack (Skull: "That One-Eyed Freak") is looking for us. News says that they were just "giving him a little Sammy Davis Jr.". Funny shit from the man most famous for rapping. Angel then proceeds to get even further down the Konnan cycle by saying that: "Dog (I refuse to type dawg...but then again, I just did), it could be a lot worse, papa. You could actually find us." Grrr.
Simon has a big dick or something. 
Steve Fucking Corino: "...Sandman, you came back to ECW with your cigarettes. And you came back with your beers. However, you came back with something that Rhino will be handing you this weekend. And that is your ass." Corino rules. Rhino GETS THE MIC and says, in an very old-guy sort of voice, he wasn't around for the Sandman's glory days, and owes the Sandman no respect. Corino: "That's my monster! That's my monster!" Corino still rules.
Raven (sitting in a stadium seat somewhere) says: "How could you let the Sandman in our little family, Tommy?" He also mentions each of his opponents by name, and when he does, a little clip comes of them; for Rhino, a bleeped out message; for Lance Storm, his catchphrase of evilness, and for Credible, well, you figure it out. Raven calls Storm a primadonna, and wants to kick Credible's ass. 
Raven also says that it's better to have a condemned soul than no soul at all. I'd spend more time pondering that...but Paul E comes on and hypes N2R, which of course, means it's the end of our show.

Not bad for a pre-PPV show, but I would have liked to seen a Sandman highlight video or something. Speaking of the 'Man, wouldn't it be cool if Woman came back with him? Oh well. Probably not happening. Good show anyways, though. 'Till we meet again, I am merely...

Bill Barnwell
Blitz Sports

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