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WWF Excess by The Cubs Fan




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This week, the open is the logo plus Stone Cold throwing the medals over the rail. I'm sensing a pattern. (:25)

They're back! This should be some surprise. They're live, they're Excess, she's still Trish and he's still Coach. Insert "witty" banter. Tazz is our guest - here's Tazz talking on a cell phone to get you pumped. If we have questions for Tazz, read the graphic. Insert breast joke (don't ask.) Coach wants to talk about "the Week in Rock" har har. Still, I think he's better then Kelly or Cole in this slot. When Coach says something stuipd, I don't want to kill him, you see.

Oh, yea, the Rock talked during this. From Monday or some such stuff. There's the Gore. (4:38) The set up was "so obvious" to Trish, so what does that say about the Rock? More "witty" banter. Every time I say witty, just pretend the sarcastic quotation marks are there. Save us both the trouble. Then, there was the match - but we'll only see the end of it and the post game fun. (1:53) The Rock is hurt and maybe, just maybe, WCW is softening him up. That takes us to Thursday and let's just see the end of this match. Only the Rock can get distracted, take down that person and still manage to retain control of the match. Of course, that may be why there's only one Rock. (2:27) More witty banter. Will the Rock accept Christian's challenge Monday? Dunno - but Christian's gonna be on the phone after this break. Till then, enjoy this montage of Christian and the KOTR Trophy.

M&M's Successful Kanyon Title Defense Of Thursday.

Coach thinks there might be problems between Edge and Christian. Christian is now on the phone - the show is good. The match was good - he wrestled Justin Credible. Is Christian jealous? Well, they're always done together and Christian is just supporting his brother. Edge is busy at the moment, but Trish wanted to talk to her. Here's some footage of the trophy presentation. This is really helpful for Christian, who is on the phone. There's the IC Title. Christian showcases the trophy for his brother. Trish thinks it sounds valid. Coach can't stop talking about Trish wanting to talk to Edge. The reason Grandma Edna won't talk to him is simply bad reception. Ben (Long Island) is on the phone and - well, he takes some time to realize that second part - and wants to know if Christian thinks he could be King Of The Ring. Christian says he thought he should've won this year and he got screwed out of it, but because Edge won it, it's just like he won it. About that WCW Title Match - Christian is hoping the challenge will be accepted. The announcers pick on Christian for continuing to say "we're King of The Ring, we're InterContinetial Champion" when they probably should be contrasting it to the "I'll be WCW World Champion." Trish asks him to say hi to Edge for him, but Christian doesn't answer. Tazz is up next. Let's watch him dramatically look at a picture of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Also, from the vault, by popular demand, HELL IN THE CELL (1.) This black and white footage isn't a good sign (you can't show blood at 10pm at night) and let's just hope they don't pointlessly clip this too.

Hmm, pictures of the Rock and Steve Austin have nothing to do with Team Extreme going shopping, so let's watch a video package about that. They're looking for clothes for their special magazine coming up. The store got closed down for shopping and the photo shoot. This one of things it works better if you watch ('cause I'm not describing their clothes selections) but you can make judgments based on what you know and not really get surprised. Matt dressed really bad (probably on purpose) and sings. That's your highlight. Wait, here's Lita in a small top. (3:08)

Our hosts are so hip and fresh, they're now standing (and sitting) in front of the desk instead of behind it. They've added a lot more funky camera angles this week instead of sticking with the last week's three camera set up - it's the same inaction no matter which way you look at it, though. This week, Trish checks out a magazine -  oh, it's the Team Extreme magazine. If you want to know more, stick around a break - Lita's on the phone next. Did Tazz get lost or something?

Clearasil Lead Pipe Cinch Of Last Monday. I'm so glad Ivory upgraded from a kick to knee. 

Hurricane Helms thinks he's a superhero! I wasn't sure yet, thanks Coach. Also, Ivory doesn't give up and maybe this time the pipe worked better. Lita's on the phone and says it was actually a crowbar. Good enough. She's hobbling but she got other good body parts. Like her hands and her other leg. Trish wants to know about Jeff. Is Trish some kinda slut or something? Oh. Anyway, Jeff got back up after being put through the table later that night but then started feeling bad later. Okay. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I think Lita's actually watching the show while she talking - good move. Lita's gonna get revenge on Ivory - from what happened at SURVIVOR SERIES. (Ivory won the title there from Lita, if you don't remember - I did until she brought it up.) That almost saves this. Lita wants to get stronger and get back. Time to go to a break. Coming up next, Tazz. 

Hit the music, it's Tazz. Check out the glasses. Tazz: "I'm not in a good mood." WOW! Why did Tazz turn in the first place? Tazz says Vince was good, but he was "just another victim" to Vince's mind games that he plays in the back. HE'S SHOOTING. Anyway, Shane and Stephanie gave him an opportunity and he took it. Let's go back to a very special video package - and Austin beating down Tazz. We DON'T get the turn on Smackdown. (1:28) Coach doesn't get it. Coach doesn't get a lot. Trish wants to know, and Allan Sieracki (of Wigwam, Mass) writes: "I was wondering why you trust Stone Cold. Because he always used to say not to trust him, why do you? Allan makes a good point, if not good sentences. Tazz says DTA is Austin's motto, but like any other employee, he does what the boss says. Tazz says he deserved every shot on his back - but he did stand up to Steve Austin and no one else did. Austin should beat him down again for saying that. Trish makes a joke and Tazz stares a whole in her, then yells at Coach for laughing. Coach's masculinity gets questioned in the process. We argue about the realism of the elbow injury - let's watch the match from Monday. Just the end, of course. Tazz did not look in the best shape in this match, that's for sure. See, watch, when Angle tries to do the same thing the Rock did - attack the outsider (Austin) while fighting the legal man (Tazz), he gets caught in the Tazzmission. He was smart enough to escape but still, he's no the Rock. (3:24) Tazz says it was funny - because they won the war, even if the lost the match. Tazz had his bike stolen from him when he was in high school. Come back and we'll show you Smackdown highlights.

This :30 "behind the scenes" of Star Trek commercial is almost more interesting the this whole show has been. Take Lita's memory out of it and...

Remember that Tazz debut vignette they hyped a little bit on and showed about once? We'll make it twice. Say hello to the second hour. The first hour didn't seem like twelve this week. Coach makes fun of it being an old clip, and Tazz makes fun of Coach having no video package. Coach: "Oh, the mood has changed." Tazz threatens to steal Coach's job. Let's go to Smackdown and Angle's medals. It becomes awful scary when your friends borrow the "what?" line. It is better than the week they spent talking like Arnold, though. (6:11) David S. Turner (an AOL user) asks: "What valuable lessons did you learn growing up in Red Hook? Do you think they helped you succeed in the World Wrestling Federation?" David apparently has enough time to e-mail questions but not enough to actually listen to Tazz, or he'd know this already. Wait, here's the copyright logo. And here's the TV 14 logos again. Maybe the hour just ended now. Tazz tarts to complain about the directing and Kurt's medal obsession. Tazz says (the old) ECW is beyond our non-ex ECW's comprehension. Tazz talks about Paul Heyman and there's a trace of animosity there, but not enough for the hosts to pick up on. Amanda (South Dakota) calls in to ask what sparked Tazz's interested in wrestling and the hardcore division? Tazz protests the hardcore division. Tazz became a wrestler because he needed a job and apparently McDonald's wasn't accepting. It's a business, not a dream of his. Coach screws up and calls Tazz a WWF superstar and he throws a fit, rightly so. The transition from being a wrestler to an announcer is a tough one. Trish coughs and Tazz loses his train of thought and starts arguing with her about that and how he was a better host when she came on Heat. Trish openly wonders if this is a bad time of the month for Tazz and it doesn't get an better. This director really does love changing camera for no reason, Tazz. A break, but HITC next.

Tazz is still there. I wish everyone would just GO AWAY. Trish asks what's the deal with the non-orange tonight, but Tazz points out it's in the rim of his glasses - he's accessorizing. Time for Coach's favorite video package of the night - the Alliance and the WWF face of in softball at Shea Stadium. Michael Cole, Al Leiter and Rick White are your commentators. The money goes to firefighters who lost their lives in the family. For the Alliance, the Dudleyz (both wearing "3D"), Tazz (13), Kanyon (12 - I would've have figured 1), Justin Credible (wearing 69 AND busting out his anti-catch phrase for the moment), Tommy Dreamer (00 - he claims his ECW experience helps him with swinging a bat) and probably real celebrities we don't care about. For the WWF, it's Coach (2), Tajiri (29), Albert (73) and Mick Foley (15.) The WWF seems kinda outnumbers - celebrities taking part aren't that interesting, I guess. Here's some highlights. Kanyon wears both of his bats while hitting, of course. Foley is a star pitcher. Coach is a Coach. Everyone's really happy to see Matthew Modine (Private Joker from Full Metal Jacket.) To be a wrestler, you must had to have watched that a million times. Dreamer gets hit by a pitch (there's a shock, Tommy Dreamer gets hurt) and goes out to charge Foley on the mound, but Kanyon (still wearing both belts) gets a hold of him and points at Albert coming in to back up. They think better of it. Dreamer was safe but the ump called him out so Bubba goes out to beat up the ump but the ump gets him in a front face lock. Tajiri had fun. Mr. Met had fun. Bubba says they're gonna regroup and practice all year and win next time. Coach gloats and Tazz puts him in the Tazzmission. (4:38) Tazz is happy with the way that turned out and Coach isn't. Why did he want to see that video package then? That's not the first time that's happened either - Trish intros a clip from "last year's dysfunctional family picnic" (huh) and we see Tazz do it again, this time after a Stephanie (w/Women's Belt?) slap. Up next, the HITC match. Maybe.

Tazz won't leave. Austin will do whatever Austin wants to do so Angle's challenge doesn't matter. Zach Malaby (I'm guessing on the last name) requested it, so he's gonna get it - the first Hell In The Cell.

From the Vault: Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels - HITC - IYH: Bad Blood, October '97. We start just after the replay of HBK clocking the cameraman, and they're moving to take him out as Shawn is loading up for the superkick. I was gonna actually do play by play but they've already clipped it so why bother. The second hour is late enough to show blood in color, apparently. We get a clip after the cage dive, till when Undertaker brings him back into the ring. You know, if JR really wanted to showcase the psychology and not rapid high spots wrestling he wants to move towards, they probably should've included that part of this match. Here's Kane. His arms have got so much bigger. And his hair so much better. Amazing that they made the whole normal cage theme "no way in or out" moot twice during the debut and because they did made the gimmick still look so great it didn't matter. There's a Tombstone. Even Lawler doesn't want HBK to win, or at least like this. The Hebner three count takes ten seconds.  (9:33) HBK was never the same after that match. Tazz is still here and will have surprises. We'll see it after the break - I wonder if it's Joey Numbers.

Tazz is not just on Smackdown, he's also on Tough Enough. Coach messes up. (2:31) I was SO close. Tazz has his surprises - hey, it's Taylor (new curly hair) and Nidia. Matching black colored outfits and matching hair styles, that's kinda scary. Taylor's outfit draws attention to her clevage (and slightly showing bra?) and Nidia's doesn't, which seems to be a switch. Who's going to win? They both worked really hard. Trish realizes it was very tough - Nidia says it was tougher than they thought it'd be. They're much better on camera then they were doing the promos this week. Of course, they're not cutting promos. Al and Tazz train different ways. Tazz thinks Al was too easy on them. Coach asks who they liked training with better and they both are smart people. Nidia's talking more than Taylor. Taylor's shorter than Trish. Nidia's about an inch taller. Maybe they haven't got lifts yet. Here's a call for them: Chris from Tennessee or New Mexico, depending on who you want to believe. Chris had a hard family life and he goes on and on and Coach finnaly cuts him off and gets to the point - how has Taylor dealt with her parents. Taylor says them not wanting her to do it made her want to do it more, and even they they'd like her doing something safer, they are happy that she's found something she likes. Nidia says her dad told her to challenge herself, so she is. Tazz said, in the beginning he thought Victoria and Bobbie Jo (doesn't actually remember either's name) would be the two to last for a long time and not these these two. Coach says they seem like good friends and screws up again and Tazz calls him on it again. Coach, the ultimate crap disturber, decides to show a clip from this week of Taylor telling her mom that she thinks she's going to win. That's cruel. Taylor says she has to believe in herself and they're friends but they're both in it to win. Coach says he was talking to Nidia earlier (wait, I thought this was a surprise - Coach is really not good) and Nidia says she's gonna win. Everyone calls him on being a disturber now and rightfully so. Nidia gives the impression that they're still working out, even in the ring. Trish wishes them both good luck. Is Tazz going to leave? I think Coach thinks he is but he may be wrong. 

Tazz IS gone. They got just a few minutes to kill. This didn't seem as long this time, but I only watched it on tape - yay me. Trish and Coach talk about how hard it is to be Trish. This is just a set up for the WWF Fanatic PPV this month, WWF Divas in Hedonism. For some reason, we show Terri's bit even though she's part of the Alliance. Here's the body paint part. (4:00) Coach wants to be a horse. Let's take a break. I guess they have more minutes to kill.

I forget to note that they're standing last segment. And this one. And they're wrapping up for real this time. Wednesday, the Rock returns to TRL. Also, Conan O'Brien. Thursday, Howard Stern. Friday, Rosie O'Donnell. Next week's guest - Booker T. Oh wow, that's tempting. That's it for this week.

For an "interactive" show, they had five people get in questions.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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