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WWF Excess by cfgb




We're back for another week of WWF Excess! Can Jonathan Coachman behave like more of an idiot than he did last week? I don't think I emphasized at ALL how embarrassing seeing him gallop around like a horse was - but it's things like that that make wrestling fans go into denial about being a fan.

It's funny, my best friend and I were wondering who could take over the reigns if JR were to retire - and frankly we couldn't name one other top notch lead announcer in the biz. Guys - get some fairly cheap prospect who loves the biz and has unlimited potential (someone like me...or not.) and get him working Metal or something because the announce pool is really thinned out right now.

ANYWAY, enough ranting. More recapping.

Last Monday night, Kurt Angle abducted Steve Austin and did some very illegal things to him including issuing death threats.

We're two weeks away from Unforgiven. Our hosts are Jonathan Coachman and Trish Stratus! Our guests tonight at Spike Dudley and Booker T who are lurking about backstage. As always the phone number is 1-800-WWF-LIVE or email them at

We'll start with the week in review. Here's a video package showing the whole buildup of the Edge and Christian breakup. From King Of The Ring, to the following RAW, skipping WAY ahead to Edge vs. Lance Storm at SummerSlam, Christian vs. Matt Hardy from the following RAW, Edge / Christian vs. The Brothers Of Destruction, Edge vs. Kanyon, and Christian challenging The Rock. I can't think of anything missing, aside from Christian challenging Hugh Morrus on behalf of Edge, but I'm nitpicking.

On RAW Shane McMahon and Booker T offered their help to get the WCW World Title to Christian. During the match, Shane and Booker did indeed interfere like crazy - but it wasn't enough. Rocky managed to connect with a Rock Bottom and retain the title. Of course, JR and Heyman completely ignore the fact that Christian was receiving a bigger chant during the match than Rocky - but that's Toronto for ya. :-)

Back in the studio, Trish says Christian has a look of failure on his face. Coach suggests he's about to go over the edge. (Well DUH, he has the spoilers and all...) But first, we have to take a commercial break before we go any deeper into that.

Later tonight, From The Vault goes back to Wrestlemania VI. Ooooh, I hope we get Andre The Giant and Haku against Demolition. Oh sure, go with the popular vote and give us Hogan vs. Warrior.

Speaking of Demolition - here's a clip of one of them. Kronik returned on Monday and gave the High Times to Undertaker. What does Undertaker think of all this? Find out next!

Well, it's next. Trish knows about manhandling men says Coach. (STOP!) A few months ago, The Undertaker single handedly beat up the RTC. So that's the reason behind Steven Richards and his gang of thugs.

On the phone, we have The Undertaker. He's just come back from a houseshow in Dallas and they blew the roof off. Isn't that a new arena? I hope they got a fine at least... What are Takers thoughts on Steven Richards? The guy is a real joker - and he holds him responsible for dismantling the RTC. If he's bitter about that, he has to get in line because he's ended a lot of careers. Taker says the other half of the equation will be off the DL soon. All he wants is a good fight.

Taker says Kane is getting better every single day. He had a staff infection on his elbow and it blew up to 2 or 3 times the size. What he doesn't mention is during that boiler room match with Mankind a few years ago, he had the same problem and worked through it. According to Foley's book, he popped it and the puss literally flew across the room. Gross, I know. The infection is almost cleared up - and Kane will be back soon.

Taker lives by a motto - which is "That that doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Everytime he beat a legend, he's gotten stronger. He sets his own pace, and lives by his own rules. People believe it's just a phrase when he says it's his yard - but Taker believes it. He doesn't get the title shots anymore - but he doesn't really care.

What's been his biggest challenge since he's been in the WWF? Keeping healthy. One of his strongest attributes is that he can take alot of punishment. So for years he let people wear themselves out beating him up then he'd take them to school. However, after a decade it started to wear on him. So he's made changes and he has no idea how much longer he can go.

Earlier this week Wrestlemania was announce for Toronto. Taker's of the impression his debut was at the Skydome - and the energy in that building is awesome. He looks forward to a second go around. He's undefeated at Wrestlemania. He proved this year that he has a lot of energy left - by defeating the top guy (in his opinion) in the business today. Maybe next year someone on the booking committee will give him a title shot this year - but he's not anticipating that at all. Can I offer a suggestion? WIN THE RUMBLE.

They sign off with Taker and head back to the press conference where Wrestlemania was announce for Toronto.

After the commercial break - Spike Dudley.

We're back and we're playing Dudley Boyz music. Spike is in the house.

Coach wants to know if Spike has his lovelife in order. So let's take a look at the RAW where Spike told Molly he's in love with here. Molly has something for him - she wants to GET IT ON LIKE AN ANIMAL! Coach wants to know all about it but Trish tells him to shut up. Spike tells Coach he has no game because he asks too many questions.

Jason from Ohio met Spike when he was with ECW. He wants to know when the WWF is going to give him respect. Spike says he'll take any title chance he can get and he's just happy to have a job. I can imagine!

What does Spike think about his brothers leaving him? It's a scary thing having guys who know how to take you out on the other team. He's by himself in a world of sharks.

Cory from South Carolina wants to know if Spike is going to pop the question. Spike won't talk about it on TV because he's a gentleman. Coach is annoyed but Trish shuts him up.

Spike loves teaming with Molly in intergender matches because it offers a different side of the business to him. Coach meanwhile has found a layout of Molly in WWF Magazine and is staring at it. Trish snatches it away and gives it to Spike who kisses the picture. I'm not sure if that's sweet or just plain pathetic. If there's any ladies reading this - your thoughts? I know what the male population is thinking.

Coach promises to lay off Spike a little bit - but first we have to take another commercial break. Booker T is getting his makeup done backstage and the makeup lady seems to be having issues with him.

We're back - and it's time to get back to Christian again. You know, I think they've got some lineup things to work out - because I have COMPLETELY forgotten about the breakup due to the last segment. They should have gone right into this after the last commercial break rather than putting it off, in my opinion. Anyway, long story short - Edge gets beatup by Lance Storm, and Christian chases him off. Christian then waffles Edge with a chair of his own and gives him a conchairto on the mat. I didn't do a Bits And Bites this week, so I'll react now. "Awwww man... That's heartbreaking. But well done." There, happy? Honestly, the turn was brilliantly done with Christian seemingly regretting it somewhat - but knowing there was no turning back after he went through with it, so the ONLY way he's gonna get away with it now is to kill Edge.

Trish says it's obvious Christian wants the spotlight. Spike agrees it's not easy to be a wrestler and it hurts when your brother is not on your side.

On Smackdown! Christian cut a killer promo about the whole situation. If you want to know EXACTLY what was said, go read CRZ's Smackdown! recap.

Coach declares none of this Edge's fault. How do YOU know what goes on behind the scenes? I'll bet money Edge walks around at home bragging and Christian's the only one with the balls to act out in front of an audience. Or not.

Rich from Boston wants to get Spike's thoughts on the breakup. Spike just thinks the whole thing is nasty and Edge is the superior wrestler. Christian's going to go down. If I'm Christian, I beat the hell out of Spike on RAW for that.

Time for another commercial break. We DO have a special guest coming up after the break though - so definately stick around.

Hey, it's Josh from Tough Enough! How do I know this? Coach tells me, that's how. (I don't get Tough Enough.) 2 Thursdays from now is the season finale. What does Josh think his chances are? He says about 33%. Heh. In all honesty, he thinks he has a great chance.

Josh paints his fingernails like Jeff Hardy. Oh boy. Josh and Spike are about the same size - so does Spike have any tips? Yeah - he's gonna get his ass kicked. And he's gonna have to love it, or he'll never make it.

When did WWF Superstars think THEY were Tough Enough? Jeff Hardy always knew he wanted to do this - because he loves impressing people. The Big Show is still trying to figure out if he's tough enough. I have NO idea why but I'm laughing at that clip. Hugh Morrus doesn't believe tough enough is a good word for what they do. Crazy is more like it. Brooklyn Brawler knew back in 1983 when he took a suplex and came back for more. Rhyno gored his 7th grade teacher so that was a good indication. It took D-Von until he went toe to toe with the Acolytes. Back to Hugh Morrus - he feels there are a few tough guys. He could be one of them but he doesn't think he's tough enough. Booker T first climbed into a wrestling ring and felt like it was a place he'd been for years - even though it was a place he'd never been before. Jeff Hardy again knows he was tough enough but didn't know if he was talented enough. But now he knows.

Spike laughs at the Brooklyn Brawler making an appearance.

They bring up Josh's girlfriend problems and take a look at the footage of her giving him crap for wanting to be a wrestler. Man, is it FAIR to have this aired on television? Josh looks flat out embarassed. Josh says they've put things off while he's on the show. Coach says that's what he'd do, and Spike quickly jumps on him saying he's never had a girlfriend.

John from Maine wants to know what Al Snow's like as a trainer. He loves Al and thinks he's a great trainer. Spike was with Al Snow in ECW years ago - and he used to spend hours teaching the guys stuff.

James from Kentucky is curious what handicaps he's encountered due to his size. He doesn't have to try harder than the other guys - he gives 110% regardless and so do the other guys. Spike lets him know in a land of giants it's going to be rough.

Tough Enough 2 is casting right now. Maybe I could get on the next show? Sure, I have no business in a wrestling ring - but I DO wash my pants.

Commercial break.

On RAW everyone knew Kurt Angle would be in a bad mood - but no one expected him to go to the lengths he went. Angle kidnapped Austin and threated to throw him off a bridge while shackled before challenging him to a World Title match and pushing him into a pool. Then on Smackdown! Steve Austin addressed the crowd and gave them about a hundred thousand WHAT?'s in a row. It's funny as hell. Kurt then comes out and lets him know Austin's gonna get his ass kicked at Unforgiven.

Coach accuses Trish of wanting to jump Alliance. Trish says no way - and if Austin was her leader she'd be embarassed.

Commercial break.

Booker T is here to raise the roof. Booker T says Trish looks bootylicious. She's split between Coach and Booker.

Booker and Shane McMahon are good friends. It's a business relationship.

Devon via e-mail wants to know what a sucka is. If Devon doesn't know - he MUST be a sucka. He wanted to know who the biggest sucka is, so it must be him.

Steven from Florida wants to know if Booker T or Fischer Price invented the Spinaroonie. Booker wants to be told he didn't say that. He gets told he didn't say that.

Jaime from Manhattan wants to know why he's more electric than The Rock - and why he does the Spinaroonie since it gives the opponent a chance to recover. He says it pops the crowd and it's alot more electric than the stupid people's elbow.

Chris from Maine wants to know what his most memorable match ever was. He's held the TV Title 6 times (LIAR, it's SEVEN), the Tag-Team Titles 10 times, and the World Title 5 times. But his favorite moment? His best of 7 with Benoit.

Let's go back to his first World Title win against JEFF JARRETT!!! HE IS ALIVE! THEY ACKNOWLEDGED HIM! Then they go to Fall Brawl where he got #2 from KEVIN NASH! These archives rule - bust them out more often! Of course, it means nothing since they bust out Ric Flair's name every week on TV, but it sure is nice to pretend they might show up.

Coach likes Booker's old haircut in those clips. Booker says it's a new era and the Bookerman is here.

Booker T goes over the comments about being tough enough. About how the ring was a place he felt he'd been all his life. Now can you dig that? We'll be right back.

Commercial break.

On RAW Booker and Shane tried to help get the World Title to Christian. When it failed they booked a handicap match for Unforgiven with Booker and Shane against The Rock. Booker T says The Rock got himself into this - and now he's gonna pay.

Here's a clip of The Rock and Lillian Garcia. This was The Rock's BEST interview in well over a year. Lillian coming onto him made it all the better.

Booker T didn't find the interview funny at all. At Unforgiven he's going to show them what real entertainment is all about.

Dan from Michigan calls in and wants to say that The Rock has audacity to sit around making fun of Booker T. Dan sounds suspiciously like Shane McMahon. Coach picks up on it as well. Does he have a question for Booker T? How can The Rock be dissing him like that? Booker's got alot of payback ready. He smells what The Rock is cooking - and it stinks. Booker loves this caller.

Commercial break.

Ben e-mailed Excess and wants to know if Booker's been offered any movie roles. Yeah - he was looking into getting into Terminator 3. Is that a shot at Chyna? I doubt it, but you never know. Blade 2 he might get Wesley Snipes' role. American Beauty 2 is looking into him as well.

Coach wants to know if Booker's jealous of The Rock. Booker wants to know what he's done to be jealous of. Well - he's done all kinds of things and they JUST HAPPEN to have clips of him all over the place.

The Rock was on Rosie O'Donnell, TRL, and Conan O'Brien. Conan is going to be in the WWF - The Wilted Weiner Federation. The Rock knows he's on Excess - and knows Coach is playing pocket pool with himself. Coach doesn't know anything about pie. Go Rocky!

Booker T is ready to rip Rocky's face from limb to limb - then he won't be so pretty to all the fans. At Unforgiven devistation is going to be released on The Rock - and this devistation is 251 pounds. No negative thoughts - he will walk in and out WCW champion. The Rock may have the belt, but he'll always be the champion. Trish wants to know if he's a 6 time champ if he'll hold up 6 fingers? Booker is SICK of The Rock - his picture is all over the place when it should be him. Booker T threatens to give the Spinaroonie - then backs off and walks off the set.

Commercial break.

Trish thinks Booker T is the most electrifying his own mind. They go over matches coming up at Unforgiven and then head From The Vault.

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR vs. HULK HOGAN (for the WWF World Heavyweight Title and the WWF Intercontinental Title)

The Warrior runs to the ring as per usual and shakes the ropes like a madman. Hulk Hogan is a Real American and the fans are nuts for this match. So let's clip ahead to the end, where Warrior gorilla presses Hogan, and hits a big splash on his back. However, that gets 2. Hogan hulks up though, big boot, and MISSES the legdrop, so Warrior hits the splash and wins the World Title in the ONLY clean job from Hogan I can think of. If ANYONE can name another match in which he jobbed clean (don't give me Sting vs. Hogan from Havoc 99, you know what I mean) I'll refer to it next week. For the record, this is a really good match unclipped.

Commercial break.

Trish and Coach agree it was a great show, a big show. Speaking of Big Shows, The Big Show is the guest next week. (ROCK ON!) Until next week, take care.


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