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WWF Excess by cfgb




It's another week, and damn I'm in a good mood towards the world of professional wrestling today! After finding the jewel at the end of the Royal Rumble tape that was Monday Night RAW from January 1997 I feel completely positive! The matches were by no means great on a star scale - but you know, sometimes stars don't mean everything. 'Twas a simpler time when tables, high spots, and evil owners were NOT the focal point. You had Gorilla - the president of the WWF trying to simply maintain control and do what's right. What's WRONG with having such a character today? Bulldog and Owen had issues at the Royal Rumble, yet patched them up with no problems and went out to wrestle a good strong match - and came across as THE champs. Now if something like that were to occur, it would mean instantaneous feud leading to a month or two of matches - and that would be that. Bret Hart was unhappy because he wasn't getting a shot at the WWF Title. Remember when title shots weren't handed out like candy? And angles revolved around the title! It was all WRESTLING.

Now let's take a look back at the week that was Sportz Entertainment.

At Vengeance, history will be made. Here's a quick look at the four superstars in the mini-tournament.

For the first time in over 100 years, we'll have an undisputed champion. Trish Stratus and Jonathan Coachman *groan* are here. Trish has a big surprise for Coach. She's gonna outdo the bikini shot from a few weeks ago. Also, the guest tonight is Chris Benoit - who's backstage getting all mic-ed up.

At Vengeance we're gonna have those 3 big matches. Not everyone was on board this past week with Vince's plan.

On RAW, Rocky wanted to know why the WWF is holding this tournament, if all they want is one champion. He says Jericho and Angle have NO business in the ring since all they need are the two champions. Chris Jericho (who has an EGO) doesn't take kindly to those comments. The problem with Y2J over the past few years has been the fact that he cared what the fans thought. By giving that up, he'll be far more successful.

Coach thinks this match has become more than personal. How the hell is THAT possible? The winner of that match will meet the winner of Austin/Angle and be crowned the unified champion.

Still to come tonight, Austin and McMahon comes to a head - and they meet in a steel cage with Austin's Wrestlemania Title shot sitting in the wings. (From St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1999) I really hated the WWF during that era, and was not a fan of that card in general. Oh well, people gave it rave reviews at the time, so who am I to criticize?

2 weeks ago, William Regal was the first member of the Kiss My Ass Club. On RAW this past Monday, Vince tried to induct member #2. Let's go look at that!

Steve Austin gives McMahon a nutshot, then whips him with the belt. The Dudleys came out first - followed by the rest of the Alliance. They chased Austin away to the back. JR was laughing his ass off, so Vince pulls JR to the ring. Lawler protests, but does nothing. So Tazz is less of a force then Vince? (Well, I GUESS Angle was with him too.) The people are going to kiss Vince's ass through JR. Vince drops his pants, and here comes The Undertaker. I know this is a replay and all - but I'm hoping in this version Undertaker beats the shit out of Vince. Taker lists NAMES of old stars. When it was all said and done, they all kissed his ass. (Piper denied this on the radio this week. Hah!) Taker says he's kissed Vince's ass more than anyone - confusing the hell out of the crowd. He asks JR if he was going to kiss Vince's ass. Hell no! Does he want to kiss his ass? Hell no! Is that because he's better than UT? Taker beats the hell out of JR. *sigh* I appreciate a JR beating more than anyone, but why does it have to mean a heel turn? Why, why, why? Grrrrrrr. JR has to kiss Vince's ass. McMahon dances around, spanking the hat on his ass. ARGH, I'M ALL FRUSTRATED AGAIN!

Hey, we still get to watch Smackdown's segment later on!

Up next - Chris Benoit chats candidly about his injuries. You and I might be invited too, so stick around.

This portion of WWF Excess is brought to you by Foot Locker, JVC, and Snickers. Crunch this.

5 months ago, Chris Benoit and Woman visited a hospital and found out he had ruptured a disk. Dr. Lloyd Youngblood explains the surgery. I'll spare you the details.

Enter Chris Benoit!

Chris Benoit is here and he's really mad. Chris Benoit is here and he's really an-GRY!

Is he feeling better? Everything's been going great, and he's A-1. He hasn't been able to run or train hard, but by the end of December he'll be able to get back in the ring to start bumping again.

It's nice to see you back on WWF Television. When can we expect to see you back in the ring?

Macon, Georgia

By the end of the month when he starts running and bumping he'll have a better idea, but if it was up to him he'd be back Monday. It's hard to watch when he feels he should be right in the middle.

Hey guys,
My question is for Chris. What was your reaction to seeing Ric Flair become co-owner of the WWF? You & Ric must have had some run-ins during your WCW days. What can WWF fans expect from the Nature Boy? Woooo!

St. Louis, Missouri

Hey Felix, SOME run-ins? Go through CRZ's recaps or something before you EVER SEND ANOTHER E-MAIL!

It's great seeing Ric back, sez Chris. His longevity speaks for itself. He started there in 1996, and he and Arn Anderson recruited him into the Four Horsemen. It was a great learning experience and unparalleled.

I can't wait to see you back in action. It must be killing you to be left out of Vengeance. Who do you think has the best chance to win the undisputed championship? Also, which of the four guys was the toughest for you to face in the ring?

Davie, Florida

Chris says people always ask him who the toughest guy he ever faced was. He can't choose one because everyone is so different. Whoever has the most heart will walk off with the championship.

Since he's been gone Steve Austin has risen back to where he used to be, The Rock is still the most electrifying man in Sportz Entertainment, Y2J has been elevated, and Kurt Angle continues to be one of the best young men in the sport. Comments? The competition from the Alliance forced them to raise the bar, and that has a lot to do with where they are.

With everything that's gone on over the past few weeks, like the end of the Alliance and the return of Ric Flair, I was wondering where you stand in the company. Will you have a job when you get back, and have you talked to anyone who was fired?
Tucson, Arizona

Benoit says he left WCW for a reason. He was the champion, but he had to get out. He's loyal to Vince, and there's no two ways about it. And he hasn't chatted with anyone who was fired.

Here's a look at an old friend of Benoit's, Lance Storm - mopping floors. It's HILARIOUS!!!!!!

When we come back, we'll get Benoit's thoughts on RAW.

The most embarrassing RAW Magazine commercial EVER airs during this ad break.

The Undertaker makes his sacrifice. But he's a heel now - right? Listen to Taker talking over the music, and hitting the posts like a pro! If this heel turn doesn't work out, he has a career in radio. Unless of course it was edited...naw!

Hey Chris, tell us about your sacrifices. He's not gonna talk about the sacrifices he's made, because everything he does is a choice that he makes, and this is something he's passionate for. Wow, well said!

What were Chris' thoughts when he saw Undertaker force JR to kiss McMahon's ass? He figures Taker didn't need to do that to get respect. When you see him walking around in the locker room that respect is THERE! He can't figure out Taker's motivation.

One man who's never kissed McMahon's ass is RVD. On Smackdown!, McMahon had a message for RVD.

Vince books RVD in a match with Undertaker. Wow, what a message! RVD then faces Bubba in a "match". I don't like using that word for spotfests that last 90 seconds. Undertaker runs out and powerbombs RVD through a trashcan. He lets RVD know he has a lot to learn if he wants to move up in the WWF. This is his first lesson, and at Vengeance he'll graduate with honors. Everyone will respect him.

Does Benoit respect Undertaker? Absolutely, but he never asked for it - he earned it. However, he'll always have someone knocking on his backdoor, and it's called evolution. But, but, but...what about OUT WITH EVOLUTION, IN WITH REVOLUTION! Lack of continuity! For SHAME!

What are Benoit's thoughts on RVD? Benoit's never faced him, but just watching him - you've gotta give him respect.

What about Matt vs. Jeff? These guys know eachother better than anyone else. He'll find out what's in their heart, because he's been in the ring with guys he thought he had down pat, but they pulled out something he never expected, so you always have to watch for that.

Benoit is a student of The Game. Aha, I KNEW IT! Benoit's learning POLITICS on the sidelines! When he comes back he'll be dancing on the glass ceiling. And Scott Keith will hate him.


Trish wants his insight on her matches. Benoit says "she's the champ right?" She says yeah. He finishes with "say no more".

He shakes Coach's hand and gives a hug to Trish. Benoit came off as a genuine nice guy who's not into childish antics. VERY refreshing to see!

2 weeks ago at the Survivor Series, Jeff Hardy was a moron.

Coach reminds us Jeff couldn't help himself. So here's some highlights from RAW.

Jeff goes for a high spot, and Matt stops him from hurting himself. Jeff gives him hell for trying to run his life, and it leads to Matt telling Lita to shut up. Lita tells him the only person he cares about is himself. Then on Smackdown! Lita and Jeff have verbal intercourse in the locker room. Matt hears this, and breaks up the party. He booked them in a match with Kane and The Big Show. In the match, Big Show KICKED THEIR ASSES! Then Kane KICKED THEIR ASSES! Then Lita the whore interfered, so Matt KICKED HER ASS off the top and she got hurt. The big boys win. Matt gives Jeff shit for costing them the tag-team titles. Jeff challenges Matt. Matt calls Jeff a sore loser. Preach on!

We're coming right back on Excess! Up next, Trish defends her title in a bra and panties match. Oh, I had something to say about that on Monday, and I'll repeat it here for those that missed it.

Last week, Stacy was the guest on Excess. Then on RAW, Stacy challenged Trish to a bra and panties match. Let's watch it. YOU the reader get a quote from Wrestling Bits And Bites:

"It's time for that women's match all the 13 year olds are spanking about. Stacy attacks before the bell. Trish rolls Stacy up and the ref counts to two until he realizes it's a bra and panties match. Off comes Trish's shirt. Puppies chant erupts. Off comes Stacy's shirt. Trish goes for Stratusfaction but Trish gets crotched. Stacy uses evil tactics, such as standing on hair. Trish rolls her up and pulls off her skirt. And that's that. Now Trish goes for a pin anyway. Matches with no rules are kool."

Quite an impressive victory? Coach wants to know why she pinned Stacy. In THIS type of bra and panties match they had to strip all the clothes off and THEN pin the opponent. Now we have variations on gimmick matches that serve no purpose in the first place? Hey, remember that one tag-team match right before Spring Stampede 2000 where the winning team would go to the PPV against eachother for the hardcore title? And then Norman Smiley pinned his own partner to get the win? That kind of thing?

Put some thought into your booking.

Trish's night on Smackdown! wasn't as pleasant as her match on RAW. We'll find out about that, as well as Trish's surprise in just a little bit.

I feel like I've been watching this show for the past 4 hours. I'm not kidding.

Next Sunday it'll all go down - one undefeated champ. What does Austin think? Let's go back to Smackdown!

We don't get to hear Austin talk about what he ate for supper. Instead, he agrees that Jericho and Angle shouldn't be in the match. Kurt interrupts the party, and jaws with the crowd. HE promises to walk out with the gold. I believe him - at this point (and it could change by Thursday) I'm betting it all on Kurt.

It all goes down at Vengeance. Vengeance, Vengeance, Vengeance.

Up next, Steve Austin takes on Mr. McMahon.

Every week, they get THOUSANDS of e-mails about the vault. Hey, I'm a loyal viewer, if I request Fit Finlay vs. Chris Benoit from Slamboree 1998, ya think they'll accept? ;-)

Hey guys,
It was so nice to see traces of the old Stone Cold on Smackdown this week. It was so much better when the Rattlesnake and Vince McMahon didn't get along. I would love to see the cage match from St. Valentine's Day Massacre between Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Alyssa Morro
San Jose, California

I'd love it if The Coach said "that's great, and you can order the video on the Shopzone for $19.95 just in time for Christmas. Here's Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels from Good Friends, Better Enemies." But alas, no go...

This is a good match - but one that sums up attitude so thick in a bottle I've always had a hard time swallowing it.

STEVE AUSTIN vs. VINCE MCMAHON (in a Cage Match with Steve Austin's Wrestlemania World Title Shot on the line)

This was set up when Vince won the Royal Rumble. Vince won it by sitting at the commentary position, and wandering around the back most of the match, charging in at the end and eliminating Austin. Vince then announced he couldn't take the Wrestlemania Title shot, so Shawn Michaels told him it was the last guy eliminated who got the shot then - meaning Austin. So Austin suggested they put everything on the line in one match - where all Vince had to do was climb out and he'd win. Vince agreed. McMahon takes a big bump early on that would be forgotten by Monday if performed today - when he falls off the cage and through the announce table. (It doesn't break right away and Vince injures his back - thought he keeps going. Terry Taylor touched on this in his Torch interview.) Then it's about 10 minutes of Austin kicking the shit out of Vince. Everytime Austin's about to leave McMahon flips him off dragging him back into the cage. Finally Paul Wight (later dubbed The Big Show, instead of Titan as was originally expected) pops up from under the ring, and tosses Austin around. However he's TOO strong and throws Austin through the cage and to the floor. WCW would later replicate that when Goldberg speared Vince Russo through the cage when he won the World Title. And there's your history lesson for the week.

Send your requests to

Coach's surprise is still to come.

Trish couldn't have had any idea that she was going to be the third Kiss My Ass Club member. She reminds Coach she DIDN'T join the club, thanks to Rocky. Let's go back to Smackdown!

Vince tries to induct Trish, and reminds her of Wrestlemania. Hey, speaking of Wrestlemania, what does your WIFE think about this club? Didn't you just get therapy? Or have we forgotten THAT now too? The less said about this segment, the better, so that's all I'm saying.

The theory of If We Never Mention It The Fans WILL Forget is NOT true by any stretch of the imagination. Remember that night where HHH was arrested and they tried to figure out who called the cops? About 8 people were questioned due to their history with HHH - and it turned out to be someone who wasn't even questioned in Test because of the marriage angle. Fans DON'T forget! They will continue to cheer and boo as you ask them to - but watch as those noises get a little quieter each time.

Trish wants to know what's up with Regal's brass knuckles? Who cares, let's ignore that and go watch Edge hype up the GameCube.

Edge hypes up the GameCube by appearing a commercial. Whoopee.

Here's the finished product of that commercial.

Where is Coach's surprise? Trish has it. A few weeks ago Mr. T was backstage at RAW. Since Coach is such a big fan of Clubber Lang, she's got special footage.

Mr. T plays cards with the Acolytes. He takes his gold back because he thinks they're cheating. Next he chats with D-Von. He took the dive in Rocky because he needed the money. He puts the glasses on, and he does the scene from Rocky 3 where he calls out Adrian to join him in his hotel - leading to the title fight. He poses with the chicks, and they're taller than him! T is a midget! Mind you, he WAS facing Stallone, who's about the same size as Tazz, which explains him looking like such a beast.

X-Pac is on Sunday Night Heat. I thought he was dead...

That's all the time we have for Excess. Thank the lord!

[slash] wrestling

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