attitude TV PG LV (PG late night? Eh.)

This week's open is Triple H return's (:18)

It's Saturday night and you're watching Excess! How so terrible for you. Terri and Coach are back. Triple H is back and looking good and Terri thinks she looks good. Coach really likes how good Triple H looks. Terri says "put me over." Spike Dudley is our special guest and I'm quickly realizing that Terri is five hundred billion times more annoying than Trish was on this show. Anyway, we some how segue to Austin on RAW.

Austin on RAW - talking and wrestling, but not at the same time. (5:40) Lame talking here. LAME LAME LAME.

Still to Come: A classic Royal Rumble match - Undertaker and Shane Michaels.

Royal Rumble Replay - 1997 - Jerry Lawler is in and out of the Rumble in "record" time.

Terri is not good and they don't bother doing retakes on this show. Terri's pick for the Rumble winner is Spike, if he enters.

Tag Team Title Change on RAW (2:00)

Terri likes Spike, but insists on Coach calling him 1/4 of the WWF Tag Team Champions. Here's Spike Dudley (w/belt) now. Terri calls Tazz "another short guy." Spike like having won the title in MSG, what do you know. Blah blah blah - they're from ECW and there were no rules, wow I didn't know that. "I don't think it was a big surprise for us, you know, to go over." I hate when they use wrestling lingo when perfectly normal words like "win" would suffice. Coach brings the first (fake?) e-mail, but promises not to linger on it's subject once they get it out of the way. (All sorts of continuity problems, you see - the WWF can't sleep at night because of them.) Terri reads it:

Robyn, of Plantation, Florida writes: "I was so upset when you and Molly went your separate ways. You two made the cutest couple. But now that you're a single, successful guy, do you have your sights set on any of the WWF's other available ladies? Maybe you and Terri could get together after the show?"

Spike: "I don't think I could handle you - you're too much women." Spike says he's learned his lesson - he always get beat up when he gets involved with these women. Terri does the She Devil pose for no good reason. Coach goes for the differences between the two partners - how do they get along? Spike says it's business, so they get along. What a team. 

Eric, of Waco, Texas writes: "Congratulations on winning the Tag Titles with Tazz. You guys work great together inside the ring, but are you two friendly outside the ring? Seems like Tazz would be a miserable person to hang around with. That guy never smiles." 

Like most sane people, Eric does not watch Heat. They respect each other professionally but they're not the closest of friends. Time for a break.

Royal Rumble Return: Godfather 

Back to Last Monday, where William Regal laid out Edge. William Regal will face Edge at the Royal Rumble for the IC Title.

Spike promises to be a fighting champion, more or less. "We got them, we might as well defend them." That's enthusiasm! Spike has no idea what he's doing for the Rumble (only 8 days away), and figures he'll be in the Rumble if he's not in a tag title match (and maybe if he is?) Terri questions his chances in the Rumble but he thinks he can use his size to his advantage. Terri asks Spike what he thought about Triple H's return - everyone watched the monitor to support him. Coach doesn't think we can trust him yet. Moving on, Undertaker beat up Spike one time, that must've hurt. Spike doesn't know what's got into him but he's an angry man. Spike's Rumble favorite - Stone Cold. Spike will be on Sunday Night Heat if you want more of these hard hitting questions and interesting answers.

Final Fantasy X Referee Stinkface of Last Monday. 

Terri doesn't like to be reminded of that because she got it one time and she feels sick to her stomach so that takes us to Smackdown. Terri: "Do we have to watch?" (2:42) 

Royal Rumble Return: Val Venis.

Terri has history with Val Venis too. Terri denies it. What is Terri wearing on her shoulder? That shawl is not so good.

Triple H returned on Monday. (9:44) The Royal Rumble match is officially off the chart. Terri was very excited to see Triple H return. Post-RAW, some people camped out at WWFNY to get Triple H's autograph the next day.

Stephanie talked a lot on Smackdown and said very little. They clip. (1:45) 

Greyhound TV 14 DLV Flair punch of Two Weeks Ago

JR's sitdown interview with Vince of Two Days Ago. (6:20) 

Ric Flair video package (1:08) Coach says Flair is a living legend. Terri is surprised that Flair is still alive.

Two Day Ago, there was a tag match between the two guys who will fight for the Undisputed Title at the Rumble. (3:20) Coach points out if Rock wins, we'll have a new champion. Thanks for that.

Trish Photo Shoot - she won (WWF?) Internet Babe of the Year. They're shooting this on what's normally the Excess set - they just moved the furniture out of the way. People who are interested in photo shoots might be interested in this because Trish actually explains what they were going for motif wise and stuff and it's at least better than "she look hot." (2:20) Terri doesn't like Trish, still.

On RAW, issues between Trish and Terri. (4:45) Terri won, she tells us. 

Royal Rumble Return: Mr. Perfect

From the Vault. Grant Sabad writes: "I know you showed the Shawn/Undertaker match form Badd Blood, but I'd like to see the match between Shawn and The Undertaker from Royal Rumble '98. I think that was the match that put Shawn Michaels out of wrestling." Alright Grant! Fight the good fight against the revisionist history. Who's that person with Hunter on the outside? Where did Hunter's muscles go? Where Undertaker's nice to roll into the casket so Shawn can hit his elbow. That jumping Tombstone was pretty cool. Where did Billy's muscles go? Savio Vega! Kane's pretty much the sane. His hair got better. Shawn had to work hard for that win, huh. We get the post locking and clip ahead to the bonfire. We don't get to see them open the casket and find nothing in it - that's far too hokey. (12:10) Terri: "The Undertaker's not in that casket! I just saw him last week!" Terri also wants to know what happened to Paul Bearer. Coach says he could come back at any time. Like this show after a commercial break.

Look! Magazines with Lillian Garcia in them! Avoid them at all costs! And here's her singing at Mavericks game. And I care because? Maybe this was a Suns game. Her rendition is so great we won't listen to it.

Coach and Terri talk while a Twix logo pops up for no particular reason. This show exists for no particular reason. Smackdown, and Angle vs Austin and it all breaks down. (5:23) Terri recaps what we just saw. Here's a look at the lineup. Coach explains the rules - it's a minute in between entries, or it is right now.

Royal Rumble Return: Goldust. Now why couldn't we have done that one when Terri could have commented about it - that would have been interesting. (Ah, I get it.)

ONLY A FEW MINUTES LEFT! Next week, the Hurricane is your special guest. On Sunday Night Heat - Spike Dudley guest hosts. Cole plugs things while Terri fools around. That's it.

cfgb should get free psychological help with this gig. This is, by far, the new worst major wrestling show. Or at least it felt that way to me.