I'm starting to think the WWF has no plans to can this show. Aren't I the lucky one?

Last time I left off, Terri had just been introduced as the new co-host, replacing Trish for no apparent reason. That was about 5 weeks ago. I was quite annoyed. So maybe the TV/VCR dying was a blessing in disguise to help digest the fact that Terri ISN'T going away. I've accepted it - so we're ready to go.

EVERYONE LOST at the Royal Rumble sez McMahon! He's gonna regret what he's about to do. You'll see!

Welcome to WWF Excess! He is Jonathan Coachman, she is Terri. She has curly hair, and he has a beret. I don't know why.

TONIGHT - Diamond Dallas Page is in the house. Whoo hoo!

Terri still doesn't know what to do with her hands. DDP may have a suggestion later on. Terri bets that Coach sits up thinking about what she could do with her hands. He agrees. Nothing's changed.

Later tonight we're going to watch Coach dance the Charleston.

A lot of memorable moments occurred at the Royal Rumble. Coach's biggest moment was Kane picking up The Big Show and tossing him over the top. Terri didn't think it could happen - but it did. Then on RAW, Kane and Big Show had a face to face confrontation. Show congratulated Kane and told him maybe next time. Then they had a match with the Dudleys on Smackdown! Kane wound up going through a table. Do Kane and Show have issues? Apparently. They'll settle this on RAW. Boy, I hope it's as EXCITING as their match at King Of The Ring 1999 - and features a 10 minute long CHOKEHOLD!

Don't get me wrong, I love The Big Show - but I don't think Kane is a dream opponent for him...or anyone.

Still to come - Big John Studd vs. Andre The Giant at Wrestlemania! This is the first time I remember them airing a match with two guys who are dead, or anything prior to 1987, so needless to say I'm impressed!

On RAW, Edge got caught with brass knuckles on his hands, and got tossed out of the building. On Smackdown! he was asked not to show up to work. Meanwhile, RVD took on William Regal in a non-title match. The match lasted about 30 seconds, and was Warrior/Honky Tonk Man like. Edge then attacked Regal after the match, and wound up in even MORE hot water!

Now let's head back to the Royal Rumble. Undertaker tossed four guys right off the bat - then came face to face with the Hardy Boyz. Once disposing with them, Maven came out. The Hardys distracted Taker long enough to get dropkicked by Maven and eliminated! Taker FLIPPED and beat the piss out of Maven all over the arena - more or less eliminating him from the Rumble due to his inability to continue.

Backstage, DDP finds Melissa sitting at her desk. DDP suggests since it's after 10:00 on Saturday, she should go out. She doesn't want to. It's her birthday, and she's 30. He says 30 is a GREAT age. She has a problem with people throwing her a party at 30. He's going to change her mindset. She closes her eyes. He says it's NOT her 30th birthday - it's her 40th! Now it's her 50th. Make it 60...70! She's now celebrating her 80th birthday. What would she give up to go back 50 years in time and celebrate her 30th birthday. She opens her eyes - and she has her wish. She celebrates. THAT is a good thing!

The video package that opened the Rumble airs.

Last Monday night, HHH told Chris Jericho he has two months left with his title. If he makes it to Wrestlemania, unfortunately it'll be time to play the game.

Coach says it was nice what DDP did for that woman earlier. Terri says she hopes she's happy to celebrate her 30th, being 24 and all...

On Smackdown! Ric Flair made two #1 contender matches, where the winners of those will go on and face eachother on RAW, with the winner of THAT going to No Way Out. First, we take a look at Booker T vs. Steve Austin. They have an awesome match with Austin going over cleanly.

Terri can't wait for DDP. He's the man to figure out what to do with her hands. She strangles Coach as we head to commercial.

BANG! Diamond Dallas Page is in the house! Well, sorta. Coach and Terri can't find him. He sneaks up behind them. He's living in the attitude of gratitude and DDP has never had a bad day in his life.

Terri says it was really sweet what he did for that woman earlier. Will he come and cheer her up on her 30th birthday? He laughs at the idea and says sure.

He says the positive gimmick is really DDP. When he can be closer to being himself, people react better. He had a match with Bossman, and out of nowhere, Diamond Cutter. He feels the people are going to be seeing more of him.

Terri says this isn't his first Wrestlemania coming up - and he laughs and says it's not. She shows a highlight of Wrestlemania VI, with Page driving a pink Cadillac. He says it was the car that got him to the show. Terri wants to know what happened to it. He says it's the divorced wife he never had, and had to eventually give it up to keep Kimberly happy.

He's jacked to the moon about Wrestlemania. Going there 12 years ago, he was just trying to get a job. When the WWF bought WCW, he was coming sooner or later anyway, so he was really excited. He said a guy who reviewed his book said "if Page never gets to a Wrestlemania, it'll be like Karl Malone never winning a championship." He's psyched for the whole thing. They're touring Asia, and then doing fan Axxess, followed by Wrestlemania, so it's going to be a huge March.

He loves to interact with people. He's a nightclub guy. If he goes to a club, he won't go in the VIP section, he goes to the bar.

Terri wants to know what she should do with her hands. He suggests he put her hands out in front of her and close her eyes. He puts a couple of RVD thumbs on her, and points them towards her breasts. Cute.

Spring Stampede 1999 - Diamond Dallas Page wins the WCW World Heavyweight Title by pinning Ric Flair in a four way dance, with Randy Savage as the referee.

That clip brings back a lot of great memories - but it also shows that if you work your hardest, that anything is possible. He feels he was one of the longest shots on the planet, considering the way he came in and his age. He believed in himself. Kimberly asked him why he went back to the powerplant all the time. He said it's because when the time comes he wants to be able to grab the brass ring. It turned one person at a time on his side. And when he came into the WWF, it was like starting over again. When he started as the stalker, it was great, even though it's not who he is. Now that he's back as DDP, he feels he can make a difference and he's the person he wants to be remembered as.

Hey,
Your teeth are soooo white! Have you ever thought of doing commercials for teeth whitening products?
Samantha
Wisconsin

DDP says all his teeth have been redone, so he'd do the commercial for people with caps. He had gum disease. He tells everyone to floss all the time. They cut away his gums, and had to redo all his teeth. It took 43 and a half hours to do it - and cost about $43,000. He didn't think the smile would get over the way it did. He loves where his career is going to end up. When he does "that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing" it's a shoot.

Terri is curious if Kimberly needed to be boosted. He said at first, yeah. He is who he says he is and lives his gimmick.

DDP doesn't like being told how bad people have it. At the Royal Rumble, he visited a kid who was burned over 40% of his body. He had wrestling pictures on the wall. But he wanted to meet Page. He doesn't like people who say "oh no, I have to get up early to go to work" because people with terminal cancer have it tough. Getting up and going to work is a great thing.

He preaches the importance of reading. He didn't know how to read until he was 30. He overcame his reading problem, and when he does a motivational speaking, he gives 10% to a local school to buy books. He wants to help kids see that anything is possible.

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE IS THE COOLEST GUY ON THE PLANET!

24 Karat Pictures Presents A Shattered Dreams Production - Goldust! This is the Smackdown! promo I believe.

At the Royal Rumble, Ric Flair defeated Vince McMahon. The next night, Vince tells Flair EVERYONE lost at the Rumble. He's about to do something he's going to regret.

Terri was rooting for Mr. McMahon at the Rumble, but says he's finally gone too far.

On Smackdown! Vince comes to terms with the fact the WWF has terminal cancer, and is going to die. This is the slow eating cancer. He won't let Flair kill what he created. He's going to kill what he created. He's going to inject it with a lethal dose of poison. If anyone's going to kill it - it's going to be him, and the New World Order.

Last Monday, Mr. Perfect confronted Debra about Austin beating him over the head with a chair. Austin attacked Perfect during his match with Val Venis - and then when Val confronted Austin, Val got attacked. Austin then had time for a story. I think I'd rather fast forward. If you saw it, you know what it's about.

Terri believes Austin is upset he didn't win the Rumble.

Coming up soon, we'll see Coach dance the Charleston.

Coach can't figure out why Stephanie is taking credit for HHH's success. On Smackdown! Stephanie told HHH he should be thankful he married into the McMahon family. He completely tears into Vince. Stephanie says Vince said he married her because of her name. He says he married her in spite of her name. Her father NEVER thought he was good enough for him. "Maybe he was right." "Maybe everybody else was right about you."

Terri was glad Stephanie was upset. Coach hopes he is able to work all this out before Wrestlemania so he can focus on bigger things.

From now until Wrestlemania, Excess only wants Wrestlemania matches. We've already seen a number of those matches on Excess - but there's tons more to choose from. This week:

Coach & Terri,
After seeing Kane pick up Big Show at the Royal Rumble, it made me think of the famous "Slam Match" between Andre The Giant and Big John Studd from Wrestlemania I. Please play that match on "From The Vault".
Dan Tedesco
Huntsville, AL

BIG JOHN STUDD (with Bobby Heenan) vs. ANDRE THE GIANT (in a $15,000 Slam Match)

The stips in this one were Andre's career vs. $15,000. First man to get the bodyslam wins. It was a surprisingly good match from a couple of guys in the shape they were in - and in the era they were in. Andre won this match fairly easily with a bodyslam, and gave some money to the fans in the front row before having the bag stolen back from Bobby Heenan.

Now, the second of the two #1 contender matches, where Kurt Angle takes on Rocky. Kurt takes this one, averting a Rocky vs. Austin matchup once again. I wonder why that is. ;-) Following the match, Kurt Angle got beaten down by Steve Austin in the back. Kurt eventually turned the momentum and smacked Austin upside the head, and put on an Anglelock.

Terri has the video of Coach doing the Charleston. We head to the footage from Smackdown! where Rocky forces him to dance.

Tomorrow night, Stacy Keibler in the special guest on Sunday Night Heat, and Christian will face Diamond Dallas Page. On RAW, The Big Show faces Kane, and Austin will take on Angle in a #1 contender's match for the title. Then next week on Excess, Sgt. Slaughter is the guest!

Terri finally knows what to do with her hands. If she had a chair she could rest them. But right now, she tries to square dance with Coach. And we're out!