BLAH

Hey gang. Sorry that there's no Good, Bad, and Ugly tonight. It's been a rough weekend. Suffice to say my personal life is in flames right now and the cable company decided to change the channel lineup so Nitro and RAW did not get taped.

However, I did attend the Providence RAW show live and caught the end of the Nitro recast at about 4 a.m. so I have a few words to say.

Thanks for all the letters you guys sent. In the interest of time, I am not going to print them now...maybe next week...if I am still alive by then.

On to the report: RAW is WAR 10/25/99 live in Providence, RI, the biggest little state in the union, Little Rhody, Rogue's Island, the armpit of New England, and home of such celebrities as James Woods, the Farrelly brothers, and Chris Hyatte.

Yes, it's a great little dirt pile.

Anyway, my erstwhile companion Scott and I arrived in the city about 2 hours before gate time. We thought that perhaps we'd get to see a WWF superstar or two wandering around outside the Civic Center. No luck...the closest we got was a quick appearance by Crash Holly and a hearsay sighting of The Big Bossman.

We entered the arena about an hour before the show to grab our seats. I picked up a program at the concession stand after considering buying one sock with magic marker features drawn on it for $8. I almost convinced Scott to buy the giant foam Assman ass, but he was entirely too frugal.

The program gave us some of the card. The Rock and Austin versus the Outlaws! Mankind Versus HHH! Ho's, Moolah, and Test, oh my!

Yeah, yeah. We found our seats after an usher sent us the wrong way...we were four rows from the floor dead center next to the cameras, at the end of a row. Awesome seats! To get an idea of where we were, when HHH and Mankind went into the crowd, I was looking right down on top of Foley's head. Not shabby.

The Fink came out to a huge pop. The guy is a class act. He spent about 30 minutes shaking hands and taking pictures with fans. At least someone is catering to the fans.

Anyway, the dark matches and Jakked/Metal taping results were:

Kurt Angle versus Steve Ripley. Kurt wins with some sort of a Samoan drop. During this match, Angle missed a moonsault and a guy sitting nearby asked why a move like that only hurts if you miss. My answer? "Because wrestling is fake." Well, duh.

Then they announced that Bob Backlund was running for congress...he's giving autographs to anyone who makes a campaign donation. Sorry, Bob, these $40 seats broke the bank, but good luck at the polls!

Michael Cole and Michael Hayes came out to a tepid response. I guess this next match is for Jakked.

Val Venis versus Sean Staziak. Val garnered some cheap heel heat by calling all the women in Providence "skanks." Well, that will hardly get you a blowjob in this town. Venis beats the Meat with the money shot.

Finkle shills some new Rock shirts and the upcoming Survivor Series. See the reference to Backlund.

Gangrel Versus Al Snow. An uneventful match. Al wins when the ref sees Gangrel spew blood into his face.

The Headbangers versus Knuckles Nelson and Dick Somethingorother. I think that the crowd spent more time making fun of the jobbers than watching the match. Guess who won.

The Blue Meanie versus Tom O'Sullivan. You'd think that this close to Boston, they let the Irish guy win. Naah, Meanie with a sloppy meaniesault.

That was it for that. Next Lillian Garcia came out to a monster pop. She may be way lame as a ring announcer, but the guys sure love her. Anytime she got in the ring, the crowd was rabid.

JR was announced to a huge crowd reaction. The King got a nice sized roar too, but I gotta give this one to JR.

The fireworks shot off and we were live. Let me tell you, that light show is loud and hot as hell. If it ever went astray, just look out.

At this time, we discovered that the entire back row of the floor section contained members of the New England Patriots. I could care less, but some moron decided to parade behind them with a sign reading "Patriots suck." Now, when twelve guys with arms as big as oak tree limbs and twice as strong are a hair's breath from you, this is not a good idea. They grabbed the sign and ripped it up and the idiot carrying it was ejected from the arena.

Then a "Yankees Suck" chant erupted out of nowhere. No, sorry, they don't. You see, they beat the Red Sox, ergo they do not suck. Ah, to each his own, I guess.

There was very little in-ring mic work. While this may make for a great televised event, it sure lets the fans down. I really wanted to see Foley or Rocky or Vinnie Mac get out there and elicit a crowd reaction. All that taped shit doesn't play well in the arena. Ah, well. Too bad for me, I guess.

As for the taped vignette at the "Friendly Tap," well, let me comment. I thought it was interesting and helps the Acolytes' personality get more developed, but they portrayed Rhode Islanders as ignorant, bigoted blowhards. I should get with Hyatte and we can go kick somebody's ass for that awful stereotype!

Okay, anyway. What happened after the cameras shut off? Well, DX postured for a while and shouted insults at the crowd about how we are all losers and pussies. Yeah, yeah. HHH and X-Pac left the ring and the Outlaws continued the celebration. Slowly, Rocky and Austin got back up and then attacked the Outlaws laying in simultaneously a rock bottom and stunner. Austin took his beers and tossed one to Rocky. Rocky raised an eyebrow, took that can of beer, opened it, toasted Austin, and poured it straight down his thirsty throat!

Ahem.

Anyway, Austin had a couple more beers. Gave one to Mr. Ass, who ate a stunner with a mouthful. Then HHH and X-Pac came back into the ring and started beating on Austin who promptly stunnered everyone in the ring and left.

Now, here's where it gets scary. DX all got back in the ring and started with the insults. By now, bottles are flying left and right. Road Dogg grabs the stick and says that anyone throwing bottles are invited to step through the ropes and throw a punch, if they're man enough.

This elicits about 900 bottles to rain on the arena and about 30 liquored up, wound up fans to rush towards the ring. Securtiy is quik to restrin them, but DX gets on the floor and starts to taunt the crowd, even grabbing a guy or two. Finally, they broke off and headed up the ramp. As he left, Road Dogg was taunting the crowd, gesturing for them to throw all their bottles as he could take it. From out of nowhere, McMahon appears at the top of the ramp and SCREAMS at the Dogg and the rest of DX to get the hell in the back and stop endangering everyone's safety. He looked earnestly pissed off.

Then we left. The end.

See you all next week. Hopefully, I will have a G, B, & U for you all then...if I can get my life on straight by then.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

Michaelangelo
[slash] wrestling

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BLAH