Hey everyone! I have to tell you, I am coming off a high that only a true New Englander can attest to feeling. The Patriots finally lived the dream and captured their first world championship after 42 years of waiting.
As for me, I have returned for yet another week of interviews, vignettes, love triangles, and even a little wrestling on Monday Night RAW this evening.
Just a little tidbit about me to help fill in the blanks for some people. I have made references to Cyan Indigo in recent weeks and, while many of you know to whom I am referring, many do not. Allow me to shed some light on this now.
Cyan and I met online way back about two years ago when we were both doing recaps for a little wrestling site called "The Source." She did RAW recaps while I had the dubious honor of reporting on Nitro. We started communicating via e-mails and got to know one another quite well. Long story short, we met, fell for each other, and started getting together as often as we could. Eventually we both ended up writing for this site, even collaborating on one occasion. We both retired about the same time, and while I have come out of retirement to resume my columns, she has decided to remain somewhat silent (although expect to see little tidbits from her here now and then).
Hope that helps somewhat. Let's get on to the actual wrestling stuff now, shall we?
Ric Flair offered to sign away his half of the WWF to Vince in a nice little segment televised on Thursday night. He was stopped by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin after only getting as far as signing his first name. Austin laid Vince out with a Stunner and encouraged Flair to tear up the contract saying "to hell with the nWo."
Now that makes sense. In practical terms, the NWO is about as much of a threat to the WWF as an infant with a nerf bat is a threat to the Boston Bruins. Of course, in the magical world of Sports Entertainment, they will run rampant through the ranks of the federation, destroying men and women with reckless abandon. I certainly hope Vince has some sort of plan to get these three geriatric has-beens over as a legitimate threat. Maybe he has secretly signed Scott Steiner and Goldberg and is waiting until Wrestlemania to sic them on HHH and Rocky.
Not bloody likely.
Anyway, word is that we won't see Hogan, Hall, or Nash until at least No Way Out (dig those initials), but sinking ratings for their televised events may well force them to give us at least a taste before the February 17th PPV event. Plus, it's been at least a year since any of these three guys has been on television and chances are Hogan has an itchy sack about being the center of attention as soon as possible.
My prediction is that we will see at least some sort of video footage tonight leading to their first live appearance next Monday night. Let's see if I am right.
The Good, Bad, and Ugly for WWF RAW, televised on February 4, 2002
GOOD: Flair's performance on Thursday night. Where are his movie deals? If the Rock can do a couple of films, I put it to you that Flair could just as easily carry a movie.
GOOD: The contract signing sequence. I think Austin said what most marks were thinking, "Let them come. We aren't afraid of the nWo. This ain't WCW and our biggest stars actually can kick those old guys' asses."
GOOD: Flair delivers another deadly serious interview. If anyone is able to make the nWo seem like a threat, he can. It's still a stretch, though.
SUGGESTION: Flair should get together with all the wrestlers that have experienced the nWo in the past in order to start formulating a plan to counter them. Jericho was in WCW during the nWo's run, as were guys like Benoit, Saturn, X-Pac, DDP and Kidman. Hell Show and X-Pac were in the nWo. And, if you recall, Booker T's brother turned on him to join them. I wonder if they will bother doing any of that...
HUH? HHH out in the first segment dressed to wrestle? Since when is he a curtain-jerker?
BAD: The politics resume. HHH has to get his fucking win back from Booker, doesn't he? What a bunch of crap. Let T keep his heat, for God's sake. What the hell good does beating him really do either guy?
GOOD: In spite of the squash-like nature of this match, it's rather good.
I GUESS...we can hope that Angle makes a run-in to secure another win for Booker because he sure as hell ain't gonna win this one clean.
GOOD: JR compares HHH's spinebuster to those Arn Anderson used to deliver in his day.
HEH: They spare Booker an official job with his run in. It's as good as a loss, but at least it wasn't one for the record books.
BAD: There was no bell, no official end to the match, did Tim White forget match protocol there?
UM: Billy and Chuck just march into the girls' locker room...and why did Charmel shower before the show? She's not even a wrestler! Oh and didn't I read some spoilers that said something about a posedown between Chuck and Billy and the girls that was shot for last Thursday's show? Gah. This whole segment was worthless.
BAD: Cop angles in wrestling. Having police represented in a wrestling show is a bunch of crap that does nothing but attempt to inject just a small amount of reality into a place where it doesn't fit, and doesn't belong. If the real world law applied to wrestling shows, most every member of the roster would be led away in handcuffs for assault, pulling girls' skirts down, attempted murder...etc...
BAD: RVD is still only in the second match of the night. I guess his "push" stalled again. At least give the guy back the Hardcore title. The Undertaker isn't using it.
BAD: Another match between a Dudley and RVD? Come on. There are about half a dozen guys that Rob could be putting on great matches against, so why this rebooking crap?
YEAH, SO? Wow a ref actually sends the heel valets to the back? Well Katie bar the door. They have eyes, after all!
I WONDER...why Stacy hasn't had a boob job yet. It stands to reason that she would, considering she is dangerously below the minimum silicon content requirements WWF Divas.
BAD: Buh Buh never hits that frigging senton. Why bother?
BUH? Goldust is enamored of RVD? Well, ok. I guess I can imagine that this will lead to some decent matches, although I am not certain what this is supposed to do for either guy.
BAD: We miss the attack on RVD while the camera lingers on the WWF-Tron promo.
INTERESTING: JR describes Goldust as "crazy as a pet coon." Is that a knock on his makeup?
GOOD: The Shattered Dreams has returned. I'd forgotten about that move.
GOOD: We get a replay of Goldust's attack. That's the WWF, tossing us a bone now and then.
UGLY: Stephanie tonight. She looks like a fucking gargoyle with that awful grin on her face...her fugging boobs take up 3/4 of my television screen. Creepy.
BAD: Is Michael Cole the stupidest person on the face of the earth? He goes over to the Undertaker when it's obvious he's in a bad mood and asks him a question that is bound to piss him off even more.
BAD: Fucking crowd is chanting "What?" during this segment. ENOUGH.
GOOD: The WWF sound crew filters the dumbass chants out. Maybe that will retrain the idiots.
GOOD: Jericho saves us from another overintense UT promo.
BAD: Interviews make up the whole segment. Egads. By the time Hogan, Hall, and Nash show up, RAW will be a fucking talk show.
BAD: King talking about a neon sign of a woman and getting all hot and bothered over it. Does this guy every stop?
HEH: What the hell is Chuck doing on his way to the ring? What the fuck kind of dance is that? Egads.
INTERESTING: Three team elimination match up? Why, exactly? Why not just have Chuck and Billy get their shot? They beat every other tag team they have faced, including the APA.
BAD: I never really understood the concept of this type of match. Two teams start and how does the third get involved? Do they have to tag one of the people in the ring? If that is the case, why would they want to? Why not just lay back until one of the teams eliminates the other and then finish off the remaining team? Am I asking too many questions? Who knows?
GOOD: As if by magic, King explains the rules for tagging in other teams.
NICE: Chuck sells the tornado DDT like he was planted! That smacks of Val Venis there.
BAD: The ending to this match. Bradshaw's elimination was anticlimactic and so was Billy's. So, what exactly was the purpose of this match, anyway? It wasn't all that entertaining and just seemed to make Tazz and Spike seem like fluke champs since their win today was pretty much luck.
COMICAL: The Vince "strut" to the ring. It looks like he is trying to shake something out of his underwear down one of his pant legs.
GOOD: I have to admit, this storyline is compelling and I find myself very interested in what Vince and Flair have to say and where they are going to go next with this angle.
GOOD: Vince: "You are a LIAR!" The Vince growl rules!
GOOD: Throughout Vince's monologue, Flair never unclenches his fists or relinquishes his smile. Gotta love the guy.
GOOD: Flair says two words this whole interview and it whips the crowd into a frenzy. The man is a GOD.
GOOD: Pretty good pop for the nWo.
BAD: Cyan Indigo on the nWo video: "Hall looks drunk." God help us, he does.
GOOD: I miss Chae...I wonder if Nash is still seeing her and if he will bring her back with him. That would be pretty damned awesome.
BAD: Why is everyone buying into the lethality of the nWo? They are just three guys...and, if you recall, Sting managed to lay them and a bunch of other members out by himself.
I WONDER...if they intend to wait until No Way Out to introduce Hall, Hogan, and Nash. It seems to be a rather long time to tease their arrival. I am not saying that holding off is a bad thing, I just think it's unlikely that they will make it that long.
GOOD: Cyan Indigo points out that Rikishi rubs his nose to tell his children that he loves them. I think that's pretty cool. I wonder if he did it when he was a heel too...
BAD: Regal as the Intercontinental Champ. Considering how horribly his ring style clashes with the other WWF wrestlers, he should probably wrestle a lot less and act more as a mouthpiece.
BAD: The awful reverse sweep spot. Rikishi sold it like shit and made it look faker than Stephanie's tits.
BAD: JR and King spend the whole match talking about the nWo. This is a title match, guys. Treat it like one.
WHY...doesn't Rikishi just sit down on Regal? That would end the match quick.
BAD: If I were Rikishi, I'd be pissed at Edge for screwing up his title match. Brass knuckles or not, he cost him the shot.
BAD: What the fuck is the point of showing us Coach knocking on The Rock's dressing room door? If he's not out there and ready for the interview, don't bother cutting to that camera. You don't see Joe Theisman banging on the Patriots' locker room door looking for an interview, do you?
GOOD: DDP getting his first WWF gold in the European Championship. He's a good worker who has paid his dues and I am glad to see him doing well in the WWF.
BAD: Is it me, or are Rocky's interviews a little formulaic? I suppose they are...
GOOD...but they are also entertaining.
BAD: Too much singing makes him hard to take seriously. He needs to curb that shit a little.
UGLY: I am developing a headache. To make matters worse, Stephanie's voice is traveling up my spine and into my brain, literally intensifying the pain. I wish I were making this up, friends, but I'm not. Lemme go get some aspirin now...
GOOD: You gotta love Hunter's reaction to Stephanie's suggestion to renew their wedding vows. He just drops his head and sighs. Then he tells her that it's the stupidest thing he's ever heard
GOOD: HHH admits that he's tired of everything in their relationship happening on television. Wow. More logic on RAW? Sheesh. This show is rapidly becoming "One Life to Live," only with less wrestling.
BAD: Another pregnancy angle? Gah.
GOOD: The crowd is chanting what I am thinking: "Bullshit!"
BAD: Lemme examine the logic here...why does the coming baby mean that they have to renew their wedding vows exactly? What kind of sense does that make?
BAD: Since Steph has breast implants, that poor child will have to drink out of a bottle. Well, that is, unless Hunter agrees to breast feed.
AWWWWW: Hunter is all happy about being a daddy. I wonder what he'll do when she tells him that she really isn't pregnant. Anyone else find this sickening? Show of hands?
BAD: Who is Trish going to fight tonight? Jazz again?
GOOD: Trip playing up the whole "she's preggers" angle by insisting that he carry Stephanie's bags. Nice touch.
BAD: Yep, it's Jazz again. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? How many chances does she get? What happened to the other women wrestlers in the WWF? Are these the only two left, and if so, what does that mean for the Women's Title? What good is it if it only represents one of two people?
FINALLY: Jazz squashes Trish once and for all to win the title. Tune in next week as she defends her title against...TRISH!
UGLY: Are those hives on Trish's arms? Ew.
GOOD: I need to get the dishes done and the entrances of the competitors of the main event tag match should give me just enough time to get them done.
WHY...does UT get the last entrance instead of Jericho? Jericho is the champ and it stands to reason that the champ gets to enter the ring last. Sheesh. Don't they want him to be over?
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME..if the ASPCA knows about these Government Mules that JR refers to. Apparently, these poor animals are subjected to awful beatings that are akin to being thrown into steel steps or having their heads smashed against wooden announce tables.
GOOD: Reasonably exciting match here. Even Taker is selling a little.
BAD: Jericho works Austin's right arm by wrapping it around the turnbuckle pole but Austin no sells it to deliver a flurry of punches 45 seconds later.
GOOD: Jericho goes all old school and claps his hand to simulate a tag as the Undertaker enters the ring illegally. Heh. Gotta love those little tributes to the classics. I want to see him ask the ref to check the time remaining in the match so he can deliver a low blow while the official is distracted.
GOOD: Jericho sells the Stunner like a brick to the head.
INTERESTING: Decent ending to the match. The screwjob was inevitable, so I guess we take what we can get. Heels win.
OVERALL: Not an awful show. It was more driven to push the storylines forward, I think as there was WAY LOTS of talking going on out there. The first WWF appearance of the nWo and Stephanie's announcement that she is pregnant seemed to take precedence over the actual wrestling, and I can tolerate that for one week, I suppose. Let's just hope that Smackdown has a little more in the way of in-ring excitement to make up for it. Oh, by the way, Charmel's shower was in vain as she never again appeared on the show.
That's it for this week. Hogan's back, folks. Let's all suck it up.
Questions, comments, point-ED sticks? Write me at email@example.com. All e-mails will be answered or rewritten in the proper grammatical style.
I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.Michaelangelo
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