With the current economic situation, it has been rumored for a couple of
months that the WWF intends to thin-out its bloated (and I mean BLOATED)
roster. I think there could be no better news for long-time fans who prefer
detailed storylines instead of on-the-fly booking. By having a trimmer
roster, the WWF can focus on giving the real superstars more TV time and
having longer, more detailed feuds.
That being said, I am a member of the "cut-the-alliance-first" crowd. I
spent most of this morning taking a look at the current rosters on the WWF
and WCW websites. I did not include "fringe" wrestlers who are in farm
territories or have been inactive for extended periods such as Bossman, Val
Venis or Mark Henry.
I think it's obvious who should go or stay when you narrow the long list to
about 30 wrestlers. Most of the Alliance, including guys like Tazz and the
Dudleyz who are stale and have lost what little fire they had, should be
cut. In fact, the only WCW/ECW guys I would keep around are the big-time
names. Why would Vinnie Mac keep a bunch of no-name greenhorns when he could
skim the cream from the vat?
For the record, I would kill the Alliance at Survivor Series and simply
absorb the better wrestlers into the WWF. I would keep it a mystery who
would represent the WWF in the "brawl for it all" until the very moment he
walks out (TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!!!)
Anyhow, here's the list. Don't forget to flame me after you read it.
The "DUH" category: Steve Austin, Triple H, The Rock, Chris Jericho, Chis
Benoit, Kurt Angle and Mick Foley.
Booker T: He's slow, he's awkward, and he's been squashed since his debut,
but it's all outweighed by his ability to draw heel-heat. Definite keeper.
Undertaker: He's slow, he's fat, he's awkward, and he squashes everyone who
debuts, but it's outweighed by his drawing power. This guy could balloon to
Yokozuna-size and move as slowly as The Shockmaster and still get the
biggest pop when he comes from the curtain.
Kane: The Undertaker's alleged brother, who many consider to be the worst of
the pair, is just too cool to waste. He may be boring to watch sometimes,
but a masked madman is a part of our CULTURE.
Rob Van Dam: If Mr. 4:20 can stay healthy, which seems to be a given, he's
going to be huge. Isn't it amazing that guys who do far less crazy stunts
are often far less healthy than Van Dam?
Edge: The fans are really warming up to Edge. Definitely the HBK of the
Hardy Boyz: Gotta keep the 12-year-old girls interested.
Tajiri: A first-class showman, though he's the latest in a long line of
Japanese exploitation characters. If they can make him more than a
one-dimensional character, he has major staying power.
Lance Storm: Definitely the biggest waste of talent we've seen in a long
Kanyon: WHO BETTER THAN KANYON?
Big Show: The WWF needs to find a good program for this guy and move him
from the mid-card range. How believable is it that the biggest man on the
roster is not a championship contender?
Raven: Another huge waste, Raven is constantly the squashee. He needs more
Diamond Dallas Page: Oh boy, this was a difficult decision, but I watched
Page in the WCW glory days (?) and he was a huge draw. I would keep him, but
only on a probationary basis.
Test: He really needs time to blossom, but he's growing on me.
William Regal: Ah, a snobby British guy - a MUST for the WWF.
The APA: Two of the most believably tough guys in the business.
Billy Kidman: He has very little personality, but the business needs a
viable crusier division.
All of the women: Yes, I lumped them together in true sexist fashion, but
people like Test need valets.
Christian: Slowly but surely being possessed by the ghost of Marty Jannetty,
Rhyno: Rhyno seems to win everything, but does anyone care? He looks like
Adam Bomb and uses a Goldberg finisher...both bad omens.
Dudleyz: Everyone's getting sick of the Dudleyz. The WWF desperately wants
us to care about them, but no one does. They've grown lazy and fat, and
should be sent to the farm or at least reduced to a smaller role. Jobbers to
The Outsiders, perhaps? (Just a joke)
Guys we have hardly seen and have no chance to get over: Tommy Dreamer,
Chavo Guerrero, Jr., Mike Awesome, Chuck Palumbo, Hugh Morrus, Justin
Tazz: He had it for a few moments when he beat Kurt Angle, but then he lost
it, and just keeps losing it.
Shane and Stephanie: Should be dispatched by a hatchet-weilding Freddie
The Hurricane: Will always be a novelty, and fans will never care. Helms'
wrestling skills are so poor, I have no idea why he's on my TV every week.
Shawn Stasiak: Any reason to keep him? Anyone....anyone...
Albert: Should lose in a career vs. career match with Barry Horowitz.
Billy Gunn: Billy's like a modly Chee-toh you find in your couch cushions.
You wish he wasn't there, but no one wants to touch him.
Perry Saturn: They've wasted this guy to no end. He was one of the most
entertaining wrestlers in WCW and had one of the most killer moves (Death
Valley Driver - whatever happened to it?). He needs a leave of absence to
let fans forget Moppy.
X-Pac: To quote Lurch: "Uuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh." I hate to get started
on X-Pac, but let's just say he sucks and leave it at that.
I know I've forgotten some people, and I'm not going into the Who The WWF
Should Hire list. I think these cuts would be enough.
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