WE ARE SAVED
It came to me in the middle of my Western Civilization class as I was staring at the Periodic Table of Elements: I know who's going to debut Sunday and save the WWF. When you think back on all the recent Raw and Smackdown episodes, as well as the PPVs, you can see it so clearly, I'm surprised no one thought of it before.
Now, before I get to the cryptic message revealed to me by the creators of the Period Table, I will give you an admonishment. ANYTHING that has been posted on the Internet as a possible finish to the Survivor Series main event will NOT happen. Now, think of all of the fantasy angles that have been hashed out on the web: everything from Triple H's return (my original theory) to the re-debut of D-GenerationWo. If all of these theories can't be right, what does that leave us?
As Sherlock Holmes said (paraphrased), when you have eliminated all other possibilities, you have your solution, no matter how improbable. Okay, here we go ------
First, take a good, close look at this phrase. Stare for a minute or two:
PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS
Done? Okay, here's the hidden message I found inside. I know it was planted there by Vince McMahan, the ol' sly devil!
1. Hidden inside TABLE and ELEMENTS: MABEL!
Can you believe it? I would have NEVER came up with M.O.M. in my wildest dreams, but there it is, the only true possibility. Remember Sherlock's words: it may be improbable, it may be plain ol' ZANY, but it is the one angle that the Internet smarts have not uncovered. And now, I have given it to you, dear reader, just a few short hours from the Survivor Series.
Hope the bookers don't have enough time to change it.
I can see it now: in the main event, Jericho turns, Big Show turns, but then Austin and Angle turn, and Triple H returns, and Shawn Michaels does a dandy run-in, but then...you hear the voice of Oscar say "Throw your hands in the AYYYY-AH!"
And Men on a Mission make their triumphant return to the shock and adoration of all the fans. Everyone marks out as Mable and Moe clear the ring with devastating face kicks and big splashes! Purple ticker-tape is showed on the ring! Oscar raps about the demise of the Alliance and the people rejoice! Then, King Mable's family rushes the ring and tries to lite him on their shoulders, but the ring falls in! It's a wacky moment! OMG! The Gobbledeegooker!!! GOOKER! GOOKER!
Incidentally, you can spell TAKER from the Noble Gases and ESSA RIOS is right next to them, spelled backwards. WOW! Is this the beginning of a new faction?! MY GAWD! MY GAWD! There's ASS! AND GUNN! AND ROSS! GOOD GAWD! And their leader, which spans the elements and takes a few minutes to find: SHOCKMASTER.
This is guaranteed to be the GREATEST SURVIVOR SERIES OF ALL TIME! Watch it! Be thrilled! The WWF is saved!