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BORED AT WORK The Draft Al Bogdan: Hey Slash readers! Bored at Work is a semi-regular feature over at EGen Sports. My buddy Ian Dembsky and myself email each other when there9s not much going on at our respective jobs, usually about football, and slap it together into a column. Since this one has nothing to do with "real" sports, Scott Christ didn9t want to run it over at EGen, so CRZ has been kind enough to put it up here at /wrestling. Hope you like it. Al: With baseball season around the corner, it's about time to do a mock draft. Not for fantasy baseball, however, you can find those anywhere. It's time for a WWF mock draft. We'll only use people on the current WWF roster or that are injured (thanks to http://www.gerwyck.net) for the info. Since I follow wrestling pretty closely and Wrestlemania was the second wrestling event you've watched probably since the Junkyard Dog was competing in the WWF, this could be interesting. You can be Vince drafting for Smackdown and I'll be Ric Flair drafting for Raw. That mean's you're up with the first pick. Ian Dembsky: A couple of things to keep in mind- neither HHH nor Jazz are part of the draft, since they're the current undisputed champs, and according to Raw on Monday wouldn't be part of the draft. Not that I'd draft that transvestite Jazz at all... The first pick is quite obvious, I've got to go with The People's Champ, The Rock. Is there any question why? Al: Round 1: Ian: The Rock Al: Steve Austin Round 2: Al: Kurt Angle The next two are pretty easy for me. I've gotta go with Stone Cold and Kurt Angle. It's a ready made, main event feud, especially since they really ended their last one. They seem to work very well together in the ring, and the fans love pissing Angle off with the "What" chants. Ian: Round 2: Al: Kurt Angle Ian: Rob Van Dam Round 3: Ian: The Undertaker Gotta go with two of the best wrestlers in the business, one an established superstar in The 'Taker, and one a rising star in Van Dam. I haven't seen anyone fly off the top ropes like Van Dam since Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka. Al: Round 3: Ian: The Undertaker Al: Chris Jericho Round 4: Al: Booker T Jericho was another easy pick here. The first ever WWF undisputed champion and he's still there in the third round? That's a steal right there. My fourth round choice was tough, but I have to go with the Book. He's solid in the ring and he's starting to get over with the crowd more and more. A lot of upside here with very little downside. Ian: Round 4: Al: Booker T Ian: Kane Round 5: Ian: Lita I would've let Booker T slip a bit more, I'm not sold on his moves. Any wrestler with break-dancing in his routine is pretty stupid, if you ask me. If we have Undertaker, we need to have Kane- there's always potential to come up with a good storyline between the two of them. And Lita is the best female wrestler out there, a great combination of looks and actual wrestling ability. Others may have better looks or breasts bigger than my head, but Lita's athleticism is hard to ignore. Al: Round 5: Ian: Lita Al: Edge Round 6: Al: Matt Hardy I went with some upside picks here. Edge is slowly moving up the singles ranks and could sniff the main event in the not too distant future. Worst case scenario is that he goes back to being a whiny heel and is a midcard foundation. I took Matt Hardy since he is the better Hardy overall, and the one most likely to be able to walk a year from now. Plus you took Lita and you know that they'll be broken up in the draft just because they can be. Ian: Round 6: Al: Matt Hardy Ian: The Big Show Round 7: Ian: Hollywood Hulk Hogan I guess I'm going for a monopoly on any wrestler whose name starts with "The". The Big Show's name is rather appropriate, he's huge and a great entertainer. Having The Rock means I have to go with Hollywood Hogan at some point, and although I doubt there's any way you would have drafted him away from me, I ought to get it over with and take the old stiff here. Al: Round 7: Ian: Hollywood Hulk Hogan Al: Chris Benoit Round 8: Al: William Regal On the same note, I might as well take Benoit. You won't take him, but he should be coming back from injury soon and if he returns to just 75% of what he was before neck surgery, he's a steal this late. Probably a bit early to take Regal here, but he's had good matches with pretty much everyone I've picked so far. He is instantly over as a heel and is a nice addition to any midcard. Ian: Round 8: Al: William Regal Ian: The Hurricane Round 9: Ian: Mighty Molly Personally, I think The Hurricane sucks, but his goofy nature has won over a good number of fans. Where there's The Hurricane, there's Mighty Molly. Al: Round 9: Ian: Mighty Molly Al: Trish Stratus Round 10: Al: Lance Storm Damn you. You knew I wanted the Hurricane. Now this is getting personal. So I took Trish Stratus for no other reason than to piss you off. Question: if you took the Hurricane, can I take mild-mannered reporter Gregory Helms? Anyway, I'm a big fan of Lance Storm. In WCW it took him just a few months to become the companies top heel. He could move up the ranks of the WWF just as quickly if they let him do his anti-American schtick. Ian: Round 10: Al: Lance Storm Ian: Stephanie McMahon Round 11: Ian: Maven My daughter's getting pissed and tired of waiting. You don't want to piss her off. And I'll take a chance on the young guy that's still learning the ropes. Hey, do I now keep the hardcore belt? Or is it defended against your guys as well? Al: Round 11: Ian: Maven Al: Kevin Nash Round 12: Al: Scott Hall You can have the hardcore belt . . . for now. Remember, it's defended 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If I ran into Maven at the supermarket, I could win the belt, if there was a referee around. I'm not a big fan of Nash/Hall in the ring lately, but they're worthy of picks this late in the draft. They'd be a nice piece for my tag team division and can work the mic well enough. Ian: Round 12: Al: Scott Hall Ian: Stacey Kiebler Round 13: Ian: Buh Buh Ray Dudley Fans love chicks at the side of the ring, and they love people going through tables. I got a little of both with these two picks. Al: Round 13: Ian: Buh Buh Ray Dudley Al: Mr. Perfect Round 14: Al: Diamond Dallas Page I can just see these two guys having a great feud together. Plus it would give me a chance to drag out those old Mr. Perfect promo videos. The ones where he's teaching Wade Boggs how to hit, etc. Those things always crack me up. Ian: Round 14: Al: Diamond Dallas Page Ian: Billy Gunn Round 15: Ian: Chuck Palumbo You can have Page, that old stiff. I wouldn't have ever drafted him. Gunn and Palumbo are the champs, and they've shown they can wrestle. They're a little strange, but not that there's anything wrong with that... Al: Round 15: Ian: Chuck Palumbo Al: Jeff Hardy Round 16: Al: Christian Billy and Chuck are horrible. The only thing good about them is their theme music. Thinking of crappy theme music reminded me that Christian was still available. I've already got one Hardy, might as well grab the other this late. Ian: Round 16: Al: Christian Ian: D-Von Dudley Round 17: Ian: Spike Dudley Might as well keep the Dudleys together, they're pretty good on the microphone. And I can quickly have them kick the crap out of Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo, lord knows those guys need it. Al: Round 17: Ian: Spike Dudley Al: Raven Round 18: Al: Rhyno Rhyno's out, but should be back within the next couple of months. Before getting injured, he was threatening to become the monster heel of his generation. Raven's a nice guy to have around. He can work hardcore matches fairly well and if given time could be used as a mouthpiece or leader of a decent heel stable. Ian: Round 18: Al: Rhyno Ian: X-Pac Round 19: Ian: Rikishi I have no idea who these guys are. I have no idea what to say here, other than I like their names. Al: Round 19: Ian: Rikishi Al: Tajiri Round 20: Al: Tazz These guys could make a nice tag team. Both are undersized guys that can get over as legit tough guys. The Outsiders vs. the Mini Ass-Kickers could be a nice feud. Ian: Round 20: Al: Tazz Ian: Chavo Guerrero Jr. Round 21: Ian: Ivory I'll look to make a splash riding the popularity of the Tuff Enough series on MTV. Besides, we can create the Master/Apprentice role between Maven and Guerrero. Al: Round 21: Ian: Ivory Al: Torrie Wilson Round 22: Al: Val Venis Chavo wasn't in the first Tough Enough that Maven won, but he's still a good pick. I need another female to go along with Trish, and Torrie's the best still on the board. Pairing her with Val Venis makes a lot more sense then her current pairing with Tajiri. Ian: Round 22: Al: Val Venis Ian: Big Boss Man Round 23: Ian: Justin Credible I've always loved Big Boss Man- the guy is flat out MEAN. He's been around a long time though, there's not too much gas left in the tank. Justin Credible may not be the best wrestler, but he's good at pissing off a crowd. Al: Round 23: Ian: Justin Credible Al: Test Round 24: Al: Kidman Maybe reuniting Kidman with Raven will bring him success. There haven't been any signs of him developing a wrestling personality on his own. Test is big and blond. I need someone for the little guys to beat and make look good. Ian: Round 24: Al: Kidman Ian:Sho Funaki Round 25: Ian:Taka Michinoku To round off my lineup, a little flavor from the orient. There's always room for phony martial arts dubbing in wrestling. Al: Round 25: Ian:Taka Michinoku Al: Steve Blackman Last, but certainly not least, possibly the wrestler with the least amount of personality in WWF history, Steve Blackman. I really dug his hardcore matches. He may have to sneak into Maven's hotel room and take the title back. Any final thoughts? Ian: Well, it's been interesting to draft wrestlers as if it were a real draft, although it will obviously be all set up beforehand. I just hope they make it a great live event. "Good God... Is that Rikishi's music???" Anyways, here's the final breakdown- Thursday Night Smackdown (Vince/Ian) ------------------------------------ The Rock Rob Van Dam The Undertaker Kane Lita The Big Show Hollywood Hulk Hogan The Hurricane Mighty Molly Stephanie McMahon Maven Stacey Kiebler Buh Buh Ray Dudley Billy Gunn Chuck Palumbo D-Von Dudley Spike Dudley X-Pac Rikishi Chavo Guerrero Jr. Ivory Big Boss Man Justin Credible Sho Funaki Taka Michinoku Monday Night Raw (Ric/Al) ------------------------- Steve Austin Kurt Angle Chris Jericho Booker T Edge Matt Hardy Chris Benoit William Regal Trish Stratus Lance Storm Kevin Nash Scott Hall Mr. Perfect Diamond Dallas Page Jeff Hardy Christian Raven Rhyno Tajiri Tazz Torrie Wilson Val Venis Test Kidman Steve Blackman So supposing this is how the draft worked out, which night would you rather watch? Let us know who did the better job. If you'd like to e-mail us your thoughts, we'll try to address them in the next edition of Bored At Work. Al Bogdan & Ian Dembsky EGen Sports >Mail the Author Visit EGen Sports Comment about this article in Wienerville |
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