MY TWO CENTZ
First up, I'm going to make some opening remarks. Thanks to those
of you who sent me some feedback. That's encouraged. Please feel free to
let me know what you liked and what you didn't. It's the only way I'll
learn. My first edition of My Two Centz was somewhat disjointed, since it
was both my first attempt at writing a column and was written over a period
of about two weeks. Hopefully, I'll get better at this as time goes by. I
have gone to some pains to educate myself about goings-on in the wrestling
world while I was out of touch. I should give thanks to CRZ for his recap
archive, and also the Ask 411 column at 411wrestling.com and Ask the Rick
at Wrestleline.com for helping me in this regard. Also, I thought the
hyperlink to Rick Scaia's fantasy universe would show up, but it didn't, so
here it is: http://www.wrestleline.com/columns/onslaught/dec00/fantasy1.htm
Now, on to this week's happenings:
"My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin and my pussy hurts." [New SCSA
catchphrase courtesy of my brother, Tim] The Texas Rattlesnake starting a
petition drive to say his Triple Threat match at King of the Ring is
unfair? I love it! I thought he was going to burst into tears in
Commissioner Regal's office after Spike Dudley tore up his petition! He
keeps coming up with fresh, funny stuff every week. In all fairness,
though, the Champion's Champion has been set upon by all manner of plagues
this week, the worst of which was being subjected to Linda McMahon's bad
acting on RAW (and our Fearless Leader says STEPHANIE is the McMahon who
can't act?) As to those sawed-off midgets (to use HHH's term) who are
hounding the champ, why do people think that just because Jericho and
Benoit have been on the losing end of their matches with Austin over the
past few weeks, that means their pushes are over and they're on their way
down to feuds with Albert and Rhyno? Did anyone really expect either
Benoit or Jericho to take the title from Austin on regular TV? The heel
HAS to continually lie, cheat and otherwise use their evilness to foil the
faces, otherwise what'll be left for the Pay-Per-View? If the good guy has
already won, that usually means the movie's over.
I have never been a huge Chris Benoit fan. I've always respected the
man's work ethic and willingness to bump his ass off day in and day out,
but it just hasn't translated to "must-see TV" for me. His mic work always
left something to be desired, and that was always a huge whole in his game
as far as I was concerned, and one I was unable to get past.
That's all changed over the past few weeks. Seeing Benoit putting
on PPV-caliber matches twice a week over the past three has converted me
into a Benoit fan. I'm beginning to enjoy his "silent ass-kicker" gimmick
almost as much as I enjoy Jericho's smart-assed comments. I'm not turning
into a huge Benoit shill, like I am for Triple H (as you'll see when he
comes back, assuming I'm still writing then,) but I am becoming a fan
nonetheless. Benoit's cage match with My Olympic Hero and Hometown Savior
Kurt Angle solidified his standing as a legitimate threat to Steve Austin's
WWF title. I'm not a fan of WWF Triple Threat matches, simply because I
dislike the thought of a man losing his title because another man got
pinned. But I'm looking forward to King of the Ring anyway. However, in
an ideal world, I'd like to see an ECW-style elimination triple threat
between Benoit, Austin, and Jericho. Who knows, maybe with Paul E.
booking, that's what we'll get!
What the hell has happened to the King of the Ring tournament?
It was conceived as an endurance test. "Who can survive all these matches
in one show?" Now, they're having the quarterfinals on regular TV? That
means only THREE matches (2 semifinals and the final) of the tourney for
the Pay Per View itself? That's another piece of my youth slipping away.
*sniff* I'll need a minute *sniff* Talk amongst yourselves! [sob]
Back in late '99 and early '00, I thought the Stephanie-Triple H
relationship angle was one of the best stories on TV, period. There were
all sorts of things playing out at that time: betrayal, family
dysfunction, and business wheeling and dealing, to name a few. I thought
the "Steph-HHH-Angle" story was one of the better ones of last year, even
if it was dropped rather abruptly and without payoff. So, I am NOT opposed
to the "sports entertainment" aspects of the wrestling biz.
That said, this whole Spike-Molly thing leaves me cold. I like the Hollys
and I really like Molly and wish she would be utilized better in the
women's division. I also like Buh-Buh and D-Von, although I'd like to see
them turn heel, since they did that so well in ECW. Spike doesn't really
work for me. Of all the refugees from the fall of ECW, he was the one I
was into the least. Even though I like 5 of the 6 participants in this
angle, it still makes me reach for the remote. In this case, the whole is
less than the sum of the parts.
I'm glad they finally got Taijiri in the ring on TV. Apparently the
crowd in Baltimore agreed with me, because they popped huge when the match
was announced and continued to be behind Taijiri through his match with
Crash. William Regal's facial expressions after Taijiri landed some of
those SICK kicks were priceless. Hopefully, Taijiri will make it to the
Pay Per View, although that doesn't seem likely. I don't expect him to
win, but it would be nice if he made the semis. I was starting to get
worried when he spent his first 3 weeks on TV getting punked out by Angle,
Austin, Kane, Rhyno, Undertaker, Bob Backlund, Joey Abs, Essa Rios, and
Villano XXVIII. I'd like to see the WWF turn him into Regal's assassin, at
least for the short term. Have him do the Commissioner's dirty work for a
while. Is someone getting lippy with the Commish? Have Taijiri pay them a
locker room visit and layeth the smacketh down (to steal a phrase from a
Hollywood celeb.) Sometime down the road, after establishing him as a
bonafide ass-kicker, they can split him from Regal in a month-long feud,
culminating in a high quality match between the two at a Pay-Per-View.
In the reeking of heinousity department, it looks like the WWF is going
to split my favorite tag team, Edge and Christian. Between their backstage
sparring on RAW, their miscommunication in the match with Benoit and
Jericho on Smackdown! and the obvious meeting coming up at King of the
Ring, it's become pretty obvious that the Canadian Blondes will soon go
their separate ways. I thought the Hardys were supposed to be the first
top-shelf tag team to split up? Oh, well, I guess it's okay. I buy Edge
and Christian as singles competitors much more than I buy either one of the
Hardys singly, no matter what titles they have. But it is still totally
When I saw K-Kwik on my TV on Smackdown!, my first reaction was one of
disgust. I thought the poorly rapping wrestler gimmick was finished when
Road Dogg's career went up in smoke (HA HA! "Smoke," get it? HA HA! I
crack myself up! HA HA! "Crack!" There I go again!) But I decided to
give the match a chance, so I could better form an opinion on its level of
suckiness for you dear readers. Surprise, surprise, it was actually a
decent match. Now, if they could only come up with a better gimmick for
him, K-Kwik might have a shot at some success.
After seeing that K-Kwik/Matt Hardy match on Smackdown, I'm convinced
the WWF could team Lita with Naked Mideon and he'd instantly be over huge.
No one was cheering for Hardy, until Lita started banging the apron.
Within five seconds, half the arena was clapping along with her. That's
pretty darn impressive. The question remains: What are they going to do
with her when the Hardyz eventually split?
Test has really impressed me over the past few months with his
improvement. His ringwork looks smooth, and he did a good job of selling
that fire extinguisher shot to the midsection. The crowd at Smackdown was
really into his match with Rhyno. There's not really any room for him at
the top in the WWF, but it would be interesting to see him jump to Shane
O'Mac's new DubyaSeeDubya. Especially since Shane used Stacey "Miss
Hancock" Kiebler to distract Rhyno (and who can really blame him for being
distracted?) and allow Test to hit a big boot into a thrown trash can. Can
we call that a big man's Van Daminator?
Speaking of the women of WCW, apparently WWFE has signed another one.
Torrie Wilson has signed with the new WCW. I can't wait for her TV debut.
She's real purty. Hopefully, they'll sign a few former Nitro girls (Spice
and Jazz would be at the top of my list.) I'd like to see what the WWF
Divas promotional machine could do with some of those women!
Well, that's it for me. Now, it's off to the bar for a night of drunken
revelry. Until next time, like the champ said to the Big Show: "Keep your
feet on the ground and keep reaching for your piece." Oh, wait a minute,
that was from something else. Sorry.
I'm Chip Boots, and this has been My Two Centz.
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