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Chip Boots




Since it's a Pay-Per-View weekend, I decided to write a short-week version of My Two Centz. I'm writing this on Wednesday and basing some of it off Smackdown! spoilers, so I can send it in to be posted by Friday, for your Pre-Pay-Per-View reading pleasure.

There, now that the perfunctory (hey, I can use big words!) stuff is out of the way, on to the wrestling happenings:

  • So, Diamond Dallas Page is the stalker. I thought it was a good choice. Not the best of all possible choices, but I'd grade it as a solid "B." Not spectacular, but interesting. I don't know what some people *coughScottKeithcough* ahem, excuse me, are thinking, but I thought that they did a good job of explaining why DDP would be motivated to stalk the Dead Man's wife. He spelled it out on Monday: DDP wants to be at the top of the business. Beating the Undertaker will help him get there. Beating the Undertaker is easier if he's been weakened. Sara is the first weakness the Undertaker has ever shown. Therefore, messing with Sara messes with 'Taker's head, and makes him easier to beat. I thought it was pretty straightforward. Maybe it's just too straightforward for some people. As I was watching RAW, I found myself really anticipating the Stalker and his identity, a whole helluva lot more than I thought I would. I guess it was the inner mark in me hoping it was Shawn Michaels. But, I wasn't really let down when it was DDP. They explained the rationale, it set up another match, even though it'll be more of an unofficial brawl, for King of the Ring (and hopefully spared us all Albert vs. Kane in the process,) and kicked the WCW invasion into full gear, heading into next month's Invasion Pay-Per-View. Sorry, guys, but Lance Storm and especially Hugh Morrus just didn't cut it for me. They needed a big-name talent to kick off the invasion, and in the 3-time WCW World Champ, they got one. Now, it's on for real in July.

  • As long as we're on the subject of Hotlanta refugees, I think we can look forward to a run-in from a different WCW midcarder (i.e. Shawn Stasiak) during one of Kurt Angle's King of the Ring tournament matches, but the interference will NOT cost Kurt the match, and he will go on to become the first repeat King. But, during Kurt's street fight with Shane McMahon, WCW World Champ Booker T WILL cost Angle the match.

  • The Dudleyz are our new Tag Team Champs. I expected Benoit and Jericho to drop the belts, to make it more plausible for one of them to get the World Title this Sunday. I still don't think it's very likely, although they could have Austin job. Then, have Vinnie Mac abandon him, and, since Triple H is gone, and his precious WWF Title would be around the waist of someone else, Austin would go even farther off the deep end. But, interesting as that would be, my prediction is Austin winning by pinning Jericho, sowing the seeds for a Jericho heel turn later this year.

  • I know this is a 180 (Cheesy Movie Trivia: "Benedict, you pullin' a 360 on me?" Can you name the movie? Email me the answer and get your name in my next column!) from what I said last week, but the more I think about it, the more I think that it is time to break up Edge and Christian. They're 8-time WWF Tag Team champs, so what else is there really for them to do? I would have liked to see them remain allies, but if they each make it to the KotR finals, I think Edge will win, then Christian will punk him out, accomplishing the dual goal of turning Edge face and putting a little bit of teeth on Christian's Canadian Ditz character.

  • Now, I'm going to go a little off the beaten path. This is somewhat topical, since it relates to someone currently unsigned by any wrestling organization: Bill Goldberg. I'm glad he hasn't been signed by the WWF. I thank the Good Lord of All that is Pure and Right for this every night before I go to sleep. Goldberg sucks. I hope he never comes back. Here's why:

    He can't wrestle. Yeah, I know, neither can most of the other people employed by the WWF. But that's not the point. I'm not a huge work rate freak. But I do expect a wrestler to at least have enough of a move set that it allows them to tell a story with the match. The Rock does not have 10% of the moves that Taijiri has, but those moves that the Rock has, he uses well in the telling of a story.

    He can't act. If you're not going to be able to pull it off in the ring, you've got to at least be golden on the mike. Kevin Nash is a horrible worker, but he's got great charisma and a quick wit. That makes up for some (but not all,) of his weakness in the ring. Steve Austin is not the in-ring performer he was years ago, as injuries have taken their toll. But I defy anyone to argue that his promos have not been some of the best things about recent WWF TV. The key is to be well rounded. Goldberg's not.

    He's an unstoppable face. This is more of a personal irritation of mine. I HATE unstoppable faces. It was all well and good to have Hulkamania running wild when I was 10 years old, but I'm not anymore, so it's time to move into the twenty-first century. If the face can't be beat, they why do the heels exist? It's much more entertaining for me to see the heel champion (a la Stone Cold) running roughshod over the fed. Then, when the face eventually wins, it's that much more satisfying. Goldberg's never been the underdog.

    He was built up with a bazillion squashes. When Goldberg first appeared and racked up 40,000 consecutive wins (or whatever the hell it really was,) he was squashing no-names jobbers for 39,997 of those wins. Punch, spear, jackhammer, see ya. Wow. Congratulations, Bill. You can beat jobbers. Yay for you. In an elementary school playground, the sixth graders can beat up the first graders, but where's the challenge in that? Same with Goldberg. He was built up into this monster by facing mediocre competition, at best. We're supposed to take him seriously as a champion?

    He's a mark for his own character. I know that was the knock against Bret Hart, but at least Bret had EARNED the right to mark-out for his character by busting his hump in the business for decades. Goldberg was a mediocre football player who just happened to fall bass-ackwards into wrestling because he's huge and looks scary when he yells. And THIS guy has the stones to tell the bookers "I don't want to do a heel turn?" Then, after he's overruled, he proceeded to sabotage said turn by not doing what he needed to do to be booed. [In the interest of full disclosure, I do not know for a FACT that Goldberg opposed his heel turn and intentionally sabotaged it. That was the line on the Rumor Mill last year. Take it for what it's worth. I think it's accurate.] Earlier this year, Steve Austin was the most popular wrestler in the history of the business (sorry, Hulk, it's true,) yet, in the space of a few weeks, he managed to get booed convincingly, and has now created one of the best heel characters in years. THAT is how it's done, Bill.

  • Whew!* I feel better now. There is no one who is not currently signed by the WWF (with the exception of Booker T, "Positively" Kanyon, and maybe Scott Steiner) that I'd like to see back on my TV. The only exception to this is Bret Hart, but I'm not holding my breath for him and Vince to kiss and make up. As for Goldberg, if he wants to become the next Dolph Lundgren and be a B-movie action superstar, more power to him. Just so he stays away from wrestling. After all, I can avoid his movies like the plagues that they are. But the WWF is the only wrestling game in town. Stay away, Bill. Stay far, FAR AWAY!!!

  • I'm trying to get a hold of some tapes from a friend of a friend, ECW's November to Remember '95 and WrestleMania XIII. After I get a chance to watch those, I'm going to put up some review pieces. But that probably won't be for a couple more weeks.

  • On a non-wrestling note, since it's what Internet columnists do: I had a chance to see both Staind and Disturbed when they came through Pittsburgh as part of the X-Fest show in May. If you enjoy hard rock/metal music, they would both be right up your alley. I thought Staind was the best band of the day, and the fact that Fuel closed the show was kind of anticlimactic. So, Staind and Disturbed both kick ass. Go see 'em.

    That's it for me. I'll be off to my Grandparents' house to watch King of the Ring this Sunday, since we don't yet get Pay-Per-View in my little backwoods corner of America. See ya next week, when The Invasion goes into high gear.

    I'm Chip Boots, and this has been My Two Centz.

    Chip Boots

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