He can't wrestle. Yeah, I know, neither can most of the other people employed by the WWF. But that's not the point. I'm not a huge work rate freak. But I do expect a wrestler to at least have enough of a move set that it allows them to tell a story with the match. The Rock does not have 10% of the moves that Taijiri has, but those moves that the Rock has, he uses well in the telling of a story.

He can't act. If you're not going to be able to pull it off in the ring, you've got to at least be golden on the mike. Kevin Nash is a horrible worker, but he's got great charisma and a quick wit. That makes up for some (but not all,) of his weakness in the ring. Steve Austin is not the in-ring performer he was years ago, as injuries have taken their toll. But I defy anyone to argue that his promos have not been some of the best things about recent WWF TV. The key is to be well rounded. Goldberg's not.

He's an unstoppable face. This is more of a personal irritation of mine. I HATE unstoppable faces. It was all well and good to have Hulkamania running wild when I was 10 years old, but I'm not anymore, so it's time to move into the twenty-first century. If the face can't be beat, they why do the heels exist? It's much more entertaining for me to see the heel champion (a la Stone Cold) running roughshod over the fed. Then, when the face eventually wins, it's that much more satisfying. Goldberg's never been the underdog.

He was built up with a bazillion squashes. When Goldberg first appeared and racked up 40,000 consecutive wins (or whatever the hell it really was,) he was squashing no-names jobbers for 39,997 of those wins. Punch, spear, jackhammer, see ya. Wow. Congratulations, Bill. You can beat jobbers. Yay for you. In an elementary school playground, the sixth graders can beat up the first graders, but where's the challenge in that? Same with Goldberg. He was built up into this monster by facing mediocre competition, at best. We're supposed to take him seriously as a champion?

He's a mark for his own character. I know that was the knock against Bret Hart, but at least Bret had EARNED the right to mark-out for his character by busting his hump in the business for decades. Goldberg was a mediocre football player who just happened to fall bass-ackwards into wrestling because he's huge and looks scary when he yells. And THIS guy has the stones to tell the bookers "I don't want to do a heel turn?" Then, after he's overruled, he proceeded to sabotage said turn by not doing what he needed to do to be booed. [In the interest of full disclosure, I do not know for a FACT that Goldberg opposed his heel turn and intentionally sabotaged it. That was the line on the Rumor Mill last year. Take it for what it's worth. I think it's accurate.] Earlier this year, Steve Austin was the most popular wrestler in the history of the business (sorry, Hulk, it's true,) yet, in the space of a few weeks, he managed to get booed convincingly, and has now created one of the best heel characters in years. THAT is how it's done, Bill.