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  • Suck-Up Segment: Big props to Stinko Malenko. A few weeks ago we engaged in a tape trade. In the process of my tape coming over, the tape got broken. Lousy post office. Anyway, he sent me a new tape without any problem, and even offered to add 2 hours of stuff onto it. All he wanted from me was a few bucks so he could buy a new tape. So if you want to trade with someone whose trustworthy, go take a visit to his site, and make him an offer he can't refuse (sorry, been watching The Godfather too much on AMC).

  • Now with that out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty (did I just type that?). This will be the first in hopefully a series of Coliseum Home Video Reviews (well a series of 8) that I'll be doing. Coliseum Home Video, for those of you who don't know, released tons of the WWF home videos from the mid 80's until 1997, when Vince decided to save money and release them by himself. Most of the tapes came out during the era of Hulkamania to cash in on their success, so the match quality is pretty bad. I'll be using both the *** rating and the point system.

  • First up, from mid-1989: More Saturday Night's Main Event.

  • At the beginning of the tape is a Bret Hart "Don't smoke" ad (smokers are SCUM), the Ultimate Warrior selling Slim Jims (I think Slim Jims are worst then smoking), and the No Holds Barred trailer which is enough to make want to kill myself. Nah, I'll kill Hogan instead.

  • Your host is Sean "The predecessor to Todd Pettingill" Mooney. Announcers for the matches are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura.

  • We start with a series of clips from the great (okay great might be stretching it a little bit) lines from the history of the show. Most come from Jesse Ventura all right, but the best line comes from Mean Gene Okerlund when he's asked if they have an update on the condition of Bobby "The Brain Heenen. "No, but really who cares?". That only makes it worth a point. 1 for 1

  • Opening Match, Haircut Match: Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake vs. "The Outlaw" Ron Bass

    Great way to start the tape. If your Helen Keller that is. Beefcake steals the Ron Bass' whip before the match (called Miss Betsy), and then uses it himself complete with dubbed in whip noises that make it sound really cheesy. The crowd heat is also dubbed in. Beefcake goes through his offense (which is a high knee then a lot of punching), before Ron Bass comes back with an atomic drop. Bass runs through HIS limited offense (kicks and a back body drop), then nails the pile driver. But he won't cover Beefcake, and clotheslines him a few times. Now he covers him for two. Bass thinks it was a three count, and starts arguing with Referee Joey Morella. This allows Brutus to recover, duck a clothesline, and slap on the sleeper. Bass passes out, and puts us out of our misery at 7:39. Match sucked of course, _*. After the "Commercial" Beefcake cuts his hair, and it takes about as long as the match did. Jesse Ventura said that it reminds him of the opening scene of Full Metal Jacket. The difference being that Full Metal Jacket was a good movie, and this is crap. 1 for 2

  • The Brainbusters (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenen) vs. The Rockers

    Now THIS is more like it. Shawn Michaels is shoved out of the ring by Arn Anderson, leaving Marty Jannetty with Tully Blanchard. Tully goes for the suplex, but Marty escapes. Tully grabs Marty from behind, and rolls him up for the cover. But the referee is busy chewing out Anderson for tossing Shawn, so this gives Shawn to break the pin with a Cross Body from the top rope. The Rockers do a ring around the rosy dance, and then do the STEREO clotheslines on the Brainbusters, and they fall out of the ring. They then take off their shirts, to the enjoyment of the teeney boppers.

    Arn gets on the apron, and knees Shawn in the gut. Arn then goes to the top rope, which everyone knows isn't going to work, as Shawn grabs him, and throws him to the middle of the ring. Shawn slaps on a Boston Crab. Tully goes to the top rope himself, and goes for the double ax handle. Shawn sees Tully and punches Tully in the stomach on his way down. Pier four brawl breaks out. The Brainbusters whip the Rockers into the ropes, Rockers baseball slide under them, and nail them with the superkick. The Brainbusters fall out of the ring, and Bobby Heenen gives them a pep talk.

    Tully gets back on the apron, and gets suplexed back in by Shawn (Vince says it was from the top rope. Well at lease he didn't say "WHATTER MANUEVER!"). Shawn hammers Tully in the corner, and then hip tosses him. He then head scissors Tully. Tully bails and tags Arn in. Arn slaps on a standing headlock, Shawn shoves him to the ropes, Arn comes back and hits Michaels with the Shoulder block. Arn runs to the ropes, and gets drop toe hold by Shawn. They lock up. Arn whips Shawn to the rope, drops to the mat, Shawn comes back again and gets a knee in the gut. They lock up again. Arn is able to get to his corner and tag in Tully. Tully whips Shawn into the ropes, and Bobby Heenen helpfully lowers the top rope, so Shawn can go crashing to the floor. He even stomps him a bit for good measure. Alas, the referee catches Heenen, and tosses him out of ringside. Let's go to a Commercial!

    When we "return", it's Marty Jannetty and Tully Blanchard in the ring. Slugfest is won by Marty. Marty goes for the atomic drop in the Brainbusters corner. Marty gets it, but Tully tags in Arn before Marty executes the move. Marty is unaware that Arn is the legal man, as he whips Tully into the corner and clotheslines him, and then gets clotheslined by Anderson. Snap mare on Marty. Arn whips Marty into his corner, and Tully sticks out his knee hitting Marty in the stomach. Tag to Tully. Tully whips Marty from corner to corner, but Marty gets a surprise roll up for two. Tully tags back Arn, who runs over to Marty's corner, and cheapshots Shawn. Shawn tries to come in, but the ref stops him, letting Arn dump Marty out of the ring. Arn then does an Ax Handle from the Apron to Marty on the floor. Marty gets back on the apron, leapfrogs over Arn, and then tries to roll him over, but before he can Arn tags in Tully. Marty sees it this time, and runs over to punch Tully. Tully snap mares Marty. Marty tries to lock Tully's head in his legs (in a NON-Sexual way, Tully isn't a ring boy), but Tully escapes so Marty grabs Tully by the waist (man this is sounding dirty), but since Marty's shoulder's are down he's counted for two. Marty gets up (still holding onto Tully), and goes for the backslide pin. That gets two. Tully grabs Marty, and gets him back to his corner, before he can tag in Shawn. Tully tags in Arn, who proceeds to give Marty a Spine buster. Pin is broken at two by Shawn. Arn Scoop slams Marty, and then drags Marty to the corner, and goes for a VADER BOMB! Marty sticks his knees up, leaving Arn to roll around in pain. Hot tag to Shawn, who gets whipped by the Brainbusters into the ropes, Shawn comes back and then slams the Brainbusters heads together. Arn and Shawn lock up. They head to the Brainbusters corner, and Arn tries to suplex Shawn. Tully leaps over the two, and tries to roll up Shawn. Arn helpfully shoves Shawn over. Marty breaks the cover at 2. Arn goes outside, so Shawn busts out a tope. The four brawl outside and get...counted out at 8:33. CHEAP FINISH. After the match the Rockers dropkick the Brainbusters a bunch of times to send the fans home happy. Match was ****1/4, would have been higher if they had a FINISH. Still an easy point. 2 for 3

  • The Red Rooster (Terry Taylor) (w/Bobby Heenen) vs. Tito Santana

    "The Brain" is miced here. The Red rooster was undefeated at this time, so take that for what it's worth. George Steinbrenner is at ringside. The whole point of the Red Rooster gimmick was that Bobby Heenen said he could make anyone a star, hence a stupid gimmick like The Red Rooster. So what happens in this match is pretty damn stupid in my opinion. Santana dominates early, which pisses off Heenen enough to ask Steinbrenner what he would do. Of course he says fire him. Or tell someone in the New York sports media to write a story about how much they suck. Heenen gets sick of the squash, and drags Taylor out of the ring to bitch him out. They exchange shoves, as we go to a "commercial" Break

    When we come back, Taylor is doing a bit better, getting a series of near falls on Santana. This just serves to piss off Bobby Heenen even more. It's pretty funny actually. Taylor goes for the Sharpshooter(!), but Tito rakes the eyes, and clotheslines Taylor out of the ring. Heenen angrily rolls Terry back in the ring. Taylor argues with Bobby, allowing Tito to roll him up for the pin at 7:22. Hey match actually wasn't as bad as I remembered it the first time I watched this match a year ago, **. After the match Terry Taylor makes the face turn and beats up Heenen. And he KEPT the gimmick. Moron. Still enough for a point. 3 for 4

  • The Blue Blazer vs. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil)

    The Blue Blazer is Owen Hart of course. Insert tasteless joke here. DiBiase wastes no time, and attacks Owen right when he gets into the ring. Clothesline and Body slam, and Ted starts jawing with the fans. Owen gets a weak cradle for two, and a backslide for two in quick succession. Ted comes back his offense of body slams and clotheslines, and of course jawing with the fans. Owen comes back with a dropkick, sending Ted to the floor, then Owen does a flying cross body from the ring to the floor. Okay, that was cool. Owen chops Ted a bit, and rolls him back in the ring. Another cross body, and DiBiase begs off. Owen whips Ted into the ropes, and does the Baaaaack Boooooody Drooooooooop (trademark Vince McMahon) and then a drop kick. DiBiase then gets a body slam out of no where for the pin at 3:56. RAW match, **1/4. 4 for 5

  • WWF Heavyweight Title: Randy "Macho Man" Savage (w/Elizabeth) vs. Andre the Giant (w/Bobby "The Brain" Heenen's 3rd appearance on this tape)

    The bell makes one long CLANG sound rather then the DINGDINGDING that we usually get. Fire the timekeeper! The match is horrible of course, and involves a lot of choking by the part of Andre with dubbed in heel heat. Trust me, you don't need blow by blow for this one, your not missing anything. It's just choking, Savage gets an Ax Handle in, more choking (, Savage gets a few kicks in, more choking, etc. And I almost forgot, Andre crushing his arm on Savage's arm, or at least that's what it's supposed to be. After boring me for about 10 years, Jake "The Snake" Roberts shows up, and puts Damien under the ring. Savage convinces Roberts to leave, but he left Damien behind. Andre is afraid of Damien (so this must have been after the great Andre gets the "heart attack" after Jake dumps Damien on Andre angle that really sucked) and sends Bobby Heenen. They go back to their "match" (which involves...CHOKING!) and Bobby Heenen finds Damien. He tries to get rid of him, but Roberts comes back. Heenen runs into the ring, and the ref calls it a double DQ at 8:34. Well that's 8 _ minutes I'll never get back, -**1/2. Andre gets tied up in the ropes, as Jake goes to drop Damien on him. Heenen is able to free Andre before hand though, and for that I'm thankful. 4 for 6

  • The rest of the tape is focused on the Hogan/Bossman feud, so if you can't stand the two, turn off the tape now. But if your still watching after the last match, then you might as well tough it out. (maybe I should say Tough Enough, and get a nickel from Vince...)

  • The Big Bossman (w/Slick) vs. Jim Powers

    Total squash here, as we Join in Progress. Bossman screams for Hogan the whole time, and man is he FAT. Bossman sells Powers offense, and hits the sidewalk slam for the pin. 2:38 aired. DUD. After the match, Bossman handcuffs Power to the ropes, and beats him up. 4 for 7

  • Footage of Bossman beating up Hogan on the Brother Love Show a week ago.

  • Mean Gene the hot air machine interviews Hulk Hogan about said beating. Hogan is still wearing the handcuffs as a symbolic gesture. Typical arrogant Hogan interview were he talks about be Judge and Executioner, blah blah blah. He actually makes it through the whole interview without saying "brother" once! And for that, I'm thankful.

  • The Brother Love Show with Slick and Hulk Hogan: Brother Love introduces Slick with a fawning intro of course, pissing off Hogan. Brother Love won't let Hogan talk and answers for him. Which is just fine by me. Slick says that Hogan looks likes a criminal. Heh. The fun ends as Hogan takes the microphone from Brother Love. He runs down Slick, Brother Love and The Big Bossman. Slick then calls Hogan "Buster", so Hogan tosses out Slick. Brother Love then makes the incredibly stupid mistake of hitting Hogan from behind. So Hogan bodyslams him, cuffs him to the ropes (with handcuffs he hid in his boot), and then clotheslines him. Cue the 5 minute posing for all the Hulkamorons. Well I really can't blame them for that, since that's the reason all the people are there. But I will anyway. 4 for 8.

  • Hulk Hogan vs. Akeem (w/Slick and The Big Bossman)

    JIP with Hogan laying on the mat, and Akeem going for a move off the top rope. Backstage Savage is watching, and Elizabeth urges Savage to help, but he won't help. Fuck him, let him win it on his own. We come back as Hogan hulks up, beats up Slick and Bossman, then nails the yellow boot of death and the Body Slam of doom. Hogan goes for the Leg Drop, but Bossman trips him for the DQ. 2:25 aired. Match from what little I saw, sucked. -*. The Twin Towers beat up Hogan, and Elizabeth runs in. Bossman cuffs Elizabeth, but before he can cuff her to the ropes, Savage runs in with the steel chair to clear the ring. Ventura notes that Savage waited till they attacked Elizabeth to help. The Megapowers broke up soon after this, but that's not mentioned by Sean Mooney. 4 for 9.

  • Jesse Ventura interviews Slick & Bossman. Slick promises a surprise for Hulk in the match.

  • Steel Cage Match/WWF Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan vs. The Big Bossman (w/Slick)

    The surprise is Zeus, who was feuding with Hogan since Zeus felt he was the real star of No Holds Barred. Why would anyone go around saying that in the first place? I saw the last ten minutes of that "movie" one time on local TV here, and boy did it suck. Zeus attacks Hogan, and then leaves. We head to the commercial break.

    When we "return", Bossman tosses Hogan into the ring to start the match. Bossman chokes Hogan with the Orange one's own shirt. Vince notes that the match is all Bossman's so far, at the 40 second mark. Right then Hogan comes back, as he decides he sold the beating long enough. Way to put over Zeus Hogan. Well Zeus sucked, but the point stands. Hogan quickly gets the big boot, and tries to climb out. Why not leave from the door??? Bossman hammers Hogan's back before he can climb out, and then does the fat splash on Hulk. He goes for the door, but Hogan grabs his legs before he can leave. Series of irish whips end with Hulk getting a spine buster. Bossman tries to CLIMB out of the cage, and gets to the other side of the cage before Hogan stops him. Jesse says that Bossman should of just walked out of the door, and I agree. Hogan then suplexes Bossman from the top of the cage to the mat. Okay that was impressive, even though Bossman did most of the work.

    They both play dead, and the referee Hebner (is it Dave or Earl?) comes in to count them both out. Why? It's a cage match! Hulk gets up and crawls to the door, but Bossman stops him. Hogan rakes the eyes (cheater) and tries to bodyslam Bossman, but Bossman forearms him instead. Slick helpfully tosses Bossman a chain into the ring. Bossman chokes out Hogan with it. Vince says the referee should stop this, but Jesse says the referee must stay outside, even though he was JUST IN THE CAGE A MINUTE AGO. Slugfest is won by Bossman. Bossman tries to ram Hogan's head into the cage, but they do the double ram of doom. Hogan hulks up, raps the chain around his fist, and beats up Bossman, clotheslines him a bunch of times (looks clipped here to me), and then hits the LEG DROP OF DEATH. Hogan goes to CLIMB Out (Idiot), giving Slick the opportunity to ram Hebner into the cage. Slick runs in to stop Hogan, so Hogan kicks him, and beats up Slick. Bossman is cuffed to the ropes, and he's bleeding. It's .001 Muta, if that, but the thought is there. Hogan climbs out to win at 10:00. Match was there, *1/2. Slick gets beat up AGAIN after the match. Suplex gives it a point, but it's not a ringing endorsement. 5 of 10.

  • We close with Sean Mooney talking about how Saturday Night's Main Event has become a late night tradition for NBC. So it was cancelled two years later. HAW.

  • Total Match Time (bell-to-Bell): 47:11

    Final Review: Some decent stuff (Taylor/Santana, DiBiase/Hart) and one **** match makes this worth a look.

    Next time when I get around to it: The Best of the WWF, Volume 19. With a title like that, how can it not be good?


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