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  • After a week of anticipation from no one, I'm back!

  • Rip-off Corner: Do not do business with WcEJ3 16 @, the fucker ripped me off of 3 tapes. Everyone e-mail this asshole, and let him now what a cocksucker he is.

  • Today's Coliseum Home Video review from 1993: Invasion of the Body Slammers

  • Weird promo for King of the Ring 1993. Watch Hulk Hogan get his ass booted out of the WWF!

  • Odd intro for this one.

  • Your host is Lord Alfred Hayes & Slick. Since every Coliseum Home Video needs a gimmick, we have Slick trying to teach Kamala how to bowl. Slick has bought bowling shoes for Kamala, but he's afraid of them. Bah.

  • Your commentators for all the matches are Jim Ross, Randy Savage & Bobby Heenen.

  • Opening Match: Earthquake vs. Yokozuna (w/ Mr. Fuji)
    I was going to do a dead man count for this tape, but since the only dead guy on this tape is Yokozuna, I decided not to. They do a very lame pose-off to start, which Earthquake wins. Savage hyperventilates over the stare down, but the only stare down that anyone ever gave a crap about was the Hulk/Andre one in Wrestlemania III. But then again Savage is a bit of a moron. Anyway, the stare-down quickly degenerates into a shoving match between the two. They then each miss the respective fat ass charges. Earthquake gets the side head lock on, but Yokozuna breaks. Earthquake ducks a clothesline, and hits four of his own. Yokozuna plops his fat ass in the corner. Earthquake goes for a charge, but Yokozuna gets an elbow up into Earthquake, and comes back with a leg drop. Yokozuna slowly hammers away at Earthquake. Earthquake fights back, but Fuji distracts him, letting Yokozuna splash him, and then nail the Banzai Drop for the pin at 3:42. Short match, and that's a GOOD thing, _*. 0 for 1

  • The Nasty Boys vs. The Beverley Brothers
    The days when it was still okay for your name to end with an S. Some people give blow-by-blow for every match. I would like to, but there's nothing to report here. Well one Beverley Brother gets his face shoved into Saggs armpit, but that's about it. It ends with a pier-four brawl, and the referee decides that this is enough sucking for one day and disqualifies everyone for being USELESS PIECES OF SHIT at 6:47. Trust me, you missed nothing, DUD. 0 for 2

  • Slick has given up on Kamala wearing bowling shoes. He doesn't give up however. He gives Kamala a bowling ball that's painted with the same crap Kamala wears on his face. Ahhh.... Get me a barf bag.

  • The Most Hated Active Wrestler in the WWF by the internet "community" with the exception of CRZ, The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Razor "Will work for booze" Ramon
    Visit for a funny picture of Scott Hall, although by the time you see this, it might be gone. The Undertaker gets a mega pop. The WWF had not yet started turning the lights off with Undertaker's entrance, which would get him an even bigger pop. Razor Ramon talks trash Undertaker, and then bails out of the ring. Ramon taunts Undertaker to follow him out, and he does. Then Razor gets right back in the ring. Undertaker follows, and gets caught with a series of punches and kicks. Undertaker gets his head rammed in the turnbuckle, and he no-sells. See! The Undertaker is holding back Scott Hall! Undertaker comes back with the uppercuts, and then goes Old School (or considering the time School) with the Rope Walk. Ramon gets back up, and clotheslines Undertaker, who lands on his feet. Taker climbs on the apron, and Ramon knocks him down. Ramon grabs Undertaker's hair, but Undertaker reverses and guillotines Ramon. That was cool! Undertaker comes in, and chokes Ramon on the ropes. Ramon rakes the eyes to free himself. Ramon then drops the Undertaker on the ropes on his little dead man. Undertaker falls to the mat. Ramon rams Taker's head into the STEEL steps and STEEL post. Then he rolls the Undertaker back in and side slams Undertaker and drops the elbow 7 times. Paul Bearer argues with the referee, so Ramon comes and steals the urn. Undertaker gets back up, so Ramon whacks him with the urn. Ramon showboats, and covers Undertaker for two! What a selfish prick! I bet next week, Razor will job to Sara! Ramon misses with a clothesline, and Undertaker choke slams him. Ramon has had enough, and decides to go for the count out at 5:04. That was the same ending of the Undertaker/Ramon match from Smack 'em, Whack 'em tape which I don't have, but have seen. Match was decent, *1/2. And I'm giving it a point, so DEAL with it. 1 for 3

  • Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Typhoon
    What is with Savage and the stare downs? Does anyone beside Savage give a fuck about the stare down? Typhoon starts out with the long headlock. Then they take turns doing fat ass charges which are no-sold. Bam Bam charges into Typhoon who grabs Bigelow and holds him in the air, before slamming him. Again I am going to skip the rest of the blow-by-blow, because that was the only cool spot in the match. Let's skip to the end. Bigelow gets Irish whipped and gets the fat splash. He goes for another one, but then changes his mind. By the time he decides to go for another one, he gets a clothesline, and then gets head butt for the pin at 7:27. Let's move on, shall we? _*. 1 for 4

  • Slick shows Kamala how to bowl, and he gets a strike (and it looks legit to me). Kamala is too busy admiring his bowling ball to care.

  • Repo Cam: Repo Man makes a guy film him at work, or he'll reposes the camera. Repo Man takes cares, bikes, etc. He then steals the guy camera anyway. This was incredibly stupid, and pure FF material. 1 for 5

  • Intercontinental Title: Bret "Hit Man" Hart vs. Shawn Michaels (w/ Sherri)
    Heenen on Sherri: "Isn't she beautiful", to which Jim Ross immediately replies with "No.". Well I found it funny. The referee is Joey "Going to the great beyond soon" Morella. Lock-up, arm drag takedown by Shawn. Another lock-up. Arm-bar reversed by Bret. Shawn is able to reverse that, and apply a wristlock. Bret kips up, so Shawn grabs his hair and shoves Bret back down. Hammerlocks are exchanged, which ends with Shawn getting tossed out of the ring. Shawn stalls on the apron, so Bret tosses him back in. Bret works on the arm for a bit. Shawn fights back, and goes for an Irish whip, which is reversed by Bret. They then do the charge and miss in the corner spot. Bret comes right back with a clothesline for two. Bret goes back to the arm. Shawn breaks, and gets a knee into the gut into Bret. Shawn tries to ram Bret into the turnbuckle, but Bret reverses and rams Shawn's head instead. Irish whip is reversed by Shawn. Shawn stomps the back of Bret, and then chokes out Bret with his right foot in the corner. Sherri also gets in a cheap shot. Knee to back of Bret. Bret is whipped to the other corner. High knee gets two. Chin-lock on Bret. Bret tries to fight out, but fails? Is this the end of Bret Hart? No, that's not till Starcade 1999 silly. Bret fights out and ducks a clothesline, but gets nailed with the super kick. Shawn's using a teardrop suplex at the time for his finisher, so it's not the end of the match. He goes for it, but Bret escapes. To the corner, and Bret is whipped to the other side. Shawn charges but get the boot in the face. Bret gets the 2nd rope clothesline. Bret then goes for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. It should be noted that Jim Ross calls a bulldog a clothesline, but since he fucks up a lot these days, it's really nothing to note. Bret argues with a ref on a two count instead of going for the sharpshooter. Shawn sneaks from behind, but Bret sees him and applies the sleeper. Shawn struggles, and they both fall out of the ring. Shawn gets back in first, Bret tries to follow but Sherri grabs Bret's boot. Shawn ax handles Bret from behind, and gets the count out win at 8:51. Shawn actually gets a face pop for that. Match was ***1/4. Shawn poses with the Intercontinental Belt. Joey tries to get it back for him, so Shawn kills him. No wait, Morella is not dead. Yet. Bret waffles Shawn with the Bret with the title belt, and then whips Shawn, who does the oversell in the corner, and lies on top of the turnbuckle. Bret field goal kicks him twice, and Shawn bails. Easy point, 2 for 6.

  • Slick gets another strike, however I'm not sure that it was legit this time. Kamala is still too busy admiring the bowling ball to care. Lord Alfred Hayes suggests getting another one, and Slick agrees.

  • Doink the Clown vs. Kamala (w/ Slick)
    Well I figured we would get a Kamala match in here somewhere. Doink is EVIL here, and has a cool theme song. Savage mentions that the fans care about Kamala, though the Crowd gives Kamala NO pop. Doink has brought a present for Kamala, but he won't give it to him. Doink tackles Kamala, and applies the arm-bar. Kamala fights back, and chops Doink. Think of a Billy Gunn chop. Doink oversells and flies out of the ring with the last one. Savage says that Doink has gotten a 200 dollar Clinton hair cut. Hah! I mean, Hail Clinton and his many legion. Nah, fuck him. Kamala follows Doink, so Doink gets the gift, and gives it to Kamala. Doink gets back in the ring, and Kamala is counted out at 3:20. The box was empty, much like this match. DUD. Kamala beats up Doink after the match. 2 for 7

  • Let me check, yes The Undertaker is still despised by the internet wrestling community vs. The Supreme Fighting Machine Papa "The Godfather" Shango (w/o Ho's)
    We start with a stare down, and Savage has an orgasm. Must be all the viagra he takes. Papa Shango grabs the throat of the Undertaker, and takes him to the corner. Undertaker no-sells (Now he's holding back Papa Shango! That fiend!). Undertaker then chokes Papa to the opposite corner. Irish whip is reversed, but Undertaker gets the boot up during Shango's charge. ROPEWALK OF DEATH! Irish whip, but Undertaker gets a boot of his own. He no-sells. FUCK YOU MARK CALLOWAY YOU SACK OF SHIT. By using his real name I sound smart, and in the know. Scoop slam on Shango. Undertaker misses with the elbow drop. Shango clotheslines Undertaker out. They then re-do the Guillotine spot from the Taker/Ramon match which isn't that cool seeing it a second time. Taker comes back in the ring and gets the SMOKE in the face. Brawl on the outside, and Shango whacks the Undertaker with a steel chair. Irish whip, and Taker gets hit in the steel steps. Undertaker is rolled back in the ring. Undertaker no-sells three body slams (FUCK HIM! WHERE'S CHRIS BENOIT?). 4 elbow drops, and Undertaker is down. Shango decides to go after Paul Bearer rather then go for the cover. Undertaker does the zombie sit up. He ducks the clothesline and hits the flying clothesline. Chokeslam ends it at 6:28. Bah, _*. 2 for 8.

  • Kamala won't let go of the bowling ball. He decides to charge the pins rather then toss the ball.

  • 16-Man Battle Royal from the Manhattan Center: Shawn Michaels, Bob Backlund, Razor Ramon, Kamala, Tatanka, Koko B. Ware, Kimchee, Berzerker, Terry Taylor, Tito Santana, Owen Hart, Skinner, Typhoon, Damien Demento, and some guy in black trunks. Yeah I know that's only 15. The announcers explain that the Giant Gonzalez was supposed to be in it, but the other wrestlers refused to be in a battle royal with him. I usually don't like battle royals, and this is no exception. I will just list the order of elimination, and that will make everyone happy. Skinner, Owen Hart, Berzerker, Kamala, Kimchee, Typhoon, Shawn Michaels, Tito Santana and Tatanka. Kamala chaises Kimchee around which is probably their way of editing this crap down. Giant Gonzalez ran in to eliminate the last two. Razor Ramon is your winner at 13:05, and let's move on. 2 for 9

  • Repo Man vs. Tatanka
    Well here comes the Repo Man match. Tatanka is undefeated at this point. Danny Davis is the referee, which is bad continuity, since he was BANNED for life back in early 1987. I'm tired, and it's getting late. I'M NOT A MACHINE PEOPLE! Tatanka wins the fallaway slam at 7:42. *, 2 for 10

  • Kamala again tries to bowl. He shakes his ass (ugh), and rolls the ball back words. Idiot.

  • Main Event: Mr. Perfect vs. Ric Flair
    Oh HELL YEAH. Jim Ross mentions Flair's time in the NWA as his time in the south. Flair goes the handshake, but of course he does the Flair strut instead. WHOOOO. Lock-up, Perfect shoves Flair to the mat. Lock-up, again Flair shoved to the mat. Perfect mocks the Flair strut and then SLAPS Flair. Twice. They mention Larry Henning for those of you who care about that sort of stuff. Side headlock on Flair. Break, Shoulder block on Flair. Lock-up. Side headlock on Perfect, break, shoulder block on Perfect, to the ropes, drop toe hold on Flair. Perfect then slaps Flair again. Lock-up, to the corner. Referee breaks allowing Flair to knee Perfect In the corner. WHOOOO chop in the corner, followed by fists to the face of Perfect. Flair then rams Perfect's face in the turnbuckle. Henning oversells of course, because he wouldn't be Curt Henning if he didn't. Irish whip is reversed by Perfect, who back body drops Flair. Flair is clotheslined out of the ring. Bobby Heenen claims Flair was jobbed out of the title. Flair gets back in the ring, and teases the test of strength, so he can thumb Perfect in the eye. Perfect is whipped in the corner, and gets another chop. Snap mare on perfect. Knee to Perfect's gut gets two. Headlock, and Perfect's gets his face raked on the ropes. The crowd chants for Perfect. Punches to the gut and another chop on Perfect. Perfect fights back in the corner, whip, boot to the face of Perfect. Flair goes to the top rope, and that NEVER WORKS. Flair gets slammed to the mat for two. Perfect misses with an elbow drop. Chop on Perfect. Perfect goes for a side headlock, but Flair grabs the leg and reverses it into a figure four! Flair uses the ropes for leverage of course. Perfect reverses it, but Flair is able to reverse it again. Perfect reverses, and Flair reaches the rope. Perfect sells the leg like it's been shot of course. Blows exchanged in the corners. Perfect fights out. Perfect gives Flair some chops of his own. Perfect starts jabbing Flair. Flair begs off. Turnbuckle punches. Whip, back body drop. Flair begs off again. Irish whip, and Flair falls out of the ring. Perfect rolls Flair back in. Flair reverses a whip, but Perfect gets the Perfectplex for the pin at 10:51, and Heenen has a heart attack. Good match, ***3/4. 3 for 11

  • Slick gives up on Kamala, but Kamala bowls and gets a strike. Not legit in my humble opinion. Slick and Kamala rejoice. The end.

  • Ad for Global Warfare, ICOpro, and the WWF fan club and we're out.

  • Final Thoughts: 3 for 11? Take a pass unless you have nothing better to do.

  • Next time: Wrestlefest 1994


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