WRESTLING BITS AND BYTES
I Too Get Letters
Alert reader Greg Pizzo recently sent me the following letter about my column: I think you should do one for Smackdown too. I rarely get to see much of Smackdown. My wife isn't much a wrestling fan. Okay that is an understatement. When I switch it to Raw, she almost always leaves the room to find something better to do! So on Thursdays, I don't push my luck!
Well fear not my friend, the luck need not be pushed! Believe it or not, my opinions do not run out on Mondays, and in fact are still relatively active on Thursdays as well. For you Greg, anything!
Well, actually, on Monday I made plenty of comments about the fact I have one reader. Well, it seems that there ARE more who simply are too embarrassed to report the fact they read this.
Take alert reader Paul M. M. Jacobus for example: Hey, just letting you know there's other lurkers out there who read your stuff and enjoy your recap style. So keep it up man. - The other Greg Pizzo.
And as if my ego hadn't been stroked enough...
Alert reader Rob S. had this to say: Hey, just wanted to let you know that I also read your columns. As usual, this week's Bits and Bytes had a good mix of insight and humor. You can now proudly write next week that you have at least TWO confirmed readers!
Can't you count? Paul Jacobus is #2, YOU sir are the third.
As always, if you have comments and feedback, my e-mail address is located at the bottom, and until I get more than 3 for one column, you can pretty much be guaranteed your letter gets printed proudly here on SlashWrestling.com or and at my homepage. Or use CRZ's EZBoard if you'd rather have a public discussion. Whatever YOU feel the most comfortable with. :-)
Anyway, I've stalled enough.
Last Monday night, Kurt Angle wanted a piece of Steve Austin, but wound up with Tazz, who 2 years ago would have been considered a suitable replacement by smarks around the world. Steve Austin also ran off with Kurt Angle's medals.
Tonight we will see Chris Jericho partner with The Rock against Rob Van Dam and Rhyno. But first, here's Test with the Dudley Boyz taking on APA and The Big Show.
I continue to hope The Big Show scores another big win in this tag-team match and work his way back to the top of the heap. Michael Cole talks about the audacity Austin had taking Angle's medals. Listen Michael, what's good for Benoit is good for Steve Austin. You CAN'T have double standards and expect to have people take you seriously. Relay that to JR while you're at it. Back in the match, The Big Show is starting to plow over everyone, which works for me. But all 3 heels get him alone and hit a HUGE 3-D which is probably the coolest innovative move I've seen in awhile! Bradshaw hits a Clothesline From Hell on D-Von to score the pinfall for the WWF. Good short match to get the crowd going.
Kurt Angle's coming to the ring. He's pretty intense tonight. The latest way to get Angle over is to mention his broken neck at the Olympics - something I never heard about until recently. I believe it, I can't imagine they'd make something like that up, but why not have Kurt mention it before? Oh well. Kurt kicked out of 3 Stunners at SummerSlam, brought Austin milk the following night, and the following week offered Austin another chance to face him. Austin hasn't really treated Kurt all that nice. Hate to break it to you Kurt, NO ONE has ever treated you very nice. Kurt wants his medals back - but more importantly he wants the WWF Title. Angle challenges Austin to a rematch at Unforgiven, which I will now undoubtedly order. I just got a copy of SummerSlam 2001 from my best friend which I have yet to watch - but am looking forward to! Angle calls out Austin's Big Red Neck right now, but gets Booker T instead. I note that since he's joined the WWF, Booker T has learned how to slow down his speaking - a classic WWF time killing, anticipation building device. Also a device that drives me nuts. Booker T says "5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time". Figure out the flaw in that one. He did that as well when he said "10 time" a couple years ago. Angle tells Booker T the Spinaroonie is not an Olympic sport and he should go on Soul Train because he's RACIST. Booker T says this city has a disgusting crime rate. I've forgotten where they are, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'm sure he's right. They set up a match for tonight and Booker does the Spinaroonie. You know, the Spinaroonie was REALLY cool when he'd bust it out during a match back in the day, and the announcers didn't make a big deal about it but the crowd popped like mad. Then Mark Madden pretty much ruined it by screaming at the top of his lungs everytime he performed it. It is NOT the Gore, it does NOT do anything, just let the man do it and leave it at that. Kurt Angle kicks some ass, and his music plays but this segment's still on. Austin's backstage with Kurt's medals. He looks COMPLETELY insane. If Angle wants them, he can come talk to him face to face. GREAT PROMO!
During the break, Scotty 2 Hotty told Kurt that Austin left the building. Clearly he's no longer holding hard feelings towards Kurt for breaking his leg - that or he's drank his Kool Aid.
The Undertaker makes his way to the ring. Tonight, he's taking on Albert in a rematch from Monday. X-Pac and Albert attack Taker together hoping this is enough to beat Taker. So Taker promptly throws them around. Ha! Albert gets a Baldo Bomb, and big splash, which scores a 2 count. Albert throws Taker around, and I start to fear this is one of those "I beat you, you beat me" situations. X-Pac gets a chair in the ring and Albert gets his hands on it. It knocks Taker off his feet, here's ANOTHER splash, and AGAIN scores only 2! Tazz asks "What does it take to beat The Undertaker?" Preach on Tazz! Undertaker has had enough of X-Factor's crap and chairs Albert. X-Pac comes after him with a chair so Taker PUNCHES the chair in X-Pac's face and it looks like it hurts! This could set up a PPV match you know - anyone who says Albert didn't look good is full of it. He sure looked like a force to me tonight.
Stasiak and Stacy know they have to make good to Austin. But if Angle can't find him, can they?
Last Monday night, Debra got covered in sour milk in a scene that made me want to puke. Tonight, Stacy has cookies for Debra. So Debra goes into WHITE TRASH BITCH MODE and shoves off the cookies and beats the hell out of Stacy while Stasiak watches. Great character development.
Christian's on the phone and Grandma Edna won't talk to him. Edge has a US Title match tonight and wants to win the title alone. Christian "understands".
Austin's in the parking lot waiting for Kurt and wants to talk to him about the medals. They'd make a good hood ornament says Steve. Everytime he says "what" the fans get louder and louder with their disapproval.
Kurt's in the parking lot looking for Steve Austin. Keep your eyes open for Rikishi - you never know where he's lurking. Nope, Tommy Dreamer arrives instead and Kurt kicks his ass. Austin then attempts to run down Angle - but misses. I hope Kurt piledrives him when he has the chance. THAT would rule.
It's time for that big matchup between RVD and Rhyno against Y2J and Rocky. It must be the top of the hour. My audio starts to get funny just to bother me. Michael Cole brings up the fact it's the same parking lot that Austin was run over in 2 years ago, and I bring up the fact it was the same parking lot he was almost run over in again 1 year ago. Therefore, we must be in Detroit. The crowd is really into this one. They've actually been pretty loud all night. Jericho gets a Flatliner in and it's one of the few times it looks effective. Tazz is sick and tired of hearing about The Rock. Clearly he's not a smark or he'd know it's the in thing to praise him this month. Booker T runs in but gets taken care of. Nick Patrick is so concerned that he tends to him during the match. It allows Shane to get in a shot and Jericho (surprise surprise) attacks Shane allowing RVD to knock Jericho out of the ring. Rocky's alive and hits a Rock Bottom on Van Dam, but Rhyno has a Gore for The Rock and Rocky sells it like a champ! Christ that was impressive! Rhyno and RVD score the win. Great matchup! We've had some damn good stuff tonight.
Torrie Wilson pays a visit to William Regal and Tajiri. She has some needs. She wants to help Regal with his needs and wants a job. However, she insists since she LOVES a man with an accent. Regal is curious. Tajiri is the man of her dreams. Hah! Meanwhile, Lance Storm is in the office so Tajiri makes fun of his catchphrase. So it sets up a match between them. Torrie thinks Tajiri is great.
Edge is out for his match with Kanyon. But Christian makes his way out as well - to offer some support. Michael Cole brings up the fact Kanyon was handed the US Title - and fails to bring up the fact he's done an amazing job of defending it since. Kanyon drops Edge face first on the top turnbuckle - nice spot. Edge takes control and almost wins it with a spinning heel kick. Edge goes for the Buzzkiller but Kanyon grabs the top rope and Edge hits hard. Kanyon goes to cheat, and Christian gets involved on his brother's behalf - but clocks him by mistake. Uh oh, Edge is NOT going to like that! Christian apologizes like crazy. He offers to make it up to him - next week in Toronto. He'll challenge The Rock for the World Title. I suddenly wish I'd decided to take a road trip. Edge is still pissed though.
Hurricane Helms is interviewed by Lillian. He talks about superheroes, I don't care. I hate this gimmick.
Spike and Molly are back on my TV. Here comes Ivory first, and Hurricane isn't far behind. Wow, following the lead of Evan Karagias, will Helms go after a woman who's at least 15 years older? (I'm of the impression Ivory is 39 for some reason - anyone care to help me out with proof?) Molly hits an awesome springboard elbow. This is another hot matchup - from a crowd perspective. Helms superkicks Molly - nice! The Hurricane finishes Spike. Another fine outing!
Austin is now in the street. He REALLY wants to talk to Kurt but Kurt clearly doesn't want to talk to him. He's feeling down about the fact Kurt won't talk to him. Here's a sewer - and since Kurt doesn't want to talk to him, he can put the medals in the sewer. He teases dropping them a couple of times but then decides against it having a better idea.
The Rock is backstage and he's pacing. That's interesting.
Torrie is all over Tajiri. Regal calls her a wench, I think. (I may be wrong.) She goes away so he can prepare. Meanwhile, Saturn arrives and Regal has a letter for him. Someone's taken Moppy hostage for $100,000. Where is he gonna get $100,000? (Vince?)
Mike Awesome sucks up to Kurt Angle. He says he really admires Kurt. He then offers Kurt a phony title belt and says it's the ONLY gold he's gonna get. He'll never see his medals again. So Kurt waffles him. Wow! I haven't seen Awesome look that good in a long time.
Tajiri and Lance Storm get ready to hook it up. From a match perspective, this one is very good. But it's lacking heat - my assumption it's the lack of time Storm has had in his WWF run to properally get his character over. Torrie comes down to offer support for Tajiri, and he gets distracted enough to eat a Superkick from Storm and get pinned. Torrie feels horrible. When will men learn - women are evil, even when they aren't trying to be.
It's time for our main event on one of the best shows I've seen in some time. I could NEVER get tired of seeing these 2 fight. Booker T tries to clock Angle with a chair, but Charles Robinson is not evil tonight and breaks it up. I hope the WWF realizes how lucky they are to have picked up the most charismatic referee in the business. No referee puts more heart and emotion into each match than Charles Robinson. Not to mention, he does a really mean Flair impression! Angle hits a sharp looking DDT, but it only gets 2. Angle manages to pull an Olympic Slam out of nowhere but Angle takes awhile recovering and doesn't go for an immediate pin. Shane McMahon comes in and gives Kurt an Olympic Slam and Robinson lets it go. The Rock runs in and takes out Robinson, takes out Shane, but Booker's awake and has enough to beat on Rocky. However, Kurt sneaks in a German suplex for 3 thanks to a new referee. Angle clears the ring with help from The Rock. The WWF stands tall tonight! They share a milk. Well, actually, they kinda WEAR a milk.
Steve Austin is up on the Titan Tron. He has Angle's medals - the medals Angle claimed he'd never have. The medals click together - and sound like plastic to me. Did Austin steal the wrong medals? Austin says Kurt's too proud to beg for his medals. Austin wants Kurt to cry, since he's the biggest crybaby in the WWF. He's being a complete over the top dickhead. He's the 16 year old bully in grade 8 - picking on the kid who's good at math and sits alone at lunch time. Austin says since he's too cowardly to beg or cry for the medals, he's going to have to resort to doing something else. He ties the medals to a heavy block. He says he doesn't need them, he only cares about the belt. Austin tosses them over the bridge. Unbelievably intense.
Hands down - the best show I've seen in a long time. (And we've had some great shows this year!) I only wish I'd been getting Smackdown! sooner.