WRESTLING BITS AND BITES
It's another edition of WWF Smackdown! I honestly was not sure whether or not I wanted to write a column. For some reason over the past 48 hours or so the WWF has made me feel very uneasy. This is what triggered it.
I take you back to April 1999. It's a normal edition of WCW Monday Nitro. They're starting to get their asses handed to them in the ratings, probably losing about 5.0 to 3.7 or something like that - maybe more I don't remember. Anyway, we have a match. Blitzkrieg vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Psychosis vs. Juventud Guerrera for the WCW World Cruiserweight Title.
We got 20 minutes of action. No storylines behind it. Just a bunch of young guys who wanted to walk out of there with the gold. That's it. And because of that match, I haven't wanted to watch the WWF. Why?
Every freakin' match needs backstory behind it and if it DOESN'T then fans will feel cheated. Did we really need to have Tazz walk in on Kidman being a rat Monday to set up a match? Would it have KILLED them to say "okay, this is what's on tap. Billy Kidman takes on Tazz." Oh wait, that would have ruined the Alliance vs. WWF storyline and made no sense.
When has the wrestling aspect felt as unimportant?
Anyway, I sucked it up and decided to watch Smackdown! and do a column after all. But my patience with the WWF is wearing thin. Thank GOD for the AWA on Thursday mornings. 3 hours of classic footage on ESPN Classics. If you have it - give it a look. Fantastic stuff.
I TOO GET LETTERS
Alert reader Eddie Hawn passed this along:
The Booker T-Hall match you mentioned actually *was* for both titles. Wish Booker would've won it though, then the TV Title would never have been thrown in the garbage...
Blame WCW and Vince Russo, not Scott Hall.
And before the show starts - a reminder to send in your picks for the PPV this weekend. All the info on that is at the bottom, so you have to read the column first. Or scroll down, but you know which one *I'd* prefer.
Monday Was A Slobberknocker
The main event on Monday was awesome and I'm glad it was given a bit of time to develop. Here's something cute from Monday I forgot to include. When RVD came down to the ring during the main event, Brooks was CONVINCED it was Bret Hart just do to his ponytail and the way he was dressed. I swear, he was ready to lose it RIGHT there until I pointed out it was RVD. Ahhhh, we can dream.
We are 72 hours away from No Mercy! Thank the lord.
Chris Jericho is out. He seems to have something to say about stuff. After the last couple of weeks, he's heard he can't win the big one. Only during the last couple of weeks Jericho? He's been in the WWF 2 years and never won the WWF Title. Oh cry me a river, Bob Holly's been here for 10 years or something. Not that I'm a Bob Holly fan or anything, but if he's going on length of service in the WWF there is a huge lineup of guys in front of him. Stephanie comes out and tells Jericho to shut the hell up. Hahaha! Now you know how it feels. Welcome to Smackdown! is Stephanie. This interrupting thing is kinda fun apparently. I don't doubt it - but it's certainly annoying to everyone else. She couldn't decide who to root for in Jericho vs. Rocky - but she went with the lesser of 2 evils and is with The Rock. If Rocky was here he'd come out and thank Steph for her support. Here comes Rocky. Finally The Rock has come back to Montreal. Here come breast jokes. Stephanie stops him - reminding him Jericho did nothing to stop a beating on Monday. Here's a reminder of what Jericho did to Rocky some 2 years ago - by daring to debut on The Rock's time. WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON THAT JERICHO IS! Jericho will screw Rocky the first chance he gets, says Steph. Oh lord, she set herself up for that one - sex jokes, breast jokes, etc. by both The Rock and Jericho until she runs away crying. Rocky is laughing at her expense. We're down to Jericho and Rocky one on one now. Chris wants to know why he took a Rock Bottom on Monday night. He only got in The Rock's way to save the title. Well later in the night it was Rocky who saved Jericho's ass. On Sunday Rocky had better be ready to save his own ass. There's a reason people say Jericho can't win the big one - he's not that good. Jericho starts his never ever before Rocky cuts him off and finishes then Jericho shoves his hand in Rocky's face. Oooooooh, this is intense! Rocky moves, so Jericho moves his hand again in front of Rocky's face and tells him to just bring it. So Rocky gives him a Rock Bottom. Awesome, awesome buildup.
The Alliance is celebrating something. Steve Austin walks into the room - and says it's a party for RVD. Debra also made some cookies. Tazz says if RVD hits the Frogsplash on Angle this Sunday he wins the title and doesn't even have to beat Austin. Austin doesn't like that and tells him to leave. The Alliance agrees, so Tazz leaves.
There's A Limo - Let's Hope It's Ric Flair
Yeah, I say it every week. But I'm trying to hammer home the point a limo could be really exciting. If it's RVD I'll be disappointed.
OH BOY, The Hurricane! The Superfriends will do battle in 6 person action against Those Punk Kids. Who am I supposed to root for here? Matt Hardy and Lance Storm I guess. Luckily it only takes about 40 seconds to get those 2 in the ring together. Beautiful Fireman's Carry Diamond Cutter move by Hurricane and Storm. Does it have a name? Matt Hardy rolls up Hurricane and gets 2. Fans want Lita. I hate fans. Jeff gets naked, then gets crotched. Eye Of The Hurricane on Jeff gets the pinfall. Good match. I'm guessing this sets up a Hardys vs. Superfriends match at the PPV?
Oops, maybe I spoke too soon. The Acolytes take off on the Hurricycle and go to the PPV. Maybe Superfriends will meet THEM at the PPV. Too many directions to take! Seeing Faarooq sitting in the sidecar was a pretty funny visual though.
Steve Austin makes fun of Kurt Angle. On Sunday with RVD on his side he'll definitely beat Kurt again. WCW Commissioner William Regal welcomes the newest member of the Alliance - Christian. It's nice to be in a place where champions are treated with respect.
The limo door opens, then closes again. Huh?
The Limo Sits Outside The Arena - Doing A Whole Lot Of Nothing
Why do we have to stare at a car?
Tazz makes his way out. He goes one on one with Maven. I hope Tazz kills him this week so we don't have to watch this again at the PPV. Maven has Nidia from Tough Enough with him. Tazz promptly goes out and kills Maven. Good for him. Now Tazz is picking him up at 2. Ha! Nidia pulls him off when he really goes for the win. Bitch. I hate her already. Maven cradles Tazz and gets the upset. DAMMIT that's NOT what I wanted to see. Tazz looks like he's going to cry.
Kurt Angle makes appearances on the radio. If you watched Excess (and you know you did) you would have seen this clip just LONGER.
Rob Van Dam gets out of the limo and is talking to Dude. Please be Scott Hall.
Here's Some Clips Of Jericho And The Rock
How cool is this feud shaping up. I personally hope it's The Rock who turns - because as good as Jericho's heel work is The Rock exceeds it by leaps and bounds. It'd be interesting if no one turned.
Mick Foley has his dog back. I don't remember it's name - I'll have to go watch Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops again. Foley makes a Holiday Inn Express joke. Cute. Foley wants Jericho and The Rock to respect eachother so tonight they'll team up. At No Mercy The Dudleys defend the WWF World Tag-Team Titles against The Big Show and Tajiri. Wicked!
The Alliance can't find RVD. Oh, THERE he is. He did the right thing last Monday by froggie splashing Angle. RVD looks awkward for some reason. I wonder who he's been talking to. Austin gives RVD his watch. Great followup to Monday's oops. The watch is saying it's time for RVD to be a star.
Up next, Booker T and Test take on The Brothers Of Destruction. Sweet.
Here's MORE Shots Of That Limo
This is getting ridiculous.
Undertaker and Kane come out. Test and Booker T come out separately - some unit THEY are. Booker's wailing away on Kane. Remember when Kane was a World Title contender? Boy how the mighty have fallen. Remember when Kane was a dentist? Boy how the weak have climbed. UT comes in and too gets his ass kicked. He covers and goes Old School on Booker T. Damn, why couldn't Ottawa have gotten that move? Not that I'm bitter or anything. I don't know about you - but I don't think Test vs. Kane will be HORRIBLE on Sunday. It won't be a classic or anything - but it should be decent. Kane is a face in peril and Taker REALLY wants to make the hot tag! Kane and Test are sent to the outside - so we're left with Taker and Booker on the inside. Huge sidekick gets 2! Chokeslam from Taker, and THAT gets 2. Test takes a chokeslam, and here's Booker with a chair. Big boot to Booker, and a Last Ride powerbomb! Well, not quite, Taker takes a Big Boot during the ride from Test. The cover, 1, 2, 3!!! AWESOME MATCH!
Here's a look at the freakin' limo again. And out steps Mr. freakin' McMahon. ARGH! If that last match didn't rock so much I'd be in a bad mood.
Steve Austin Is Not A Happy Man
Well, not just Austin but the whole Alliance. What was he doing with Vince McMahon? RVD says he was just talking. Vince was just telling him to reach for the stars. Vince is the devil says Austin. Nobody knows that more than Austin. RVD didn't think he was such a bad guy. Vince will see him this Sunday at No Mercy. Austin wants his watch back. The watch is saying it's time for RVD to make a decision. Is he with the Alliance or against them? Austin suggests he leave. Wow.
That Last Segment Was Really Cool
You heard me!
The Dudleys are out with Stacy Kiebler. Ahh, it's a singles match. D-Von is taking on Tajiri. Alright, and he has The Big Show with him! Gotta be careful of D-Von - he's the only man who pinned RVD during his 23 month run with the TV Title. Buh Buh interferes and Show is DEMANDING the ref turn around and look. The ref doesn't listen. That ref has balls, I'd do anything the Show told me to do! Tajiri gets his momentum back and works over D-Von. Stacy distracts the ref, and Tajiri eats a 3-D. So Show delivers The Chokeslam on D- Von. Yes!!! Another good match! Torrie Wilson makes her return and attacks Stacy.
Linda McMahon delivers a cheque to Mayor Rudy. No comment.
Jericho and Rocky are next.
Shane McMahon Is A Raging Ball Of Emotion
Dad is in the arena. How DARE he show up for work.
Jericho and The Rock have issues. Naturally these issues could only be cured by teaming together to work them out. Raven and Credible are tonight's victims. Jericho and Rocky waste no time getting into it with eachother. Justin and Raven try to take advantage, so Jericho chairs them, then Rocky for good measure. Now he does the People's Elbow! The fans SO don't know how to react! This is GREAT!
Moments Ago Jericho Got Aggressive And Stuff
On Monday Christian beat up Edge with false claims of Mama being hurt.
Edge is by himself. He's going back to goth! He can't wait to get his hands on Christian. Tonight however, he has a chair. Christian had better watch out.
Edge runs around backstage looking for Christian and Stephanie screams a whole lot. A room full of Alliance goons surrounds him. Edge fights them off for about 2 seconds before taking a serious gang beating.
Kurt Angle and RVD go at it next. Oh yeah, I guess Angle IS part of that big 3 way dance - though with the hype towards it you wouldn't know it.
Hey, Remember That American Hero?
Man, Kurt's seriously been an afterthought tonight. Yet this show has rocked. They start by brawling around outside the ring. Man, this match COULD headline a PPV, yet this is what the 4th time we've seen it in a month? I hear a Let's Go Angle chant. Weird! Rolling Thunder looks nasty tonight! Angle is bloodied. Ooh, it's his nose, that's not good. Crossbody from Angle gets 2. Austin runs in and beats on Angle, hitting a Stunner. Now RVD gets tossed out of the ring. Austin goes for another Stunner on Angle - but takes a Stunner! RVD goes up top. Both men are down - AND HE HITS AUSTIN!!! OH - MY - GOD!
Vince comes down and points to himself. We're out!
Man, if you read my rant at the top, I was pretty down coming in. While the wrestling was short - it wasn't as short as it has been and the angles were hot. Thank you WWF.
Get Your PPV Predictions In
As always, e-mail me your picks and I'll post the leaderboard after the RAW edition of Bits And Bites. Here's mine so you know I'm not cheating.
WWF World Heavyweight Title
WCW World Heavyweight Title
WWF World Tag-Team Titles
WCW World Tag-Team Titles
WWF Intercontinental Title
Booker T vs. The Undertaker
Test vs. Kane
Enjoy your PPV weekend!