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Albert B. Ching

Main BLAH	THE AGIN' CLIMAX ABC Mailbag This one came in from Jim G. of Lansing, MI: "What is your favorite Bryan Alvarez match?" That's a tough call, friend Jim. You can't go wrong with Super Chico vs. Teenage Dirtbag from Spook-Tacular 2001, although that was only a marginal improvement over the barnburner they had a month earlier, on September 22, 2001. Which, in and of itself, was somewhat derivative of his whole feud in midyear with Disposable Youth. Pressed to make a choice of favorite Bryan Alvarez match (let me tell you, a position I hate being in, yet find myself in far more often than one would think), I'd have to take his defeat of Pistol Pete Cruise at Outrage on March 23, 2001. Farewell my sweet Wrestlemania Gosh golly gee, it's Wrestlemania time again! And that can mean only one thing, it's time for Wrestlemania! Let's not waste any time on getting to the card, shall we? WWF Intercontinental Title - Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal (c) This match is a clash of styles, but does that mean it has to be bad? I say thee, nay. Rob Van Dam will be all, "Hey dude, it's cool man, you're English, that's you're thing, but I'm going to kick you and flip around a lot, dude," and Regal will be like "Bloody right you will be flipping around you little trollop, bollocks to you, rule Britannia you sodding lift telly shag mum miserable specimen toe rag!" This one will be close, but I think we'll all get shocked, and Regal will win. He just has too much going for him - he's older, a former alcoholic, only wrestles like once a month, is really pale and kind of doughy. Some people might say, "Albert, that's ridiculous, those are negative qualities," and I'll just bring up the fact that Regal has THE power of the punch, and my mom can tell you, a well-timed fist (my pop's) beats (haha, get it) an educated foot/feet anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Which is kind of the same as anyplace. WWF European Title - Christian vs. DDP (c) It's just logical that Christian wins here, and they start his third heel singles run the right way. DDP is old, it's time for him to do the noble thing and lay down for an up-and-comer. Hardcore Title - Goldust vs. Maven (c) I know this hasn't been announced and that the natural match seems to be Big Show vs. Al Snow vs. Goldust vs. Maven based on what happened on SmackDown!, but I don't know, I just see it happening this way. And I see some run-ins, but what won't happen is Spike Dudley running in and pinning Maven, and then Crash running out, and Al Snow driving around with Teddy Long in a golf cart and hitting boxes and the Hurricane winning the title and then Mighty Molly and then Christian and then finally Maven. That's just kind of silly stuff that came to me in a Coleridge-esque opium-induced hallucination (we've all been there). Instead, I see Goldust winning it back, and going on to finish up that feud with Val Venis from 1998. "Dude boned another dude's wife. That ain't cool, unless I am the feller doing the boning!!!! YEEHAW!!" says popular critic Gene White. Kurt Angle vs. Kane Kane in a cakewalk, or should I say a KANEwalk. Speaking of cake, is it just me, or has that dude been eating a little too much of it lately? I mean, really. We're not on the moon yet. I just hope Kane wears the Earth-2/Mirror Universe/Squadron Supreme/Injustice Gang/Red and Blue Superman that I've been hearing buzz from the boys in the back and the dirtsheet writes about. Of course, Kane's victory will be all for naught when Ken MOTHERFUCKING~! Shamrock runs out with a BADASS MOFO ANKLE LOCK~! on Kane and then one on Angle SHOWING HIM HOW IT'S DONE~! He's wearing an nWo shirt, Booker T vs. Edge Booker T will win. I know it's in Canada and all, but it's just simply parity, Ed2ge got the Japanese shampoo commercial, the brotha has gotta get something. And I don't mean a little somethin' somethin' from that bomb-ass sista Sharmell. I think it would be really funny, by the way, if in a couple weeks they show Edge's Japanese shampoo commercial, as if it was real, right? That would be funny. Edge would be all "The pie was so good, the Rock was speaking Chinese! YING CHING CHANG POW YOW WOW!" And maybe, just maybe they can work in a "Cum of sum yung guy" joke. That would just be priceless. By the way, this is the way I think the card will go. This sumbitch named Matt F. said that the women's match won't be second, but oh man, it SO will. Undertaker vs. Ric Flair When I said that I think the card will be in this order, I mean except for this match, that I think will be before the Booker T/Edge match. But Flair will win - he has to - the Undertaker has just been way too mean. I don't know how Flair is going to hoodwink a win in this one, but he's the dirtiest player in the game, so I guess he's gonna flop around and be old or something. And then win. Scott Hall vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin The nWo needs some steam, so Hall should win here. And also because Austin actually did win, I mean, uh, in James Kalyn's simming of matches on the N64 No Mercy... WWF Tag Title Match: Billy & Chuck v. The Dudley Boyz v. The APA v. The Hardy Boyz. Oh, geez, anyone but Billy & Chuck. Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock DO YOU GET THE JOKE YET Women's Title - Trish vs. Lita vs. Jazz (c) I AM NOT PICKING THE RIGHT PEOPLE Undisputed Championship - Triple-H vs. Chris Jericho Triple-H. Oh no, oh no, I've been through this before So how about RAW last, I mean, two days from now, I mean, March 18th? I know a lot of people are sick of seeing Hogan The Face, but realistically, I can't see it last longer than a couple months. Inevitable, the fans will turn on him. The only thing is, I think he's under like at least a year-long contract, and he's savvy enough to not be thrown out completely, so I guess he'll just go back to being a heel. Or, this is the most likely, he'll get tired of working a "full" schedule, and just kinda show up. I have no problem with that. In theory. I knew I had to split, but I didn't know how I know I'm infringing on Tuesday Update territory, but I have to say, I'm a little jacked for the split. It's at least a promise that something different will happen, something surprising. I liked Brock Lesnar and Heyman showing up because it was a surprise, and something that looked like it might now suck. The split is also promising because it'll, theoretically, give us a chance to see lots of guys I like seeing. I don't know what the status of a Steve Blackman is right now, but I certainly wouldn't mind seeing him once a week. D'Lo Brown, Mark Henry, natch. Well, Mark Henry sucks, but I liked those two as a tag team. The only stickler is that since it's the WWF 2002, there's a very real possibility this could suck. There are certainly a lot of Kinks (met a girl fell in love) that need to be worked out, like how PPVs will work, a KOTR tournament, why the Women's champ needs to be on both shows (thin women's division - I just answered that myself!) why keep both belts around if the champ is going to be on both shows, and other stuff, but it's something different, I'm at least interested to watch next week. And I hope they have baseball caps for the picks, and it would be funny, because there is only one WWF logo, and they all will be wearing the same hat (perhaps illustrating how ultimately silly this whole idea is?). I just hope, for Flair and Vince's sakes, that the #1 picks are more Allen Iverson than Joe Smith. ::winky face:: Talking baby show I saw a TV show last night with a talking baby. What in the wild world of extreme sports were they thinking? First of all, they don't even explain why the baby can talk. I know that no explanation would be good, but at least try. How about the baby time traveled or something. I'm not 100% sure how that would solve anything, but it can't be worse than "Time Machine." It was also funny because they had serious reactions to the baby talking, like, oh no, we can't have people know about this baby because the media would exploit it. And they go for poignant by having the baby say "Why doesn't mommy want to be a stay-at home mom, is it because I'm a freak baby?" If you're going to do a talking baby show, and I'm not saying don't do the talking baby show, I'm saying go for full-on wacky. None of this half-way crap. I don't think I'm going to watch it again. Until next week/month/year - ABC [slash] wrestling Email the Author	BLAH
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