Hello, I am going to write a wrestling column.

You know what's bad is spousal abuse. And you know, I also think we can all agree that it is, in fact, sucky and it sucks, so if you'd all like to BACK OFF with your psychoanalysis and "I can identify" stories, I'd be greatly appreciative. I heard the Pearl Jam song, too, bro. Thanks though, it was helpful. I really can sympathize with poor Debra now.

Oh that Confidential program, what a program it is. It's such a good program. And I just couldn't believe the heartfelt nature of JR's interview. Excuse me, actually. Not Good Ol' JR, no sir, that was Jim Ross, or maybe it was *James* Ross. He did not have a hat on! The hat come off, it's time to boogie! Sadly boogie. :`(

Hey, how about this World Cup? Go United States of America, all the way to the final match!

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that RAW is improving. It's like, they're not quite there, but they're getting there! They're taking the right steps by creating new stars like Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels, and new storylines like, "That guy's a dick" and, "Boy that dude is really big."

I don't care for one Vince McMahon, no sir. I bet he brings Stephanie back to TV!!!! I'll be fuming then!

Hey, check this out. I know the names of many wrestlers. I hope you're listening, X-Pac, or should I say SEAN WALTMAN. Is it just me or does MARK CALLAWAY not sell very much? What up with that! Hey, FRANK RAVEN, I feel your pain. Ha!

Oh. OH. Also how about this. You know who sucks is Triple H because he never puts anyone over (see: Jericho, Chris). See what I did there, very cool. I'm about to put on sunglasses and a belt buckle and kick your ass RIGHT NOW.

You know who doesn't do jobs is Sean Waltman, or should I say X-PAC. Except he...does.

You know who jobs all the time is Hulk Hogan or should I say TERRY BOLLEA. Except he doesn't and he sucks.

OF DOOM~!

~!

I liked wrestling when I was little and I liked Hulk Hogan and he's cool now too. Hi I'm 8. Do you enjoy my Zubaz and snap bracelet?

Reference to Saba Simba (see: Simba, Saba).

I hope you have enjoyed my clever and insightful wrestling column. Goodbye.

SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA