I named this column Megadeth because I like Megadeth. Actually, I don't really give a crap about Megadeth. I just find using the name "Megadeth" to be oddly humorous. My fantasy NBA team is named "Megadeth."
So anyway, I used to write for Luke Johnston's The Shooters. I did news updates and once I did a RAW Report but then GH & Joe stole my recap, which forced me into doing Heat, which was shitty because Heat sucks, and also I wrote really bad opinion columns where I let the world know that Dean Malenko really is a darn good professional wrestler, and that Jim Ross is fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
Here are things I'd like to point out for this week:
1. Chris Jericho might be becoming interesting again, but only if he doesn't turn his (assumed) upcoming heel promos from being about Stephanie McMahon's boobage and sluttery to the boobage and sluttery of, oh, say, Lillian Garcia.
2. Wrestleline closing sure has caused a fuss. Like uh, who cares, dudes? I mean really. Are we going to miss that dork that talked about Excess and Scott Keith's RAW RANTS OF DOOM THAT HAVE FIVE MOVES THE UNDERTAKER IS FAT AND SHOULD RETIRE? No we won't! By the way, I sure think that that Scott Keith is one arrogant jerk. I had planned to elaborate, but crusaders like Shooter Luke can do that far better than I.
3. Booker T is highly awesome and seems like one of those "slowly-developing" guys like Triple H after the whole DX thing started. Like, Triple H was pretty popular and all, but they moved him up gradually and it ended up being very successful. Kind of like in football when a receiver or something gets drafted rather highly, doesn't start, gets disregarded, then breaks out in his third year in the league or so. AMANI TOOMER.
4. My NBA draft is Sunday, and I have the first overall pick. I want to take Shaquille O'Neal, center, Los Angeles Lakers, because he blocks shots into the upper deck and dunks on peoples' heads. Then again, Kevin Garnett is not having toe injury problems, and is very good. Then again, Ray Allen makes a lot of three-pointers and is a good shooter. Then again, Michael Jordan is Michael Jordan. I could just go for sentimentality and take Reggie Miller first since I know fuck all about the NBA to begin with. I'll probably go with Shaq.
5. "The Hurricane" is a really retarded character and I hope Bradshaw knocks his head off and then wins the WWF title.
6. The Ingaysion is entirely dead and I hope they just mercykill it very quickly. I was watching the InVasion PPV again last night, and it was very good! When they said "WCW" and "ECW" out loud, it souned so much better than "The Alliance." "The Alliance" sounds stupid and generic and boring. No wonder no one cares about this crap. It also doesn't help that most of the wrestlers they acquired with the WCW thing really suck at, well, everything imaginable. Take Kanyon, who blows. Or just take everyone except for Kidman (who no one will ever care about), The Hurricane (who will be successful with this gimmick roughly the same amount of time the RTC was over), Booker T and...some other guys I'm forgetting. This whole thing has been a mess and it's ruined the WWF's programming, and I want it to go away.
7. Luke Johnston is a boring dork who Didn't Say It, but sometimes will say, in italics, things about the things he Didn't Say.
8. Hall and Nash coming into the WWF would be a-ok with me, simply because they're both pretty cool dudes who were two of the four or five wrestlers I gave a crap about from the years of 1993 to 1996. Oh but the egos and the power trips and oh the locker room cancer and the Clique. Oh but the push for X-Pac, who never jobs except for when he does, which is roughly half the time he wrestles. Oh but the terrible workratery and bad matches. Oh GOD the matches with Undertaker and Kane, oh no not The Fun Brothers. Hey, what the hell does "The Fun Brothers" mean?
9. I like sports. Thus, I run a small sports site for my own enjoyment. Link THAT, CRZ. (Sorry - including the link helps, you know. - CRZ) If you know the URL, anyway. But since this is something people do, I will now give thoughts on things and CRZ can make the team names the colors of the particular teams:
Orioles Watch: 63-98. That's pretty friggin awful.
Michigan Watch: Back in the top ten. YEEHOO, cruising toward the Big Ten title and would be undefeated if not for that horrible two minutes of unmatched holy queer at the end of the Washington game.
Lions Watch: 0-4 is not any better than 63-98, really.
Pacers Watch: The Pacers are this neat mix of very Old (Reggie Miller), middled-aged by NBA standards (Jalen Rose, Travis Best````) and young (Jermaine O'Neal, Jonathan Bender``````). Also, their coach is probably better than half of their players. I don't even know if they'll make the playoffs this year, which would be very sad indeed.
Blackhawks Watch: The Blackhawks are 3-3-1-0, which is remarkable for them. Why does the NHL really need to differentiate between losing in regulation and losing in overtime? Does anyone REALLY feel any better that they lost in overtime? Is the NHL highly stupid and foreign, and that's why most Americans don't give a crap about it?
10. I am hoping that No Mercy will be good, even though I probably won't see it for like a month or two. The last PPV I saw was InVasion, sadly, as my tape-sender fell off of a cliff and injured his arms.
No Mercy predictions, taking into account that predicting wrestling is kinda dumb:
RVD over Austin and Angle
As a closer, I'd like to offer this advice to [slash] writers out there who get offered a "shot at the big time" by Luke Johnston: you're cutting your audience by about like, a third, and you will find that you're surrounded with even CRAPPIER writers than you were before, and no CRZ to pick up the slack. Plus, it's not like Luke pays you or anything.
The Top Thirteen Wrestlers of the Week:
I think I will write more things for [slash], because CRZ will put crap like this on his site.