WEEKEND SPOILERS

As you might know, CRZ will be gone for a week, starting Thursday. That means that my usual weekend reports will not be immediately available for you on this fine site. They will be available at the Justin Shapiro approved thecubsfan.com (Joe Gagne! Tanvir Raquib! Maybe even Albert Ching!) but I have also noticed that trip to that site is often long and painful. There's a good chance you might miss out on your weekly recommended dose of b wrestling-shows, and so I had to take action. I can't let the fact that show hasn't aired yet stop me - I must give you (partial) recaps right now! 

(If you're the kinda of person who watches this stuff, beware of the spoilers ahead! Also, you don't exist.)

WWF Tough Enough: Okay, maybe some people watch this show. The kids (quickly becoming outnumbered by the trainers) wrestle and do okay, though we don't get to see enough of them to tell if they're actually any good. They're surprised to find out they're going to a WWF Taping. They end up working on the ring crew so they understand the business from the bottom up, but do get to meet many WWF wrestlers. Josh's jaw drops when he meets...K-Kwik. (And everyone else.) Nidia only swears when talking about meeting upper midcarders. (Not the Big Show.) Chris and X-Pac have a mutual admiration society, but Chris say no to drugs. Maven wows no one, because everyone by now has accepted that he's head and shoulders above everyone else. Taylor gets drunk and acts silly and everyone makes a big deal about it, but no one mentions the times that Nidia's looked out of it. No one leaves the cast and Jim complains about it like I can do something about it. I get to say "Miss Jackie" a few times.

Memphis Championship Wrestling: It's not a re-run, but not a good enough overall episode to pass on to this site. I continue to wonder how Lance can go from being a tough guy to a wimp and how Spanky and American Dragon (and the others) can go from so fricking cool to so fricking unemployed. A Victoria video IS aired, Tyler Gates does NOT wrestle, and there's at WWF/MCW match that makes my new comp tape.

If I'm around, I feel bad about not going ahead and taping Memphis Classic Wrestling: Opening the Vault but realize that I know even less about that the most and think about recapping NWA Wildside but they annoy me by doing something that defines indy.

WWF Metal: I tape the last minute of this to confirm that Kevin Kelly and Chris Leary blow chunks.

WWF Jakked: TAKA laughs, but the mic isn't anywhere near his mouth AND his mouth isn't moving. Funaki turns around and says Indeed. I wish I had a Kaientai T-Shirt. Essa Rios does appear and has yet another set of tights, but loses. He also blows no moves and I'm the only one who notices. Tommy Dreamer loses and people irrationally complain about. Video packages that include Smackdown highlights go on forever because no one ever edits them down to a reasonable size. The Tough Enough video package is between 2:20 and 2:25 long. Michael Hayes says something funny and I wonder to myself if the reason he and Coach have good chemistry on this show is due to the low pressure environment or that they're actually good. 

WWF Excess: The day before, JR asks the fans to please give this show a chance, because they didn't say they'd get it right the first time and they're making gosh darn changes. The show itself is still mostly the same - Trish is too quiet and too artificial, Coach is better when he's not going off the prepared witty lines and scores points for his use of continuity ("Tazz beat Kurt Angle in his debut match!") They tune down the kayfabe a little bit but it's still an overblown Byte This and LiveWire hybrid. They recycle more footage. The match (that debut match) is shown in it's entirety. I curse myself for my lack of life, do not flashback to WCW Worldwide but do skim quick and decide to really never do it again. For real.

WWF Heat: I've had my limit of suck from the WWF by the time Excess is over so I'm overally harsh on this show, but confident that no one will call me on it. There's a decent six minute match and a couple okay four minute matches, but at least one repeat from recent weeks. The special guest(s) get two goofy vignettes and one go-nowhere interview and no one who complained about the Worm race notices (because Rob Van Dam vs Jerry Lynn isn't on.) Video packages include EDITED Smackdown clips. Michael Cole says something completely idiotic twice and Al is amusing but not enough to save this - especially when he's talking about how this was another tough week (example brutal segue) of Tough Enough. Tough Enough and Excess are pushed as greater than what was even physically thought possible and I hate my life.

And then we start all over again. Later.