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| Guest Columns | Tom Dean |
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HOW *YOU* DOIN'? So wait... Tough Enough isn't an hour long this year? What the hell??? C'mon, that's just not fair. It could hardly have been a bigger success than it was. How do you not expand it?? A half hour is just not enough time for us to truly become spies in the House of Love. Oh well. Right now, I see Anni as the favorite. Last year, the brass seemed to love Paulina, who was just tall. Compared to Paulina, Anni is in much better shape, is worlds better looking, is almost certainly more confident (Paulina was a champion whiner), and is probably not any MORE clumsy. Jackie may even be more of the WWF type than Anni, actually. After all, she has huge (almost certainly fake) boobs, not such a great face, and is in killer shape. That usually gets you a WWF contract. I think those are your two big contenders, assuming of course that they can handle it mentally. Linda does have a shot. They do seem to love her attitude, and she is athletic. But at least right now, I don't see what she would bring to the WWF table that would be all that compelling. I am baffled as to why Net people are raving about how cute Jessie is. She looks like a malnutrition victim. She has a totally huge head, and I bet she has that little potbelly too, to give her the complete E.T./Sally Struthers sponsorship look. I don't go for women like that. I'd rather sleep with Al McGuire than Ally McBeal. If we want to talk about Jessie's chances of winning, she weighs 100 pounds and couldn't do a push-up in her audition. I don't think it's gonna happen. I think that the reason she is on the show is so we can see what happens to someone like this who takes on something as physically demanding as WWF superstardom. Jessie does seem like a really nice person, though. I will root for her, while knowing it's hopeless. (Although I'm rooting for Alicia, the White Trash Princess, more. Alicia has barely any more chance than Jessie, but at least Alicia seems to have the confidence that is such a huge part of this competition. Jessie doesn't seem to have that either.) Among the men, I'm rooting for Kenny. I loved his audition "promo" about wanting to be a champion at everything he does. It wouldn't be anything to look at on paper, but he really seemed to mean it. Anyone who has had years to write a promo can come up with something clever. Charisma is rarer, and I thought Kenny showed that. And he watched Raw while his dorm was burning down... I feel that's important. I don't think he is the favorite to actually win right now. I think that's Matt. They always show Matt rooting the other people on... I think that's major brownie points. And he's got the size, for sure. Jacob seems like he's being set up to be the Harvard Chris of the group. I dunno how they're gonna make people hate a firefighter in this climate, but that's what I see happening. Hawk and Robert, I would not give them much of a shot, but they do have one big thing each going for them (Hawk is super-enthusiastic, Robert is big.) Aaron looks like he's not gonna make it physically... Pete seems too nondescript... as for Dan, if they wanted to take the person who showed they wanted it the most, they woulda taken Josh last time. (The "cast" section of the web site still lists Shad. Is this bad news for the Danimal, and all of his little fanimals???) Ehh, it's just fun to speculate about... it's really too early to tell. Tough Enough is great about swerves. Last time, I picked Harvard Chris and Bobbi Jo... heh heh heh. I'll probably change my mind six more times between now and the end of the season. Certainly, right about now, Raw & Smackdown are a lot less interesting to discuss. Raw, in particular, was a total abortion. I felt like they were clearly just trying to fill our two hours of television. The segments seemed ridiculously extended and just there to kill time. Although I continue to like the Undertaker beatdowns. As a matter of fact, now that the Jericho/Stephanie/HHH/Angle quadrangle has gone from "potentially absolutely amazingly awesome" to "really pretty goddamn stupid", Taker is the only person on the roster right now doing interesting things as a heel. That, of course, includes those OTHER old guys. Still, I woulda been real, real pissed if I had paid to attend Monday's show. No matter how many times they told me it was "Fan Appreciation Night." (In fact, that probably just would have made me madder.) It's not an excuse that so much of the roster was in Japan. They still would have been much better off running a well-produced clip show to hype Wrestlemania. Smackdown was, at least, not quite as painful as that disaster. But come on... the longest match is FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES? The hell?? Then the great part is that, after all those super-short matches, they had extra time at the end! Everyone had to just stand around and glare at each other for five minutes (while that bum Michael Cole, as usual, sat there repeating whatever JR tells him through the headphones)! Yeesh! What's happened to the old WWF that ran like a well-roided machine? There's only one possible explanation. I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it until everyone in the world registers their agreement. WCW is a virus sent from outer space to destroy wrestling. Let's put the Tough Enough people in charge of RAW and Smackdown. At least they know that their job is to develop characters and tell stories. And they're DAMN good at it, too. In a time when , at least we can all agree that Jazz sucks. Remember, write me and you WILL be published on the Internet!! Bill Dearth "of time spent reading crappy Internet wrestling writers" sez: I liked your article today. I'm in total agreement with your assesment of Jazz aka Don Cheadle. HAHAHA, I like that... anyway... Nothing gets me pumped up like when a charisma lacking chick wrestler screams "Whaddya think about that Molly" and you can hear some asshole cough in the crowd. It was brutal. However, her "fisherman-brain buster" move was good and she does drop some nice DDT's but her mic skills are non existent. John Rearick points out: Not to be all correctatory or anything, but Molly isn't a heel anymore. She turned face about a week or two after she became Mighty Molly." I asked John what happened? "No one knows. Hurricane and her just kinda stopped being heels. They danced with Scotty 2 Hotty on Heat a couple of weeks ago, thus cementing their face status. Thanks, John... thanks, Bill! And I guess our lesson for this week: YOU MUST WATCH HEAT! Nahhhh... know what, you really don't. Tom Dean from Wienerville: T.R. Mail the Author Visit My WOW Page Comment about this article in Wienerville |
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