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Tom Dean




It's funny how there's less impetus to write when WWE is going well. I wouldn't say that that's because I like to bitch and whine. I know that's a common assumption about Net writers, and I think it's needlessly nasty. But when The Folks Who Write This Crap play up the absent Rey Mysterio and Kane like they're a very big deal... when they show Rock practicing for his upcoming match as if it really WERE for the heavyweight championship of the world... when they devote a decent amount of time to EVERY match on the card... when they do these things, what it does is, it makes you GIVE A SHIT. And when they've got you, and you give a shit, well, then all you pretty much want to do is find out what the hell happens. What's the point criticizing, or even speculating, under those circumstances? After all, with 15 minutes left in the movie, you don't turn to your friend and start talking about how good or bad it is, or start speculating how it's gonna end. I'm on the edge of my seat right now, and it feels good.

Yup, all the new faces make it a very exciting Summerslam card to me. Brock in the main event is different, you gotta give it that. The feud with Rock has provided two great moments (Brock watching Rock tap out, and Brock's destruction of Hulk) that I think will make the Brock push a lot more likely to work. You know Rock will do everything he can to make Brock look good, because Rocky is the man like that. HBK's return is exciting by definition. (How long can this guy stay face, I wonder? It just seems against all laws of nature.) More novelty in the undercard, as Benoit-RVD only have had one match... Edge and Eddie probably fought at some point, but who knows when... anyways, all four of those guys are great, so that is superb. Flair-Jericho gives us another one of the Flair dream matches that they OWE us, by gawd (we haven't seen Flair-HHH or Flair-Angle, right? Damn, those would both be incredible.) Rey-Angle? You have to like that.

The only matches that don't excite me about this card are the two involving the Un-Americans. I've said in the past that, if they wanna do this angle at all -- which I think is a lame cheap heat angle -- they might as well succeed in GETTING lame cheap heat and talk about stuff people currently care about, rather than the Korean War and John Wayne. I think there are only two no-nos here. One is saying that the terrorist attacks were justified. The other is actually presenting wrestlers as "terrorists." As long as they don't do those things, I'm not gonna get offended, and like I said, they need to do SOMETHING to get heat. So when the Un-Americans recently picked on the sore spot that we haven't found bin Laden yet, and made some of the same criticisms of the U.S. as many foreigners have actually made, I thought that was superb. All that said, the fact is that in the actual ring, these three guys are not putting together interesting matches for some reason. I still maintain that Storm and especially Christian are wasted in a stable of any sort.

Three quick notes:

3. HHH heel = GOOD. HHH not getting three times as much screen time as everyone else = GOOD. I WANT to like HHH as a heel. He is an awesome, awesome heel. I do not want him to be a face, because it seems pretty clear that HE doesn't want that, so why should I? I want him to be a big part of the show, but not the star around whom all others revolve, because he just is not that. So, where he seems to be now, to me, is perfect. And that is not a knock on the guy at all. He just needs to know his role, to coin a phrase.

2. Why does Steph want the Rock destroyed? Rock is Smackdown's #1 pick, the franchise player. Thanks to the Rock, a Smackdown wrestler is currently the Undisputed Champion. It certainly seems in other contexts that the GMs aren't face or heel, they just want to outdo the other GM. So shouldn't Steph be kissing the Rock's ass?

1a. (HA!) Hell, in general, have any of the Internet geniuses who screamed for "competition between the two brands" figured out, like, where that plotline is actually supposed to GO? 'Cause if someone did, I never saw them write it, and I don't think WWE really knows either. I personally am happy to have the split just be a way to give everyone a decent amount of TV time and leave it at that, with no need for the two brands to interact with each other in storylines.

Boy, am I amazed WWE got away with doing this split, but they seem to have.

1. What's up with Mr. Hulk Hogan? Supposedly, he is in WWE limbo... what's this about? Sure, putting the belt on the guy was a mistake, but that ain't his fault. He has been doing the fed a lot of good by giving of his abundant overness to the young whippersnappers. Why would WWE be unhappy with that? Hell, it's exactly what I do with him and Nash in Extreme Warfare Revenge! Seriously, though, Hulk's ability to be able to do that is very valuable... he can get other guys over, and unless WWE ever does finally succeed in driving away every fan old enough to legally drink, he'll never lose his own overness. Unless there's something else going on here, I would think they would want to hold on to the old bastard.

Okay, I'll do predictions, but don't think that I'm gonna dislike the show if these things don't happen!!

Summerslam Clis Notes
("Thanks to Clis Notes, I can git my but outta hi skewl and get I a job!" - a satisfied customer)

Rock v. Brock: Brock. The whole push would be totally pointless if he didn't win. Rock, the designated Main Event Jobber, wouldn't even have become the champ to begin with if they didn't want to pass it to Brock.

HHH v. HBK: HHH. I don't expect HBK to wrestle regularly, so there wouldn't be much point to giving him a win over "Raw's franchise player." Hell, even if he were main eventing every week, HHH would probably beat him anyway.

Flair v. Jericho: This one is tough. Beating Flair would honestly not do a whole hell of a lot for Jericho, as far as I can tell. Given that, I'll guess they give it to Jericho.

Benoit v. RVD: Benoit. He needs the win more to get over. Big Show's disobeying of orders will be used to protect RVD.

Rey v. Angle: Rey. Angle is the other main eventer who jobs. No need to cut Rey's push off at the knees (insert one of several possible jokes here) this early.

Storm & Christian v. Booker & Goldust: Storm & Christian. 'Cause it's Booker!

Undertaker v. Test: Taker. Faces needs wins, given my other predictions.

Edge v. Eddie: Edge. Face needs a win, and no need to extend this insta-feud.

Tom Dean
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