MIGUELITO'S RAW THOUGHTS
July 1, 2002
Hello once again. I am Miguelito, back from vacation. I had a great break from the daily grind. Unfortunately, now that I am back I am feeling pretty lazy. This week's edition of Raw Thoughts is going to be a very short version, simply because of this laziness! Think of this as a Welcome Back Russo edition, as CrashTV invades Raw Thoughts!
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman were out first to make sure Raw didn't start off with a match. Apparently, Rob Van Dam hadn't arrived yet, so Heyman said Lesnar would like to challenge any veteran in the back. This brought Nature Boy Ric Flair out to the ring. Flair said that he is a legentd, a 16-time World Champion, and the Dirtiest Player, and he would like to challenge Lesnar. Brock told Flair that Flair was in in the wrong place at the wrong time. That sounded interesting...
Brock Lesnar -vs- Ric Flair: Lesnar and Flair put on a nice little match. It was nowhere near long enough, of course, but it was fun while it lasted. Lesnar used power moves, Flair threw out every trick he could think of, including a low blow that almost won the match. Heyman distracted Flair just long enough for Lesnar to hit the F5. Lesnar pinned The Man!
Tough Enoughs' Jackie was being interviewed when MOLLY! MOLLY! MOLLY!!! walked in. Molly took exception to what Jackie was saying, and Molly emphasized this by slapping the crap out of Jackie! Molly nailed Jackie with a snap-suplex on the floor, then tossed Jackie into the ring for a Missile Dropkick. Molly wasn't able to celebrate, however, as Trish attacked from behind. The end result was Trish managing to depants Molly.
I really hated this segment. I don't know what pissed me off more: Molly being depantsed (which is really just a continuation of the "Molly Is a Virgin" angle) or Lawler's moronic "commentary". I can honestly live happily the rest of my life without hearing Lawler scream "Granny Panties!" For some reason, though, WWE keeps inflicting Lawler on us. And keeps forcing this stupid angle on us.
What really annoys me is that Molly doesn't need this excess crap to get heat. Molly is very good at playing the heel. Her beatdown of Jackie was more than enough to get the crowd turned against her. She could be the female Undertaker, dominating the women's division and then bragging to the fans about it. Molly is charismatic enough to make that work. If only WWE would let her.
Chris Nowinski -vs- Bradshaw: Nowinski showed off his Harvard-educated intelligence by refusing the Hardcore championship. Nowinski stated that he does not want to be on guard 24x7, so he refused to wrestle for the hardcore championship. Nowinski ended up getting a super-quick pin, hitting Bradshaw in the head with a cowbell for the pin in less than a minute. Russo obviously is back, and obviously still does not like Bradshaw.
Backstage, RVD finally showed up, and caught up with William Regal. RVD challenged Regal to a match later tonight. There was absolutely no logic at all to this segment; I think it is definitely safe to say that Russo is getting back into the swing of things.
Another backstage segment followed this, because the silent "e" in the new WWE logo rules all. This time, it was Jeff Hardy yakking. Hardy believed that he was the favorite in the WWE title match tonight because the Undertaker has never wrestled a ladder match while Hardy has wrestled dozens.
Still backstage, because the name on the marquee is Entertainment and not Wrestling, Booker T was talking with Darth Goldustin. Goldustin apparently had a plan to get at the nWo again. Booker declared himself five-time Jedi Champion.
STILL backstage, this time in Vince McMahon's lockerroom. Guerrero was chatting with Vince McMahon. McMahon welcomed Chris Benoit to the Raw Roster, then instructed Guerrero and Benoit to destroy the Dudley Boyz tonight.
Rob Van Dam -vs- William Regal: Finally, the action shifted back into the ring. RVD got the win with the Five Star Frogsplash in a match that was much too short. Couldn't two or three minutes of the yakfest before this match have been shaved from the talk segments and given to this match? Regal and RVD can tear it up in the ring if given enough time. Why force them to wrestle a little three-and-a-half minute match when you could stretch that out to six minutes and get people excited about wrestling again!
Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley -vs- Eddy Guerrero and Chris Benoit: Two wrestling matches back-to-back really confused me. And the fact that this match lasted for almost 10 minutes confused me even more. This was a great match; the Dudleyz won when Bubba Ray Bubba Bombed Eddie to get the pin. I would rather have seen Benoit get a win in his first match back, but WWE tried to make up for this by having Benoit toss Spike to the floor and through a table, then cinch the Crippler Crossface on Bubba Ray.
This was actually a very good match. I think it shows one realization that WWE has come to: Bubba Ray should be a tag-team wrestler, not a single's wrestler. I wish that they had found a way to get D-Von back, but Spike is a more-than-adequate replacement, and gives the Dudleyz that big man/small man component. Also, WELCOME BACK BENOIT! Damn, it was good to see him in the ring again! Hopefully, though, we won't be seeing the swandive headbutt for a long, long time.
More entertainment followed, as Darth Goldustin caught up with the Big Show. Darth reveals himself to be Show's father, then started hitting Show with a plastic lightsaber. Kevin Nash showed up, however, proclaimed that HE was Goldustin's Daddy, then punked Goldustin out. Wasn't Episode II released two months ago? Then why are we seeing this Star Wars crap on Raw? Answer: RUSSO!
Talk, talk, talk... Undertaker was up next for an interview. Undertaker completely dissed Jeff Hardy by choosing to talk about his upcoming title defense against Kurt Angle and The Rock (who?).
We stayed backstage (of course) and watched as Big Show found X-Pac lying in a heap. Someone punked out X-Pac, and Show decided he would make that someone pay. Show headed to the ring, just in time for the next match:
Booker T -vs- Big Show: Show determined that Booker T must've been the one who punked out X-Pac, and headed to the ring to make him pay. Show got in some power offense, but Booker T started a comeback. Both men spilled outside the ring; Show decided to hit Booker with the ring steps. Booker hit superkicked the steps, however, dropping them on Show's head. Booker T got back into the ring and accepted a count-out victory over Show. Another short match, and a silly ending.
Out came the rest of the nWo to take umbrage with Show. Nash punched Show, Show punched Nash, Michaels broke things up. And then Michaels proceeded to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk. And talk somemore. The short story: HHH will be joining the nWo come next Monday night. Michaels finally stopped talking long enough to superkick Show! Michaels and Nash asked show to come back to the lockerroom with them, though. Apparently the superkick was just tough love for Show.
I could count the ways that that segment sucked, but I am lazy today, so I'll just move on.
Vince McMahon chatted with the Undertaker. Vince announced that Undertaker will meet Rock at Vengance, possibly for the WWE Title. Undertaker took exception to Vince's implication that Undertaker wouldn't be champion at Vengance. Undertaker decided he would prove something tonight by making sure that Jeff Hardy doesn't walk out of the arena.
Matt Hardy and Lita surprised Jeff Hardy in his lockerroom. Both wanted to wish Jeff luck; Lita said she would be riding home with the WWE Champion. Lita is going to leave with the Undertaker? The visit pumped Jeff up; he went running off towards the ring.
Undertaker -vs- Jeff Hardy, Ladder Match for the WWE Title. Ladder matches in general rule, and this match wasn't too bad. Hardy bumped like a madman for Undertaker; Undertaker actually sold for Hardy. The match went on for 15 minutes; the end came when Undertaker allegedly chokeslams Hardy off the top of the ladder. (In reality, Undertaker pushed Hardy off by the neck; still pretty cool, but it wasn't a chokeslam.) Undertaker grabbed the belt, climbed down the ladder, limped to his bike, and started to ride off. It should be noted that Undertaker was selling injuries from the match all through this.
Hardy tried to get to his feet, though, which expectedly annoyed the Undertaker. Undertaker got back into the ring and hit Hardy with the Last Ride. Undertaker told Hardy to stay down, then hopped on his bike and rode up to the top of the ramp.
Hardy was stupid enough to find a microphone. Hardy mumbled something to the Undertaker. Undertaker got off his bike and headed back to the ring. Instead of finishing off Hardy, however, Undertaker raised Hardyz hand in a confusing display of respect. Undertaker let Hardy drop into a heap and headed back up the ramp. And that's where the show ended.
Anyone who has read this column for any amount of time will know that this type of show will annoy me. Too much talk, nowhere near enough ring time. Except for two things: The Dudleyz/Benoit & Guerrero match was solid, and the ladder match ruled. I can't simply dismiss this show; the last hour was pretty solid (except for the silly nWo stuff).
If only the first hour didn't blow as badly as it did.
I'll be back next week, of course, hopefully back in good form. Until then, if you just HAVE to get another dose of Miguelito, check out http://rawthoughts.org. Assuming that I ironed out all of the DNS wrinkles I was having, the site should be live Right Now. And have a great week!
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