THE RETURN
Quote - "How are 3 old men gonna destroy the WWF, are they gonna attack everyone with their walking frames" - My 15 year Old sister after last weeks Smackdown.
I'm Back!!! This is my first column since November and I'm gonna try and get back into a regular pattern of writing. Some of you may be asking why I haven't written a column for 3 months, well I'm not going to give any lame excuses about overcoming my sex addiction or losing both my legs in a freak donkey riding accident, I've just been lazy.
Since my last column we've seen the end of the Alliance, the (re)Unification of the WWF and WCW Titles, the return of Ric Flair, the return of Triple H and the pending return of the nWo. As well as me discovering I know more about the Mean Street Posse then Dave Scherar.
I've decided that for the whole duration of the nWo storyline I will tell you how excited I'm feeling about it, so without further ado...
13 Days since Vince displayed the nWo Logo on his chair - So as of now, it's been confirmed the nWo are coming and it will be made up of Hogan, Nash & Hall.
Am I excited?
Nope
Another Update Next time.
I just want to mention something which I thought I'd never ever say... I actually found something funny on the Wrestling Observer website. One of Meltzer's Minions, going under the name Todd Martin, has written a Satirical News Story about Vince Russo going to New Japan. The highlight of which was Russo saying there were just too many Japanese wrestlers in New Japan.
While I'm talking about funny things, I just want to say that Zero Respect is one of the funniest wrestling sites around. I discovered it about 2 or 3 weeks ago and ended up spending the whole day reading all the columns I could find on the site. As for 1Bob I think it's a piece of genius and I hope it's gonna be updated regularly.
Following on from 1Bob I'm considering creating my own site called IOFred.com where I will rip off 1Bob and all the other Wrestling Parody websites and try and pass off their jokes as my own. You can look forward to me taking Good Ol' JR's jokes straight out of the Ross Report and claiming a "Source" within the WWF told me them.
After discovering even more Wrestling Parodies I intend to do a Top 10 of Parody websites within the next few weeks.
I am gonna mention the nWo today but to be quite honest I just intend on making a few jokes about Scott Hall.
First off, it was nice of Scott to get drunk before he got together with Nash and Hogan to film the little video they showed on Raw. I hope they will be redoing the Alcoholic Scott Hall angle they did in WCW in 1998.
Second, and I think someone might already have mentioned this but if Scott Hall got custody of his children can you imagine what his Ex Wife is like. She must be pretty bad if an Alcoholic who must spend quite a lot of time on the road can get custody of two children over him. Now you may be saying "But Nash managed to negotiate that him and Scott only work 2 days a month" but that just leaves him more time to drink.
While I'm talking about Addictions it looks like X-Pac won't be joining the nWo. I thought it was funny when people were claiming that X-Pac would be getting back together with his friends and people would start to respect him more. How can becoming Kevin Nash's bitch stop people from chanting "X-Pac Sucks."
I don't want to sound to Clique orientated but let me talk a little about Triple H. Now he's back, his marriage with Stephanie was beginning to fall apart but she got him back by announcing her Pregnancy on Raw. Is anybody else getting the feeling Vinny Ru has come back? I mean we have this pregnancy storyline, we have Chucky and Billy's Posedown and we have Goldust's Return. I can't imagine Vince being happy just working in his Video Shop. Back to Hunter and Stephanie, although this angle is really stupid Stephanie's anouncment and the BullShit chant after it was just great TV.
This storyline has the potential to be really damaging to the WWF. If, and this is the most likely outcome, Stephanie is found out to be lying about it then it's gonna look like a really bad Soap Opera Storyline (For everyone in the UK, it'll be a really bad version of the Dirty Den/Angie cancer storyline in Eastenders). If she is pregnant and she has the child it is just gonna look really stupid if she is dragging a baby around everywhere and if they try to do anything else like an Abortion or Miscarriage then it will confirm to Brent Bozell at the PTC that Vince truely is the Anti-Christ. I doubt there will be an abortion but if there is it will be incredibly tasteless, I doubt that even ECW would have touched on a storyline like that.
The other possibility is that someone other than Triple H is the father. The most likely alternative is Kurt Angle, but I don't think many fans would buy that after Kurt's wife being with him at Unforgiven. The next likely alternative is Jericho but I still don't think it would work to have Stephanie and Jericho together. The two man power trip was quite a big plot hole but I think this would be too big to make any sense at all. But if Russo really has returned then anyone and anything is a possibility.
I'm finished now but let's just cross our fingers and hope that Hogan, Nash & Hall end up the way every newcomer ends up in the WWF ie Jobbing on Jakked.
Ian Finlayson
freelance
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