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Ian Finlayson




R-E-S-P-E-C-T / Taker, that's what you mean to me - The Undertaker

I'm back with another one of my exciting and innovative columns (I've just had a boring day and needed something to get excited about) I'm gonna start off with my second nWo update.

20 Days since announcement of the nWo's debut - Still not excited

I just wanna start by mentioning a couple of wrestling lookalikes I've seen over the last few months.

Last saturday I was in the Computer Superstore that is PC World, I was looking for printers and noticed a man looking at monitors who I can only describe as the love child of Vince McMahon and Gerald Brisco. He was a very strange and frightening looking man. While I'm talking about PC World I just want to mention that they've changed their approach to selling warranties. Their new approach involves telling the consumer that most of their customers come back soon after buying a product and complain that it doesn't work. It always builds confidence in a shop when they try and sell you a product but just before you buy it they tell you it's likely to break.

Now for my second lookalike, I'll take you back to Boxing Day last year. I was in my local Virgin Megastore looking at the wrestling video section. I bent down to pick up a ECW DVD, when I came back up I noticed a man standing next to me looking at a "Best of WCW Video." When I saw his face I noticed he look just like Vince Russo. When he left (and no he didn't buy the video) I picked up the video and noticed that the most recent match was about a month before he came to WCW. I just feel that if he had seen that video before he went to WCW then the year 2000 in WCW won't as been so bad.

I just want to talk briefly about Mr Perfect and I know someone else mentioned it but I want to reinforce the point. On Raw he had his first Vignette where he cheated to win a game of Chess. Now correct me if I'm wrong but he is Mr PERFECT, not Mr Cheater. The point of Mr Perfect is that he can do all the things he does because he's perfect. To be honest I can only clearly remember one Mr Perfect Vignette from the past. It was the one where he threw the Basketball over his shoulder and scored. That was cool cause it showed him to be perfect, cheating at chess doesn't make him look perfect.

Now onto The Undertaker, various people on the internet have complained about the Undertaker not getting any heat and everyone of them has come up with the decision that it's because of his entrance theme and his bike. So what they're saying is that because the Undertaker SLOWLY rides a Motorbike to the ring to a Limp Bizkit song which hasn't been popular for over a year makes people want to cheer for him, Which is just bullshit.

The reason he has been getting pops is that there's no reason to boo him. Let's go back to the reason he turned Heel... Respect. Ric said it perfectly on Raw when he said that everyone respected the Undertaker. For 11 years The Undertaker has been loyal to the WWF, during all the ratings falls and all the people leaving the WWF The Undertaker has stayed by Vince's side. During all that stupid Gothic Shit in 1999 'Taker was loyal. He is the only Main Eventer not to have held the WWF Title in the last two years, even that fat piece of shit The Big Show has held the WWF Title. Anyother Main Eventer would have complained if they went that long without a run at the title but The Undertaker stays loyal. The Hardcore title is the first singles title he has held since coming back from injury and he was prepared to drop it to Maven. You can complain all you want about him holding back younger talent but anyone who lays down to a wrestler who's only been in the business for about 8 months is fine with me. So we have this man who I respect more than most wrestlers and suddenly just because JR won't kiss Vince's Ass we're all supposed to lose all respect for him.

The WWF think that people will boo The Undertaker because he presses JR's face against Vince's ass, he takes the Hardcore Title away from Rob Van Dam and beats up The Rock while he's talking then Tombstones him on the roof of a limo. After all that he's a hero to me, I want to bow down and worship him, if he wants it he can have my First Born. If they want people to boo the Undertaker they need to do something which will make him hateable. Seeing him on Monday laying into Arkansas was just stupid. The Undertaker is a man who for 11 years has been doing Great Promo's and he's been reduced to stating the obvious and calling the people of Arkansas Rednecks.

Now onto Triple H and Stephanie and I'll start with a Quote from Raw, all Credit goes to CRZ.

"Steph, I have done some pretty bad things in my life - I admit it, I'm an asshole - but even *I* would not go this low. You DISGUST me. You care about nothing but yourself, you never gave a crap about us, it was always about you."

Now I'm gonna disect this quote and Critique it, (My English Teacher would be so proud.)

"Steph, I have done some pretty bad things in my life - I admit it, I'm an asshole - but even *I* would not go this low. You DISGUST me."

A. Now, it's either me or Triple H who has the strange Morals. You see in my mind having someone run down a fellow employee so you can advance in your job is slightly wrong. So obviously in Triple H Land:

Running the risk of killing fellow employee - good

Lying to someone about having their child - bad

B. Triple H wouldn't go as low as to lie to anyone about being pregnant but he is prepared to lie about someones wife being in a car crash. This brings me onto the disgusting part. Hoaxing a man so he thinks his wife has been in a car crash so he leaves making it easier for you to defend your tag team titles is a nice thing but telling your husband your pregnant isn't. Let's go back to Planet Helmsley:

Making a man think his wife was in a car crash - Smashing

Lying to someone about having their child - Disgusting

I'm thinking that in Hunter's World Nazi's weren't just members of the nWo, they were also great blokes.

"You care about nothing but yourself, you never gave a crap about us, it was always about you."

Let's not forget why Triple H and Stephanie are married in the first place. If you have then let me tell you. Triple H did it in order to screw around with Vince McMahon, once he was through with Vince he used Stephanie in order to advance his career. Triple H never particularly cared about Stephanie he just used her for himself

Can anyone else imagine Stephanie screeching exactely the same thing to Triple H?

And while I'm talking about Triple H I just want to say that I've been looking at him over the past few weeks and he's only slightly away from having larger Breasts then Stephanie. Maybe Hunter saw a few "Hunter Sags" signs in the crowd.

In a couple of days I'm gonna do my No Way Out Predictions, then sometime next week I'm gonna do my Top Ten Wrestling Humour Websites so if anyone has some suggestions or runs their own site send me the link and I'll decide where they place on my countdown. I just wanna leave you with a Rhetorical Question...

Who's Breasts are more Fake, Stephanies Silicone Filled Chest or Triple H's Steroid Filled Chest? Ian Finlayson

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