For the two of you who care, the Single File, once of [Slash] Wrestling, now makes its home at the thecubsfan.com. Why? Well, I like TCF and his writing, so I may as well leech off his talent as much as I can. Plus, I think the Single File makes a nice fit over there. You should visit immediately after reading this 2 or 3 times. There's oodles of good stuff from Cubs and Tanvir.

But I don't want to totally abandon the Slash, so I've decided that Single Files go to Cubs, oddball tape reviews like this will go here. Sound good? Good.

Ah, Clash of the Champions, a concept that seems so quaint now. See, on March 27, 1988, Jim Crocket put on a free show with big matches called Clash of the Champions on TBS to counter Wrestlemania IV, which occurred on the same night on PPV. The Clashes became a frequent occurrence, broadcast every three months or so, like the NWA/WCW's answer to Saturday Night's Main Event.

Of course, with the advent of Nitro and Thunder, WCW had hours of big matches weekly, so the idea of a Clash became rather passé (the last one was back in August of 1997). Still, they were a lot of fun at the time, and Clash XIII in particular has a special place in my heart, for it was the first time I sat down and really got to watch WCW. This card is really pretty horrible, but it's horrible in a fun, nostalgic way. May as well share the experience.

What: Clash of the Champions XIII: "Thanksgiving Thunder"
When: November 20, 1990
Where: Jacksonville, FL
Announcers: Jim Ross and Paul E. Dangerously

Yes, you read the above right. JR and Paul E. used to do some announcing together, and they were a damn good team together. I wouldn't mind if Heyman picked up color commentary duties if he does sign with the WWF.

The Fabulous Freebirds/Bobby Eaton (W/Little Richard Marley) vs. The Southern Boys/El Gigante: Michael Hayes gets on the stick and says that he and Garvin finished off El Gigante and shipped him back to Argentina. So the ref boots Eaton and makes it a 2 on 2. Now we get...

The Fabulous Freebirds vs. The Southern Boys: Too bad these aren't the awesome Hayes/Gordy incarnation of the Freebirds. Still, I have a soft spot for these two. Yeah, they sucked. But these two pudgy, long-haired, aging goofs from Badstreet, U.S.A., who called themselves the greatest rock and roll band of all time-I dunno, there's just some charm there. The Southern Boys were Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong, and they're biggest claim to fame was a great match against the Midnight Express at the Great American Bash '90. Stupid name aside, they were really a pretty good team. The Boys use their speed and clean house to start, but the 'Birds turn the tide with a Hayes left hand that sends Smothers flying into the guardrail. The Birds beat up Smothers until Garvin tries a top rope move and gets tossed. Smothers makes the hot tag to Armstrong and a pier six breaks out. End sees Little Richard Marley trip Smothers, and he stumbles into a DDT from Hayes for the win (4:46). Standard stuff. The 'Birds would go on to have that infamous negative title reign a few months later.

Tony Schiavone talks to Sting. Da Stinger has bad words for the Black Scorpion. The Scorpion then gets on the P.A. and rambles about black magic. To be continued.

"Flyin'" Brian Pillman vs. "Nature Boy" Buddy Landell: This is a rematch from the above mentioned GAB '90. Pillman was really good at this point, but WCW didn't really know what to do with him, hence the epic rematch with Buddy. I'm surprised they let Buddy call himself the Nature Boy. Pillman pulls out some nice highspots, including a springboard clothesline to the rampway and an Asai bodypress to the floor. Buddy beats on Pillman for most of the match with his very vanilla offense. Landell halts a Pillman comeback and goes for his finisher, the Superplex (see?), but Pillman fights him off and hits the flying bodypress for the win (5:50). Bland.

Big Cat vs. "Candyman" Brad Armstrong: The Big Cat would later be known as Curtis "Mr." Hughes, and was part of a goofy heel stable with the Motor City Madman and Nightstalker. We get some comments from the Cat saying he wants to beat up Lex Luger. He doesn't say why he wants to beat up Luger, which is pretty frustrating. You know what's sad? "Candyman" was actually one of Brad's better gimmicks. Poor dope. Anyway, the point here is to build up the Big Cat, so he squishes Brad and puts him away with the Torture Rack (4:29). Ross makes a big deal over how Brad didn't give up and the ref stopped the match. Whatever.

Dick the Bruiser, ref for the main event of Starrcade, guarantees there will be a winner .

Z-Man vs. "Primetime" Brian Lee: The Z-Man is, of course, internet favorite Tom Zenk. What the hell was Z-Man supposed to mean, anyway? This was Lee's tryout match. Now why the hell would you give a guy a tryout match on a fairly big show like this? What's wrong with a dark match? So...many...questions. Anyway, this match was famous around my circle of friends for a certain spot. Zenk hiptosses Brad out of the corner and then climbs to the top. He leaps with a twisting bodypress, and Lee was supposed to get up and catch him, but "Primetime" didn't bother to move so Zenk just crashed to the mat and looked like a total retard. From then on, any badly flubbed spot would get the Tom Zenk Award. I'm sure Lee canceled the moving van to Atlanta after that mishap. Anyway, Lee cheats and uses restholds, but Zenk comes back and wins with a missile dropkick (3:10). Lee had a king-sized mullet, I'll give him that.

Tony talks to Michael Rotunda, er, Wall Street. See, Mike inherited a large sum of money, so he turned heel and changed his name. His gimmick was that he hooked up with computer specialist Alexandra York, who would input the strengths and weaknesses of Wall Street's opponents and come up with a plan for success. This was all very stupid, and Rotunda took off soon after to become evil tax man Irwin R. Shyster in the WWF. The only good thing about that was PWI trying to explain why Rotunda went from being rich to thinking he worked for the IRS

Oh yeah, Alexandra York is Terri Runnels.

Michael Wall Street (w/Alexandra York) vs. The Starblazer: Starblazer looks like he emulated his style from Pro Wrestling's Starman. Well, I've played Pro Wrestling and you're no Starman, buddy. 'Blazer keeps hopping around, which looks funny when you fast-forward. Yes, I'm fast-forwarding, it's a freaking Mike Rotunda match. Of course we get the abdominal stretch from Wall Street. Wall Street wins with a samoan drop (Wall Street Crash) (4:13). What, you expected different? Honestly, when was the last time anyone gave a shit about Mike Rotunda?

Gordon Solie with the WCW Top Ten:

Tag Teams:

World Tag Champs: Doom
1. Steiner Brothers (U.S. Tag Champs)
2. Ric Flair and Arn Anderson
3. Nasty Boys
4. Fabulous Freebirds
5. Ricky Morton and Thomas Rich
6. Southern Boys
7. Master Blasters
8. Tim Horner and Candyman
9. Big Cat and Motor City Madmen
10. Norman and the Juicer

Singles:
World Champ: Sting
1. Stan Hansen (U.S. Champ)
2. Sid Vicious
3. Lex Luger
4. Ric Flair
5. Arn Anderson (TV Champ)
6. Terry Taylor
7. Flyin' Brian
8. Michael Wallstreet
9. Z MAN
10. Beautiful Bobby

Col. Deklerk and Sgt. Krueger vs. Kalua and The Beast: At Starrcade, there was going to be the Pat O'Connor International Tag Tournament, and this was the finals for the African contingent. Col Deklerke is actually Rocco Rock of Public Enemy, and Krueger is Matt Borne/Big Josh/Doink the Clown. See, they're the evil racist South Africans. Lots of folks take offense to this match, and you can add me to the list.

Deklerk actually pulls off a quebrada press and a backflip off the top, but no one cares. And why should they? It's pretty obvious either team would end up being fodder for the Steiners in the tournament. Why not have a match between Doom and the Steiners to see who gets to represent the U.S.? You can have the Horseman interfere and cost Doom the match, forwarding their feud. It's also make for a better, more interesting match. Ah well. As for this match, it sucks. End sees Beast pick up Krueger for a slam, and Deklerk dropkicks him, and Krueger falls on top for the win (4:49).

Promoter Sam Mushnick (no relation to Phil, I hope) pimps Starrcade.

We see a recap of the Stan Hansen-Lex Luger feud, including Hansen winning Luger's U.S. title at Halloween Havoc. We then see a vignette set in a pool hall where Paul E. hires the Madman to take out Luger. Madman beats up some guy who wants to play pool, and Paul E.'s overacting is priceless. Lex talks to Tony, and the Big Cat comes out and has mean words for Lex, so Luger punches him out.

Lex Luger vs. Motor City Madman: No it's not Ted Nugent, just some fat guy. Anyway, the Big Cat jumps Luger during his entrance, and Luger doesn't even sell and beats the shit out of the Cat. Way to help a guy get over, Lex. As for the match, it's about as good as you'd expect. At one point Luger tries to suplex Madman back into the ring, but can't quite get him up and ends up dropping him on his head. Way to be. Luger gets rammed into the corner, but comes out with a clothesline for the win (2:33). The replay shows the Madman falling before he got hit. Yep, way to be.

Nick Patrick talks about how the Nasty Boys and Steiners want to end each other's career. I guess it's just foreshadowing for the next match.

The Nasty Boys vs. The Renegade Warriors: Knobbs and Saggs were having an intense feud with the Steiners that seriously made their careers. If you want to know why they kept getting hired and pushed for years despite lacking lacking talent, charisma, or any redeeming qualities, here you go. The Warriors were Chris and Mark Youngblood, and had a Native American gimmick (duh) and really weren't good. I actually think the Nasty Boys were the better tag team, which says a lot. Both teams work on the arm, which is about as exciting as it sounds. One of the Youngbloods actually beats on a drum to rile up the crowd. It doesn't work, if you're curious. Crap match and then the Steiners run out for the merciful DQ (4:56).

Sid Vicious vs. the Nightstalker: The 'Stalker is better known today as Bryan Clarke of Kronik. Oh yeah, this is the WORST MATCH EVER. I'm not exaggerating. This match is so bad, I can't do it justice here. I'll save it for the Single File. The Big Cat comes down, Sid hits the Nightstalker with an ax, and wins. Sid gets beat up afterwards, which lead to the epic Skyscrapers reunion at Starrcade (3:30).

Tony talks to the Freebirds, who brag some more about beating up El Gigante. Then Gigante and the Southern Boys come out and chase them off. Umm, if the big lug was there, why not have him in the match?

The Steiner Brothers vs. Magnum Force: Now I have fond memories of this, since this was the first time I got to see the Steiners. Rick and Scott were the U.S. Tag Champs at this point. I have no clue who Magnum Force are. Scott starts out with a scrub, and blows my mind right away by hitting a tilt-a-whirl slam on MF #1. #2 runs in and Scott picks him up like he's going for a fallaway slam, and instead tries to backflip while holding the guy, but lands on his head. Scotty gives a look that says "I'm never trying that again." And he hasn't. Anyway, Rick flattens #2 with a Steinerline and Scotty finishes with the Frankensteiner (1:56). The Nasties come out and they brawl afterward. The feud never got to blow off, since Knobbs and Saggs soon got signed by the WWF and were tag champs by March. Some things never change for WCW

Tony talks to Ric Flair and Arn Anderson, who give a standard but still good Horseman interview.

We get a face to face between Sting and the Black Scorpion. See, WCW aired these messages from a mysterious figure who kept speaking like Yoda, going on about how he was someone from Sting's past and how he was back for revenge. Sting beat a Black Scorpion at the last Clash, but it was revealed that it was just a fake Scorpion. The Scorpion continued to irritate Sting at various events, and now we get a face to face. Sting blathers and then the Scorpion appears. BS (get it?) grabs an audience member, hypnotizes him, turns his head around, then transforms him into a tiger. Then the Scorpion disappears. All the above is true. Call me a kook, but heels should do bad things, not freaking magic. The whole Black Scorpion story, in addition to being one of the worst angles ever, totally tanked Sting's title reign and threw WCW off course for a good long while.

Recap of the Horseman-Doom feud. Tonight, a member of the Horseman faces a member of Doom. If Doom wins, then Teddy Long gets Flair's Roll Royce and yacht. If the Horseman win, then they get a rematch at Starrcade and Teddy Long has to play chauffeur for a day. After a coin flip, we get...

Ric Flair vs. "Hacksaw" Butch Reed: Reed beats on Flair with power moves, Flair retaliates with cheating. Ref gets bumped late in the match, so Simmons belts Flair with a clothesline. Then Anderson nails Reed with a chair while he's going for a cover and Flair gets the pin (14:11). Match was good but a foregone conclusion from the start.

1990 really was a good year for WCW, but you wouldn't know it from this card. I mean, they had Ric Flair, Sting, Luger, Pillman, the Steiners, Midnight Express, Doom, the Horseman, and a lot more, so you had plenty of great matches. It just tends to get overshadowed by the crap like the Black Scorpion, the fake Sting at Halloween Havoc, Robocop, and the like.

Starrcade '90 was a good card you should check out. It featured some great matches and blew off all the big feuds properly. Things went down the toilet after that.

I'll be back someday with something, and until then, you know where to go.