A FINE COMPETITOR
What do you start a queer pro wrestling column out with, anyway? A thought-proking look at the Lenny and Lodi situation? A list of which wrestlers I think are hot? A Pat Patterson joke?
The answer: four questions.
There you go.
Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about why this column is here, and why i'm writing it.
I searched Yahoo and some of the other engines for 'gay pro wrestling' a few weeks ago, hoping to find a couple of queer-run fan sites. Maybe a buff shrine. I got *nothing*, and that surprised me.
Well, I got *something:* a lot of sites selling M4M apartment wrestling videos. (Most of them in the angelfire region.) Those don't count, though. I wanted a Brood tribute page not run by thirteen year old girl. Or a monday night recap that mentioned how fetching Jeff Hardy is without all that shit in his hair.
For as large as the wrestling audience is these days and for as homoerotic a spectacle as professional wrestling is (there's no denying it,) and (there's more!) for as flippin' huge and niche-hungry as the 'net is, it's surprising there are no sites or lists out there for gay fans.
And I know there are gay fans out there. I know it's not just me, Bob Mould and Patterson watching this stuff. That's why i'm writing this column.
Which isn't to say there's nothing here for the hopelessly straight fan. (There isn't much here for the bigotted and red of neck, but i don't think CRZ gets much of that traffic anyway.) Maybe you'll find something entertaining in here. After all, i'm just a fun loving guy who loves to have fun. And suck a cock.
So, that being said, I *do* want to talk about Lenny and Lodi a little.
I empathize with GLAAD and it's oddly reassuring to me that WCW paid so much attention to their letters. It's disconcerting to me to see a bunch of slack-jawed yokels chanting 'faggot' while an effeminant guy gets the crap fake-beat out of him. In context, it looks bad and out of context it just looks horrible.
I don't think GLAAD had the whole picture, though. They seemed to think it was part of WCW's creative plan for the crowd to chant 'faggot.' It was just the nature of some wrestling fans. It's unfortunate, but i don't hold it against them.
WCW could have stopped the chants if they hadn't been so quick to yank the West Hollywood Blondes off tv and i think that would have satisfied GLAAD. Remember when the crowd chanted 'Gold-berg! Gold-berg!' and not 'Gooold-beeerg. Gooold-berg.'? WCW told the fans what to say (via the piped-in chants) and they said it. If they'd have come up with something else for the fans to call the Blondes and gotten the point across, the 'faggot' chants would have gone away.
GLAAD also suggested having one of WCW's babyfaces come out of the closet if they wanted to have a gay angle. Which could work, but they seemed to intimate the only acceptable out character was a good guy. That's just not always in the cards. You can't always be the one getting cheered (hi Nash!) If a gay character is a heel though, and the crowd is supposed to cheer when he gets fake-punched, it should be for a reason other than just him being gay. That's where the line should be drawn.
If GLAAD had been a little more informed about how pro wrestling works and WCW not been so trigger happy, the angle could have gone on. It was an entertaining angle, too. Lenny's sly grins during a match were priceless. I hope they bring the story back one day or that one of the big promotions put another gay character on tv.
...and both WCW and the WWF have ample opportunity to do it. Saturn? come *on*. Kurt Angle? that would be interesting. Buff could prove he really didn't hit on Kimberly by bringing out his live-in male life companion. The Bossman and Prince Albert could have a 'bring out the gimp' moment. Or test could turn into a bitter woman-hater in the arms of a returning Shawn Stasiak. ('I recorded her saying stuff about you behind your back.') He could even come out to 'I Will Survive.'
Heh. Like any of *that* will happen.
I'll make do with the unintentional (or freudian?) turn of a phrase until then. Like Jeff Jarrett telling Larry Zbysko he'd 'stretch his ass like it's never been stretched before.' (Damn Jeff, I didn't know it was like *that*! I thought you just liked having your nuts slapped.) Or Bret Hart not letting Nash go down because he respected him too much. (It's a line!)
What do you end a queer pro wrestling column with?
The answer: an email address.
I'd love to hear from you guys, gay, straight or whatever. You can find the address to use somewhere near this paragraph. Have i missed a gay-run fan site? Let me know! Do you hope Jeff Hardy is gay, too? Let me know! Is there some ironic, vaguely homoerotic aspect about professional wrestling you're just dying to share? Let me know! Are you on the last long neck of the case and feeling lonely? Keep it to yourself!