First off, way to go, CRZ. Three years of near constant updating, HTML hassles, and that damn Kings layout every year. I couldn't do it. Most people couldn't do it. Those who could would probably try to make money off of it (especially considering it's a dot-com as in commercial). Now get off your ass and do that damn SmackDown report so I can find out how the hell Chioda screwed Angle out of the belt!
Speaking of that, I didn't watch SmackDown on the 4th. Instead, I went to Fenway, saw the Sox kill the Jays, did the Wave, ate hotdogs, and rested my back. I love the park more than most people, but it is murder unless you can get a padded or plastic seat. Those don't exactly come cheap, so I just had to make sure to invest in a ThermaCare heat wrap. What I gathered from the spoilers (read right here at the [slash]), was that as Taker was going to Last Ride Angle, Kurtski put on an armbar-like thing. Taker finished off the Ride, but as Chioda counted the three, Taker tapped. Now, if Taker tapped before the third count, Angle should be the champion. If he tapped after the third count, then he pinned Angle and should have been awarded a win and keeping of the title. If the incidents coincided perfectly, which Vince will probably make us believe, then Mike was right and it was a draw. Could somebody please get a super-duper-slow motion replay of this thing?
Now, to last week's cliffhanger. I got a grand total of two e-mails, both of them agreeing on who it was, but they had different perspectives on how it would come to be. They both said it was Sting. One had him just appearing on the apron after a sudden blackout, another much like my version. But this is how I say it would go:
After a pregnant pause, JR and the King start to speculate as to where the second mystery partner could be. The camera is searching the arena frantically, as though Edge and Christian were about to bust out their old entrance. Booker T goes over to senior official "Blind" Earl Hebner, and whispers something in his ear. Earl looks confused, and seems to be confirming this with the entire team, so as to eliminate a potentila swerve. They all nod their heads in agreement. Triple H asks Hebner what's going on, but Earl fails to respond. Instead, he orders timekeeper Mark Yeaton to ring the bell. As Tripps tries to figure this out, Goldust ambushes him and the match is on. Now, Goldust is good, but he's no match for Trippa Laych. Haytch (thanks, Regal) puts him into the corner and lays in the boots. For a good two or three minutes, the nWo boys tag in and out and take turns beating up The Dusty One. When HBK comes in, he tries to finish off Goldust with the Sweet Chin Music, but Dust reverses it into the Curtain Call. This leads to a stereotypical tag/hot-tag bit, with X-Pac receiving the nWo tag and Goldberg coming in for the faces. Goldberg spears X-Pac as he's coming in and pins him. JR and the King are shocked at the power of Goldberg and wonder if the second mystery partner will even be necessary. After an obligatory "Who's next?" from Berg, Big Show saunters into the ring. Goldberg seems more than willing to take him, but Booker T desperately wants a tag. Goldberg obliges, and the Book goes in to face the Show. After a few chops and no-sells, Book begins to realize that this was a none-too-bright plan. He tries to come off the ropes and knock him down, but Big Show shoulderblocks him to the mat. Big Show then begins to go Medievel on Booker's ass, and Booker sells like a Raggedy Andy whose owner is not exactly pleased. Booker gets in a flurry or two, but Big Show just keeps coming back. This time, there are no tags made by the nWo, as they can see that the Show has the best shot of destroying the opposition. Even Triple H, whil getting in a few shots whenever T is sent into the corner, does not go for a tag. After about 5 minutes of Big Show playing "Murder the Man in the Ring", he sends T off the ropes. He appears to be getting ready to catch him in the goozle, but Booker slides under him and executes a flawless double-leg takedown, sending Big Show crashing down onto his face. Without a moment's hesitation, Booker tries to apply an STF, but the Big Show is just too damn big. After stomping the knees a few times, Booker tries again, and somehow does get the Big Show into the stepover-toehold-facelock.Because the Show is 7' tall, he can easily reach the ropes, but some damage is done to the legs and shoulder of the big man. Show gets up slowly, so Booker tries to hit the scissors-kick thing, but Big Show catches him and busts out the Alley-Oop. If you don't remember what the Alley-Oop is, it's that powerbomb-meets-reverse-vertical-suplex thing that's one of his specials in SmackDown: Just Bring It. Big Show tags in Triple H, and the Game proceeds to beat down on Booker T. As Triple H is coming off the ropes going for the facebuster, T hits the Book End and both men are down. As Bokker is about to get to The Rock and tag him in for the 1st time of the match, Michaels comes in and distracts Hebner. T gets the tag, and Rock comes in and kicks Tripps's ass for a minute or so, but Earl orders him out of the ring. While this is going on, all 4 nWo-ites are beating on Booker T. The Golds, Dust and Berg, aren't going to take this lying down, and they come in, with Goldberg knocking down Hebner in the process. Instead of playing dead referee, Earl rolls out of the ring and walks over to the timekeeper's table and whispers something to mark Yeaton. As this is happening, we've got a Pier-8 in the ring, and the faces are winning. They IrishWhip the nWo guys into each other (one from each turnbuckle) and then hit their finishers. Nash gets a Rock Bottom, Big Show a Book End, Triple H the Jackhammer and Michaels takes a Curtain Call. As soon as this is over, the booming voice of Howard Finkel interrupts our match with this crucial announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Referee Earl Hebner has disqualified Goldberg for intentionally striking the referee. Once again, Goldberg has been disqualified."
JR and the King can't believe it, and the crowd is obviously quite distraught. Berg shoots off his mouth in every direction as officials escort him from ringside to the locker room. After he has exited, Booker hits the Book End again on Big Show, and he is pinned. Two eliminations inside of thirty seconds, and it's down to 3-on-3. However, before he can be escorted, Show leaves Booker with a going-away present (a chokeslam) and leaves the ring. With T down in the ring and Rocky and Goldust calling Big Show every name under the sun, HBK sneaks into the ring and covers Booker for the 1-2-3. JR is going nuts about how the nWo cheated to get the pinfall, with Lawler being equally as adamant that it doesn't matter how you win, it matters that you win. As soon as Rocky figures out what happened, he gets a Brahma-Bull-who-just-saw-red lookin his eye and starts moving right for Michaels. Like the incredibly smart guy he is, HBK tags in his good buddy Kev, and Nash goes in to face The Rock. Goldust wants him, but Rocky wants him more. He does the Diesel horn motion thing, and procedes to go punch-for-punch with Nash. He tries the spit-punch, but Nash blocks it with a boot to the face. Rocky then plays Ricky Morton for a while, and Goldust seems incensed on the apron. He hasn't been in this match since X-Pac was eliminated, and he wants to pound the sh*t out of somebody. Nash is definitely getting the better of Therock (thanks, Y2J) and seems to be on the verge of eliminating him. Sidewalk slam, and Nash covers Rock nonchalantly. Rock kicks out at 2, and Nash is not happy. After a few more kickouts, Nash looks ready to kill someone. With Rocky in the corner and Nash doing the boot-choke, Hebner orders a break. He gets to five, but Nash is so livid he won't break it. Hebner calls for the bell again, and Nash becomes the second victim of the disqualification. With Nash and the rest of the nWo in Hebner's face, Goldust sneaks into the ring and pulls Rocky to his corner. He then shouts at the top of his lungs "Hey, Earl!" As soon as Hebner lokks, Goldust tags Rocky, becoming the legal man in the match. Hebner acknowledges the tag, and Goldust goes after HBK. He brings Shawn into the ring, and proceeds to absolutely destroy him. Suplexes of every sort, scoop slams, abdominal stretches, anything to injure Shawn's back. JR points out that Triple H hasn't been in the ring in a while, and he's probably back to about 100%. King then notes that while the face team has a 3-on-2 advantage (remember the mystery partner), Rock and Goldust have both taken beatings in this match, while Michales and Tripps are still pretty fresh. King says that he thinks the oddas are about even right now. JR asks about the mystery factor, in that the nWo had no idea who they were facing. King admits he didn't think of that, but points out how they were able to eliminate Goldberg erlier on in the match. JR counters with the fact that Goldberg eliminated himself by hitting Hebner. But Lawler counters this with the fact that Goldberg wouldn't have come into the ring if Booker T wasn't getting his ass kicked. JR: "By the damn nWo!" King: "My point exactly! Thank you!" King and Ross then have verbal fight the likes of which we haven't seen since Ross and Heyman on the 9-10-01 RAW. During all of this, Michaels has turned the tide on Goldust, and hits Sweet Chin Music on him for the pin. Rock comes in, and he looks pissed. He immediately hits the spinebuster, but instead of going for the people's elbow, he locks in the Sharpshooter and HBK has no chpice but to tap out. Triple H comes in, and he and Rock put on a hell of a show. They bust out practically every move in their books, including a beautiful figure-four by Rocky. Triple H does a Sharpshooter, but nothing will work. Neither man will give up, so it's back to the pinfalls. Rock and Triple H actually start using other people's finishers, including a Twist of Fate by Triple H, Angle Slam by Rock, and a Stunner by both men. After Trile H's Stunner, he decides to finish off Rock for good, and hits Rock Bottom and a Pedigree that finally pins the Great One. "Lemme Been a Friend of Mine" fires up over the speakers, but Booker T comes out and demands that the music be cut. Tripps grabs a mic and demands that Booker tell him where the second mystery partner is. T says he'll tell him, if he can answer this question:
Booker T: "What does a mosquito do?" Triple H: "What?" Booker T: "What does a mosquito do?"
Before Triple H can answer, a man repels from the ceiling, landing right next to him. The crowd is going nuts, and Tripps starts yelling at the crowd to shut up. This buys time so that the man can get all of his repelling stuff off. Finally Tripps tells Booker that a mosquito stings, and T says "Exactly!" Sting then plants Triple H with the Scorpion Death Drop, for the 1-2-NO! Tripple H kicks out! They go back-and-forth for well over 10 minutes, each man performing every move he knows. Finally, Sting hits a Breakdown on Triple H, which gets the pin. JR wonders why Sting didn't try the Scorpion Death Lock or Death Drop. King doesn't know. Howard Finkel brings an ecstatic crowd the news.
"Here are your winners: Goldust, Booker T, the Rock, Goldberg..."
Sting takes off his mask.
"...and Jeff Jarrett!"
"The Chosen One" plays, the crowd is going nuts, and JR is in shock. The King is in shock. The people watching at home are in shock. The two guys I lied to in my e-mail just to make sure this little secret doesn't get out are in shock. Tell me who you would have had, tell me why my idea sucked, ruled, whatever.
Oh, by the way. Happy anniversary greetings are also in order to the Alliance. on this day in 2001, (well, this Monday, it was actually the 9th) you were formed. Gee, wonder if anybody'll remember next year? Or this year, for that matter. Bye now.