I AM FINALLY BIZZACK WITH MORE HOT NEWZZ!! And the big newz is that its WrestlemAnia weekend and you can see it LIVE ON PAPER VIEW!!! And I've got lots of HUGE WrestleMania newz and an interview with a man who has main evented WrestleMania!!!!!!!!!
As you know, the WWF wanted Bret Hart to be the guest ref in the WrestleMania match between Tripel H and Jeriko. And Jeriko would put H in the sharpshooter and Bret says "RING THE FUCKING BELL!" and then Bret would kiss Stephanie! And bret says that Vince stole his son (since Blade Hart used to write for WWF magazine!) and now he's stoled Vinces daughter! but it wont happen because Bret demanded that Vince give hiim every piece of video tape in the entire world that has Bret on it!
Alanis Morissette and Bryan Adams will sing a duet of the canuck national anthem at WrestleMania!!!
The rick Flair/Undertaker feud will continue after WM! And on Raw, Flair will come out and say "Whoo, I slept with Sara, whoo!" and plays footage of himself in bed wiht Sara! But then Undertaker comes out and says "I had sex with you're wife, Flair!" and plays footage of himself in bed with Mrs. Flair! But then Flair says "I knew you'd do that, guess what? My wife has HERPES, WHOOO!" and then he struts and Undertaker says "Damn you, Flair!".
ONe thing you wont see at WrestleMania is chops! The WWF has banned the use of chops after Stone Cold chopped Scott Halls nipple off at a house show!!! And that's why Scott Hall has a plaster on his chest now!!!
The WWF rooster will split into two after WM!! And Flaires company will be called Space Mountain Wrestling and Vinces' will be called the Grapefruit League!
The WWFs next special on UPN will be called "The WWF's greatest visible nipple slips!!!!!!"!!!!!
Here is the booking sheet for WrestleManiA!!! A WWF wrestler who hasn't been on tv for months sold me this for $50 dollars!!! He wanted to remain anomynous so I'll just say thanx dood, you put the CHEESE in Head Cheese!!
Maven vs Al Snow vs Goldust vs Big Slow (lol) for the hardcore titel - Maven gives everyone the DROPKICK OF DOOM~! but then Tazz and Spike Dudley run in and say "hey remember us we were the tag champions!" and get a double pin on Maven.
Rikishi, Albert and Scotty 2 Botty vs Mr Perfect, Test(icle) (lol) and Lance Storm - The booking sheet says "nobody cares about this match so have Storm job or something then have five minutes of dancing".
DDP vs Christina - DDP keeps smiling and trying to hug Christian, so Christian hits him with a Canadian Hockey stick for the win!
Jazz vs Lita vs Trish - Teh booking sheet sez "Make sure Trish's boobs pop out, it'll get a big pop (pun intended!) and the King can yell "whoohoo, Puppies!!!!". Oh, and Lita wins with that move that she does".
The Dudleyz vs The Hardyz vs The Akolights vs Billy Chuck - Billy and Chuck squel like teenage girls when the Hardys take there shirts off! And Stacy tries to distract Billy with her ass and Billy looks for a second but Chuck says "don't touch her ass, you'll get cooties! But then Billy and Chuck just lie down and let Farook and Brad Shaw pin them!! And the APA are confused but Chuck says "you can show us your appreciation in the showers!!"!!!!
RVD vs William Regal - RVD wins after he kicks Regal in the face! Then RVD takes his boot off and shows he has brass knux on his toes!
Booker Tea vs Edge - Tajiri runs out and sprays Japenese shampoo in Bookers eyes, but then he sprays it in Edge's eyes too! And then Torrie shaves Booker and Edge's heads!! And tehn Tajiri says "HA HA HA! Now that you have no hair I gets to do the shampoo commerical because I am EVIL! INDEED!".
Kane vs Kurt Angel - Kane is about to tombstone Kurt through the announce table when Pete Rose runs in and hes HUGE! he's been working out for the last two years to get revenge on Kane and he gives Kane an olympic slam! THen a tombstone! And Kurt gets the win! Then Pete does a moonsault!!
Rick Flair vs The Undertaker - Flair dies of old age but falls on Undertaker's balls and gets the three! But then Undertaker NO SELLS it and takes Flair away in a casket! (don't worry fans, it's later revealed that Flair is really just in a coma!).
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Scott Hall - Austin wants to make it a six pack on a pole match, but Hall says that a six pack isn't enough for him! So they put this big crate of beer up on the pole but it falls off and hits Austin on the head and Hall wins.
Tripel H vs Chris Jeriko - Since they cant do the Bret Hart angle they do plan bee! And that is that Jeriko puts H in the walls of Jericho and then Stephanei comes out carrying Lucy! And Stephanie says "I'll BREAK LUCY'S DAMN NECK if you don't TAP OUT!" So Trip taps out like a drunk man! And Jericho wins. But then Stephanie pulls the cast off of Lucys leg!!! And Luch runs to Triple H and BITES HIM IN THE BALLS! And then Stephanei hugs Lucy and kisses her! And JR says "GOOD GAWD, THAT BITCH LUCY JUST SCREWED TRIPLE H AND BIT HIM IN THE BALLS! A DOG'S SUPPOSED TO BE MAN'S BEST FRIEND, BUT LUCY JUST BECAME TRIPLE H'S BEST ENEMY!"!!!!!
The Rock vs HollyWood Hulkster Hogan - Rocks wins in 30 seconds with a Rock bottom.
WOW! It's gonna be the Greatest Wrestlemania of all time!!
WRESTLEMANIA SIGN IDEAZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate Canadians!!!!
Nash jobbed to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!! (he played Skinner in that movie!!!)
Bring back Andre (it's funny because he's DEAD!)
I'm an EdgeHead...NOT!
Lita has punk tattooed on the inside of her lip. Believe me, I've seen it!
Big Show ate Spike and Tazz!!!!
I thought I bought tickets to the ballet!
BUTTERBEAN IS 1-0 IN WRESTLEMANIAS!!!!!!!!
Now for this weeks interview with a man wh9o has headlined a WrestleMania...LAWERANCE TAYLOR!!! Good ol' LT thought Bam Bam Bigelow at WM12!!! Or 11, maybe. Anyway, here is the interview!
Me: Hello LT!
Me: You headlined Wrestlemania against Bam Bam Bigelow!!
LT: Hell yeah!
Me: So...what was that like?
LT: I knocked his tattooed ass out with a forearmn from the second rope!
Me: His ass is tattooed? WTF?
Me: So what do you do when you're not wrestling?
LT: Uh, I was a football player...
Me: Really? Dood, I had no idea!
LT: Aren't you going to ask me about my football career?
Me: Nah, football sux.
LT: It does not!
Me: So, do you really hate Bam Bam Bigelow?
LT: Nah, we're actually good friends. In fact, we went out on a double date with Salt 'N' Pepper right after WrestleMania!
LT: Yeah! I took out Salt and Bam Bam took out Pepper. Wait, maybe it was the other way around....whatever, I ended up in a threesome with them that night!
Me: Yeah, I bet you ended up in a threesome with Bam Bam and Mongo McMichael, you kweer!
LT: No, with Salt and Pepper.
LT: You're funny.
Me: And you suck! And Salt and Pepper's song "LT is a mighty fine man" suxed too!
LT: My powerbomb was good though, wasn't it?
Me: Yeah, that ruled!
LT: Diesel taught me that, you know. Does he still wrestle?
Me: Not well lol!!!!
LT: Can I go now?
BACTK SOOON WITH MORE HOTW NEZWZ FOR SMY HOMIEZ!!!!@!!!!!!
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