MIZZORE HIZZOTT NEWZ!!!
I AM BACK WITH MORE HOT NEWZ!!!!! And the big newz is taht the WWF is no more! Now it's the WWE, the World Wrestling Entertainment! And this is becuz the fucking World Wild Life Federation (why aren't they called WWLF!? Stupid panda loving hippies) sued the WWF's ass while they should have been out saving the pandas! BUt Vince will get revenge! A man in a panda suit will start wrestling for the WWF and he will SUX! And he'll lose every match and the fans will laugh at him then he'll lose to Vince at Summerslam then Vince will make out with Stacy (with tongue!) to show how cool he is!
The Brittish Bulldog is dead! He died of a HART attack (lol). Bullydog joined WWF in 1999 and won teh Hardkore titel from Big Bossman, but then he left after The Rock gave him a rock bottom is some doggie doo-doo! My condolences to his family!
Jazz broke her neck or something on Raw. My condolences to Steven Richards!
The reason why the Canadians cheered for Hogan for ten minutes on Smackdowwn is becauze Canadians are dumb.
Judgement Day is tonite! And my reliable sources gave me the booking sheet! And here it is!
Brock Lesnar and Paul Homoman vs Matt and Jeff Hardy - the match is going on then SID walks in! And his leg is fully heeled and he's better than ever and he chokeslams Brock and pins him and hits Heyman with a squidgee! Then they do a big Sid vs Brock feud but Sid doesn't show up for there match becauze he's playing softball lol.
Trish vs The Leggy Stacy Keibler - The Dudlzy dont show up becuze they're at Big Dick Dudleyz funeral (D-Von is performing the service!) so Stacy just does cartwheels for five minutes because she can't wrestle then Trish wins and then Trish shows her boobs.
Eddy Gureraro vs Rob Van Dam - RVD wins with a Frog Splash from the top rope ont Eddy who is outside on the announce table!!!
Billy and Chuck vs Rikishi and Samu - The Headshrinkers are back! But Samu turns on Rikishi and bites him and sez "You left me on Samoa while you danced and partied, you fat bastard!".
Kurt Angel vs Edge - Edge makes Kurt tap like a baby to his own ankle lock, the X-Pac shaves Kurt's hair like he did to Micheal Hayes!
Steve Austin vs Big Show and Rick Flaire - Austin's about to win when suddenly Booker Tea and Goldustin run in! But they SWERVE everyone by attack Flair and Big Show! Then Austin and Booker and goldust form there own group called WHNWO (We Hate NWO!) and they do hilarious comedy skits each week to get Raw's ratings up!
Tripel H vs Chris Jeriko - Triple H puts Jericho over clean right in the middle of the ring.
LOL ONLY JOKING! Triple H winz with a pedigree thru the roof of the cage becuase it's all about the game!
Hulk Hogan vs Underatker - The Booking sheet says "this match is better than you suspect!" so it will be great and Undertaker wins when he tombstones hogan on a chair that Flair put in the ring!
SIGN IDEAS FOR RAW
My hair fears X-Pac!
Don't drop the soap in the shower! (because Brad Shaw will RAPE you!)
I'm a virgin, but Trish can change that!
Spike Dudley's a virgin, but Brad Shaw can change that!
SIGN IDEAS FOR SMACKDOWN
The end of Adam Copeland's penis is an Edge head!
DDP's career is over! But that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing...because he SUX!
Stacy's sleeping (with Vince) on the job!
Maven fears Darryl!
By now you've all heard of the FLIGHT FROM HELL where Scott Hall and Mr Perfect were fired for being naughty! but you don't know the HOLE story! So I decided to interview someone who was on that flight, so here it is, this weeks' interview with Crash Holly!
Me: OMG it's Crash!
Crash: Hey hey!
Me: So tell me about the FLIGHT FROM HELL, you little lepracorn!
Me: Don't try and steal my pot of gold!
Crash: I won't. Anyway, the flight from hell. Oh boy, it was a such a fun flight! Mister Flair bought us all aclohol! Why I must have had...over two beers! I had quite the hangover the next day, I can tell you! Anyway, some of the bigger boys had even more beers than me! Mr Perfect must have had three, or maybe even FOUR beers! He was going crazy, throwing that towel of his around like there was no tomorrow! Meanwhile, everyone was chanting "Goldberg" at Brock Lesnar! It was a really clever rib! But Brock was really angry, then Perfect did his gum swat right into Brock's eyes! So Heyman said "spear him, Goldberg!" and Brock spears Perfect right into the plane's door! And the door opened and Perfect and Lesnar fell out, but I pulled them back in.
Me: You pulled them back in?
Crash: Yeah, I'm really strong.
Me: So what were Scott Hall and Kevin Nash doing?
Crash: Wow, they were REALLY drunk! I'm talking four, MAYBE FIVE beers here! And then Hall wrapped a towel around his head and said "hey yo, I'm Osama!". So Brad Shaw gave him the clothestline from hell and said "I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO A FUCKING PARKING LOT!".
Crash: Then Michael Hayes punched Brad Shaw, so Brad gave him a fall away slam! And X-Pac cut Hayes hair off and Brad Shaw said "I'M GONNA TURN YOUR HAIR INTO A FUCKING PARKING LOT!".
Crash: So I went to find Mister JR but he was in the bathroom with Stone Cold! And I could hear JR screaming "BY GAWD, IN 25 YEARS, I'VE NEVER SEEN A RATTLESNAKE THAT BIG!". So I ran away!
Crash: Everyone was going crazy on that plane! Goldust was singing love songs to Booker T! And RVD was smoking these strange ciggarettes, they smelled really funny!
Me: And was Eddy Guerrero eating pain killers?
Crash: No, he was eating tacos and burritos!
Crash: Then Ric Flair walked down the aisle totally naked!
Me: Did you look at his little nature boy?
Crash: I tried not to, but I just couldn't help myself!
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like when Rikishi's dancing and shaking that big ass of his. You want to look away, but you can't help but enjoy it! And eventually you start being aroused by it...
Crash: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Uh...shut up! You suck! You jobbed to Pete Gas! This interview is over!
Crash: Aren't you going to ask me about my career?
Crash: But Mister Flair said he's going to give me a big push one day! I might even finally get to do the incest angle with Molly! I have a bright future ahead of me!
Comment about this article in Wienerville