THE HOT NEWZ SUMMERSLAM SPEKTACULAR!
OMG, I am back with more Hot Newz! and teh big newz is that Eric Bischoff has started SHOOTINg on Raw! And he's been telling the truth about how the Big Show SUX and how women in bras and panties in mud are sexy! And this week, RAW will just be a two hour sit down SHOOT interview with Uncle Eric conducted by good ole JR!
X-Pac is now known as X-SACK! Or (E)X-Wrestler! His ass is grass and JR FIRED it! And the hot rumor is that X-Punk was fired for stealing some of RVD's wacky tobaccy!
Since Jackie Gayda can't wrestle for shit, she'll be turned into a comedy character and renamed Jackie GAYDAR! And she'll walk around bakcstage outing gay wrestlers! But when she walks past Pat Patterson, she sayz "GAYDAR OVERLOAD!" and passes out!
The WWE should sign more Asian women, because Asian women are hott! (Not newz, just a hard hitting opinion!)
Smackdown's ratings were up by 17.53% this weeck! But research shows the ratings would be even higher if Stephanie showed some cleavage (HINT HINT!)!!!
Referee Brian Hebner is actually Earl Hebner's younger brother!
I dont have any NWA TNA newz because my mom wont let me order their ppvs :(
SummerSlam is THIS Sunday! Andn one of my sources said he saw Brad Shaw in the toilets in The World and he managed to convince Brad to give up the booking sheet! So here it is!!!!!!!
Booker Tee and Goldust vs Lance Storm and Christian
Half way thru the match, Mini Dust comes out! And JR's all "IT'S GREAT TO SEE THAT GOLDEN MIDGET WALKING AGAIN, I'LL TELL YA!". But then he suddenly hits Booker with a chair and waves the Canadian flag! And JR shouts "GOOD GAWD KING, HE'S A FILTHY CANUCK BASTARD. KILL HIM BOOKER! KILL THAT MINI CANADIAN!" and the King says "He's taking advantage of our American freedom by turning heel!".
Edge vs Eddie Geurraro
They're on there way to having a five star match up, so Uncle Eric sends Rosie and Jammy in to spoil it becasue he doesnt want Smackdown to have the best matchs!
Undertaker vs Test
They're having a hard hitting brawl when KANE's musik plays! and Test is distracted so Undertaker punches him in the back and pins him and then they do annother cahoots storyline with Kane and Taker for sixx months!
Rey Misterious vs Kurt Angle
Kurt pulls Rey's mask off but he has another mask on underneath! So he pulls that mask off too and we see Rey's face for the first time ever, but he looks exactly the same as Kurt Angle! And Kurt is so confused like he cant believe it that Rey rolls him up for the pin! But then Rey reveals that he is just wearing a rubber Kurt Angle mask and rips that off and he has another mask on underneath and on the back of this mask it sez "I just beat Kurt Angle!". And Kurt cries like a GIRL.
Rick Flair vs Chris Jericho
Jericho jobs to the old man just like he jobs to everyone else! And he jobs this time when the guartarist from Fozzy turns on him and hits Jericho with an electric guitar and it electrifrys Jericho!
RVD vs Chris Benoit
RVD's about to win when Stephanie runs out and takes her top off to distract him! And she has duck tape over her nipplez (note from Hot Newz: THIS WILL OWN!) And Benoit hits a Germaine suplex to keep the belt on Smackdown!
Shawn Micheals vs Triple H
they have a great blood filled brawl! And Shawn even takes BUMP~!, a spine on the pine! And he hits the superkick outside the ring and he's about to go for the win when his son comes driving down to the ring in a car to run over Tripel H! And Shawn says "No son, that's not how you be a man!" and he pushes Tripel H out of the way and the car hits Micheals! And everyone is shocked and even Triple H cries and he takes Shawn backstage into a ambulance on a stretcher. But when the ambulance starts to drive to the hospital, Tripel H pushes Shawn off the stretcher and gives him a pedigree right in the back of the ambulance and gets the pin!
The Rock vs Brock Lesnar
The Rock is about to win but then his leg starts shaking out of control again! And he's all "whoah there, big fella!" and Brock sneaks up and hits the F15 for the win!
OMG, Summerslam is going to kick TEN kinds of ass! It's going to kick all ass that there is to kick!
Sign Ideas For RAW!
The Big Show is WALKING......SLOWLY! (He's fat!)
Rosie and Jahmal killed my grandmother!
I think Fink stinks!
Tommy Dreamer sends me to sleep!
X-Pac: Will (refuse to) job for food!
Sign Ideas For Smackdown!
Nidia gave me cooties!
Rey Misterio looks up to Mine Me! (think about it!)
Tazz is so ugly that even his wife won't sleep with him!
Rikishi's ass ate my sign!
My other sign defected to RAW!
This weeks' interview is with those America hating mutants Test, Lance Storm and Christian! And here it is!
Me: Here I am with the Anti-Unamericans!
Lance: Actually, kid, it's just the Unamericans.
Test: Yeah, we're not against other unamericans! No siree Bob!
Me: Oh, sorry. So why do you doods hate America so much?
All Three: AMERICA SUCKS!
Me: Yeah, but why does it suck?
Test: ...they're all fat?
Christian: Oh, that's a good one!
Lance: And they, uhh, don't have good public health insurance?
Test: Great one Lance!
Christian: And they all have guns and they all shoot each other!
Test: Yes! Guns are evil, kid. No Canadians own guns!
Me: But didn't you used to have a shirt that said "Guns don't kill people, I kill people?"
Test: Shut up.
Me: So, Test, what's Stephanie McMahon like in bed?
Test: Well, she's like all American women...not as good as a Candian one!
Christian: Ha, only an American moron would say "LOL".
Me: So you guys are total racists?
Lance: I wouldn't say that...
Me: Want to hear a racist joke?
Me: Okay then! How do you make a Swiss Roll?
Lance: I don't know.
Me: Push him down an Alp!
Lance: Not only is that not funny, it's not even racist!
All Three: AMERICAN JOKES SUCK!
Me: So, do you three guys really think that there's a conspiracy against Canadian wrestlers in the WWE?
Test: Of course there is. Just look at what happened to Bret Hart.
Christian: Yeah, even The Rock knows that Bret got screwed.
Me: What do you mean?
Christian: Well, you know how when Rock puts his opponent in the sharpshooter, Rock himself looks like he's in pain? He's in pain because he remembers what happened to Bret!
Me: Hmm, interesting. Do you think Owen Hart may have been the victim of an American conspiracy?
Christian: Dude, that's sick.
Me: But you said the WWE are evil Americans! Why wouldn't they kill Owen?
Test: Look kid, that's just an angle. They aren't really evil. And they'd never kill Owen!
Me: Ha! I knew that! I tricked you into breaking kayfabe! You stupid Canucks! USA, USA, USA!
Test: You little punk! I'm going to find you and boot you upside the head.
Christian: Yeah, and I'm going to make you unpretty.
Lance: Yeah, and I'm going to...pull back on your leg a little!
Me: CANADIA SUCKS!
Bizzack soon with mor Hot Newz for my homiez and an interview with X-Pizzac!
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