SOME HARD HITTING NEWZ!
I am back wit more hot newz! And the biggest most hottest newz is that Chris Jeriko is teh NEW undisputed world champion of the civilised world (america)!!! And he did a lionsault right thru the glass cieling and shattered it into a milleon pieces! And when Benwah comes back, he'll be a main eventer too and so will Dean Malenko and they will all have five star ***** workrate matches!
Good old JR said this is the Ross Report "The Big Show needs to pick up the pace a half a step or so, to say the least. But he is showing the attitude and the desire to do that. He would be more effective, in my view, carrying less weight, and that is a situation we talk to him about on a regular basis." I think this is a cryptic hidden message that I have decoded to mean that Big Show will be FIRED on New Years Day if he doesn't lose fifty pounds lb over Christmas!
The Undertaker got a hair cut becauze he was driving home on his bike and his hair got in his eyes and he crashed his bike right into Death Valley! And it would have killed a normal man but the old dead man just sat up like a frakenstien!
As you may have heard, Rakishi went crazy and started shooting on people in Ohio! And it happened when a Kevin Nash impersonator messed up a spot and Rikisha got a chair and rammed it right down his throat! and then he gave everyone in the match SHOOT stinky faces! And then he started dancing and refused to stop! And they had to get the police to arrest him but he was still boogieing all night in his jail cell!!!
Shawn Micheals is going to be on Excess soon and this means he's returning and he'll be on RAw! But he wont be a wrestler cause he's 2 old and his back is broken, but he will be the new commishner! And he'll cume out in a cow boy hat and boots with a six shooter and say "there's a new sheriff in town...ME!" but then James Brown plays and it's The Cat! The JR sez "good to see Th Cat in the WWF" but The King says "Good? That slut left me for the Dupps" but JR sez "JESUS CHRIST KING, THAT'S ERNEST MILLER, NOT YOUR SLUT BY GAWD WIFE!". and Cat sayz that HE wants to be commishner so they have an arm wrestling match at Royal Rumble to decide tha new commish!!! But Mike Sanders will run in and ruin the great match and he'll be an evil commish and Cat and Shawn will team up to beat him!
The Game's comebacck has been changed again to throw off the smart smarks! And now he'll come back on the first raw of Januar LIVE in Madisons squared gardens! And it'll be when Rick Flair and Vince are splitting the rooster into two and they'll play rock/paper/scissors/ to decided who picks a wrestler first and Vince winz and he says "here is my first pick" and then "Beuatifull Day" by You Two playz and OMG, it's Tripel H! But Tripel H gives Vince a pedigree and hugs Flair and sayz "LEEEEEEEEET's get ready to SUCK IT!" and he is a juvenile faces again!
There's a rumour that Lita will try to get back at Matt Hardy this week by filiming him in the shower then digitally making his penis look smaller then playing the altered footage to teh entire wordl! But when she goes to film the footage, TEST is in the shower! And Test sayz "you have to come into the shower with me since I'm immune" and she does! But its just a rumor but I bet Test does get all the chickz!
William Regal is going to go on vacateon to the UK! And he's going to be knighted by the Queen! And he has a party with the Queen and King Charles but Charles gets durnk and pisses in Regals tea like Jericho did! So Regal hits Charles with his brass nucks and sez "You tart, take that, you bloody sunshine!".
As you may know, there's been a lot of desturbing and VILE reports reports of bullying and hazing in the WWF locker room! and apparantly this all started when Billy Silverman updated to first class on his plane and rasied the ire of big bad Brad Shaw! And Brad Shaw made Billy smuggel ILLEGAL BEER over the candian border! and he did but then Brad Shaw said "that isn't beer it's my pee you dumb bastard" and he made Silverman Drink it and then he gave him the clothesline from hell! So I've done a special report into this hazing! First I called JR!
Me: Hey dood is Brad Shaw really a big bully?
JR: FUCK NO! BRAD SHAW AIN'T NOTHING BUT A BONAFIDE, TEXAS SIZE, HOSS.
Me: And what about Billy Silverman?
JR: THAT DAMN SILVERMAN AIN'T NUTTIN' BUT A BASTARD.
Me: Thanx 4 ur help!
Then I decided to call a former WWF wrestler to see what he had to say!
Me: Hey dood!
Wrestler: Hello. Now remember, I want to remain anomynous (sp!?)
Me: That's kewl wit me! So, is Brad Shaw a big bully?
Wrestler: He sure is!
Me: Wow! And does JR know about the bullying?
Wrestler: Hell yeah! And not oklaHOMO jackass didn't do a damn thing about it!
Me: OMG! And did Brad Shaw really used to touch up men in showerz!?
Wrestler: Yeah! He did!
Me: OMG, Roadie, did he touch u?
Wrestler: Damn it, don't say my name!
Me: Sorry, Dogg.
Wrestler: You idiot! Now Brad Shaw's going to come after me!
Now I decided to call the leggy Stacy Keibler who has also reportedly been bullyed!
Me: OMG, I'm on the phone to Stacy Keibler!
Me: did Brad Shaw pick on u?
Stacy: It was just ribbing.
Me: What did he do?
Stacy: Well, he did something to my boots...
Me: OMG, he took a shit in your boots!?
Stacy: No, he hid them.
Me: Oh. How long are ur legz?
Stacy: sixty inches!
Me: YOU MAKE ME MASTURWANK!
Now I decided to get it straight from the HOSSES mouth (lol) and phoned Brad Shaw!
Me: He Brad Shaw!
Brad Shaw: Hello.
Me: Did Billy Silverman deserve everything he gets?
Brad Shaw: Hell yeah! That bastards got some nerve, upgrading to first class!
Me: What's wrong with upgrading anyway?
Brad Shaw: It's just morally wrong!
Me: So are you a big bully?
Brad Shaw: Well, you have to keep the new wrestlers in check, you know?
Me: So you're just keeping new comers in line?
Brad Shaw: Exactly!
Me: And referees?
Brad Shaw: Um, yeah.
Me: And women?
Brad Shaw: Um...we can't have them mouthing off!
Me: Yeah! My girlfriend mouthed off, so I threated to rock bottom her!
Brad Shaw: Man, you can't treat a lady like that!
Me: But how is that different form how you treated Stacy Keibler?
Brad Shaw: Uh...it just is! Now shut up before I clothesline you!
Me: YOU BIG BULLY!
Now I decided to call up the man himself...Billy Kidman!
Me: Hey Billy how come you upgrading to first class?
Kidman: Uh, I think you want Billy Silverman.
Me: Hey Billy SILVERMAN.
Me: Why did you upgrade to first class?
Billy: I didn't know I was doing anything wrong!
Me: You ignorant bastard! Who are the main bullies in the WWF?
Billy: Hmm, Brad Shaw for sure and Earl Hebner.
Me: You let that old man Hebner bully you? LMAO!
Billy: Hey, shut up!
Me: Is it true that Brad Shaw touches wrestlers in the shower?
Billy: Yeah, it's true. It's all true!
Me: Did he ever touch you, Billy?
Me: He wanted to have gaynal sex with you!?
There you go! I got to the TRUTH! BAck next week with more hot newz and more TRUTH DOODZ!
(Please credit HotWWFNewz and SlashWrestling when stealing this newz.)