NEW YEAR NEW NEWZ!!!
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!! I am back at u wit the first newz update of the space year, 2002! and the first big newz of the yeah is that Big Sexay Kevin Nash is back in the WWF! And that means that the glass ceiling is back! And I have come up with a funny name for Nash: BIG LAZY TEH CAREER KILLER lol! And Nash will challenge Jeriko to a match where the taller man winz! And Nash will call jericho a sawen off midget and become the undisputed champion! Then Jericho will job to X-pac! Then he'll job to Justin Incredible while Tripel H stands at the top of the ramp cackling manically! And Tripel H sez "I book this shit!". But tahts jsut a rumour.
My sources tell me that Austin vs Booker Tea at Rumble will be the first ever hide and go seek match! And Austin has to count to 100 hundred in the ring! And after every number the crowd go "what" lol. And booker is hiding in the ladies toilter room but austin finds him and stunds all the ladiez! Then Booker runs away and tries to hide in a milk cartoon but he doesn't fit!!!! but I think my source just made that last bit up!
It said on amydumas.com that when Lita returns to tv she'll have blue hair! But then the story was mysteriously deleted and I suspect a cover up!
The WWF have filmed a skit for Raw where Perry Saturn does a vodoo ceremony to bring Moppy back to life!!
Dave Meltzer might be reporting that Jericho, Lance Storm, Christian and sexy Test are going to make a group called the Candain Horsemen! And they will ride down to the ring on Canadian horses just like the mounty used to do!
As you know the WWF is doing a subtle angle where Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo are gaysexuals! and this week on Raw, Chuck will be eating a huge sausage! And he'll say "thanx for letting me eat your big Sausage, Billy!" and if the PTC complain Vince will just say "Chuck was a vegetarian and Billy introduced him to the joys of eating meat!" but then PETA will complain and Vince will send Rhyno after them ROTFLMAO!
Big Show broke Undertaker back on Raw! But Undertaker will continue to wrestle even though he is completely immobile and nobody will notice the difference!
WWF is planning to do a controversial incest angle! And paul Heyman wrote it but my cousin who works in WWF New York managed to steal the script when Heyman was eating lunch! And it will all start when Crash Holly asks Mighty Molly to marry him! But Hurricane won't let him so Crash will fight Hurricane in a winner gets Molly match! And Crash wins and Hurricane sayz he respects Crash now and will be his best man! and the wedding will be live on Raw and just as Crash is about to say "I do!" Hardcore Holly runs in! And Hardcore says that HE wants to get married instead! and Hurrican sez Hardcore can't marry Molly but Hardkore says "who said anything about Molly, I want Crash!" and then he grabs him and KISSES him and JR screams "SWEET BABY JESUS IN HEAVEN, INCEST HOMOS! MY GAWD, GO TO COMMECIAL, GO TO COMMERCIAL, GO TO FUCKING COMMERCIAL!".
Steven Richards is going to have a hip new cutting edge gimmick to get away from the RTC image. He's going to be called PORN MAN and he'll talk about his love for PORN in his interviews! But then Val Venis will return and they will have a pron star on a pole match, but the woman will fall off and land on the King and he'll say "Whoo hooo, PUPPY DOGS!".
I made that one up lol.
To prepare for the Royal Rumble matcch Vince McMahon and Rick Flair will both have breast reduction surgery!
When the companies split up Vince Mcmahons company will be called the VMWF and Ric Flairs' will be called the RFWF!!!!
IDEAS FOR SIGNS IF YOU GO TO A WWF SHOW!
Here is some suggestions for signs if you ever go to a WWF show!
"Lita makes me Hardy!!!"
"I am Chyna and I'm unemployed now!"
"Hunter Hearst HAIRY SACK!"
"Booker stole my truck and my virginity!"
"We Want Fornication (from Lita!)!
"Essa Rios is LWO!"
"Michael Cole likes strudle...and GAY SEX!"
"Hulkamia lives...IN A RETIREMENT HOME!"
Thanx to my main man Mr. Stumpy for some of those!
And now for this weeks interview which is an interview with William Regal (real name Steven Williams!). And here it is!
Me: Hello, CHAP!
Me: Jolly good show, pip pip!
Me: how r u today, dood?
Regal: Well, I'm doing smashing...
Me: OMG, u said smashing! U are a kewl English dood!
Regal: Can we get to the interview?
Me: You're voice is so funny!
Regal: Look sunshine, ask me a question or I'll knock your bloody block off!
Me: Mellow out dood! Okay, I'll ask a question! Do you know the Queen?
Regal: No, I bloody well don't.
Me: But your english! Okay, who is your best friend in wrestling?
Regal: Probably Steve Austin.
Regal: I said probably Steve Austin.
Regal: You cheeky bloody swine!
Me: Lol! Is it true that you used to be a drug addict?
Regal: I was addicted to pain killers, but I've been clean for years.
Me: When you were a big druggie, did you used to do stupid things like jump off buildings because you thought you could fly, or french kiss a dog because you thought it was your wife?
Me: OH! Is it true that you once pissed on an air stewardess and head butted her!?
Regal: Umm, not as such...
Me: Did you hit her because she refused to serve you tea?
Regal: You're a blithering idiot, you know that? I should give you a jolly good hiding.
Me: Just like Booker is going to hide at the Rumble!
Me: Is it true that you stretched Goldberg out and made him cry like a little baby?
Regal: Well, I don't think he cried, but I gave the pillock a good stretching, yes.
Me: Is it true that you were going to fight Mick Foley at Wrestlemania but he backed out because he's fat and Vince wouldn't let him plug his new book about the Easter Bunny traveling back in time and meeting Jesus?
Me: Is it true that you want to have babies with Ann Robinson?
Regal: You're bloody right! I masturwank to that hot piece of crumpet every night!
Thats is for this week more hot newz soon homiez!!!!
(Please credit HotWWFNewz and SlashWrestling.com when using these newz items OR I'LL SUE YOU SUXOR!)