BLAH

1. Sept. 1 1979- Pat Patterson over Ted Dibiase. All I will say about this is I wonder if Ted, being religious, wanted Patterson destroyed. Since, Pat is a homo, and Ted is a rent-a-minister or....er....'man of God' who frequently state gays are abominations. Ah forget it.
2. April 21 1980- Pat loses to Ken Patera. How cute. Ken Patera was an Olympian who wasn't good enough to win anything and would wind up in jail before his pro career could ever take off. Was never more than an average worker, but then, neither was Patterson.
3. Dec. 8 1980- Keep in mind that the world title was changing every five years at this point, and that an eight month IC title reign was considered 'hotshotting'. Here, Pedro Morales over Ken Patera. Morales, for my money, was the most successful Hispanic wrestler in history in the United States. He was the first Triple Crown winner, and while today that means about as much as having a second hand car, back then it meant he was elite.
4. June 20 1981- Don 'the Rock' Muraco defeats Pedro Morales. The original Rock, and the far less successful one, was certainly ahead of his time. Of all the aforementioned IC champs, he was the first to actually have a gimmick and some real charisma. He once wrestled a match against an opponent while eating a sandwich. Talk about cocky.
5. Nov. 23 1981- Pedro Morales beats Don 'the Rock' Muraco. Well, Pedro set another record here, being the first wrestler to win repeat reigns as IC champ, and the first Hispanic wrestler to win repeat reigns of the IC title. Rock and Pedro had a feud going and it was hot in the early eighties.
6. Jan. 22 1983- Don 'the Rock' Muraco defeats Pedro Morales. Finally, in the blow off, Don gets the belt. He was younger and was a strong heel with occasional main event potential, so this was the right decision. He holds onto the strap for just over a year.
7. Feb. 11 1984- After Hogan's world title victory over the Iron Sheik two weeks prior, it was decided the best thing to do with the IC belt was put it on a babyface. Tito Santana subsequently defeated Don 'the Rock' Muraco for the strap. He nabbed it for seven months, which in comparison to the reigns preceding it was not a long run.
8. Sep. 24 1984- Here, Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine over Tito Santana. The Hammer was also a strong heel, and had a good look. He had a head like a cinder block and no neck to support it. He was also a second generation wrassler.
9. July 6 1985- Tito Santana wins back the belt over Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine. Notice a trend. Nice long runs with championships. Makes it a big deal when they changed. Oh how times have changed.
10. Feb 8 1986- 'Macho Man' Randy Savage defeats Tito Santana. Randy was on the periphery of being the next big deal at this juncture. The right choice was definitely made. And his long reign was key to how big a deal it was when he lost the strap.
11. Mar. 29 1987- Ricky 'the Dragon' Steamboat pins Macho Man Randy Savage. This was the first Intercontinental Title change on a Wrestlemania Pay-Per-View. At the first Wrestlemania, Valentine defended against Junkyard Dog, and at the second Savage defended against George 'the Animal' Steele. This was Savage's second consecutive Wrestlemania as the Intercontinental Champ, and he lost the strap in a match considered even by today's standards, an all-time classic encounter. This was the show-stealer of the record breaking Wrestlemania 3 show that came out of Pontiac Michigan at the

Silverdome, and was host to the record breaking attendance of 93, 173.

12. June 2 1987- After being told that one week was too long to leave the Intercontinental title dormant, Steamboat is forced to lose his belt. Honky Tonk Man goes over Ricky 'the Dragon' Steamboat.
13. Aug. 29 1988- At Summerslam 88, the very first edition of the event, the Ultimate Warrior squashes the Honky Tonk Man. Known as an abysmal worker, Honky opted to have the Warrior come in and mow him over in 30 seconds since any longer and it would have exposed the Warrior's overwhelming weaknesses. In so doing, Honky created an unimpressive end to the single longest Intercontinental Championship reign in WWF history that still stands. His nearly 15 month reign edged out Pedro Morales one day shy of 14 month reign in the early eighties. In this period Honky Tonk consistently drew sellouts all over the country regardless of who he was booked against thus leading to his claim that he was the 'greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time'.
14. April 2 1989- At Wrestlemania V, the legendary Ravishing Rick Rude pinned the Ultimate Warrior to become the Intercontinental Champion, and only the second man in history to win the Intercontinental strap at a Wrestlemania. Rude was among the hottest heels in the nation at this point.
15. Aug. 28 1989- At Summerslam '89, Rude dropped the strap to the Warrior in their return bout. Rude would be able to show the longevity of his character and his feud with the Ultimate one by main eventing the following year's Summerslam in Philadelphia with the Warrior, that time, over the big belt.
16. Apr. 23 1990- After winning the WWF title over Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VI, the Warrior was forced to drop the Intercontinental Title. Instead of having him lose it before the program with Hogan, and instead of having him lose the belt afterward, the WWF geniuses decided the IC belt would be stripped from the talent-free idiot and a tourney would be held for the vacant gold. In the finals of this tourney, it was Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig over former two-time IC champ Tito Santana. It had been just shy of five years since Santana had touched IC gold, but victory was not on his side and he went down. From here, his career became a tour de force of losing to up and comers just like Hennig was at the time.
17. Aug 27 1990- The trashing of the Intercontinental Title begins, as the 'Texas Tornado' Kerry Von Erich downs Mr. Perfect at Summerslam '90 despite the obvious handicap of not being over at the time. He had proven and established nothing in WWF rings. A practice such as this would be repeated in the title's future, and today has become the once great belt's calling card. Von Erich was not ready for that title for many reasons, not the least of which was his personal problems; which conflicted with his intense schedule. These are among the greatest reasons the belt was put back on the man Von Erich took it from. Von Erich would tragically kill himself a short time later.
18. Nov 19 1990- Mr. Perfect over 'Texas Tornado' Kerry Von Erich. Not done on PPV.
19. Aug 26 1991- Bret 'Hit Man' Hart makes Mr. Perfect submit. Happened in Madison Square Garden on PPV (as did the Warrior's win three years earlier) and marked Bret Hart's first singles championship. Bret had been the tag-team champions with Jim Neidhart on two separate occasions, but after five years as a WWF team it was time to move on. Bret rose and Neidhart sunk. This win meant that Bret had indeed arrived and was a force in wrestling. He was also the first-ever Canadian Intercontinental Champion.
20. Jan 17 1992- On a house show card while suffering from fever, Bret was not able to escape the Mountie's assault. "The Mountie" Jacques Rougeau pins Bret 'Hitman' Hart. Finish came on a reversed small package, and was a clean job from a face to a heel despite the 'fever' provision. First Canadian-to-Canadian IC title switch. The Mountie would set a record as an Intercontinental Champ that would stand for years.
21. Jan 19 1992- In 48 hours, the Mountie lost the belt to Rowdy Roddy Piper. It was the first IC title change at a Royal Rumble event, and up till that point was the absolute shortest Intercontinental Championship reign of any man in WWF history. This set up the last good match of Piper's career.
22. Apr 5 1992- At Wrestlemania 8, in front of the Hoosier Dome (soon to become the RCA Dome) and it's large attendance, Bret Hart pinned Roddy Piper. It was essentially the third Canadian-to-Canadian Intercontinental title swap in a row, as Piper grew up in Canada and lived there most of his life.
23. Aug 29 1992- It was Summerslam '92, it was Wembley Stadium, there were over 80, 000 people watching, and it was the first time the Intercontinental Title had ever been the main event of a pay-per-view. In this classic wrestling match on par with the Savage/Steamboat spectacular of 5 years earlier, The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith got the duke over Bret 'Hitman' Hart. The IC title would be the only belt Bret would lose each time he won it in a clean job. Despite being the only multi-time WWF Champ never to lose the World title clean, Bret still finds things to complain about.
24. Oct 27 1992- Davey Boy's reputation even among family members for remarkable stupidity seemed confirmed when he allowed himself to be duped out of a long reign as IC Champ despite being the sole reason 80, 000 asses were in 80, 000 seats at the biggest Summerslam in the event's history to that point. He had been the #1 reason that the first Summerslam without Hogan on it did not flop, and somehow he still was told to drop the 2^nd biggest strap in wrestling in less than two months. A title he would never go anywhere near again. Shawn Michaels over the British Bulldog on Saturday Night's Main Event. This was part of Shawn's push/reward after swerving his best friend Marty Jannetty saying 'let's go to WCW' after four years and no tag-team titles and then turning around and telling McMahon about it. That marked the rise of Shawn's star and the fall of Jannetty's. Jesus, Shawn, at least Bret smoked Anvil's ass out of the water based on ability.
25. May 17 1993- Marty Jannetty over Shawn Michaels. In order to keep control, Shawn HAD to agree to job the strap to MJ or risk blowing his spot. He did, after all, screw this man over. But he only did so on the condition that he would win the belt right back soon thereafter. Marty is the first man to win the IC title in the month of May.
26. June 6 1993- Promptly winning back his strap is Shawn Michaels, defeating Marty Jannetty. He did so with the help of a man who would make huge history in the IC division, Big Daddy Cool Diesel.
27. Sep 27 1993- Guess what? The legacy of HBK begins as Shawn finds a way to drop the IC title without losing it. At this point he was headed for WCW some say, Shawn says he was accused of taking steroids and said no with which came a suspension. On TV it was said Shawn considered himself 'too good' to defend the IC strap and his 30-day 'must defend' window expired (a window that went completely ignored by the WWF in 2001 with Stone Cold Steve Austin). If the WWF would address the situation in such a manner, keeping heat on Shawn, it is not likely there was ever a risk of him going to WCW. In any event, a battle royal is held with the final two members meeting the following week in a one-on-one for the IC title. The final two men in the battle royal are the very popular Razor Ramon and....Rick Martel? Huh? A man whose heat ran out in 1990? Anyway, no matter, as Razor Ramon drills Rick Martel to become the Intercontinental Champion.
28. Apr. 13 1994- Diesel with the help of Shawn Michaels, who had been defeated by Ramon a month earlier in a trend-setting ladder match at Wrestlemania X, did the unthinkable. He won the first of the three championships he would nab that year to become the third Triple Crown winner (along with Morales and Hart). So in the long run, it's Diesel over Razor Ramon.
29. Aug 29 1994- It doesn't last long. 4 months pass and Diesel, due to botched interference by Michaels, gets upended. Razor Ramon regains the title over Diesel. This was at Summerslam.
30. Jan 25 1995- The worst year in WWF history got underway as the potential-laden Jeff Jarrett beat Razor Ramon at the Royal Rumble. During this time the headliner, Diesel, was the single worst drawing card in the WWF which for some reason got him into the position as World Champ.
31. May 19 1995- History is made when Razor Ramon, on the very first In Your House PPV, becomes the first man to ever win 3 IC Championships, Michaels, Morales, Santana, Warrior, Muraco, and Hart all had two runs, but no one until Ramon had ever managed three.
32. May 21 1995- Jeff Jarrett wins back the belt from Razor Ramon. Ramon sets another record. The record for the shortest record-breaking title reign in history.
33. June 12 1995- Bob Holly the least over IC champ ever to that point, beats Jarrett. Not on TV, not on PPV. At a house show, apparently, but it was never mentioned on TV. Then JR mentioned it five years later, so I suppose that means it counted.
34. June 21 1995- Jarrett gets it back from Holly. Why? Because there is a God.
35. July 23 1995- Shawn comes back and gets whatever the hell he wants. This time it's the IC title. Why? Because he needed practice for his world title run the following year, silly!
36. Dec 22 1995- Hey didn't I tell this story already. Upsetting the lineage of the title again, HBK, after getting a few bruises by a couple of barflies, refuses to job to Dean Douglas. Okay, frankly, HBK had a point. Douglas sucked. His 'Dean' gimmick sucked. He'd never looked good anywhere but in ECW, where he had obviously been meticulously booked or as I call it 'protected'. But the plan was for Shawn to drop it Dean since he 'couldn't perform'. He agrees to drop it. Yes, literally drop it in the form of a forfeit to Douglas. However not without looking like, on TV, he was being FORCED to drop it, and not without another one of his famous provisions. He would drop it only if Dean, in turn, humiliated himself and dropped it that same night to one of Shawn's friends. So.....
37. Dec 22 1995- Razor beats Dean Douglas. Mere minutes after he is awarded the Intercontinental Championship belt. Douglas' WWF career is sunk. My interest in the WWF is sunk. Jacques Rougeau rejoices for he is no longer the shortest reigning WWF IC Champ.
38. Jan 21 1996- Goldust beats Razor by being gay. Seriously. These were sad times. Razor leaves the fold later that year.
39. May 1 1996- Goldust defeats SavioVega to become the first ever back-to-back IC Champ.
40. June 23 1996- Amhed Johnson smashes Goldust. Johnson becomes the WWF's first black IC Champ, a role that would have gone to Butch Reed in 1987 if he hadn't no showed when Steamboat was supposed to drop the belt to him. McMahon, apparently, held a grudge against all blacks for nine more years after that incident.
41. Sep 23 1996- Amhed loses a kidney due to 'stiff one' Ron Simmons. This ass punctures a kidney, and legitimately endangers Amhed's life. Johnson is stripped and a tourney is held. Difference between Amhed and Shawn? Despite intelligence, talent, good looks, charisma, experience, success, and respected ability all going to Shawn, Amhed couldn't defend his IC strap and that's why he did not job for it. Shawn chose not to. So, winning the tourney is 'Wildman' Marc Mero going over 'Stiff' Simmons. Faarooq was the man to give it to at that point, but doing so would have been rewarding him for unprofessional recklessness in his handling of Amhed. That and the thought of two consecutive black champs didn't sit well with McMahon's "superiors".
42. Oct 21 1996- Hunter Hearst Helmsley over Marc Mero. Why? Logic. Mero sucked.
43. Feb 13 1997- On a night where HBK was worming his way out of doing the job again, Rocky was en route to becoming the biggest star ever in wrestling. Unfortunately part of that route was sucking the fat one as Rocky Miavia who upset Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
44. April 28 1997- In two and a half months that felt like eight years Rocky Miavia defended the belt. Mercifully, the painfully unready rookie was put out of his misery as the inept Rocky Miavia went down to deserving veteran Owen Hart.
45. Aug 3 1997- Question: a man is in the line of duty and is supposed to get 'the win'. Man breaks his neck. Man can't possibly do duty properly. Should man still win and risk destroying the thing he is winning and the guy he is winning it from? Apparently, the answer is yes. When a crippled Austin rolled up Owen Hart to become the IC Champ, there was no reason to believe he was going to be able to defend the belt even once. Really, Owen ought to have pinned Austin so paramedics could be contacted. Instead, the fakest pinning combination ever seen was used and it caused serious harm to the IC belt. It was at Summerslam.
46. Oct 5 1997- After Austin is unable to compete, let alone defend his belt, the title is eventually held up. A tourney is held. Once again, Stiff Simmons is in an IC title match where he is neither champ nor challenger and neither is his opponent. Faarooq jobs to Owen and boom, we have a new IC Champ. Faarooq jobs to Owen and boom, we have a new IC Champ at Badd Blood.
47. Nov 9 1997- Owen and Austin have an awful match. Austin's mobility is gone and Owen is sluggish because Amhed gives him a concussion a couple weeks before the bout. Funny, no one remembers this part of the 1997 Survivor Series in Montreal. Hmm.
48. Dec 8 1997- The day after making sure his heat is gone at a PPV by beating him clean, Austin hands Rocky Miavia, now 'the Rock' his IC title. Via forfeit, Rock becomes the Intercontinental Champion over Austin. Austin gets out of jobbing. I guess Texans think alike.
49. Aug 30 1998- The Rock saves the Intercontinental Title by himself. He has a run that would make Goldberg jealous and becomes the 'next big thing' and a dominant IC champ. What exemplified his ascension? A LONG TITLE REIGN! There's a hint for you! 9 months without a title loss (but many close calls) equals big star! Try it sometime WWF. Triple H ends the streak by beating the Rock in MSG on PPV by climbing the L-A-Double D- give me an e and the r works for me. Uh, sorry. Ladder match. But the Rock won the war that night. He had crossed from heel to face not by storyline arc, but by the unanimous decision of the fans during the course of the match. It was the beginning of better things and a whole lot of nothing for Triple H for almost a year.
50. Oct 12 1998- Injuries sideline Triple H before he can do squat with the IC Title. Instead of awarding it back to the Rock, which would have done wonders for it, they held a tourney. Who'd they book to win the tourney? Rock? Owen? A dX stablemate of Triple H so that when he returned he could feud with a friend and have a hot angle? Alas, no. They put it on Ken Shamrock. Why? Because of Russo and his 'RVD Ltd.' Cigarettes.

This killed the I.C. Title forever. Things would never be the same.

51. R.I.P. Intercontinental Title
52. Sept. 1, 1979 - Oct 12 1998
53. We are richer for having known you
54. We shall remember you as you were, not as you are.
55. Feb 14, 1999- Val Venis beats Shamrock. Porn star is IC champ. I attempt suicide six times after match.
56. Mar 15 1999- Road Dog gets it from Venis. A tag-team wrestler who did not break out of tag-team shell. Was not good wrestler. Did not deserve this. Good news, IC strap not on porn star. Bad news, IC strap now on pothead. I sent letters: give IC strap back to porn star.
57. Mar 29 1999- Goldust wins from Road Dog. IC title officially becomes joke. Pedro Morales actually laughs out loud every time some uses the word 'continental' from this point on. For those keeping score, porn-star to pothead to guy-who-wants-female-breast-implants.
58. April 12 1999- Godfather over Goldust. Ahem. Excuse me but here I go. From porn star the belt goes to pothead then to guy-who-wants-female-breast-implants and finally back to pimp. Ever heard of redirecting pain? Where it hurts one place so you concentrate force on another intentionally. Well after this match, I shot myself in the genitals.
59. May 25 1999- It is the fifth IC title change in three months. Jeff Jarrett wins it off Godfather. I pray silently. But not even Jarrett can save the title.
60. July 24 1999- Edge wins the belt at a house show over Jarrett. Jarrett gets title back next day so title change means absolutely nothing but c'est la vie.
61. July 25, 1999- At Fully Loaded Jarrett wins it back from Edge. I cry softly. Calling it "Fully Loaded" is a tease, for all this while I pray for a gun that is just that. Oh by the way, Jarrett is at this point 5 time IC champ. Record set. No one cared because Sable had tits.
62. July 27, 1999- D'Lo over Jarrett. Third title swap in 3 days. I feel like someone is raping me.
63. Aug 22 1999- It's Summerslam. Yay. Jarrett wins the "It's a fucking bomb" title from D'Lo. Still, no one cares. At this point the IC title has been killed, dug up, and thoroughly ejaculated on. Then peed on. Then ejaculated on again. Then shit on. Then peed on again. Then had a mixture of pee, liquidated shit, and semen poured on it. Then spit on. Oh yeah, Jarrett is six time IC champ. No one mentioned it. I counted myself.
64. Oct 17 1999- Chyna wins it off Jarrett. Not before Jarrett holds McMahon hostage with it. Shocking when you think of how worthless title had become by this point. Chyna, a woman, won a man's title. Upon seeing this, I shot myself in the wound where my genitals used to be seeing as how I'd already shot them off.
65. Dec 12 1999- Jericho wins it. Chyna loses. I still don't care. I found a rat in the skull of a corpse in a haunted house I visited that meant more than the title by now. Needless to say, 1999 set a record for IC title changes in one year. 11 of them. Now that's a record I wish went unbroken. 11 different title changes in '99, and 11 different puncture wounds in my forehead. Coincidence? I think not.
66. Feb 27 2000- Kurt Angle over Y2J. Doesn't matter. Title still means nothing.
67. Apr 2 2000- Chris Benoit wins belt. Thus Angle's reign is well under two months, therefore getting him nowhere, and Benoit is elevated nowhere because he doesn't beat the champion for the title and is bound to lose it in a month and two days to....
68. May 4 2000- Y2J. Don't remember if it was a PPV. What's that tell ya?
69. May 8 2000- It tells the WWF that another title change is needed in four days or less. Benoit over Jericho in a change meaning nothing.
70. Jun 22 2000- In a change meaning less, actually meaning negative anything for the WWF and everything to do with it. A man too fat for the title is given it anyway. Rikishi over Benoit. Repeat, Rikishi over Benoit. Oh, my mistake. It's all in the punctuation. Rikishi.....over BENOIT!?!?!
71. Jul 6, 2000- Venis over Rikishi. Not a porn star at the time. Still makes me want to puke.
72. Aug 27 2000- Shoot me in the dick. Chyna now does what apparently Honky Tonk Man, Rick Rude, Kurt Angle, The British Bulldog, and Roddy Piper were not good enough to do. She repeats as IC champ.
73. Sep 4 2000- Eddy Guerrero is here! He can save the belt. He beats Chyna and Angle in some breed of multi-person match. If only he can hold onto it for more than....
74. Nov 23 2000- Sigh. Not even three months. All to give it to....the worker of the century.....BILLY FUCKIN' GUNN! Who then....
75. Dec 10 2000- Loses to Benoit. In a match meaning nothing. Who then
76. Jan 21 2001- Loses to Jericho for the ten millionth time. Means a lot because it's an amazing ladder match. Would mean more if Benoit had been holding it since the previous year's Wrestlemania.
77. Apr 5 2001- Jericho down. Why? Because Jean-Paul said so!
78. Apr 12 2001- Triple H says eew....IC title....it's got cooties....jobs it NOT clean to Jeff Hardy. Realizes Hardy's over. Takes the cootie title right the fuck back.
79. Apr 16 2001- Triple H over Jeff 'No Pubes' Hardy. Doesn't allow Hardy to get a move in.
80. May 20 2001- Kane over Triple H. Because, what the fuck, right?
81. June 28 2001- Albert. Because....aw forget it.
82. July 23 2001- Lance Storm. So there.
83. Aug 19, 2001- Edge. I'm speechless. Meant nothing. Edge will lose it in a month or less.

Billy Bob Kane
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